So recently, while at work a couple of young dudes were talking about sex. One of them asked me about it, and I told him silently that I was a virgin. Almost as if that I was ashamed of it. The kid was shocked that I said that and then tried to say that he could fix that problem for me. I'm not 41 yet, but you get the point...
It's a weird position to be in honestly. I look at other people in my age group, and their much further along in life than I am. I can't say that I'm married. I can't say that I'm a parent. I can't say that I'm making decent money. As I mentioned in previous posts, I'm still trying to figure things out. Some are even trying to help me out by asking me stuff like like, "Have you ever thought about---" I've thought about a lot of things. I dream about a lot of things.
I can say that I'm a survivor. What people have died from, I've survived. Congestive heart failure, I'm still here. Homelessness, I'm still here. Depression, I'm still here. Not saying that to boast. Trust me. I'm NO where near perfection.
Here's what's crazy tho. Before all stuff that happened, I was meditating on a song by Tye Tribbett, oops, that says, "Let us worship/Let us Sing/Hallelujah to the King/Let us raise our voices high/Praise the name of Jesus Christ." The drive says this, "Halleu ooh yah/Halleu ooh yah/Halleu ooh yah/Hallelujah we praise Your name" Through most of the shift I was humming this to myself. It's like what the Bible says, "When I want to good, evil is always present."
It's not easy. This whole being single thing gets lonely sometimes. I remember when I was high school I would write quotes like, "I'm so sick of being lonely." Practically I was begging for help but afraid to ask for it. One time though a classmate read it and wrote under it something like, "You're never alone with Jesus" or something like that. I had wrote sentences like that all the time but never showed them to anybody or never told anybody. This classmate even gave me like a happy face cookie on a stick. Obviously it left an impact cause I still remember it all these years later.
Recently I've find myself liking who I am. Liking the fact that I like to laugh and have fun sometimes at wrong times. Liking the fact that I'm sarcastic. Liking me. Liking Daniel. With that, I still find myself down sometimes, but usually when that happens I find something to laugh at. Think of something funny to get my mind out the dumps. It's an up and down thing.
I don't know of any of this made sense. I just needed to get all this out. Hopefully you got something out of this. Thanks for reading either way.
Stay saved,
Daniel Richerson
