It’s been some time since Daniel has really chatted with somebody. Last person who IMed him was his friend Kurt. It’s not that big of a deal though. He’s been watching funny videos on this website. He’s also been posting on message boards here and there to let them know he still exists but other than that, Daniel’s been almost boycotting any communication. Of course he’s been commenting people’s pages here and there, wishing happy birthday’s and such. That’s all because of pure boredom.
As far as the online crushes he has, Daniel decided to let them all go. He decided to forget them all. The crushes still pop in his head from time to time, but that’s as far as it goes. The following is what he wrote in a blog entry on his webpage.
“Now last night, I was praying to God before I went to bed, and basically I told him that I'm no longer going to hold on to the girls I have a crush on. Ever have a crush, then they go out with other people, or they just don't pay you any mind at all? or they just don't feel the same way? Yeah, sucks don't it. Well my advice...is to move on. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm sick of being depressed, mad, and sad over girls over the internet. It can't be healthy. Note, I did not say the attraction left. The girls you have a crush on, may be the ‘one’, but all i'm saying is, don't let it get to you so deep that if they lightly hit you on the arm, you fall down crying. Just take is slow.”
While letting go of crushes, one of which being Briana, he also decided to proclaim some people back to God. One Sunday morning at church, his pastor told them to get pictures of people that needed to be saved and bring them that Wednesday night. The plan was to spread the pictures over the altar and pray over them. Also the pastor said that starting that midnight he wanted the church to go on a three day fast to make Wednesday night more powerful.
So starting that midnight, Daniel went on a three day fast. This was the first fast he’d ever done in his life. He did eat at dinner time, but other than that Daniel spent most of his time studying the Bible and praying. As he was studying and praying, he printed out a couple of pictures, and then a couple of more that Wednesday night. He could’ve printed out more, but he forgot. So that Wednesday night, Daniel and his mom went to the service with the pictures looking forward to the prayer. As they walked in, service was going on, but the prayer hadn’t started yet, so Jeanette was happy. The pastor got up, and quoted some scripture, and then the prayer started.
Some people were walking the aisles, some people were on their knees, and some people were standing still…all the while everybody was praising and worshiping God. A fresh anointing hit that place so. Daniel was on his knees just thanking God. The pastor started speaking in tongues, basically putting a period on the whole prayer. After that night, Daniel started proclaiming the people on the pictures saved. Even though they were still cussing and stuff, Daniel was still proclaiming them saved. The pastor told the church to do that after the prayer and that everything they’re doing now is just residue. Daniel took that and ran with it.
While proclaiming people to God, Daniel also just began praying over his own life. Proclaiming that he won’t be in the position he’s in the rest of his life. Proclaiming that he will have a job. He will have a family. He will make it.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Reality Chapter 8
For a few months, at Daniel’s church, the choir has been rehearsing for their debut recording. All Daniel was basically doing during the rehearsal was…standing. When the other people weren’t there, Daniel played the congas, but other than that, Daniel just stood. In his mind, Daniel knew he wanted to play a song on the drums, but he figured that they’ve already been rehearsing long enough, and he couldn’t add anything to the project. One Sunday, however, Daniel and the other musicians got certificates from the pastor, plus a $25 check from the church.
The certificate said “Your loyalty, devotion and tireless efforts in creating a melody of music, unified through one sound yet creating an atmosphere of praise & worship for God’s people. Your give has been instrumental in the strengthening and breaking through process while gathered in worship. God will not forget your labor of love that you minister like David through music. We appreciate your gift to the Body of Christ, given this 5th day of August 2007.” Then the pastor signed it.
To some people they would consider that an honor, but to Daniel it was useless. Daniel hadn’t done anything music wise since he joined the church. He played a couple of songs one Sunday because the regular drummer was on vacation with his family. He played one Wednesday night because the regular drummer had to work. Other than those, Daniel hadn’t done anything. So Daniel figured, since he got $25 dollars just for standing, he wondered what he would get for sitting. He told a couple of people that and got a laugh.
On the night of the last rehearsal, Daniel got his shot to play. The drummer had to work, and nobody else was there to do it. Daniel didn’t exactly take it with open arms, but he got on anyway, after the music director told him to. The youth choir was rehearsing at first, so Daniel found the beat and played at the tempo. After that the regular choir got up. They went through the song list for the CD. The pastor ending up playing a couple of songs that night because Daniel thought he couldn’t handle them. After the rehearsal, Daniel was told by some people that he did a good job. Of course he got it from his mom, but he also got it from the pastor and other members. That made Daniel feel sorta good.
Later that week the musicians had a music workshop. The guy that was running it was a very well known musician. Daniel knew of him as a great organist. Anyway, it came time when he called the musicians up on the stand to play. The regular drummer went first with the rest of the band and did a good job. The instructor told him to do this and that, but over all it was good. Then another drummer got up and played. She didn’t do as good as the regular drummer but it was still decent. Then it came down for Daniel to play. Daniel played it safe. He was nervous as all get out, so he figured he would get away with playing it safe. Then the instructor told Daniel to calm down, take a breath, and close his eyes. Daniel was close to crying right then but he didn’t. The instructor told Daniel to imagine that he was at a concert, but for some reason Daniel couldn’t do it. He tried his best, but it didn’t come out that way. Daniel got off and sat through the rest of it.
Alisha was there to take Daniel home, and all the way home Daniel kept to himself. Alisha asked him questions, and Daniel would give safe one or two word answers. As they pulled in the yard, Daniel got out the car, walked in the house, and Jeanette knew something was wrong from the get go. She told Daniel to go the kitchen and heat up the pizza. Daniel went to the kitchen, looked at the pizza boxes, but Daniel just wanted to go to his room and lay on his bed. That’s just what he did. He lied on his bed and let the tears run. A few minutes later, Daniel got up, made sure his was looking semi-straight in the mirror, and we back to the kitchen to heat up his food. Jeanette walked in the kitchen and asked Daniel what was wrong.
“Well, I was asked to play at rehearsal and I just couldn’t play my best. I always get nervous every time I get on that particular set of drums. At the old church, you know, I just played to play. Then the instructor was there and it made me more nervous. The thought of quitting popped in my head.”
“Now you know who that is right? Don’t you let the devil mess with your mind like that.”
So came the day for the recording. The whole service went wonderful. Of course, Daniel just stood there doing much of nothing. At the end of the recording, the pastor, who was also the emcee of the service, introduced the musicians. Daniel, not surprisingly, was left out because he didn’t do anything. It hurt Daniel, yes, but he didn’t show it. He just smiled and nodded his head to the beat the musicians were playing. Daniel tried to joke around with it after the benediction saying that he didn’t break a sweat. One point that really put Daniel back to reality was when this lady asked him, “What were you doing back there?”
“Standing.”
They all started laughing, including Daniel himself. As Jeanette drove them both back home, Daniel once again kept to himself. He started to feel useless again.
The certificate said “Your loyalty, devotion and tireless efforts in creating a melody of music, unified through one sound yet creating an atmosphere of praise & worship for God’s people. Your give has been instrumental in the strengthening and breaking through process while gathered in worship. God will not forget your labor of love that you minister like David through music. We appreciate your gift to the Body of Christ, given this 5th day of August 2007.” Then the pastor signed it.
To some people they would consider that an honor, but to Daniel it was useless. Daniel hadn’t done anything music wise since he joined the church. He played a couple of songs one Sunday because the regular drummer was on vacation with his family. He played one Wednesday night because the regular drummer had to work. Other than those, Daniel hadn’t done anything. So Daniel figured, since he got $25 dollars just for standing, he wondered what he would get for sitting. He told a couple of people that and got a laugh.
On the night of the last rehearsal, Daniel got his shot to play. The drummer had to work, and nobody else was there to do it. Daniel didn’t exactly take it with open arms, but he got on anyway, after the music director told him to. The youth choir was rehearsing at first, so Daniel found the beat and played at the tempo. After that the regular choir got up. They went through the song list for the CD. The pastor ending up playing a couple of songs that night because Daniel thought he couldn’t handle them. After the rehearsal, Daniel was told by some people that he did a good job. Of course he got it from his mom, but he also got it from the pastor and other members. That made Daniel feel sorta good.
Later that week the musicians had a music workshop. The guy that was running it was a very well known musician. Daniel knew of him as a great organist. Anyway, it came time when he called the musicians up on the stand to play. The regular drummer went first with the rest of the band and did a good job. The instructor told him to do this and that, but over all it was good. Then another drummer got up and played. She didn’t do as good as the regular drummer but it was still decent. Then it came down for Daniel to play. Daniel played it safe. He was nervous as all get out, so he figured he would get away with playing it safe. Then the instructor told Daniel to calm down, take a breath, and close his eyes. Daniel was close to crying right then but he didn’t. The instructor told Daniel to imagine that he was at a concert, but for some reason Daniel couldn’t do it. He tried his best, but it didn’t come out that way. Daniel got off and sat through the rest of it.
Alisha was there to take Daniel home, and all the way home Daniel kept to himself. Alisha asked him questions, and Daniel would give safe one or two word answers. As they pulled in the yard, Daniel got out the car, walked in the house, and Jeanette knew something was wrong from the get go. She told Daniel to go the kitchen and heat up the pizza. Daniel went to the kitchen, looked at the pizza boxes, but Daniel just wanted to go to his room and lay on his bed. That’s just what he did. He lied on his bed and let the tears run. A few minutes later, Daniel got up, made sure his was looking semi-straight in the mirror, and we back to the kitchen to heat up his food. Jeanette walked in the kitchen and asked Daniel what was wrong.
“Well, I was asked to play at rehearsal and I just couldn’t play my best. I always get nervous every time I get on that particular set of drums. At the old church, you know, I just played to play. Then the instructor was there and it made me more nervous. The thought of quitting popped in my head.”
“Now you know who that is right? Don’t you let the devil mess with your mind like that.”
So came the day for the recording. The whole service went wonderful. Of course, Daniel just stood there doing much of nothing. At the end of the recording, the pastor, who was also the emcee of the service, introduced the musicians. Daniel, not surprisingly, was left out because he didn’t do anything. It hurt Daniel, yes, but he didn’t show it. He just smiled and nodded his head to the beat the musicians were playing. Daniel tried to joke around with it after the benediction saying that he didn’t break a sweat. One point that really put Daniel back to reality was when this lady asked him, “What were you doing back there?”
“Standing.”
They all started laughing, including Daniel himself. As Jeanette drove them both back home, Daniel once again kept to himself. He started to feel useless again.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Reality: Chapter 7
Some days later, Daniel was at the computer listening to a podcast that was done by a guy that runs his own messageboard, and has a heart to encourage new Christians to show them where to go. He also had his wife and his sister featured in the podcast. The podcast was basically teaching young Christians what they should be doing to grow. Daniel was enjoying it.
Daniel was almost done listening when there was a knock on the door. Looking out the window, Daniel realized that is was his old friends Ben and his younger brother Adam. Daniel invited them in, and then Daniel stopped the podcast. Ginger wouldn’t stop sniffing them. Ben said she smelled his dog, but Daniel thought it was the cigarette smell that got to her. Anyway, they talked for about 20 minutes about random topics such as wrestling, jobs, road trip, and etc. So, Adam and Ben decided to invite Daniel to go to McDonalds. Daniel put some jeans on over his shorts, and put a shirt on over his undershirt. Then he picked and brushed his hair as quickly as he could. He got his shoes on without tying them and left the house. They went to McDonalds, and ate there. They dropped Daniel off then they left to go to another friend’s house.
Later that night Daniel noticed a pain in his left ankle. It bothered him for the rest of that night and the next day. He spent most of the day with his leg elevated on a chair while searching the internet. While he had the spare time he typed up a blog and recorded an audio blog. During the recording of the audio blog…
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Yo you crushin on briana?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: i am attracted yeah”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Haha have you told her that?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: not really”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: well i think she might know, if she read your story or w/e”
“Daniel aka Big d says: yep”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: I'm going to see briana next week”
“Daniel aka Big d says: Cool”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: yea i'll try to put in a good word for ya. “
“Daniel aka Big d says: heh! aight man”
So because of this conversation, Daniel admitted on the voice blog that he was attracted to Briana. A couple of hours later, Seth decided to IM Daniel again.
“Seth aka SonShyne says: how can you be attracted to a chick you never met in real life?”
This hit Daniel hard. He thought about it, and it got him feeling terrible. He’s been in that type of situation before a couple of times where he found a couple of people online pretty. Even “dated” some, but they always ended up making Daniel depressed because he knew that he’d never have a shot of meeting them. So, how was Briana going to be any different? Why did he always get so caught up in fantasies that weren’t going to happen? As a matter of fact Daniel chatted with Briana a couple of days before. Daniel had written something about a dream he had.
“Elle Es: i almost got jealous about that chick who kissed u. i was like WHAT HOL UP...daniel got a girl kissin all on him. im jus playin with ya. dont take it serious”
Daniel should’ve figured right there and then that nothing was going to happen with Bri. Something has got to give here. Something has got to give or Daniel is going to lose his mind.
Daniel was almost done listening when there was a knock on the door. Looking out the window, Daniel realized that is was his old friends Ben and his younger brother Adam. Daniel invited them in, and then Daniel stopped the podcast. Ginger wouldn’t stop sniffing them. Ben said she smelled his dog, but Daniel thought it was the cigarette smell that got to her. Anyway, they talked for about 20 minutes about random topics such as wrestling, jobs, road trip, and etc. So, Adam and Ben decided to invite Daniel to go to McDonalds. Daniel put some jeans on over his shorts, and put a shirt on over his undershirt. Then he picked and brushed his hair as quickly as he could. He got his shoes on without tying them and left the house. They went to McDonalds, and ate there. They dropped Daniel off then they left to go to another friend’s house.
Later that night Daniel noticed a pain in his left ankle. It bothered him for the rest of that night and the next day. He spent most of the day with his leg elevated on a chair while searching the internet. While he had the spare time he typed up a blog and recorded an audio blog. During the recording of the audio blog…
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Yo you crushin on briana?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: i am attracted yeah”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Haha have you told her that?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: not really”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: well i think she might know, if she read your story or w/e”
“Daniel aka Big d says: yep”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: I'm going to see briana next week”
“Daniel aka Big d says: Cool”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: yea i'll try to put in a good word for ya. “
“Daniel aka Big d says: heh! aight man”
So because of this conversation, Daniel admitted on the voice blog that he was attracted to Briana. A couple of hours later, Seth decided to IM Daniel again.
“Seth aka SonShyne says: how can you be attracted to a chick you never met in real life?”
This hit Daniel hard. He thought about it, and it got him feeling terrible. He’s been in that type of situation before a couple of times where he found a couple of people online pretty. Even “dated” some, but they always ended up making Daniel depressed because he knew that he’d never have a shot of meeting them. So, how was Briana going to be any different? Why did he always get so caught up in fantasies that weren’t going to happen? As a matter of fact Daniel chatted with Briana a couple of days before. Daniel had written something about a dream he had.
“Elle Es: i almost got jealous about that chick who kissed u. i was like WHAT HOL UP...daniel got a girl kissin all on him. im jus playin with ya. dont take it serious”
Daniel should’ve figured right there and then that nothing was going to happen with Bri. Something has got to give here. Something has got to give or Daniel is going to lose his mind.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Reality Chapter 6
It’s been a few months since the conference, and things are finally looking up for Daniel. He has a job. It’s not the best but at least he’s getting money in his pocket. He doesn’t spend that much time on the computer anymore except to check email or work on some of his writing. Sometimes he even…
There was a knock on the door. Daniel wasn’t expecting company at all, and plus his hair looked a mess. He put a du-rag on with a hat and went to the door. He opened the door and wondered why the person at the door looked so familiar.
“Hey Daniel, it’s me.”
“Hey! Who are you?”
The person laughed a little and then said, “It’s me, Nikki.” Daniel then remembered what was going on. Nikki was in the neighborhood visiting one of her relatives and Daniel had mentioned that if Nikki wanted to meet, he was all for it. Daniel gave her a hug and invited her inside. She looked a little different then what Daniel imagined her to look like.
“So, Nikki, what brings you here?”
“Just wanted to see you before I went back to California. Basically so we can say we actually met.”
“Cool, well here I am. Sorry to disappoint.”
“No you look fine. I should’ve called first, huh?”
“Yeah, that would’ve helped.”
Nikki laughed as Daniel grinned a little bit. They talked for about a half an hour or so. The most Daniel has really talked to anyone. Nikki’s sister honked the horn outside, so Nikki got up to leave. Daniel and Nikki hugged, and then Daniel did something that was out the blue. He gave Nikki a kiss on the cheek. Nikki returned the favor, but to his lips. They locked eyes, and…
“Daniel, wake up! We got to get Alisha from college,” Jeanette yelled.
This startled Daniel as he woke up. He smelled his hand, and then realized that he had to take a shower. Jeanette told him to hurry up. Once again, he had a dream that seemed so real. These would happen often. Daniel thought he had them under control but obviously he didn’t.
He got out the shower, dried himself off, and put on his clothes. He gargled some mouthwash and spit it back in the sink. He combed and brushed his hair, then made his way to his mom’s van.
“Sleep well?” Jeanette asked.
Daniel just nodded his head.
There was a knock on the door. Daniel wasn’t expecting company at all, and plus his hair looked a mess. He put a du-rag on with a hat and went to the door. He opened the door and wondered why the person at the door looked so familiar.
“Hey Daniel, it’s me.”
“Hey! Who are you?”
The person laughed a little and then said, “It’s me, Nikki.” Daniel then remembered what was going on. Nikki was in the neighborhood visiting one of her relatives and Daniel had mentioned that if Nikki wanted to meet, he was all for it. Daniel gave her a hug and invited her inside. She looked a little different then what Daniel imagined her to look like.
“So, Nikki, what brings you here?”
“Just wanted to see you before I went back to California. Basically so we can say we actually met.”
“Cool, well here I am. Sorry to disappoint.”
“No you look fine. I should’ve called first, huh?”
“Yeah, that would’ve helped.”
Nikki laughed as Daniel grinned a little bit. They talked for about a half an hour or so. The most Daniel has really talked to anyone. Nikki’s sister honked the horn outside, so Nikki got up to leave. Daniel and Nikki hugged, and then Daniel did something that was out the blue. He gave Nikki a kiss on the cheek. Nikki returned the favor, but to his lips. They locked eyes, and…
“Daniel, wake up! We got to get Alisha from college,” Jeanette yelled.
This startled Daniel as he woke up. He smelled his hand, and then realized that he had to take a shower. Jeanette told him to hurry up. Once again, he had a dream that seemed so real. These would happen often. Daniel thought he had them under control but obviously he didn’t.
He got out the shower, dried himself off, and put on his clothes. He gargled some mouthwash and spit it back in the sink. He combed and brushed his hair, then made his way to his mom’s van.
“Sleep well?” Jeanette asked.
Daniel just nodded his head.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Reality Chapter 5
The next week, Daniel was at a conference. During the last day of the conference, he was sitting by himself in the cafeteria. He was mimicking typing on a computer with his fingers, while thinking of what he’s been through the night before. What happen the night before is that he was sitting in the back of the car with Jeanette and Thelma, who is extended family. She’s been close to the family for years. Anyway, Jeanette and Thelma got to talking about Rich. Jeanette explains what she’s been going through, and Thelma was shocked. As their conversation was going, Daniel was in the back with tears in his eyes. He couldn’t handle hearing about his mom going through so much. It made him sad. So sad he started tearing up and crying. Jeanette told Daniel not to cry, but he couldn’t help it. He cried all the way to Thelma’s house. Daniel climbed out the back and got in front. Daniel and Jeanette then were heading to Jeanette’s sister’s house because they were staying there to have a place to sleep during the conference. Daniel started crying again. His mom starting singing, “I've gone through the fire/And I've been through the flood/I've been broken into pieces/Seen lightening flashing from above/But through it all I remember/That He love me/And He cares/And He'll never put more on me/Than I can bear.” Those lyrics were at the right moment at the right time. Then Daniel started thinking of a song that goes like, “You don't know my story/All the things that I've been through/You can't feel my pain/What I had to go through to get here/You'll never understand my praise/Don't to figure it out/Because my worship/My worship/Is for real.” Daniel cried himself to sleep that night.
Back to the cafeteria, Daniel was holding back tears still mimicking typing on the computer. It didn’t work out to well, because the tears decided that they were going to come down anyway. He didn’t understand why it was happening. The day was going as good as it can be. He was actually singing in the choir. Maybe that was part of it. Daniel sat in the tenor section of the choir, but he’s a natural baritone. Getting up to tenor was something Daniel couldn’t do, but it didn’t get to him at all. He was getting better until this one young girl came to him and asked, “Are you ok?” That made Daniel cry harder because he knew that he wasn’t. Everything from his dad to his own problems just kept pressuring Daniel like it was his fault.
All this was too much for a 20 year old to go through. It was like the weight Daniel’s been dealing with for the past 20 years wasn’t getting any lighter. He was on the verge of giving up and…
“Daniel, Daniel calm down, ok? Just calm down. Go to the bathroom and wash your face. I’ll get you a drink.” Daniel’s friend Mical said.
Daniel nodded as he walked to the restroom. He got some paper towels and looked in the mirror. He looked so pitiful. What a way to spend the last day of a conference Daniel thought to himself.
After all that crying and stuff, Daniel was drained. He could barely keep his eyes open for the rest of the day. Sinuses were starting to come up too. That was the last thing Daniel needed. He didn’t cry anymore. A few people came up to him and talked with him about it which Daniel really enjoyed. He later typed a blog about it and a few people said that they’re praying. He also got a call by one of his Aunts that was worried. Happiness seemed to be on the horizon.
Back to the cafeteria, Daniel was holding back tears still mimicking typing on the computer. It didn’t work out to well, because the tears decided that they were going to come down anyway. He didn’t understand why it was happening. The day was going as good as it can be. He was actually singing in the choir. Maybe that was part of it. Daniel sat in the tenor section of the choir, but he’s a natural baritone. Getting up to tenor was something Daniel couldn’t do, but it didn’t get to him at all. He was getting better until this one young girl came to him and asked, “Are you ok?” That made Daniel cry harder because he knew that he wasn’t. Everything from his dad to his own problems just kept pressuring Daniel like it was his fault.
All this was too much for a 20 year old to go through. It was like the weight Daniel’s been dealing with for the past 20 years wasn’t getting any lighter. He was on the verge of giving up and…
“Daniel, Daniel calm down, ok? Just calm down. Go to the bathroom and wash your face. I’ll get you a drink.” Daniel’s friend Mical said.
Daniel nodded as he walked to the restroom. He got some paper towels and looked in the mirror. He looked so pitiful. What a way to spend the last day of a conference Daniel thought to himself.
After all that crying and stuff, Daniel was drained. He could barely keep his eyes open for the rest of the day. Sinuses were starting to come up too. That was the last thing Daniel needed. He didn’t cry anymore. A few people came up to him and talked with him about it which Daniel really enjoyed. He later typed a blog about it and a few people said that they’re praying. He also got a call by one of his Aunts that was worried. Happiness seemed to be on the horizon.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Reality Chapter 4
Well today’s the day, the wedding that rivals all weddings. Daniel woke up with his stomach bubbling with joy. He looked in the mirror and told himself, "Your day is finally here." He got dressed to go to the cleaners to get his tux. He waiting his whole life for this day, and he’s finally was marrying the girl of his dreams. On his way to the cleaners, he got a call from his best man.
"Yo Daniel, this is it my friend. You ready?"
"I’ve been ready for this my whole life, Kurt."
"That’s my dude. You’re off to the cleaners’ right?"
"Yes sir, I am."
"Ok, man. Come by my hotel room after you get your suit, so we can talk a little."
Daniel hung up the phone as he pulled in the parking lot. The lady at the counter offered her congrats as she gave Daniel his tux. Daniel smiled as he walked off to go on his way to Kurt’s hotel room.
Kurt was staying at the nicest hotel in the city. Daniel came up and Kurt welcomed him with a handshake and a hug. They talked for a little bit, and then Kurt put the bow tie on Daniel. Daniel put the tux on. They then rode to the church together. Daniel’s dad was handling the ceremony, since he was an ordained minister. Rich wasn’t Daniel’s first choice, but he figured it’ll be easier just to go to Rich besides using some outside help.
The ceremony was beginning. Daniel was in his position and Kurt was in his. He looked in the crowd and saw both sides sitting patiently. The scene looked like something out of a Tyler Perry movie. In the ceiling there was…
The organist got on the organ and starting playing while, the bride walked down the isle. She looked so beautiful. She was crying all the way down. Daniel teared up a little as well. Rich asked for tissues for both of them. Jeanette got up to sing a solo. After she finished up, Daniel joined her in a duet. It made the whole room get up and applaud. Then it erupted into a praise session. The anointing of the Lord filled the place so, that the sound of praise was all the music that was needed. It was something that had to be experienced in person to understand.
After it all settled down, Daniel and his bride to be finally said their vials. Rich asked Daniel if he took her to be his awfully married wife, etc etc etc, and Daniel said I do. He asked the bride the same question, then all of the sudden everything stopped. Nobody was breathing or moving. Daniel looked around and wondered what was going on. Even hi future bride to be was just frozen in time. This could not be happening....
…and it wasn’t. Daniel was sleeping the whole time. He woke up in a cold sweat looking around just to see if was in the same old room in the same old bed. Reality had once again set in. He got up to get a bottle of water out of the cabinet. Ginger got up too because she thought that she could get Daniel to put her outside, which is what happened. As Ginger was doing her business, Daniel began to think. What in the world did that dream mean?
"Yo Daniel, this is it my friend. You ready?"
"I’ve been ready for this my whole life, Kurt."
"That’s my dude. You’re off to the cleaners’ right?"
"Yes sir, I am."
"Ok, man. Come by my hotel room after you get your suit, so we can talk a little."
Daniel hung up the phone as he pulled in the parking lot. The lady at the counter offered her congrats as she gave Daniel his tux. Daniel smiled as he walked off to go on his way to Kurt’s hotel room.
Kurt was staying at the nicest hotel in the city. Daniel came up and Kurt welcomed him with a handshake and a hug. They talked for a little bit, and then Kurt put the bow tie on Daniel. Daniel put the tux on. They then rode to the church together. Daniel’s dad was handling the ceremony, since he was an ordained minister. Rich wasn’t Daniel’s first choice, but he figured it’ll be easier just to go to Rich besides using some outside help.
The ceremony was beginning. Daniel was in his position and Kurt was in his. He looked in the crowd and saw both sides sitting patiently. The scene looked like something out of a Tyler Perry movie. In the ceiling there was…
The organist got on the organ and starting playing while, the bride walked down the isle. She looked so beautiful. She was crying all the way down. Daniel teared up a little as well. Rich asked for tissues for both of them. Jeanette got up to sing a solo. After she finished up, Daniel joined her in a duet. It made the whole room get up and applaud. Then it erupted into a praise session. The anointing of the Lord filled the place so, that the sound of praise was all the music that was needed. It was something that had to be experienced in person to understand.
After it all settled down, Daniel and his bride to be finally said their vials. Rich asked Daniel if he took her to be his awfully married wife, etc etc etc, and Daniel said I do. He asked the bride the same question, then all of the sudden everything stopped. Nobody was breathing or moving. Daniel looked around and wondered what was going on. Even hi future bride to be was just frozen in time. This could not be happening....
…and it wasn’t. Daniel was sleeping the whole time. He woke up in a cold sweat looking around just to see if was in the same old room in the same old bed. Reality had once again set in. He got up to get a bottle of water out of the cabinet. Ginger got up too because she thought that she could get Daniel to put her outside, which is what happened. As Ginger was doing her business, Daniel began to think. What in the world did that dream mean?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Reality Chapter 3
A few weeks later, Daniel was still in the same state. He tried to live more positive and more actively, but he always found himself spending most of his time on the computer chatting and posting on message boards. It seems like Briana has put Daniel out of her life completely, because she’s plays the mute card every time Daniel even tries to get in contact. So, trying to move on, Daniel just read the bible and watched some Christian videos. Then he came across a video of one of his favorite singers. As excited as Daniel was, what he was about to hear was both shocking and a bit heart breaking.
His favorite singer was a Gospel singer that was also a pastor a church in California. Apparently a rumor was spread that this guy came out the closet. So this video was a response to it. About a minute and a half into the video, the so called man of God started cussing. He was cussing like he’s been doing it for years. This was the same guy that’s probably led a whole lot of people to the Lord. He’s preached in a bunch of conferences and has performed world wide. After all that, he killed his witness.
Daniel was really taken back by this. First the girl he thought was the one stopped talking to him completely, and then his favorite singer was never really a man of faith at all. Things couldn’t possibly get worse.
“Hey Daniel-Son.”
Daniel looked to his right and in came his dad. To say that Daniel and his dad didn’t get along would be too nice. Yes, they had a few things that both of them could talk about, but all in all, Daniel had hatred towards his dad. Daniel loved him, but didn’t like him. Both Daniel and his dad, Rich, are known to be hard headed. One of the things Rich does that made Daniel feel the way is do is often times when Daniel’s mom, Jeanette, would try to converse with Rich, Rich would always turn it into an argument. Before Alisha went to college, she would often tell Daniel, “You know mom was crying again this morning.” This was not shocking but it was always disappointing. He knew Rich was the cause of it.
“Hey pop.”
Ginger was goes crazy every time Rich or Jeanette comes home. She sleeps all day but as soon as someone opens the door, it triggers something in her to go spastic. Ginger always makes the $mistake though to go to the backdoor claiming she wants to go out and do her business. Rich with his short fuse never believes she has to go, so he threatens to shoot her, kick her, etc. In spite of all that, Ginger always goes to him being playful and nice. What Daniel gets confused about is when he play-fights with the dog, Rich is the one saying “Don’t be mean to the dog.”
Well today wasn’t so different. Ginger went to the door ready to go out. Fussing as all get out, Rich let her out. As she would often do, Ginger proved Rich wrong and did something in the back.
“Momma J says: Hey, son!”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hi, mom.”
“Momma J says: Is your padre home?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Sadly yes”
“Momma J says: stop it.”
His favorite singer was a Gospel singer that was also a pastor a church in California. Apparently a rumor was spread that this guy came out the closet. So this video was a response to it. About a minute and a half into the video, the so called man of God started cussing. He was cussing like he’s been doing it for years. This was the same guy that’s probably led a whole lot of people to the Lord. He’s preached in a bunch of conferences and has performed world wide. After all that, he killed his witness.
Daniel was really taken back by this. First the girl he thought was the one stopped talking to him completely, and then his favorite singer was never really a man of faith at all. Things couldn’t possibly get worse.
“Hey Daniel-Son.”
Daniel looked to his right and in came his dad. To say that Daniel and his dad didn’t get along would be too nice. Yes, they had a few things that both of them could talk about, but all in all, Daniel had hatred towards his dad. Daniel loved him, but didn’t like him. Both Daniel and his dad, Rich, are known to be hard headed. One of the things Rich does that made Daniel feel the way is do is often times when Daniel’s mom, Jeanette, would try to converse with Rich, Rich would always turn it into an argument. Before Alisha went to college, she would often tell Daniel, “You know mom was crying again this morning.” This was not shocking but it was always disappointing. He knew Rich was the cause of it.
“Hey pop.”
Ginger was goes crazy every time Rich or Jeanette comes home. She sleeps all day but as soon as someone opens the door, it triggers something in her to go spastic. Ginger always makes the $mistake though to go to the backdoor claiming she wants to go out and do her business. Rich with his short fuse never believes she has to go, so he threatens to shoot her, kick her, etc. In spite of all that, Ginger always goes to him being playful and nice. What Daniel gets confused about is when he play-fights with the dog, Rich is the one saying “Don’t be mean to the dog.”
Well today wasn’t so different. Ginger went to the door ready to go out. Fussing as all get out, Rich let her out. As she would often do, Ginger proved Rich wrong and did something in the back.
“Momma J says: Hey, son!”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hi, mom.”
“Momma J says: Is your padre home?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Sadly yes”
“Momma J says: stop it.”
Monday, July 09, 2007
Reality Chapter 2
Daniel woke up about 5 hours late, and checked the fridge to see if he had anything to eat for lunch. The fridge was close to empty and Daniel’s wallet was empty which meant going out to eat was out the window. So Daniel got a soda and turned the TV on to see what was on. When he found something worth tolerating, he turned his mom’s lap top on that was left on the coffee table. As he signed on to the messenger he uses quite often, he got an IM from Briana.
“Elle Es says: Hey D!”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hey Bri, how are you?”
“Elle Es says: I’m fine, how about you?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: I’m good. It’s been a while.”
“Elle Es says: Yea I know. This job has got me working hard.”
“Big d aka Daniel says: But I’ve seen you on plenty of times, and when I’d try to talk to you, I never get an answer. I was wondering if you were mad at me or something.”
The conversation ended after Daniel said that. She said nothing else, which made Daniel suspicious. Something just didn’t seem right. But in all that, Daniel still felt responsible, so he turned the lap top off and took the dog for a walk. While he would usually take his CD player with him, this time he took nothing but his cell phone and keys. Ginger, his dog, was just excited to get out the house. She was jumping all around as soon as Daniel touched her leash. So as they were walking, Daniel just let the thoughts run through his head on what just happened. Briana was a girl that Daniel thought he could possibly go out with if they ever met. With him living in South Carolina and her living in Texas, it made it hard for that to become possible, but Daniel still thought that it was a possibility. Reality on the other hand made himself known, as it has plenty of times with Daniel.
Daniel felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket and it was his sister, Alisha.
“Hey Dae’!”
“Hey Lish, how are you?”
“I’m just peachy and yourself?”
“I’ve been better, but all and all I’m good.”
“Awwwwwwww, are you okaY?”
“I’ll be ok,” Daniel said after laughing.
Alisha talked about how her summer classes are going in college, which made Daniel feel a whole lot better bout his life, not.
“So, what you are you doing?” Alisha asked.
“Taking your daughter out for a walk. She’s panting like crazy right now.”
“Oh, poor baby! Well, you have a good time, just wanted to check out on you.”
“Ok, Lish, have a good one.”
“You too. Bye!” Alisha said in a high pitched voice.
Daniel returned the favor and hung up. As Daniel and Ginger were heading back home, Daniel tried to shake his situation off by telling himself that he’ll get through it. He thought about a song that says:
“I just can’t give up now
I’ve come to far from where I started from
Nobody told me, that the road will be easy
But I don’t believe, He brought this far to leave me”
Daniel walked in his house, gave the dog water and a treat, and then got on his knees and prayed to God to give him strength to get through.
“Elle Es says: Hey D!”
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hey Bri, how are you?”
“Elle Es says: I’m fine, how about you?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: I’m good. It’s been a while.”
“Elle Es says: Yea I know. This job has got me working hard.”
“Big d aka Daniel says: But I’ve seen you on plenty of times, and when I’d try to talk to you, I never get an answer. I was wondering if you were mad at me or something.”
The conversation ended after Daniel said that. She said nothing else, which made Daniel suspicious. Something just didn’t seem right. But in all that, Daniel still felt responsible, so he turned the lap top off and took the dog for a walk. While he would usually take his CD player with him, this time he took nothing but his cell phone and keys. Ginger, his dog, was just excited to get out the house. She was jumping all around as soon as Daniel touched her leash. So as they were walking, Daniel just let the thoughts run through his head on what just happened. Briana was a girl that Daniel thought he could possibly go out with if they ever met. With him living in South Carolina and her living in Texas, it made it hard for that to become possible, but Daniel still thought that it was a possibility. Reality on the other hand made himself known, as it has plenty of times with Daniel.
Daniel felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket and it was his sister, Alisha.
“Hey Dae’!”
“Hey Lish, how are you?”
“I’m just peachy and yourself?”
“I’ve been better, but all and all I’m good.”
“Awwwwwwww, are you okaY?”
“I’ll be ok,” Daniel said after laughing.
Alisha talked about how her summer classes are going in college, which made Daniel feel a whole lot better bout his life, not.
“So, what you are you doing?” Alisha asked.
“Taking your daughter out for a walk. She’s panting like crazy right now.”
“Oh, poor baby! Well, you have a good time, just wanted to check out on you.”
“Ok, Lish, have a good one.”
“You too. Bye!” Alisha said in a high pitched voice.
Daniel returned the favor and hung up. As Daniel and Ginger were heading back home, Daniel tried to shake his situation off by telling himself that he’ll get through it. He thought about a song that says:
“I just can’t give up now
I’ve come to far from where I started from
Nobody told me, that the road will be easy
But I don’t believe, He brought this far to leave me”
Daniel walked in his house, gave the dog water and a treat, and then got on his knees and prayed to God to give him strength to get through.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Reality Chapter 1
Daniel got up this morning and thought that things were going to be different. He thought that he’d actually go outside the house and do something productive. Once again, though, he found himself sitting in front of the computer chatting and posting on message boards. That seemed to be his life ever since he messed up in college. What happened is that Daniel was on probation, meaning that he had to keep his grade point average up to a certain level through out the semester. So at the beginning of the semester Daniel told himself that he was going to study more and do whatever he could to pass. So for the first few weeks he was doing just that. Reading what he had to read, doing his homework, etc. Then all of the sudden, a feeling of laziness came over him. He didn’t do much of nothing. Of course in his mind he was trying as hard as he could, but in reality he wasn’t doing anything productive school wise. Amazingly he passed Physics with a C, but as far as the other classes, well here we are.
“Daniel, what are you going to do? You can’t just sit here. Look, I’m going to see if I can get you something going at my job. I’m not going to promise anything, ok? I just don’t want you sitting around the house all summer, especially if you’re on probation from going to school in the fall. You need something to get you some money in your pocket. You do want to do something besides mowing lawns right?”
I nodded.
“Ok, well like I said I’m going to try to get you something.”
“Thank you, mom.”
Daniel’s mom left the house leaving Daniel sitting at the computer thinking, once again about his life. He looked at his cell phone and saw that he got no calls or text messages which weren’t a real shocker. Daniel hardly got any of those. It wasn’t really a bad thing to him because most of the time he could care less. There was one girl he would think about often and she probably does not give a flying two quarters about him, but he didn’t care. It was just one of many fantasies running through Daniel’s head. He never really had any temptation to deal with, just a whole bunch of fantasies. Not necessarily a good thing but—wait a minute, she just signed on. Daniel’s going to try to IM her.
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hi!”
Maybe he’ll get an answer this time. A few minutes later and there was still no answer. She does have dial up internet so Daniel gave it a little more time. Another few minutes passed by and still no answer, so Daniel exited out the conversation and left it alone. By the way the girl’s name is Briana. She is an up and coming Christian rapper out of Texas. She one of the nicest women Daniel has ever chatted with.
“PraiZe says: hey hey”
“Big d aka Daniel says: hey man”
“PraiZe says: What’s up?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: n2m just chillin, and you?”
“PraiZe says: same, just woke up lol”
Daniel didn’t think it was funny at all but he went along with it.
“Big d aka Daniel says: heh”
The conversation went dead for a few minutes after that. Daniel got bored and turned the computer off. He figured since nobody was chatting, no body would mind. He then went to his room and fell asleep.
“Daniel, what are you going to do? You can’t just sit here. Look, I’m going to see if I can get you something going at my job. I’m not going to promise anything, ok? I just don’t want you sitting around the house all summer, especially if you’re on probation from going to school in the fall. You need something to get you some money in your pocket. You do want to do something besides mowing lawns right?”
I nodded.
“Ok, well like I said I’m going to try to get you something.”
“Thank you, mom.”
Daniel’s mom left the house leaving Daniel sitting at the computer thinking, once again about his life. He looked at his cell phone and saw that he got no calls or text messages which weren’t a real shocker. Daniel hardly got any of those. It wasn’t really a bad thing to him because most of the time he could care less. There was one girl he would think about often and she probably does not give a flying two quarters about him, but he didn’t care. It was just one of many fantasies running through Daniel’s head. He never really had any temptation to deal with, just a whole bunch of fantasies. Not necessarily a good thing but—wait a minute, she just signed on. Daniel’s going to try to IM her.
“Big d aka Daniel says: Hi!”
Maybe he’ll get an answer this time. A few minutes later and there was still no answer. She does have dial up internet so Daniel gave it a little more time. Another few minutes passed by and still no answer, so Daniel exited out the conversation and left it alone. By the way the girl’s name is Briana. She is an up and coming Christian rapper out of Texas. She one of the nicest women Daniel has ever chatted with.
“PraiZe says: hey hey”
“Big d aka Daniel says: hey man”
“PraiZe says: What’s up?”
“Big d aka Daniel says: n2m just chillin, and you?”
“PraiZe says: same, just woke up lol”
Daniel didn’t think it was funny at all but he went along with it.
“Big d aka Daniel says: heh”
The conversation went dead for a few minutes after that. Daniel got bored and turned the computer off. He figured since nobody was chatting, no body would mind. He then went to his room and fell asleep.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Is our country so messed up that if a black man can speak properly, it's a bad thing? Obama is an educated black man. George Bush was considered racist for calling Obama articulate. If you want to see racial profiling, come to South Carolina. Go to Memphis. Go to Kentucky. I mean, give me a break. Interracial couples are getting a bad break from their relatives. That's just stupid. Oh, I admit, it is a little UN-natural. Not gay marriage UN-natural, but it's like an expectation for black to be with black, white to be with white, and so forth. I, for one, am a product of an interracial relationship. So, I personally see no problem with interracial relations. When I see an interracial couple get married, all I think about is how cute the baby is going to be. Most of the girls I've been attracted to in my life happens to be white. Most of the black girls I had a run in with were your stereo typical black girls. My thing now is that I don't care how fine you think you are, if your ignorance or personality is more ugly than your appearance, you ain't my type. That's the bottom line. If a black man wants to marry a white women, who are we to stop them? You love who you love. People try to use that for gay marriage, but it's not the same. Being Gay is a lifestyle, not a race. Blacks have been ridiculed for years and years. There has not been signs on buildings saying "No Gays Allowed." There hasn't been a "gay" water fountain. There hasn't been a gay bathroom. If you think about it, they can't be surprised about getting "ridiculed". They're trying to get by in a country that was founded on Christian values. Put 2 and 2 together, idiots! But back on the real subject at hand, I have no problem with interracial relations. I'm for them all the way. If you're in a interracial relationship and your parents and/or friends are getting on you about it, tell them where to stick it. Be nice about it, but it is your life. Most of my Dad's family is probably still against him for marrying my mom. But they can stick it, cause I don't want to meet them. I'm willing to bet that some of my Mom's side is mad at her from marrying my dad, and to them, they can stick it too. I know of a girl right now that's getting bashed for going out with a black guy. It's ridiculous. Straight up ridiculous. If you're so ignorant, and you think that love can only be found within your race, then from the bottom of my heart, I hope you never find love. We got to learn to love everybody.
Be good y'all,
Daniel
Be good y'all,
Daniel
Friday, February 02, 2007
Once again back from popular demand is your boy, you cousin from a different aunt, your brotha from another motha. How y'all doing? I'm doing awesome. Everything has been great since Sunday night. I'm telling you the anointing of God was so strong in that place. I've been praying more at night. The stuff I watch has been cleaner. One thing I learned is that you can make it. Always remember that through all the things you go through in life, if you have God, you can make it.
As for the Super Bowl, I want the Colts to win, but I'm starting to be iffy about that. Think about it, how many times in the history of sports have the "underdogs" come back and win the whole enchilada? A whole bunch of times, right? I'm just saying I won't be surprised either way. That's my thought on it. Oh, I got to tell y'all this. When my mom got up to do announcements Sunday Night, she mentioned that a church is going to be showing the game. Then she said, and I'm not lying, "Can somebody say Go Bears." If you know who and how my mother is, you can't be surprised she did that. I was dying myself.
There's a lot of Wrestling DVD's I want. Like the RVD DVD they made a couple of years ago, the new ECW DVD, the new DX DVD, and etc. All of them look like they're worth the watch. I might get at least one when taxes are done. Speaking of wrestling, I think it's slowly becoming like it was back in the 90's. The matches are getting better, the promos are starting to make since, except for Vince "I like showing my winkled butt" McMahon. He knows how to ruin a show doesn't he? I admit the man is fit for his age, but who gives a crap? I mean really, who wants to see a man old enough to remember Hulk Hogan when he had hair on his head, wrestle? Now they're are exceptions like Ric Flair. He can still handle himself. He deserves respect. ECW is starting to be good, a little. I do hope to see more extreme matches in the future. I know that people say the old ECW is dead, blah blah blah. But hearing Joey Styles saying "Oh my God!!!" is what I look forward to weekly.
More audio blogs are coming for those who listen. I don't know about the videos, though. The ones I've made have been slacking on the feedback side, so my thing is, if people are commenting it tells me they don't like it. At least the audio gets feed, at least more than the videos.
But anyway, y'all be good. Big ups to Ashley for adding me as a friend on Xanga. To my friends on MySpace who are reading this, be sure to comment the page and stuff and I'll get back at ya. I'm not as mean as my pictures look, ok? To my friends on FaceBook, hello. I don't know if y'all remember I'm even on your list for friends or what, but I'm still here. Y'all can leave something on my wall or comment on my notes. I don't bite. To everybody else who might be reading, thank you.
God bless,
Daniel
As for the Super Bowl, I want the Colts to win, but I'm starting to be iffy about that. Think about it, how many times in the history of sports have the "underdogs" come back and win the whole enchilada? A whole bunch of times, right? I'm just saying I won't be surprised either way. That's my thought on it. Oh, I got to tell y'all this. When my mom got up to do announcements Sunday Night, she mentioned that a church is going to be showing the game. Then she said, and I'm not lying, "Can somebody say Go Bears." If you know who and how my mother is, you can't be surprised she did that. I was dying myself.
There's a lot of Wrestling DVD's I want. Like the RVD DVD they made a couple of years ago, the new ECW DVD, the new DX DVD, and etc. All of them look like they're worth the watch. I might get at least one when taxes are done. Speaking of wrestling, I think it's slowly becoming like it was back in the 90's. The matches are getting better, the promos are starting to make since, except for Vince "I like showing my winkled butt" McMahon. He knows how to ruin a show doesn't he? I admit the man is fit for his age, but who gives a crap? I mean really, who wants to see a man old enough to remember Hulk Hogan when he had hair on his head, wrestle? Now they're are exceptions like Ric Flair. He can still handle himself. He deserves respect. ECW is starting to be good, a little. I do hope to see more extreme matches in the future. I know that people say the old ECW is dead, blah blah blah. But hearing Joey Styles saying "Oh my God!!!" is what I look forward to weekly.
More audio blogs are coming for those who listen. I don't know about the videos, though. The ones I've made have been slacking on the feedback side, so my thing is, if people are commenting it tells me they don't like it. At least the audio gets feed, at least more than the videos.
But anyway, y'all be good. Big ups to Ashley for adding me as a friend on Xanga. To my friends on MySpace who are reading this, be sure to comment the page and stuff and I'll get back at ya. I'm not as mean as my pictures look, ok? To my friends on FaceBook, hello. I don't know if y'all remember I'm even on your list for friends or what, but I'm still here. Y'all can leave something on my wall or comment on my notes. I don't bite. To everybody else who might be reading, thank you.
God bless,
Daniel
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Depressed and 19
I'm 19. I live at home. I got saved last year in January. I firmly believe that if you let crap enter your mind, crap will come out. I find myself depressed over little stuff. Look under my eyes, you can tell that I don't get much sleep. My home is not the best, but it's shelter. My father is not the best, but at least he's around to talk to. Being fat lowers my self-esteem a whole lot. I've said before that people don't look at the personality. I realize that everyday, and it is depressing. I'm at a community college while my little sister is going to Clemson. That thought pops in my mind all the time. My mom and sister keep telling me that I'm not ugly. That the right girl will come along. Looking in the mirror, I have a hard time believing that.
I've always been the "black sheep" of my friends. I never really felt like I was "in." I felt more like the safe guy meaning that they knew I was there, but I didn't really matter. Want to know why I make video and voice blogs? To get accepted. To try to get people to like me. Does my sister have this problem? Nope. Did my brother have this problem? Probably not. So, I guess, I'm the black sheep in my family. I don't know if people feel sorry for me or not. Some where inside of me, I want people to feel sorry for me. Just thinking about it, I spent most of my childhood crying. I would come home and take it out on my little sister and mouth off to my parents. I was a true definition of a follower. I play drums, but I definitely ain't the best. The only reason I get to play at church cause there's no one else there. That's the bottom line. I go to District Choir rehearsal and I never want to play cause I know I suck. I let the Supertindent's son have at it cause I know I would ruin the whole thing. Every time I play for the District or a large crowd, I choke. I don't know why I just lose what little touch I have.
Think I'm being to hard on myself? Ok then, how bout this. One day I was at a State Youth Choir rehearsal, and the drummer that was playing had to leave. He gave me the sticks and got on the drums. I did aight. Definite not state youth material by any means. The song I filled in for was a slow song. Which was wanting to be played a little faster so the choir could get it, but I just could push myself to do it. The piano player got on me about it and I used some wacked-out excuse about this is the first time I've really played with musicians. Which is not all together true. So after that song was over, they went to an upbeat song that I didn't know to save my life. After about 5 seconds the director stopped the song and said, and I quote "I need a drummer." I handed the sticks to another brotha that was up there and he straight up killed it. the director then said, and I quote, "We got 2 drummers." I was, once again, the odd ball out. Nobody even cared or even noticed but me.
Of course Dad tried to build me up saying I did a good job and all that.
None of my so called friends could see behind the smile sometimes. Most of the time you would find me sitting or standing by myself. I had the mindset where if people didn't bother me, I didn't bother them. Still do that now as a matter of fact. I stand outside waiting on whoever's picking me up with my headphones, by myself. I have no one at Tech I can truely call friend. It's the honest truth. I don't. I don't know why I'm typing all this. Prolly because this is the only way I can make myself heard. People never really listen to you when they judge you before hand. Anybody else has ever been through that? So that's why I type these blogs. It's my voice. My voice to the people, so to speak.
I want to be accepted for who I am. I want to be more "outgoing" so to speak. I would love to be my true self out in public and take this depressed mask off. I want to sing in public and not sound shaky. I want to sing in public and let people know what I can do. I want people to know that I can do things. I do have a soft heart and I am sensitive. Sue me. That's just who I am.
Want to know why I truly grew my hair out? Cause people actually liked me. I was, even for a little bit, accepted. The reason I wore my hair out all the time is because for a brief time, I was popular. It's the God's honest truth. I hate being the loser you know? I really do.
Don't feel sorry for me. I don't deserve it. I'm a complete jerk. Heh...well dang. I'm a jerk. It's a trip ain't it? You think you know me...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
"I'm a good man, right? I mean I'm nice. I'm respectful. I'm no playa, but I have a heart. I'm honest. So why can't I keep a girl for more than 3 months? Oh, I know why. It's because I'm not Usher. I'm not Omarion. I'm not Marques Houston. I'm not Will Smith. People don't want to look at the heart anymore, they want the outside. I understand that God does have a girl out there for me, but I'm going to tell y'all the truth because I know you won't rag on me, or maybe you will, I don't care. I have no patience. I got as bout as much patience as a female celebrity waiting at a restaurant."
Why are we as humans so quick to judge? If a guy like me comes up to girl, they wouldn't give me the time of day. Tell me I'm lying. I know there's no way of getting around the outside appearance of somebody, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know a person. I'm so sick of being judged by my outside appearance. It's not cool and it's not right. I bet that when I lose weight, I'll gain more popular. That's not the reason I want to lose, don't get me wrong, I'm just saying that it's most likely going to happen. I'm still going to be the same person. Another crazy scenario, what if one of my stories happen to become a best seller and I gain a whole much of money. I'll be more popular than I ever dreamed. Not saying that's my reason for writing because I love to write. It's a way for me to express myself without pressure. Let me get back to the subject. Did y'all know that the reason you may not get a job is because of the way you look? It's proven experiment. Back in like 1994, 20/20 I think it was sent 2 actors in to apply for the same job. One was a normal looking, every day guy. The other one was "handsome" guy. The handsome guy got treated like royality basically and the regular guy got treated like left over Chinese food. Why are we as humans so quick to judge? Look at 50 Cent. He got all this money, and all this fame. With that he got all the women he can imagine. Let's look at it this way. What if he didn't have the money, and he was just an everyday dude like me and a couple of my folks? You think he would have half the things now? Hate to break it to you Mr. Curtis Jackson, but they just want your money. (not that he's reading this) I'm just saying that we shouldn't be so quick to judge. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't have a good personality. We all know I got a personality. It's all about stereotyping, and bottom line we need to stop. Racism needs to stop. Biggetry needs to stop. Judging people without knowing the circumstances needs to stop. We got to come together and make this world a better place for the future, despite what the government does. If they want to forget that they come from the same place we do, let them. We got to change our ways of thinking. Can we truly look at ourselves and say that we're a good example for the next generation that's going to come up? If' not, let's change our way of thinking so the little G's coming up will have somebody real to look up too.
"For a little advice for those going through. Weather is spiritual or what not. Give up. That's right, give up. Realize that you can't do it on your own and give up. (Of course this is when y'all run to your mommys and daddys saying I said such and such without reading on. Read on...) Give up, and give it all to God. As my brother from another mother on my cousin's daddy's side, Jodah, told me, "Let go and Let God, you once told me that." That's exactly what you have to do when the problems get too hard for you to bear. Let go, and let God work. That's our problem we never let go. We let God but we never let go. That's why you never see improvement in your situations right there. You hear people say it all the time, "Give to Jesus and he works it out!" But you have to do your part, and let go of the situation. We have to do our part. If we say that it's in God's hands and we'll still walking around with our bottom lips so low that is dragging on the floor, don't expect change to come."
Why are we as humans so quick to judge? If a guy like me comes up to girl, they wouldn't give me the time of day. Tell me I'm lying. I know there's no way of getting around the outside appearance of somebody, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know a person. I'm so sick of being judged by my outside appearance. It's not cool and it's not right. I bet that when I lose weight, I'll gain more popular. That's not the reason I want to lose, don't get me wrong, I'm just saying that it's most likely going to happen. I'm still going to be the same person. Another crazy scenario, what if one of my stories happen to become a best seller and I gain a whole much of money. I'll be more popular than I ever dreamed. Not saying that's my reason for writing because I love to write. It's a way for me to express myself without pressure. Let me get back to the subject. Did y'all know that the reason you may not get a job is because of the way you look? It's proven experiment. Back in like 1994, 20/20 I think it was sent 2 actors in to apply for the same job. One was a normal looking, every day guy. The other one was "handsome" guy. The handsome guy got treated like royality basically and the regular guy got treated like left over Chinese food. Why are we as humans so quick to judge? Look at 50 Cent. He got all this money, and all this fame. With that he got all the women he can imagine. Let's look at it this way. What if he didn't have the money, and he was just an everyday dude like me and a couple of my folks? You think he would have half the things now? Hate to break it to you Mr. Curtis Jackson, but they just want your money. (not that he's reading this) I'm just saying that we shouldn't be so quick to judge. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't have a good personality. We all know I got a personality. It's all about stereotyping, and bottom line we need to stop. Racism needs to stop. Biggetry needs to stop. Judging people without knowing the circumstances needs to stop. We got to come together and make this world a better place for the future, despite what the government does. If they want to forget that they come from the same place we do, let them. We got to change our ways of thinking. Can we truly look at ourselves and say that we're a good example for the next generation that's going to come up? If' not, let's change our way of thinking so the little G's coming up will have somebody real to look up too.
"For a little advice for those going through. Weather is spiritual or what not. Give up. That's right, give up. Realize that you can't do it on your own and give up. (Of course this is when y'all run to your mommys and daddys saying I said such and such without reading on. Read on...) Give up, and give it all to God. As my brother from another mother on my cousin's daddy's side, Jodah, told me, "Let go and Let God, you once told me that." That's exactly what you have to do when the problems get too hard for you to bear. Let go, and let God work. That's our problem we never let go. We let God but we never let go. That's why you never see improvement in your situations right there. You hear people say it all the time, "Give to Jesus and he works it out!" But you have to do your part, and let go of the situation. We have to do our part. If we say that it's in God's hands and we'll still walking around with our bottom lips so low that is dragging on the floor, don't expect change to come."
Let me say this now, just because you became a christian, that doesn't mean your issues stop. To tell you the truth, your issues get worse. The devil doesn't leave you alone. You just made him mad, so he comes blowing more smoke than he ever did before. Some of us end up giving in. We let the devil tell us how worthless we are. He tells you that God doesn't love you, etc. Besided rebuking him, we take it in and take it in. That's when depression comes in. We as Christians, have become too scared. We're scared to speak up during debates, we're scared to tell the devil off. When you tell God to let His will be done, how many of us actually believe it? Here's what I think happens. We talk the talk. We "rebuke" Satan, we tell God, that you're putting all in His hands. While in the back of your minds, there's doubt and unbelief. That's where the devil comes in, right there. He waters the unbelief and gives it sunlight. Then it becomes an Oak Tree of a problem. We shouldn't let it get that way. I admit it up front., I still have issues that i deal with everyday. Most of the time I let it take over. Does that mean i'm not saved? No, it just means that i have some issues with my faith. I need and desire your prayers.
Until next time, this is Big to the D...I'm OUT!!
Until next time, this is Big to the D...I'm OUT!!
God gave me this to tell y'all...
What is wrong with us? Have we given up on life completely? I mean I hear and see things that shouldnt be going on. With my life included. I find myself going back to old habits. I regret it every time. I see my Christian people cussing. I see people cutting themselves. I see people feeling like theyre lives are worthless all the time. Depression spirit is still around. People are crying all the time. Im sorta scared to mention God because I dont know if any of yall believe he exist anymore. Hes still here. Remember the Bible says that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deitrick Haddon says in one of his songs God didnt give up on me. And thats true. God didnt give up on you. You have given up on God. Why, I dont know. Maybe its the fact that we want to look good to the Christian friends, and act street with our other friends. Time is winding up and yall are still playing games like you have all the time in the world. In church today this lady brought up the story of Jonah. Jonah got an assignment from God to go into a town and witness. Jonah decided that he didnt want to go. He didnt want to see them people saved. Jonah got on a boat, and a big storm came. The people on the boat knew somebody made God mad. Jonah ended up getting thrown off the boat. A big fish was right there and swallowed Jonah up. People do we really want to get to the point where we get thrown off the boat and have a big fish swallow us up so we can get the hint that God aint playin? We need to get on the stick. Im sick of all this drama. Drama to the left, drama to the right. Drama, Drama, Dramagive me a break. Im tired of it. God loves you and the problem is you dont really believe it. The devil is having a ball right now. Its time for us who are real to get on track. People are going to hell every minute. When I heard a lady say that in church today, it got me to thinking. What am I doing to help? What are you doing to help? Youre confusing people. You tell people youre saved. Then they see you cussing. Hmmm? Dont give me that out of anger crap, I know better trust me. And let me say this. God does not hate homosexuals. Let me type that again, God does not hate homosexuals. He hates the lifestyle. He does not hate liars. He hates lying. God loves EVERYBODY. He may hate the LIFESTYLE but he loves the PERSON. Whos alive out there? Do you get what Im saying? I dont know what else to do. Its like nobody wants to believe anymore. Im sick of it. God loves you and I do too. Thats right I said it. Im always here, for any of you that want to chat. Even the ones that dont comment and just read, Im here for you too. Get at me.
Big Dusty
What is wrong with us? Have we given up on life completely? I mean I hear and see things that shouldnt be going on. With my life included. I find myself going back to old habits. I regret it every time. I see my Christian people cussing. I see people cutting themselves. I see people feeling like theyre lives are worthless all the time. Depression spirit is still around. People are crying all the time. Im sorta scared to mention God because I dont know if any of yall believe he exist anymore. Hes still here. Remember the Bible says that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deitrick Haddon says in one of his songs God didnt give up on me. And thats true. God didnt give up on you. You have given up on God. Why, I dont know. Maybe its the fact that we want to look good to the Christian friends, and act street with our other friends. Time is winding up and yall are still playing games like you have all the time in the world. In church today this lady brought up the story of Jonah. Jonah got an assignment from God to go into a town and witness. Jonah decided that he didnt want to go. He didnt want to see them people saved. Jonah got on a boat, and a big storm came. The people on the boat knew somebody made God mad. Jonah ended up getting thrown off the boat. A big fish was right there and swallowed Jonah up. People do we really want to get to the point where we get thrown off the boat and have a big fish swallow us up so we can get the hint that God aint playin? We need to get on the stick. Im sick of all this drama. Drama to the left, drama to the right. Drama, Drama, Dramagive me a break. Im tired of it. God loves you and the problem is you dont really believe it. The devil is having a ball right now. Its time for us who are real to get on track. People are going to hell every minute. When I heard a lady say that in church today, it got me to thinking. What am I doing to help? What are you doing to help? Youre confusing people. You tell people youre saved. Then they see you cussing. Hmmm? Dont give me that out of anger crap, I know better trust me. And let me say this. God does not hate homosexuals. Let me type that again, God does not hate homosexuals. He hates the lifestyle. He does not hate liars. He hates lying. God loves EVERYBODY. He may hate the LIFESTYLE but he loves the PERSON. Whos alive out there? Do you get what Im saying? I dont know what else to do. Its like nobody wants to believe anymore. Im sick of it. God loves you and I do too. Thats right I said it. Im always here, for any of you that want to chat. Even the ones that dont comment and just read, Im here for you too. Get at me.
Big Dusty
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Back again from the dark side of the mix family, how y'all feelin'? Me? It's real simple. I'm tired. I'm am straight up tired. Know what I'm doing this weekend? Sleep. I'm going to sleep like a pimp on Sunday. I'm going to sleep like people did when they went to see the 2nd Pirates of The Carribean. Oh boy...well, I got a full schedule of classes this semester at college. Which means I got 4 classes. First class is Phyics, again. My teacher is gunshot deaf, so bascically you got to yell, for him to barely hear you. How he kept his job for all these years is beyond my thinking, but apparently the Powers That Be like him. I got a feeling I'm going to hearing a lot of war stories, and that is going to be so "exciting." Man, I'm going to be more bored than a congregation listening to that one old lady that gives 30 minute testimonies. Second class is Trig. I think I like this class 'cause I almost fell asleep a couple of times now, so that's a good sign. Seriously this class should be a breeze. The teacher seems like a cool guy. On to my third class, English. I think the teacher is a little out. I don't know weather it's drugs or what, but something ain't right. I can tell he knows what he's talking about, but making eye contact is not his best attribute as a teacher. He acts like he's blind or something. Really bizzare. Don't get me started on his writing skills. Then to the one class I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is Sociology. That might be my favorite class. This teacher is real down to earth, and she's a little crazy. I know we going to get along. She sorta reminds me of a female version of Mr. Brown, who was my favorite teacher I ever had at Eastside. Well that's my whole schedule...la di da!
So once again giving shout outs to all family, and my extended family that deal with me. To all the new friends that are reading for the first time. To all my friends. And to the haters.
Daniel aka Big d
Be real!
So once again giving shout outs to all family, and my extended family that deal with me. To all the new friends that are reading for the first time. To all my friends. And to the haters.
Daniel aka Big d
Be real!
Friday, January 05, 2007
You know, sometimes you feel like crap. Like you don't want to talk to anyone, and you don't want anyone to talk to you. People tend to follow trends. We got to get back to being individuals again. Actually having your own personalities. How can we teach our future kids to be individuals, when we faking ourselves?
Moms Mabley. Classic genius comedian. If you can find old clips of Moms Mabley, listen to them. You will not be disappointed. Especially if you appreciate true comedy. Old black lady with no teeth just speaking her mind, if you can't see the comedy just thinking about that---i don't know what to tell ya.
The stuff you put in your head is the stuff that comes out. That's why I listen to more Gospel than anything. By the way, Gospel can be rap, rock, soul, country, jazz, etc. As long as it's telling the good news, it's Gospel. Anyway, though, got to watch out what you put in your heads. Especially, if you claim to be a christian, and all you listen to is Lil Wayne. Don't get me wrong, Lil Wayne is one of the best, but his message is not going to help your spiritman, and it's not going to help you as a person. That's exactly why you catch yourself slipping with cuss words. The stuff you put in is what's coming out.
By the way, if you want to read my story, or at least what i have so far, you can give me your e-mail address and I'll send it to ya. I've been told that it's good, but more opinions wouldn 't hurt.
I start going back to classes on Monday. I'm on academic probabation, meaning I got to maintain a 2.0 avg through out the semester. I encouraged by this lady to not be another statistic, meaning colored males have a bad rep of slacking off and not doing the best to their ability, and I should follow in their footsteps. So, if you don't see me on much, that's why.
If anybody from KJ reads this, tell them that I have left. I'm not going back. I'm NOT GOING BACK. I got love for all of y'all there, but I got to move on.
...and I got to move on out of here. Thanks for reading. Leave some feedback if you want.
My name is Daniel aka Big d. Peace
Moms Mabley. Classic genius comedian. If you can find old clips of Moms Mabley, listen to them. You will not be disappointed. Especially if you appreciate true comedy. Old black lady with no teeth just speaking her mind, if you can't see the comedy just thinking about that---i don't know what to tell ya.
The stuff you put in your head is the stuff that comes out. That's why I listen to more Gospel than anything. By the way, Gospel can be rap, rock, soul, country, jazz, etc. As long as it's telling the good news, it's Gospel. Anyway, though, got to watch out what you put in your heads. Especially, if you claim to be a christian, and all you listen to is Lil Wayne. Don't get me wrong, Lil Wayne is one of the best, but his message is not going to help your spiritman, and it's not going to help you as a person. That's exactly why you catch yourself slipping with cuss words. The stuff you put in is what's coming out.
By the way, if you want to read my story, or at least what i have so far, you can give me your e-mail address and I'll send it to ya. I've been told that it's good, but more opinions wouldn 't hurt.
I start going back to classes on Monday. I'm on academic probabation, meaning I got to maintain a 2.0 avg through out the semester. I encouraged by this lady to not be another statistic, meaning colored males have a bad rep of slacking off and not doing the best to their ability, and I should follow in their footsteps. So, if you don't see me on much, that's why.
If anybody from KJ reads this, tell them that I have left. I'm not going back. I'm NOT GOING BACK. I got love for all of y'all there, but I got to move on.
...and I got to move on out of here. Thanks for reading. Leave some feedback if you want.
My name is Daniel aka Big d. Peace
Monday, January 01, 2007
Somebody call my momma, Daniel's back again.
How y'all feelin'? 2007, wow. Thank God we made it through first of all, right? I heard my dad say that 2007, is going to be the year of God's release. That thought alone is awesome isn't it? I heard somebody say that we can actually speed up the coming of the Jesus, but if they truly have read the Bible, they will realize that Jesus himself doesn't even know when he's coming back. Only God knows. I know some of y'all believe that Jesus and God is one, but Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father, who is God. Get the picture? All I'm basically saying is, it don't matter when Jesus comes, it matters that you're ready when he does. It's not like you can tell God, "Yo, um, I need about 2 more days to get straight." That ain't going to work.
Anyway, that's my soap box on that. Um, what's up with some of y'all getting into a new relationship every month? It's like y'all treat it like a rapper treat cars, have a different one for each day. That's just stupid. Here I am looking for one, and y'all have 5 a month. It's called patience people, try it. It may work out for ya. Communication is a key factor too. That means stop kissing and start talking. You'll find out if the relationship will last or not. Or just suffer a broken heart, so I can laugh at you later on. It's your call.
Dreamgirls. It's a must see. This is Eddie Murphy's best on screen performance by far. I personally think it's his best movie. Jamie Foxx, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Danny Glover...everybody that's in this movie does their thang. If you got to see any movie, see Dreamgirls. You will not be disappointed.
I'm going to try and lose weight this year. I looked in the mirror and I felt sorry for myself. So, hopefully by the end of the next semester, I'll look a little better. Wish me luck.
Love y'all
Daniel aka Big d
How y'all feelin'? 2007, wow. Thank God we made it through first of all, right? I heard my dad say that 2007, is going to be the year of God's release. That thought alone is awesome isn't it? I heard somebody say that we can actually speed up the coming of the Jesus, but if they truly have read the Bible, they will realize that Jesus himself doesn't even know when he's coming back. Only God knows. I know some of y'all believe that Jesus and God is one, but Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father, who is God. Get the picture? All I'm basically saying is, it don't matter when Jesus comes, it matters that you're ready when he does. It's not like you can tell God, "Yo, um, I need about 2 more days to get straight." That ain't going to work.
Anyway, that's my soap box on that. Um, what's up with some of y'all getting into a new relationship every month? It's like y'all treat it like a rapper treat cars, have a different one for each day. That's just stupid. Here I am looking for one, and y'all have 5 a month. It's called patience people, try it. It may work out for ya. Communication is a key factor too. That means stop kissing and start talking. You'll find out if the relationship will last or not. Or just suffer a broken heart, so I can laugh at you later on. It's your call.
Dreamgirls. It's a must see. This is Eddie Murphy's best on screen performance by far. I personally think it's his best movie. Jamie Foxx, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Danny Glover...everybody that's in this movie does their thang. If you got to see any movie, see Dreamgirls. You will not be disappointed.
I'm going to try and lose weight this year. I looked in the mirror and I felt sorry for myself. So, hopefully by the end of the next semester, I'll look a little better. Wish me luck.
Love y'all
Daniel aka Big d
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Once again coming from the dinner table chair we use for the computer. How y'all doing on this post-christmas day. Hopefully by the time you're reading this, you're done whining to your parents about what you didn't get or you got something you don't like. Two words....GROW UP. I know i know, easier said than done for some of y'all, because some of us don't mature as we get older. Yeah, I'm talking to you, go ahead and get mad with your ignorant, no comment back self.
Speaking of MySpace, when you say you're going to return the favor, here's a bit of advice---RETURN THE FAVOR. Bunch of little heffas, i know you just say that to play with our minds. See some of us say we don't care about comments, but deep down in side, we want to see that new messages, new comments, or what not. We just trying to sound cool saying, "I don't care about no comments, man. Screw them dang comments." aka "Please, oh PLEEEEEASE comment my stuff. I'll be your friend!" Remember that one as a kid, when you tried to get out of trouble? "I'll be your friend. No don't tell on me. Ok fine, I'm not your friend anymore. I don't want to talk again forever, ever, ever, ever, ever!" Five seconds later... "Ever!" The next day comes by and you're at the door, "Can she come outside and play?" We were some two-faced people as kids. Some of us ain't changed. For intance: "lol. That's so funny. HHA!" aka "That sucked horribly. Go kill yourself." Just tell me the truth, come to me correct.
Have every realized how ugly you really are by looking at the other sex's picture? I mean you be like, "I'll never have a girl like that. I'm too ugly." or "I'm too fat.", and so forth. It's like rap music, they're looking for a TuPac or a Lil Wayne, and you're G-Unit or Fat Joe. Yes I said it. Or rock music, when they're looking for the rock of the 1990's, and except they get the stuff they put out now. Yes I said it. Or music in general they're looking for good music, and you country. Yes I said it!
Big d, OUT!!!
Speaking of MySpace, when you say you're going to return the favor, here's a bit of advice---RETURN THE FAVOR. Bunch of little heffas, i know you just say that to play with our minds. See some of us say we don't care about comments, but deep down in side, we want to see that new messages, new comments, or what not. We just trying to sound cool saying, "I don't care about no comments, man. Screw them dang comments." aka "Please, oh PLEEEEEASE comment my stuff. I'll be your friend!" Remember that one as a kid, when you tried to get out of trouble? "I'll be your friend. No don't tell on me. Ok fine, I'm not your friend anymore. I don't want to talk again forever, ever, ever, ever, ever!" Five seconds later... "Ever!" The next day comes by and you're at the door, "Can she come outside and play?" We were some two-faced people as kids. Some of us ain't changed. For intance: "lol. That's so funny. HHA!" aka "That sucked horribly. Go kill yourself." Just tell me the truth, come to me correct.
Have every realized how ugly you really are by looking at the other sex's picture? I mean you be like, "I'll never have a girl like that. I'm too ugly." or "I'm too fat.", and so forth. It's like rap music, they're looking for a TuPac or a Lil Wayne, and you're G-Unit or Fat Joe. Yes I said it. Or rock music, when they're looking for the rock of the 1990's, and except they get the stuff they put out now. Yes I said it. Or music in general they're looking for good music, and you country. Yes I said it!
Big d, OUT!!!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Have you ever held anything in so long that it gets to you in the worst way? Like you get fussed at one time, or if someone just tells you that you did anything, it triggers that thing? I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the easiest guy to know around here, rather it be Facebook, MySpace, Big Dusty and PraiZe's Board, KJ Board, or where ever. Things inside of me, bad things, decided to break me down just a few minutes ago. So now I say I've cried this year, huh? I'm not as tough as I preceive to be, sorry for the dissappointment. Sorry for admiting that I do have a heart. Maybe that's why I'm single. I was just laying in bed and tears just started coming down. I started apologizing to the dog. Then I came out to get some tissue and got caught by my mom and sister. I didn't want to sit down and talk cause I just knew I would break down some more. Sure 'nough, it happened. It was like I couldn't control it. The devil was just telling my mind how worthless I am. Reminding me that I'm 19 years old and still living at home. That I have no job. That I have no girl in my life. That I have no idea of what to do with my life. The word worthless came up over and over. I couldn't take it. Mom told me that I'm special. That I'm one of softest hearts. Alisha, my sister, kept telling me that God has something for me in my life. It's been rough for me. I've ticked people off. I've continually gave advice I haven't took myself. I've said I was going to pray for people, which i haven't. I've felt like I've been jumped on a lot.
I need y'all to do something for me. Nothing big or major, just a small favor. Say a small prayer for me. Daniel. Not Big d, Big Dusty, Big Dizzle...but the little boy inside, Daniel.
Thank you.
I need y'all to do something for me. Nothing big or major, just a small favor. Say a small prayer for me. Daniel. Not Big d, Big Dusty, Big Dizzle...but the little boy inside, Daniel.
Thank you.
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