WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR LIVING??

During one of my counseling sessions, I was asked the question, "What is your reason for living?" I didn't have an instant answer for that question. You would think that a question like that would be easy to answer, right? One would think that's a weird question to ask someone. If you've been open about suicidal thoughts, it's not that weird of a question. Why do I keep going? 

Recently my family suffered a lost and I made a trip down state. Which had my anxiety at a high. I really don't like driving long distances, and the last time I went to make a drive that was at least an hour, I got arrested for reckless driving. Those charges got expunged and dismissed, but that's for a different blog. So with all that in mind, I made the trip and got to my Grandma's house safe with the thought that I was going home right after the memorial service. I didn't bring any medicine or extra clothes because again, I was in the mindset that I was going back home to isolation. After the repass, I ended up staying the night after it was decided that I would. 

All that to say I almost went home to isolation, rather than spend more time with family. What is that? Did it feel good being around others and around family? Yes it did. I guess I got used to being alone that it feels weird that people actually want to spend time with me. I don't like being a bother to anyone. I never want to overstay my welcome which is why I'm always ready to go home.

I'm reminded of the old hymn "Because He Lives." The chorus goes like, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because he lives all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." The Bible mentions fear not or do not be afraid hundreds of times. It is written in Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Does that mean anxiety isn't there? So why am I so anxious all the time? Why am I suffering like this day after day? What is my reason for living? Seems like every other article I see online people are dying. Celebrities and regular people a like. What is my reason for living? My main reason for living, is my mom. My family. I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to let anybody down.

I have my issues. I'm in therapy. I take medicine. I'm still here that's all I can say.

Sorry that it took so long for another post. If this is your first blog post you've read of mine or if you're a long time reader, I appreciate you for stopping by.

Stay saved.

~Daniel Richerson

For Maurice Patterson. Miss you cuz.

20 YEARS?!?!

For Drew, Tiffany, Brooks, and Kevin.

So it's been 20 years since I graduated high school. We recently had our high school reunion, and to be honest I wasn't going to go at first. I wasn't going to go because for one I was scared. I didn't want to discuss how I'm currently doing. Since my job requires me to talk to college kids, I didn't want to have the conversation, "Oh I go back and forth with teenagers. Just living the dream!" My anxiety was speaking loudly.

 I've never been good at mingling with people. I'm currently working on how I talk about myself or speak about myself, but if I can be honest, I still have that low self-esteem that I've always had growing up. Discussing how I'm doing is still not easy, but with therapy I feel like I'm getting better.  That feeling of expecting the worse was heavy as well. As well as that feeling of comparison. Bottom line, like I've stated in previous blogs, I can type stuff out better than I can speak it. 

Getting to the reunion was a trip in itself. Unknowingly I put in the wrong address on Google maps, so when I got to where I thought was the destination I was confused because there was no where to park. At first in my mind I thought this was a sign to turn around and go home. Again my anxiety was telling me this was a bad idea even going to this thing, but I digress. So I found a parking lot and put in the right address. Even while I was parking in the correct parking lot I was telling myself, "Well you already paid for your ticket might as well..."

I was told by one of my therapists to try and have fun. My mom told me not to overthink things. I went in the place and found my old high school picture, and first thought was I remember that guy. They spelt my last name wrong because of course they did. Anyway, a couple of young ladies I knew of in high school, asked me to take a picture at this photo booth gimmick they had set up. I didn't want to take any pictures but I didn't want to be the typical asocial person I've been since ever. Asocial meaning lacking motivation for social interaction, and of course I told my sister, I was dragged to take the picture, but moving on.

One of my other fears going into the reunion was crying. I didn't want to cry, and by the grace of God I didn't. One person I feel tried his best to get me. We started talking about whatever we were talking about and he brought up how my smile always made his day better. Oddly enough, I don't remember smiling much in high school. Anyway, this guy said I should do, "A Day In the Life of Daniel" TikTok.  I vowed to myself to never ever get on or create a TikTok, but according to some people I should get one. Even my sister said, "I got the personality for it." I don't know, maybe---

While walking around I noticed that there was a tribute to those that were no longer here. That almost got me because I could've been up there. With my congestive heart failure, with my kidney issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and even thoughts of suicide...so yeah, my heart sank a little bit when I saw that tribute. 

The rest of the reunion went fairly well I think. The question comes did I see any of my old friends or reconnect. Here's the thing about some of the people I hung out with in high school, some of them where a couple of years younger, and even the ones that were in the class of 2005 with me....we were kind of a weird group anyway. I mean of course I would've loved to see some of the old crew, but it just wasn't meant to be. 

So that was my 20 year high school reunion. The past 20 years hasn't been the kindest to me, but I'm still here. If you're reading this, and you were at the reunion, thank you for being nice to me. Yes I had a great time. On to the next one I guess. If you're read this far, I thank you. Please share and repost this so others can read. Please read and share my old blogs if you so choose.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

I know I wrote about keeping the dream going. Well it's been a little over 4 months since my last entry. I wish I had a good explanation, but I hope this makes up for it.

June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. On May 31, 2025 John Brenkus lost his battle with depression. John Brenkus was an American producer, director, and a television personality, but it wasn't enough. He was a father, but that wasn't enough. I know they call depression a silent killer, but I don't think it's that silent anymore. Well, it was never silent for me. It's something that I've dealt with, and may I say still deal with at times. I've been in therapy and on medication going on three years now.

I've heard it said that men suffer in silence. Men get told to "man up" when there's even a slight sign of weakness. Professional wrestler, L.A. Knight, said in a promo, "If something arises in your life that hits you your feels and you have to cry. Let it out. It's good for your mental health, it's good for you, it doesn't make you any less of a man." Now you got your naysayers that tell you to "man up," do some pushups, and all that. This is why some men suffer in SILENCE because they feel nobody cares. The community that's supposed to be supporting them, are burying them. Then when it's too late, "Why didn't they say anything?" 

As Charlamagne tha God would say, "I did my research, and by research I mean Google." Google says, that "Men may not be diagnosed with mental health conditions as readily as women due to various factors, including societal expectations and a reluctance to seek help. Men are more likely to die by suicide than women, and mental health conditions play a significant role in these statistics." 

I remember watching a wrestling show and one of the performers took a mental health break, and a performer by the name of CM Punk got on the microphone and said, "And I’ll say one last word about it — if anybody here or anybody at home watching television if you’re in a place where you think you need help, get it. Ask for it, reach out, text somebody, call somebody. There's nothing harder that you can do in the world, but there's nothing more courageous as well." 

Me personally I was suffering for a long time. I was writing blogs regarding my mental capacity. Fortunately for me somebody was listening to my cry for help, and I ended up starting therapy and medication. Shout out to the two therapists I've had. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. I'm still a work in progress. As the saying goes, "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be." 

So I say continue to cry out for help. Somebody is listening. Old hymn says, "Have a little talk with Jesus. Tell Him all about your troubles. He'll hear your faintest cry, and He'll answer by and by. When you feel the little prayer wheel turning, just know that the fire is burning. Just a little talk with Jesus makes it right." 

Another song says, "I cried and I cried. Cried all night long. I cried and I cried until I found the Lord."

Jay Glazer, a Fox NFL analyst and a Mental Health advocate, tweeted this in response to the death of John Brenkus, "The darkness convinces you you’re better off dead, it seems so convincing, it’s NEVER EVER EVER true!!!!"

I know people would love for me to be more open to having conversations, but I've stated before I'm not good at getting my words together out loud. I'm much better at typing them out like this. 

That's all I have for this one. I hope you got something out of it. Continue to pray for men who are suffering silently and loudly. To the men reading this that may be suffering, it's ok to seek professional help. It's ok to reach out to tell somebody what is going on. Don't suffer alone. Find your community. I ask that you share this with all you can share it with. Hopefully it won't be another 3 or 4 months until the next entry.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
DanRich618@yahoo.com

DREAM ON

 Happy 2025!

I've gone back and forth with what I wanted to blog about. Then I came across a cover of a song that many consider a classic. That song is Dream On by Aerosmith. I've always liked the song, but the way I heard the artist J Paul sang the song dare I say ministered to me in a such a way to, not to be corny, to dream on. I've been stagnant in my writing and other things that I'm passionate about. Reasons varying to mostly lack of motivation. When I listened to J Paul's cover of Dream On, he adlibbed, "Dreamers keep dreaming. Singers just keep singing. Writers just keep writing." 

"Dream until your dreams come true." 

We all got gifts. We all have dreams. I believe God gives us dreams for  reason. Just because others in your family gave up on their dreams, doesn't mean you have too. Dream until your dreams come true. It is written, "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." Song writer said, "Tomorrow may never come. For you or me, Life is not promised." Go after your dreams while you can because "maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away."

We all have our own specific assignment. Song writer said, “No one God created is quite like you

No one earth is quite the same

In the body of Christ there's a need for your life

There's a work, there's an assignment just for you

There's a purpose for that gift that lies in you”

Some one is waiting for your dreams to come true. Your dream isn't just for you. It is written, "A man's gift maketh room for him and bringeth him before great men." Work your dream. Work your gift. Don't sit on your gift. 

I was at work the other day and I heard a voice say, "This is not your final destination." 

So dream on people. Don't let the doubts of anybody stop your from dreaming. Even if they're so called friends and family. Don't let self doubt stop you.

And that's all I got for this first blog of 2025. I hope this finds you well, and I hope you're encouraged to dream on and keep on. 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Dream On (J Paul's cover) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLzau26-TUg

A LITTLE ANXIOUS

 When I was a kid I would sometimes cry in school. Mostly due to being the pun of jokes. Sometimes after I'd cry, I'd act a little goofy. I don't know why. Maybe it was an attempt to get back in good graces with my classmates. It almost never worked out that way, but still. Fast forward to now, I'm still crying. Not due to being the butt of the joke, but due to depression. I was probably depressed as a child too but it wasn't diagnosed.

So here we are. The election of 2024 happened. I've been a bit on the anxious side since the results. I already have anxiety about going to work everyday, but with the election results mixed with that, I barely had an appetite when I went on my break. Why did the results give me anxiety when I know the government is on the shoulders of Jesus. The writer said, "Whom shall I fear if God be for me?" So why the anxiety? Am I worried about the government? Yes. I'm more worried about the followers, or should I say some of the followers, of the now next President. I'm more worried about the conversation around the election. I'm more worried about the division of the already divided "United" States of America. I for one am not going to argue with anyone. I got major PTSD when it comes to arguments, and I do my best to stay away from them. 

Why do I have anxiety when it comes to my job? For one I've had many of an emotional breakdown at work. I don't go to work planning on crying, but I do have this tiny expectation that someone or something will cause me to think more lowly than I already kind of do of myself. Yes I still see a therapist twice a month. This is a process. Some processes take longer than others. Every night after work, I worry about did I go to far with a joke or did I truly offend any one. That's never my intention.

Speaking of intentions, in previous blog posts, I took some subliminal digs at certain individuals. I would like to take this time to apologize to any one that I offended or took a dig at. Those thoughts were typed out of place that should not have been made public. In the book of Matthew 5:23-24, in the Message Bible, “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God."

Not making any excuses, but I sometimes type the words that I can't articulate through talking. With that I have mental problems, but I do understand that's not an excuse to act a donkey. So again I apologize for any offense. 

That's all I got for this post. I haven't been posting in a while, and that's on me. I thank those of you who take the time and read this stuff. I don't ask for much but if you got this far would you please share this? Stay safe and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

TIRED OF BEING TIRED

Haven't been motivated to write anything. The year 2024 has been crazy so far. As I'm writing this, the list of people who have died has been body numbing. I remember 2016 was a banger year for deaths. Lest we forget the pandemic. Thoughts and prayers seems to sound cliche now. How many times have we actually thought about and prayed for those who are grieving?

Seems like everyday I scroll on social media, somebody is posting that somebody else has passed. From the entertainment industry to the church community. I heard a saying one time that went like this, "Appreciate what you have today, because it may not be there tomorrow." James 4:14 says, "...For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

My dad passed in January of 2022. There's not a night that goes by where he doesn't appear in my dreams. It's like my dreams can't comprehend that he's no longer alive. In my dreams, he's alive and well. It's like nothing has happened. I guess there's regret on my part for not saying anything during his home going service. As I'm typing this I haven't been to his gravesite. Little stuff like that bothers me. 

It's still hard for me to open up like I should. Like most people when asked how I'm doing, I say, "I'm fine." just to keep the conversation going. With the all the death going on, not to mention the election, asking people how they're doing is a deeper question than one might think. How am I doing? I'm tired of being tired, if that makes sense. You know how people say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired?" As the younger generation used to say, that part. 

Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Song writer said, "Trials form the tears in your eyes

Don't stop

I'm telling you

There's a blessing on the other side of through."

Ephesians 6:13-14a, "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..."

Another song writer said, "I know that there's so much more for me. My heart is ready--ready to receive. I'm standing on His promise for He said He'll see me through it and I know He'll do it"

Here's another phrase that's been thrown around a lot lately, but it still holds true. "Don't give up." I'm not going to pretend like I got all the answers. Nor am I going to pretend I know how to tell anyone how to go through what they're going through. I'm just saying don't live in the valley. Walk through it. It's written, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." 

That's all I got for this one. I hope something was said to encourage. I hope that if you made it this far that you will share this with your friends and family. Don't forget to comment as well. Grace. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES

Thank you every one for the birthday wishes. I know this is the only time of the year some of us communicate through the socials, but if this is the only time, I still appreciate it. I went to a therapy session on my birthday. Yes I still do therapy. It's mainly for maintenance now. I still have anxiety attacks here and there but not as much as before. One night I had to drive home for an hour, and...

Ok, I work at a college, so like any other college, this college has spring break. When the college went on break, we that work there also got a break. Being on spring break, got me some time to do certain things that I don't usually get to do because I work 2nd shift. Now when I'm at work, and the anxiety attacks come  I usually start crying for no reason, and I end up having to walk to the back of the building to get myself together. I end up calling my mom or my little sister, depending on who I can get a hold of. They talk me through, or sometimes pray me through the anxiety attacks. I can't speak for anyone else that goes through this like me, but when I get them, I can't ever explain why. People ask me what's wrong, and I tell them I don't know because I really don't know. I just know one moment I'm fine, and then the next moment my eyes are welling up. One of my co-workers, tries to tell me to relax. If that doesn't work, one of my other co-workers asks me if I'm ok and do I need a break. Having no reason to lie, I nod my head, apologizing for having to leave my station. 

So that's at work, but imagine going through that in a car driving on the road with no one to call and you're alone in the car. I will say it's not safe, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you can, call somebody, and talk to somebody. Needless to say this particular night I didn't do any of that. I went to this church service, and it was one of those services where the preacher couldn't preach because the atmosphere was that crazy. Anyway, I got called up to the altar, which always always causes some anxiety, but that's a different blog for a different day. Some time up there somebody whispered in my ear, "You've been trying to do it on your own." That struck a nerve with me because I feel if that was the case, that service should've been a memorial service. That's part of the reason for therapy because I know I can't do it on my own. Now I must say, this I don't know what this person meant by that. This is just how I took it.  La di da di da, I went back to my seat. After benediction, I drove home and felt numb. I had that strange case of, "If you don't care, then I don't care." I have this bad habit of holding two fingers to my head like a gun when I feel like this.  How I made it home? As the song writer said, God did it. Oh yes He did it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies and germs. I turned 37. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Well, I thought I would, but I also thought my life would be completely different than it is now. Is my life perfect? No. Do I have regrets? Plenty. As you can see if you got this far, my life is not peaches and cream. I just take it one day at a time. Every day is a new day and a different day. Do I have PTSD? Yep, but again every day is different. How do I deal with it? A lot of prayer, and ASMR. The medicine I'm on helps too. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. 

That's all I got. Sorry it's been a while between the blogs. I didn't have any material. No I had a lot of material but framing it in a way for post....know what I mean? Again thank you all for birthday wishes. Keep praying for me. Feel free to share your comments, and share the blog around. You are not alone. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

BETTER

Better. Webster defines it to mean more advantageous or effective. I asked myself a question one day. Why do we as people fear better? Is it that we fear what's coming might be better than what's been? Is it the fact that we're in the last days so you feel that it's impossible for better to come? Is it better might be a different way that you've done it or look at it and you fear change? 

In my 36 years, I find that some are going to see the negative in everything. You got to be careful being around people like that because spirits do transfer. I know I'm not the most positive guy in the world, but I'm getting better through therapy. Speaking of therapy, I'm down to one appointment per month. I'm still taking my medicine. So things are going good as far as that goes. I will say this, if you feel that you need help, it's out there for you. Don't let being miserable continue to be a life trait. Don't let that spirit continue to transfer to your love ones. Yes, I do believe in Jesus, but I also believe in therapy. He can work through therapy too. 

Back on the subject of better. Don't shut it out. I'm not implying that all change is better, but all change isn't bad either. Some people just want to be stuck in their present. Their present may not necessarily be this current time. Some people want to be stuck in the wash board era of doing things. Nothing that there's anything wrong with that, but we have washing machines and dryers. Nothing wrong with still having bunny ears on your TV, but everything is digital now so don't get mad at the TV for not working when it's using out of date programming. Bunny ears, kids, is another word for antenna. Antenna's are...never mind.

Better can be refreshing as well. Ever feel like you're stuck in the same cycle, and it seems that nothing is ever going to change. You feel like it's not going better, but then it happens. You get a new supervisor. That one coworker gets fired. The radio plays your favorite song. You go to church, and the sermon is just what you needed. I can't even explain how you can experience better but still go back to the same miserable cycle. 

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." Some of us know better, but we choose not to do better because it's not comfortable. Doing something you've never done before almost never feels comfortable. There's another quote that says, "If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done." 

That's all I have for this one. I hope if got this far, you'll be willing to comment and share this blog with any and everybody. 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

IT'S BLOG OCLOCK! (MENTAL HEALTH UPDATED FOR THE PEOPLE)

Turns out when you don't take your medicine, there are consequences. Mental Health medicine is on the same timeline. See what had happened, I had ran out and I didn't call in about it...and then the consequences. Anxiety attacks which I have at certain times, are more likely to happen when I'm not on my anxiety pills. I know certain celebs say stopped taken their meds because, "This is the real me" well the consequences have been shown. My therapist told me that taking care of your mental health is just as important as taken care of your physical health. Oh, what were the consequences of not having my anxiety pills? Crying hard. Very emotional. Apologizing to the the air because nobody was home with me.

Before that anxiety attack, I felt like I was having a bit of what they call, cabin fever. Wikipedia defines Cabin Fever like this, "Cabin fever is the distressing claustrophobic irritability or restlessness experienced when a person, or group, is stuck at an isolated location or in confined quarters for an extended time." It's not like I'm stuck in the apartment, I can leave when I want...it's just no where I want to go. My therapist is trying to get me to be more social, and obviously, here I am typing a blog so I'm doing a fine job. Yeah, walking around the house randomly quoting Instagram videos is being social, right?

Ever get real sick of yourself? Honestly you ever like hear yourself on a daily basis and then be like, "ugh, please shut up." That's probably part of the reason people think I can't talk at first. Like have you heard me talk? Are you sure you want that problem? So the question was asked to me, "How do you get up and sing in front of people?" To be honest, I don't know. I just put the mic to my mouth, and do it. I try not to think about it too much. If I over think it, if I think about all the eyes that are on me in the building and via live stream, I wouldn't do it. I try not to sing for show. Which is why you don't see me post singing on the socials. Nothing against that, I just can't do it. It's like asking me to sing on the spot. The whole mind it goes blank. The nerves go into the shakes. 

The question came to me, "Why didn't you call (insert name) when you had the anxiety attack?" You mean to actually use the phone as a...phone? "Well what do you use the phone for?" Social media. Also it was really late at night, and the last thing I want to do is bother anybody with my problems. Don't get me wrong, I usually call my mom or sister when this happens, but mind you the last couple of times the attacks come, I was at work. I be at my station then all of the sudden I feel my mind going to that place, and my co worker, says, "Daniel, you need a break?" Then I go outside and cry it out. I then call my sister or mom to help calm me down and just talk me through it. I call them because I feel like they understand. Last thing I want at that point is to talk to someone that doesn't get it. Some attacks last longer than others. No, I can't tell how long by that attack. I just try to use the coping skills I've learned through therapy if I remember them. Breathing exercises again if I remember them. I do have a paper when the coping and breathing gimmicks on it, I just don't know where it is. 

I guess if you don't get anything else from this piece, I would say stay up on your medicine weather it be mental or physical, and that Daniel needs to get out the house more...etc etc etc. Well gang, that's all I have for this one. Feel free to share and comment if you have any thing to say. Peace, love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

IF YOU NEED HELP, GET IT

When I started therapy, my therapist and I came up with a couple of goals. One of the goals was to figure out what's triggering my anxiety and depression. Have I fully figured it out? It's easy to say yes just to keep the conversation going, but if I was completely honest, no. One thing I have learned is that being honest about how you're feeling or doing is not against the law. I will admit it's not easy. Especially when you're used to holding stuff in. When you finally do be honest, you'll usually get this reaction or something like, "Well it's about time!" I'd like to think that means that some people are willing to help out but if they don't know what's going on, how can they help? 

The only all knowing being is God, and yes, we're made in his image, but that doesn't make us God. I've used this quote before, but I heard someone say, "A doctor can only heal what we reveal." So therefore, you say nobody cares, but what have you revealed? Look as a dude that still has trust issues, I overstand that you can't tell everybody everything, and yet when an ear opens up to hear you, take advantage. I'm still learning how to do that.

Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." I know and understand that not all that are reading my posts are believers, but if you're looking for an ear that's always open... Song writer said, "He was there all the time. Waiting patiently in line." 

So I go to Beckman Center for Mental Health Services to see my therapist twice a month. I post that I'm going to therapy to show that it's ok to seek help. I don't know who I'm reaching with those posts or with these blogs. I type the blogs hoping that somebody get's something out of them, but at the same time realizing that these blogs are written by somebody with mental problems, so it kind of is what it is at this point.

What's my goal for this post? I guess it's what it is for most of my posts recently. To let the ones that are not ok that it's going to be ok. To those who feel forgotten. You feel like nobody cares. It doesn't matter what decision you make because you feel like it's not important. I've been there, and to be honest sometimes I'm still there. Just got to  take it one day at a time. Every morning you get up is a victory. Every moment that you don't give up is a victory. Every panic attack and emotional attack is just a sign that you're still alive. One of my favorite songs that I've quoted before says, "So if you see me cry, it's just a sign that I'm still alive. I got some scars, but I'm still alive." If you feel like you need help, seek help. There's help for you. 

So how is Daniel doing? Daniel is hanging in there. I'm still on antidepressants. I take 10g of melatonin to help me fall asleep. I feel lonely at times during the night, but as you can read, I'm still here. 

When I post blogs now, a bit of anxiety hits. Like will people like this? Am I wasting my time with these blogs? That "Do you really love me, don't you really care" thing. If you got this far, I ask that you share. Thank you. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

FIND YOUR REASON

It's been a while since it's been this bad. I couldn't stop crying. What's wrong? I don't know. That may not be acceptable but it's the truth. The phrase it's ok to not be ok may be true, but the fact of the matter is not being ok is a pain in the....but I've been doing good though. At least I feel that way. I've been going to therapy...maybe I shouldn't have been joking about it like I do, but it's how I get through a day sometimes. I joke around with a lot of things that I probably shouldn't. Again though I don't really know what triggered this crying spell this time. I've been crying publicly since school. Weather it's from embarrassment or getting made fun of which happened often.

I try not to live in the past, it's the reliving part that I have trouble with. Dad transitioned back in January of 2022, and I still dream of him often. It's always back in the apartments I grew up in that was known as the Landing. I can't recall anything traumatic happening there or anything, but for some strange reason my mind goes back to that point in my life.

The one thing I don't want to be is a distraction. Sorry if I ever was one to anybody. As I was crying I heard in my head, Get over it, be made whole. Don't you think I want to be whole? You think being like this is that path I wanted to take? Like I got a degree in depression and anxiety as a choice. This is just me typing things out. I understand people don't read the blogs anymore because they feel it may be my last one, but I do appreciate those that stick around and read them. 

FYI, I would never post my last letter online because I'd be too interested to see the response....just being real. So to put people at ease this is not a suicide letter. This is just me spilling what's in my head. I got a big head, so trust there's a lot in there. Speaking of suicide, those that have read these, know that I have suicidal thoughts. Before I came home from work one of my co-workers said it out bluntly, "Don't kill yourself." I got a hug from a supervisor and another co-worker. I went back to my station to get my stuff and one of the students gave me a hug and asked to pray with me. 

To use the quote I used last post, "I wish you what I have, people around who care." Yet, and yet, if we don't care for ourselves, then it may say it doesn't matter if anybody cares or not. Think of some of the suicides we've publicly heard about. Robin Williams was married with kids and was loved and adored by millions. Twitch was married with kids and was also adored and loved by a lot of people, but to both of them, that wasn't enough motivation to keep going. Charity starts at home. Love should start at home. If you can't love yourself....if you can't take care of your self....how do you expect to even attempt to take care of others or love others? Truly. 

This post was all over the place, but this is my way. Your way may be something different, but I urge you to find a way. Find your motivation to keep going. There's a reason to keep going. You just got to find your reason. Not saying it's easy, or that it's gonna be easy, but I'm saying is that that reason is out there, you just got to go get it. Peace and Love

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ALMOST A YEAR IN THERAPY...

 Something Don Rickles (RIP) would say in his act, "I wish you what I have, people around you who care." I've been in therapy for almost a year. During this year I've had many anxiety attacks, mostly at work. I've had trouble sleeping for the most part. My mind just goes different places when I get to the point of laying me down to sleep. I'm on two antidepressants, Zoloft and Abilify. All this and still dealing with grief. I don't know if that will ever go away.

Dealing with all that, with people who actually care makes the journey a little easier. It's like what the writer said, "Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don't believe He brought this far to leave me."

I want to apologize for not being as whole as some of you want me to be. That's part of the reason I apologize when I have the attacks I have because I don't want to be a burden to anybody. The attacks seem to always happen after my therapy appointments which is weird because the session go well. I get to work hoping to have a good night, then at one point of the night like clockwork, boom. I feel overwhelmed. Eyes get watery, and all of the sudden the thoughts I try to suppress, come back and I feel like I'm stuck. I try to fight it by "manning up" and doing the job, but even that becomes a tassel. Then the question gets asked, "Daniel, are you ok?" It took me a while to figure out that it's ok to not be ok. I've read that on many of social media posts, but to look someone in the eye and say no I'm not ok is not easy.

When I get to the point where I can admit that I'm not ok, that's when the release comes. I can go outside and get some air, pray, and or call someone. I come back to myself the best I can and come back to work. "Daniel, if you ever need to talk..." I'm slowly starting to believe some when they say that. Cause for so long...know what I mean? 

Without going into too much detail, I'm just going to say that suicide has been hitting a little too close to home. Having people around you is good but I feel what's important is what are those people doing? Do they care about your well being or are you just a number on the phone or a friend on a friends list. Having friends and family around is cool, but what does it matter if they don't care about your mental well being. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone that you care. You telling someone you care might just save their life.

"I wish you what I have, people around you who care." ~ Don Rickles

Again I'm going to apologize, this time for the time between the blogs. I had a lot to say but I didn't know how to put it into words together? I don't know, I hope this makes up for it. If you got anything out of this please share. If you know anybody that also deals with anxiety and depression, maybe share this with them to let them know that they're not alone. Like I've said in the past, if I can reach one person, I feel that I've done my job. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

I'M PROUD OF....ME

November of 2018, Snoop Dogg got a star on on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the end of his acceptance speech, he said,

"Last but not least, I wanna thank me
I wanna thank me for believing in me
I wanna thank me for doing all this hard work
I wanna thank me for having no days off
I wanna thank me for, for never quitting
I wanna thank me for always being a giver
And tryna give more than I recieve
I wanna thank me for tryna do more right than wrong
I wanna thank me for just being me at all times
Snoop Dogg, you a bad mother******"

Allow me if you will to take a page of this book, and say that I am proud of me. Why wait for other's to say that they're proud? I want to take this post to say, that I'm proud of you, Daniel. We may not be where we want to be or where other's wants us to be, but as the saying goes, praise now, it could be worse. First let me say, that I'm proud that you're getting the help that you have needed for years. I'm proud that you took that step, and you've been seeing a therapist and been on antidepressants for almost a year. The growth that has come from taken that initial step has shown. Other's may not see the growth, but the growth is there, you and I both know it. 

I'm proud that you're taking your health more seriously. This last hospital bid was a real wake up call for us. First time ever in an ambulance. I know we relive that experience from time to time. Even typing about it, I can see us in the ambulance and them trying to put a oxygen mask on. Next thing we know we were in the hospital strapped to a bed. I'm proud that we have been doing our best to take our medicine every morning and night since we got out the hospital. We still got a ways to go as far as the LB's (weight) goes, but we'll get there.

I'm proud of you for not giving up when it would've been easy to. Back in 2011 when we and Dad were living out of a van, sleeping in parking lots and cheap motels it would've been easy to give up but we kept going. Back in 2013 when you went to hospital and the doctor's told you that you wouldn't make it to 30. It would've been easy and some would say understandable to give up at that point. Christmas of 2015 when you went back to hospital, you didn't give up. Getting fired from jobs, you kept pushing. Suicidal thoughts came, but you didn't act on them. I'm proud of you. We're here typing this because you didn't give up.

I'm proud of you for learning how to be yourself. For learning how to laugh out loud and not hide your smile. I proud of you for finding your smile because there was a time where we lost it. I'm proud that we learned to like Daniel Richerson for Daniel Richerson. I proud of the hard worker that you've become. The work you put in at church and the work you've put at jobs. Your time at jobs initially started out shaky, but we figured it out. I'm proud of you. 

Don't get it twisted, I realize that God gets all the glory but I don't believe there's nothing wrong with putting yourself over when you've spent a lifetime putting yourself down. Philippians 3:12-13 Easy To Read Version, " I am not saying that I have already reached that place in my life. I have not yet completely become the person that God wants me to be. But I am trying very hard to reach that place. That was Christ's purpose when he first made me his own. My Christian friends, I do not think that I have reached that place yet. But this is what I do: I do not think about past things that have already happened. Instead, I try hard to reach the things that are in front of me."

That's all I have for this post. This post may seem a little arrogant. It may not work. I just wanted Daniel to know that I'm proud of him. That's all. If you feel led you can share this post around. Thank you if you read this far. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ONE YEAR LATER

It's been a year, but it still doesn't seem real at times. Then a birthday passed and no gift card or text message. A Father's Day passed and I couldn't send a text message or call. Thanksgiving passed, with n conversation. Christmas passed, no conversation. A new year...yeah it's real, but I wish it wasn't. I started therapy, but I can't tell him about it. I was in the hospital for nearly a full week and didn't get a chance to hear from him...to say it sucks would be an understatement.

At his homegoing, I didn't say anything, because I couldn't find the words. Really I still can't find the words that I could've said during the service. Even trying to think of the words I would say is tearing my nerves up. I miss him. I wish I could tell him some things. I would give anything to hear him say, "Hey Mister," just one more time. 

I always wanted him to come down to SC and visit, but sadly that never happened. He did tune in to the live streams for church so technically he did see me in one of my elements. I just often wish that he could've seen it in person. I still dream about him as if he's still here. The dreams feel so realistic that in the dream I would forget that he's no longer...you know...

Sometimes I can still picture myself back in that funeral home seeing that sliding gimmick open and seeing Dad in the casket. That's probably a visual I'm never going to forget. I remember being overcome with emotions when it came down to sit down. I was wearing sunglasses. I wasn't tryin to be "Joe Cool" per say, I was just you know trying to had the emotions, but I think my entire body gave it away. When my sister asked me if I had something to say, I couldn't. I was asked why I didn't sing....I couldn't. I give a smart answer like only I would, but in reality, the moment probably would've wrecked me. The paranoia would've got me to not having a funeral in a sanctuary and we had no musician or no backing tracks...even with said things, there's no telling if I could've gotten through it.

I thank those who have continued to check on me. I thank those who have continued to pray for me. I thank you for loving me. I thank you for caring. Now for Dad's benediction,

"And now Lord as we depart from this place. As we go to our homes or where ever else we might go I pray Lord that You get us there safely, and bring us back at the appointed hour. In Jesus name, Amen. Now hug someone and be friendly."

Peace. Love, and

Stay Saved

Daniel Richerson

MY 2022 YEAR END REVIEW....

It's the end of the year. 2022 as a whole has been a memorable year. Definitely a year I won't forget.

2022 started out for me with getting the virus so I was out of work even longer than the winter break. Dad was back and forth to the hospital, and was getting calls on what to do, which I was not comfortable or ready for. Then got booked for a flight to go to Kentucky to visit Dad. I think I've started this before but I wanted to make him laugh at least one more time. Plane landed, my cousin told me he passed on. Had no reaction.

Fast forward, I'm back home from Kentucky and went back to work having emotional breakdown after breakdown. Come to find out the students really cared about me...more on that later, but the break downs kept happening. After the whole thing with my Dad, I had a hard time dealing with it. Thoughts of jumping off the building, holding two fingers to my head like a gun...I was not in a good state of mind, even through the laughing and joking with my co workers and students. 

During all that, one day through the help of my pastor my therapy journey started. I had no idea that there was even a mental health center locally where I was. I ended up getting diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and grief. All which I knew I was dealing with, but never diagnosed by a professional. Got put on my first antidepressant. All my lift I thought being on antidepressants was a bad thing, but that along with therapy, has been a great help. The thoughts didn't cease completely, but they slowed down a lot. 

Fast forward again, I begin having breathing problems. I begin struggling to walk certain distances. From my car to getting to the door at my job was a struggle. I stopped taking my blood pressure and other meds because I felt good, at least good enough to stop taking the medicine. Boy was I wrong. One Sunday, first Sunday in October, I was at church setting up everything up and I couldn't breathe. I called my mom who was on her way to church and told her that I couldn't breathe. She told me to call 911. I did. Ended up sitting on the porch with a bottle of water. This was a nightmare come to life. In my mind, this was finally it. I got on the ambulance with an oxygen mask on, but I couldn't get comfortable. Next thing I know, it was Monday night, I was in ICU, and I was strapped to a bed. I looked to my right, and I saw my mom and Pastor talking. Ended up spending the rest of the week in the hospital. Remember when I said about the students. One of my co workers told my little sister who was with me at the hospital, that he had a card for me. Little did I know this card, was actually a huge poster with a bunch of signatures that I later found out was curated by the students. I work at a college. I had no idea that they cared that much. You just never know the impact you have.

Went back to work and it was all sunshine and rainbows! Just kidding. The breakdowns kept happening, but this time though, my coworkers would tell me to go outside to get some air and then come back. I've been sticking to my medicine regime. I'm now on two antidepressants. Therapy is still going. When people ask me if there's anything I need just ask. Sad thing about that is that I never know what or how to say what I may need....

So that's how my 2022 went. Song writer said, "So if you see me cry, it's just a sign that I'm still alive. May have some scars, but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me, and it's working for my good. It's building my testimony." See you next year. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

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THE QUESTION FOR THIS PIECE IS WHY?

I was asked a question that had and still has my mind working. The question was, "Why are we depressed?" One thing I haven't really thought about. I've been writing on my mental health for years but never really wrote about the why. I can go back as when I was a kid and I would bite my hand when I got mad. That lasted for years. It literally left a spot on my right hand knuckle. I can remember when I was going for finical aid at Greenville Tech, and the lady saw my hand, and the look on her face was one of shock and I would imagine she was a bit disturbed.

You got to remember now the talk of mental health awareness was not even a conversation then. So me biting my hand was just me "showing out" and not a sign of self harm.

Why are we depressed? Could be a lot of things. Could be that there's a hole in our life that we can't seem to fill. I know with me it's a lot of reasons. Never had closure with my dad. Dad passed on in January, and I'm still having a hard time. It was weird not receiving a gift card from him on my birthday. It was weird not getting a phone call from him while in the hospital. The previous two times I was in the hospital, he would call just about every day. To not get a text rom him on Thanksgiving, and not receiving a text from him on Christmas it's just not going to feel right. My heart grieves for those who have lost any parent.

Why are we depressed? Could be impatience. Patience is a virtue, right? We're waiting for relationships. We're waiting for money. We're waiting for all these things, but either they're not coming quick enough or we're not looking. The depression could be solvable if we learn the value of waiting. With impatience comes doubt. Doubt that the things we're looking for will come. Doubt will maybe blind us to what's literally right under our nose so to speak because we're looking for the answer in certain way. Remember in the Bible they were looking for Jesus to show up in a spectacular fashion. He showed up on a donkey. So do you really want what you're looking for or do you want what you're looking for to show up how you want it? We say, "He may not come when you want him, but He'll show up on time." Maybe He has shown up already, but doubt has blinded us to such a depression that we can't even see that the answer is here already.

Why are we depressed? Lonely. Like Al Green said, "I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired on my own." We want to have that person that we can talk to. We want to have that person that will understand what we deal with but still want to have a relationship with us. We just want to be understood in a world that chooses not to understand mental health. A lot of us go to church with leaders who choose not to understand that high anxiety that we deal with so we go home and feel alone. We've come such a long way with the conversation of mental health, but I feel that we still have a long way to go. I can remember at a leadership meeting and I was sitting with my dad in the back. One of the leaders walked by dad and said, "We're not discussing the real issues." I'm not saying that was mental health related, but we as a whole have been running from the real issues that have to be discussed, and wonder why we can't move forward in anything. Naturally or spiritually.

Why are we depressed? I don't know, and that's ok.

That's all I have for this. If you've read this far, please leave your thoughts and comments. I'm still in therapy and anti-depressants. I still have my emotional break downs here and there, but I'm doing much better. I'm taking all my medicines like I'm supposed to. I'm doing my best with the new food plan, but it's not easy. I appreciate all that really love and really care. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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If you need to reach me to talk about anything, get at me on my socials. I'm here. I care.

STONE OR BREAD

 Matthew 7:9-10, 12 (NIV) Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Song writer said, "It could've been me outdoors with no food and no clothes or left alone without a friend or just another number with a tragic end." I believe I'm not the only one that can say it was me. I remember vividly not knowing what I was going to eat or if I was going to eat for a certain time. So it bothers me when I see people claim to be starving with there's food literally all around. I often hear, "Nobody wants to eat the same thing every day." A lot of us grew up eating Spaghetti for some days, and as I'm typing this with Thanksgiving coming, those same people saying, "Nobody wants to eat the same thing every day" are going to be all over those leftovers. I get it, when you have the means to eat something different everyday, you do it, but with inflation the way it is, not many people is going to pass up a meal. Even if it's the same thing everyday.

"O the world is hungry for the Living Bread, Lift the Savior up for them to see; Trust Him and do not doubt the words that He said, "I'll draw all men unto Me." ~ Lift Him Up, Johnson Oatman Jr

Me personally I cringe when I hear preachers do the "not some, but ALL" gimmick. Just--anyway, you get the point. How many people have we tried to force feed our stone opinions...or our stone doctrines, besides feeding the people living bread? I believe people are spiritually choking to death due to the stone throwing or should I say feeding. Verse 12 said, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." I believe some people call that the golden rule, right? A commentator said, "The Golden Rule, as Jesus formulated it, is the foundation of active goodness and mercy--the kind of love God shows to us every day." So everyday, God shows us love that we find hard to show to others. I hear the old song that says, "To be like Jesus, oh how I long to be like Him." We don't hear songs like that anymore. Maybe because we can't get ourselves to actually show people that don't look and act like we act the kind of love we ask God for. 

Now for a mental health update. First let me thank all of you for dealing with me when I break down emotionally. Thank you for being the circle that I've been longing for my whole life. As the saying goes, I'm not where I want to be but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I talk about anxiety, PTSD, and more because as I heard Kirk Franklin say, "A doctor can only heal what we reveal." Why keep that stuff hidden? Because of the people that throw stones and laugh at people like me and others who struggle publicly, but thank God I have a circle where I can confidently say, you deal with me in spite of. 

That's all I have in my heart for this one. As always, if you got something out of this you can share this on your social media platforms. You can leave comment sharing your thoughts on what I typed. Philippians 3:12 (NIV), "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrives at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME? DON'T YOU REALLY CARE? YES YOU DO

 On May 23, 2020, one day after my 33rd birthday, I poised the question that I got from the song Candy Girl by New Edition, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care?" I asked that question due to the number of suicides that were happening to during the beginning of the pandemic and some of the silent responses to them. I then would use those set of questions regarding myself. This was before I started therapy, I was such a state of loneliness that I questioned if anybody really--

This last couple of weeks have really opened my eyes. I had two previous stints in the hospital prior to this for the same thing, but this stint showed me that people care. People showed they cared the previous stints don't get me wrong, but this previous stint was a real eye opener. An eye opener that Daniel was cared about the whole time.

Even with all that going on, I still have my good days and bad days. I know my process to being whole is not moving as quick as some would like, but all I can say is I'm sorry to disappoint. As some of you know, I see a therapist about two times a month. I'm still on antidepressants. Two now. I'm taking them as prescribed like my blood pressure and heart medicines. Just a quick note, yes I'm still talking mental health because like it or not it's part of my story, and more than likely will always be. I don't agree that me talking about it is glorifying it. Like Ice Cube said in the movie Straight Outta Compton in response to a complaint about the album is glorifying gangs and drugs, "Our art is a reflection of our reality." My blogs are a reflection of what I go through and live with. My goal with these blogs, especially within the last couple of years, is not so that people will be sorry for me, but if one person that may be dealing with similar issues will think, there's someone else that's going through something similar. Let me see how this guy is dealing with his mental issues.

To many times people going through mentally have to be silent because of misunderstandings and misconceptions of what we deal with on a daily. To the unknown, it makes us sound lazy. Granted, some do take the word "anxiety" and run with it and use it as an excuse to not do certain things. Speaking for myself, I've found a circle that seems to really love me and care, and as cliché as it sounds, if it can happen for me, it can happen for you. 

Yes, Daniel knows that he's loved. He's knows that, and I do. I've always knew that, it was the believing it that I had an issue with. Also, the fact that I drive home from church and work alone and end up home alone. That's the part that gets---you know?

The amount of love that I have received had been overwhelming. Like the writer said, "It's really no goodness of my own, but it's by the grace of God that I've been kept all this time and I still have the mind to go on." Some days it's a battle to want to continue to go on to keep it a buck. I still have some PTSD of being in the ambulance one minute to waking up two days later strapped in a hospital bed. Yet, I'm here typing this up tonight. Breathing normally. Blood pressure is good. Weight is steady. So it's not all bad.

That's all I got for this post. I hope that if you read this for you'll be willing to leave a comment with your thoughts. I hope that I didn't say anything to offend anybody. That was not my intention. Peace, love, and...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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JUST SAYING THANK YOU

How do I start? First I got to say thank you. Thank you God. Thanks to all for the thoughts and prayers. Got to publicly thank my Mom and little sister for going above and beyond. Thanks to all that have helped and offered help. Thank you Lander University. I'm forever grateful for the outpour of love from everybody.

Ok, this may be the part where I lose some of you. Those that's been following the blogs, know that I can go from A to E skipping all the letters in between. Here it goes, I mentioned having a little anxiety, and got a reaction to it. (Blank Look At the Camera) Let me explain. "Daniel make sure you do this, Daniel make sure you do this. Daniel have you done this. Daniel have you done this. Daniel make sure you take your medicine. Daniel...Daniel...Daniel...DANIEL!!" I had to keep telling myself you can do this. You can stick to the plan this time, even though you have fallen off. I had to tell myself that I'm not stupid. I had to tell myself to breathe and just follow the plan. I had to tell myself that I know I don't want to go through this again. I know what I went through. The scary part was living alone. The scary part is that the high anxiety, PTSD, and grief is still there and I got all that. The scary part is that I still got therapy appointments. I post about my therapy appointments because I thought that people cared about mental health. Sometimes it feels like when America "came together" after 9/11, when in reality, that "come together" barely lasted a week.

Not saying people don't care it's just I tend to overthink things. Like when I was in the hospital for this and hopefully last go around I was told that I was going to get an ultrasound. I was moved from the hospital bed I was on and got moved to a transport bed. Stayed there for about an hour. I've openly talked about my trust issues, and this is very apparent with hospitals. So I was staying there, these words came out my mouth, "It's almost like they don't even want me to leave." That was a real thought I had at the time because flashbacks came from 2013 when I was in the hospital and I had just got discharged, and was left sitting in a wheel chair for what felt like forever waiting for somebody from transport to transfer me out, I was left feeling unwanted. I had tears in my eyes. Mom ended up coming up to get me and wheel me out. This was at the same hospital. Now at that time I didn't have any therapy, I definitely needed it. I wasn't on any antidepressants. I wasn't working. Fast forward, 9 years later, I'm working. I'm seeking therapy. I'm on antidepressants.

Even before the scare at the hospital, this verse has been ringing in my soul.. Galatians 6:9 in the KJV, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Cause I was at my job working hard. I was in church working hard. I was working myself into a downward spiral. My therapist has been telling me that I have to make decisions that are best for me, but my bank account was letting me know, "(Dude) you better get that money." Then I kept hearing Anthony Williams formally known as Tonex's song called God Has Not 4Got, and in this song, he adlibbed, "Be not weary in well doing..." I thought I was catching a stride. Before I went to the hospital, I had a Dr's appointment set up to get caught up on my medicine, and then next thing I know I'm on the Ambulance, by the way shout outs to the EMTs.

So yeah with all that happening, I have no idea why I had to remind myself...

I ask before you comment on this blog that you've read the whole thing. This is something that I had to get out my brain. Again I thank all of you for the calls, prayers, texts, and so forth. Special shout out to my Mom and little sister once again. Special shout out to all the Pastors. Shout outs to Lander University. I hope I didn't say anything that was considered a shot or anything. That was not my intention. Continue to pray for me as I start this journey again. Mental Health matters. Peace and love and--

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson 

I'M IN THERAPY (mental health update)

I've been trying to find the words to say. I've stated before sometimes finding the words to put together that make sense to the people reading this is not the easiest thing in the world. I'm very easily distracted, go figure. I've been very open about the mental issues I've been dealing with for most of my life, but the past couple of years I've been very transparent about it. Not that I would suggest being open publicly like I am, but I do suggest finding a way to get those crazy thoughts out of your head. I made a couple of posts about the cries of the silent. Well around last month I went to a local Mental Health Center. I'm now in therapy, and I'm also on medication. 

I want to thank everyone that has been supportive on this journey. I want to thank all of those for the prayers and positive thoughts during this whole ordeal. I've needed help for a long time, but if you want it, there's help out there. Getting help doesn't make you less than a man. It's crazy that if you are a male and you openly admit to not being ok, you automatically get labeled as "feminine." So that male pride takes over, and the inner issues never really get dealt with in a healthy way. So then the cries become silent. Silent because they're not allowed to cry out loud without being ridiculed.

"Why are you so angry?"

"You're sensitive."

"Why are you like this?"

The same people that will tell you to "man up" will question why are you "acting out." We wonder why the younger generation is so confused. I'm fortunate enough that people around me not only understand or starting to understand my anxiety, but pushed me in the right direction to get the help that I need. Through my bleeding and crying through my blogs, and other posts, I'm now getting the help that I need. Am I going to be whole over night? No. Just recently I had an anxiety attack. I can't speak for other people but having an anxiety attack sucks to begin with, but having one with people around sucks more and it can be embarrassing. Especially when some of the people don't understand what's going on. That's the scary part actually you start to think what if...but again fortunately for me the panic attacks I've had this year, people have been around me that understood. I'm not saying they understand completely, but they understood enough. 

It's ok to not be ok, but don't stay not ok. Continue to cry. Continue to bleed. Someone is listening. God is listening. He'll send someone by that will lead you to the help you need. Silent cries are still cries. Continue to cry out. Don't give up. I'm not telling anybody to "Get over it" because I overstand that PTSD is real, it's one of the things I deal with, so I would never tell someone to "get over it" because personally, I feel that's disrespectful, and you don't really know what someone has dealt with and are dealing with along with grief, anxiety, and depression.

This is for the those who feel that no one understands. This is for those that feel alone. This is for those who feel that they're the black sheep of the family. This is for those crying out but feel that no one hears them. 

I'm done. Took me a minute to gather my thoughts together to get something out. I hope there was something said that was good for you. I hope something was said that helped you understand what I deal with. My goal is always, if I reach just one person, I feel that I did my part. I'm just trying to erase the stigma of mental illness. We lost too many people already.

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson