Before that anxiety attack, I felt like I was having a bit of what they call, cabin fever. Wikipedia defines Cabin Fever like this, "Cabin fever is the distressing claustrophobic irritability or restlessness experienced when a person, or group, is stuck at an isolated location or in confined quarters for an extended time." It's not like I'm stuck in the apartment, I can leave when I want...it's just no where I want to go. My therapist is trying to get me to be more social, and obviously, here I am typing a blog so I'm doing a fine job. Yeah, walking around the house randomly quoting Instagram videos is being social, right?
Ever get real sick of yourself? Honestly you ever like hear yourself on a daily basis and then be like, "ugh, please shut up." That's probably part of the reason people think I can't talk at first. Like have you heard me talk? Are you sure you want that problem? So the question was asked to me, "How do you get up and sing in front of people?" To be honest, I don't know. I just put the mic to my mouth, and do it. I try not to think about it too much. If I over think it, if I think about all the eyes that are on me in the building and via live stream, I wouldn't do it. I try not to sing for show. Which is why you don't see me post singing on the socials. Nothing against that, I just can't do it. It's like asking me to sing on the spot. The whole mind it goes blank. The nerves go into the shakes.
The question came to me, "Why didn't you call (insert name) when you had the anxiety attack?" You mean to actually use the phone as a...phone? "Well what do you use the phone for?" Social media. Also it was really late at night, and the last thing I want to do is bother anybody with my problems. Don't get me wrong, I usually call my mom or sister when this happens, but mind you the last couple of times the attacks come, I was at work. I be at my station then all of the sudden I feel my mind going to that place, and my co worker, says, "Daniel, you need a break?" Then I go outside and cry it out. I then call my sister or mom to help calm me down and just talk me through it. I call them because I feel like they understand. Last thing I want at that point is to talk to someone that doesn't get it. Some attacks last longer than others. No, I can't tell how long by that attack. I just try to use the coping skills I've learned through therapy if I remember them. Breathing exercises again if I remember them. I do have a paper when the coping and breathing gimmicks on it, I just don't know where it is.
I guess if you don't get anything else from this piece, I would say stay up on your medicine weather it be mental or physical, and that Daniel needs to get out the house more...etc etc etc. Well gang, that's all I have for this one. Feel free to share and comment if you have any thing to say. Peace, love, and
Stay Saved,
Daniel Richerson
