Saturday, November 25, 2006

Tired, bordam, and lack of self esteem leads to blogs like this.

Last night I got a whole board ticked off at me. (Go Dusty!!! Right?) Here's what happened. A friend of mine, Kurt, told me that this girl was doing an audio version of this song she wrote. Kurt and I always make fun of her audio cause she's so plain during her songs. No emotion at all. I'm serious, the beat will be banging and the vocal will be just---bleh. Anyway, i gathered up the idea in my head to tell her this through another account I made on the board. I logged on that name and told her that I would rather listen to a K-Fed album than listen to another one of her audios. Now deep inside i really didn't want to do it cause she's was a good friend, and I was secretly attracted to her. Give or take I did it and it stirred up more drama than a daytime soap-opra. People figured out it was me then started calling me retard and said that I lost the respect of di freaking da. I'm already depressed with my life already...this just added more layers. I started feeling real bad about it so I logged on my regular name and typed and apology to the whole forum. Which said:

"Kj Board family... I know what I did is not going to be easy to forgive. I'm sorry. I'm a nice guy at heart, but sometimes i become such a jerk. Heck maybe I am a jerk. Maybe I'm worthless. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I---you'll never hear from me again. I hate life. I hate me---"

So that's that. Now everything seems to be cool again.

To Liz: Sorry for stirring up that drama. You got me to do battles which i really didn't want to do. I lost both of them, lol. But seriously I messed up our trust and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. All is forgivin' and I hope we remain friends.

To Alan: Well buddy, it's been fun huh? You've truely been a good friend in my life, dude. Keeping my board alive when NOBODY else would come on. It would just be me and you. I understand that you have work now so it's been hard for you to come on, but I just want to say thanks for being there for me man. Love ya like a play cousin, dog.

To Lisa: What's up girl? How you doing? Seems like our friendship just dwindled, huh? Remember that time you, Kurt, and I stayed up all night just chatting? That was awesome, wasn't it? I know it's been a while since that day or since we've really chatted, but i hope we do again soon. Let God be true and every other man be a lie.

To Tim: Boy the times we had. The times we had! From the Cherrydale movie situation, to the paintball incident, lol. Oh and the times at Eastside will never be forgotten. That football game when you rolled down the hill, and when you went off on dinero chick...were priceless. Here's to more good times in the future, man. Be good.

If this is the first blog you've ever read by me I hope you enjoyed it. Comments are welcome.

Peace. Love all!

Message board link is

My name is Big d.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Never let an opprunity pass you by. I followed the crowd all my life. The only reason I started cussing, is because friends did. Only reason I started a message board is cause other people did. Thinking about life, mine could've been so much better if I would've took advantage of what I had. Just by actually talking to people, I'd prolly be better now. If I had been myself all my life instead of following the crowd, I'd be better off now.

I've been tender-hearted all my whole life. Example, 6th grade I wrote a letter to 2 girls, Jordan Uhl and Emily Spray. Not knowing any better, I told them how hot I thought they were. Basically I was naive. Jordan hasn't talked to me since. People kept asking me if I liked Emily or not. I'd keep my head down and not answer because I was to embarrassed. It's like I wanted my life to be as dramatic as possible. 'ey, it worked!!

I know I mentioned this before, but from the 5th grade to 9th grade I had a crush on Jamin Teie. All those years, and I never told her once. Oh I wrote notes and notes, and never gave her one. 8th grade I wrote a book entitled The Life of Dusty. Jamin was the love interest. The book was perverted to be honest with ya, but people loved it. Jamin wasn't supposed to read it. With my luck though, the book was passed around the whole school and ended up in her fingers. I was such an idiot. I was sitting in homeroom with a note. I think my friend Je'sus wrote it for me to give to a girl, mainly Jamin. 2 girls sitting in front of me, who were attractive by the way, asked me who it was for. I think they knew already, but they just wanted me to say it. One of them asked if it was one of them. I don't remember giving a straight answer to anything. I was such a punk. I guess nothing much as changed. Imagine if I had to guts to actually give one of the girls the note...good God!

All my years in school, I don't think I had a saved friend. Not one. I mean they were saved for a minute, but within the next month they were cussing like a salior. Most of the saved friends I have now are online.

If I find a soul mate at Greenville Tech, I'll be shocked. It would be a miracle. All of the girls I run into either smoke, cuss, screw anything that walks, or is a dike--has a lick-her linsence if you know what i mean. I'm like the Clark Sisters, I'm looking for a miracle. I hope it happens soon.

I'm still scared to be myself outside of my house. The internet is just another mask for me. That's all it is. It's another way I can put on a mask and be another person.

To Jo: Thanks for being a friend to me. Through the past months, you've been one of the nicest people I've ever met online. I thank you for that.

To Greg Mims: From the first day we met on the bus in 6th grade, we've been cool. I don't think we ever had a dull moment. During my last years at Lakecrest, you actually got me out the house. Thanks for being my friend.

To PraiZe: You keep living for God, man. Continue to seek Him the mroe. You have no idea what God has in store for you. Other people may talk about you like a dog, but don't let it get to you. You be you always. Don't front for anybody. From the KJ Board to now, we've been tight. God bless you.

To Ben (Pedro): What can I say? It seems like we've known each other longer than we actually have. Remember when we talked about being roommates? or that movie we talking about doing? Heh, we had some great times, huh? I hope we have many more man.

If this is the first blog you've ever read by me, then I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you all for reading. Keep praying for me. Much love.

To my future wife out there, whoever you are, I'm praying for you.

Big d