2022 started out for me with getting the virus so I was out of work even longer than the winter break. Dad was back and forth to the hospital, and was getting calls on what to do, which I was not comfortable or ready for. Then got booked for a flight to go to Kentucky to visit Dad. I think I've started this before but I wanted to make him laugh at least one more time. Plane landed, my cousin told me he passed on. Had no reaction.
Fast forward, I'm back home from Kentucky and went back to work having emotional breakdown after breakdown. Come to find out the students really cared about me...more on that later, but the break downs kept happening. After the whole thing with my Dad, I had a hard time dealing with it. Thoughts of jumping off the building, holding two fingers to my head like a gun...I was not in a good state of mind, even through the laughing and joking with my co workers and students.
During all that, one day through the help of my pastor my therapy journey started. I had no idea that there was even a mental health center locally where I was. I ended up getting diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and grief. All which I knew I was dealing with, but never diagnosed by a professional. Got put on my first antidepressant. All my lift I thought being on antidepressants was a bad thing, but that along with therapy, has been a great help. The thoughts didn't cease completely, but they slowed down a lot.
Fast forward again, I begin having breathing problems. I begin struggling to walk certain distances. From my car to getting to the door at my job was a struggle. I stopped taking my blood pressure and other meds because I felt good, at least good enough to stop taking the medicine. Boy was I wrong. One Sunday, first Sunday in October, I was at church setting up everything up and I couldn't breathe. I called my mom who was on her way to church and told her that I couldn't breathe. She told me to call 911. I did. Ended up sitting on the porch with a bottle of water. This was a nightmare come to life. In my mind, this was finally it. I got on the ambulance with an oxygen mask on, but I couldn't get comfortable. Next thing I know, it was Monday night, I was in ICU, and I was strapped to a bed. I looked to my right, and I saw my mom and Pastor talking. Ended up spending the rest of the week in the hospital. Remember when I said about the students. One of my co workers told my little sister who was with me at the hospital, that he had a card for me. Little did I know this card, was actually a huge poster with a bunch of signatures that I later found out was curated by the students. I work at a college. I had no idea that they cared that much. You just never know the impact you have.
Went back to work and it was all sunshine and rainbows! Just kidding. The breakdowns kept happening, but this time though, my coworkers would tell me to go outside to get some air and then come back. I've been sticking to my medicine regime. I'm now on two antidepressants. Therapy is still going. When people ask me if there's anything I need just ask. Sad thing about that is that I never know what or how to say what I may need....
So that's how my 2022 went. Song writer said, "So if you see me cry, it's just a sign that I'm still alive. May have some scars, but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me, and it's working for my good. It's building my testimony." See you next year. Peace, Love, and
Stay Saved,
Daniel Richerson
Snapchat (big_dusty)
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