LAST BLOG OF 2021, I THINK...

Song writer said, "I don't need material things, all I need is the love You bring. This holiday, I came to say that Jesus is the only way." I've heard this lyrics all my life, but this year it really hit home. Understatement of the decade, this pandemic has been a life altering experience. Many if not most of us, has dealt with loss. If you're a reader of the blogs, you know I love using song lyrics if they fit in to the the subject I'm talking about. The song writer said, "I lost some joy. I lost some time. Now it feels like I will lose my mind. Journeyed long and lost my way, and now it feels like I've lost is all I say. Searching here and over there for what I've lost. Where is it? I don't know."

Like the lyrics said, I've lost joy and time, friends, and family, but I had to keep on keeping on. I'll be the first to say is easier said than done. When every other news story is another rapper dead, covid cases going up, another social media post showing were the funeral services is going to be, it's hard to keep going. All your life you've heard "Everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before," and you're wondering sweet where? How do you keep going when everything is crumbling down? You take it one day at a time. Realize you still got a journey that nobody can walk for you. Learn from the pot holes on the road that flatten your tires before and drive around them. It's written, "Like a dog that returns to its vomit, a fool does the same foolish things again and again." 

With that being said, some triggers you won't be able to avoid. As much as social media says they care about you, and it does sound encouraging, but that one co-worker and that one boss...know what I mean? It's written again, "The Lord will fight for you, and have only to be silent." It's also written, "When you are angry, don't let that anger make you sin, and stay angry all day. Don't give the devil a way to defeat you." Easier said than done sometimes because some people know how to push the right button. It gets to that point where you got to say what you need to say and apologize later. Just remember to apologize. It may not be the day of. It may take some time, but just make sure that you apologize at some point. You don't want the anger to settle in your spirit. When that happens you end up lashing out at innocent victims that didn't do anything to you. 

To the people are reading this that have lost love ones, and are still mourning, don't let people tell you how to mourn. I pray God gives you the strength to keep going. Jesus said, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." My heart and my prayers are to those families that had empty seats at the table this holiday season. In the Bible, David said, "You have turned my sorrow into joyful dancing. No longer am I sad and wearing sackcloth." My prayer is that God turns your mourning into dancing and your sorrow into joy.

I mentioned before about how every other post on social media is another funeral. Just looked at one of my socials, and sure enough--life is too short. My sister would say it like this, "Live Intentionally Value Everyday." 

I don't have the answers personally. Sometimes I can't find the words to say. "I don't need material things. All I need is the love You bring. This holiday I came to say, that Jesus is the only way." The older I get the more these words hit home with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't shy away from material things, but they don't always bring the peace and joy that I need. Old saints would say, "Jesus never fails. Heaven and earth shall pass away, but I know Jesus never fails."

I'm finished. I hope something was said that encouraged you. I hope something was said that inspired. I hope. If you did, can you please share this with anyone you feel that may need to read this. Until 2022--

Stay Saved and Keep Going,

Daniel Richerson

Scriptures used: Proverbs 26:11, Exodus 14:14, Ephesians 4:26-27, Matthew 11:28-29, Psalm 30:11

Songs used: Jesus Is The Reason by Kirk Franklin, I Will Find A Way by Fred Hammond, Jesus Never Fails by Arthur A Luther

For my sister: LIVE - https://guppy-green.squarespace.com/

HOW'S MY MENTAL YOU ASK?

How's my mental? Like usual it's a day to day. Some days are better than others. I found myself feeling more lonely at times than I have. Lonely in the sense that I'm literally by myself when I'm not at work or church. I'm know being introverted comes being alone at times, but there are times, I do miss being able to laugh with other people. On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I found out an old friend from high school passed away, and it really messed me up. It's like that line from the old movie Pollyanna where the preacher said over the pulpit, "Death comes unexpectedly." One of my oldest friends in life, lost both his parents, both of whom I was close with as well. Song writer said, "For you and me this life is not promised. Tomorrow may never show up." 

Anthony Clark Williams wrote a popular song that says, "God has not forgot." Tasha Cobbs said it like this, "You (God) still love me, in spite of me." There's a phrase that says, "God works in mysterious ways." I don't know if "mysterious" is the right word. I believe He knows what we need at the right time. Like as I'm typing this, I shared this post on my Facebook:

"I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression and it's not a good place to be. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them. I struggle; It can be hard to live with me & to be around me when I get like this and I know it. I try my best to control it. I manage to get strong but sometimes I break. So if you see me very quiet, I'm not being rude, I'm not mad at you, you're not bothering me, I may just need a minute to myself.

It's okay to not be okay, tell someone you're not okay. (It's okay).

Hopefully, some friends will put this on their wall. You just have to copy..

Thank you

In Support Of Mental Health Awareness

The struggle is real……"

 I must say that I didn't write this. It was one of those copy and paste posts that I copied from someone else in support of mental health. The amount of love that post got was overwhelming. I put up that post before I went to work. I went into work, walking with my head up hoping for a good day. Day was going good. I was laughing with coworkers and making orders for the students. Until--I can't speak for anybody else, but speaking for me, it doesn't take much to trigger something dark for me. Somebody asked for a dessert, as I was putting the dessert on a plate, the dessert fell apart. They wanted another one, so I prepared to put the dessert on the same plate that the other fell apart. They didn't like that. Made it known. I put the dessert on a new plate. That was it. Seems pretty stupid huh? All of the sudden, tears are falling from my face for what felt like hours. Ironically, Joy To The World was playing in my head. I was told that my confidence needs to get stronger, and I do agree with that. However, when I'm open about my mental health, it seems to open a door for heavy emotions. So I don't really know what happened. All I know as I was trying to stop the tears from falling down my face, in my head, all I heard was My Testimony by Marvin Sapp. 

"So glad I made it, I made it through in spite of the storm and rain

Heartache and pain, still alive, declaring I made it through...I'm so glad I made it, so glad I made it

I made it through, I made it through"

Then part of Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.

"On outside of laughing and on the inside of crying

It seem so hard to go on

I can't see how you'll forgive me

Then I feel your presence and you essence

Then you say, hey it's gonna be ok"

So during some down time I was checking my phone and I got encouraged by the reaction and comments to the FB post. The comments were really encouraging, and really helped lift my spirits. I was praying as the tears was falling, "I just want to know that I'm loved." Seeing those reactions was just what I needed. To all who reacted and left a commented, if you're reading this, I hope you now know how much it all meant to me. I really appreciated. As the old saints say, "If you don't love me, keep fooling me." 

Of course this was not the road I wanted this particular blog to go, but hey, what are you going to do? I want to take this time to thanks my family, my pastor and wife, and all others who have helped me, and pray for me as I open up about my mental health. I also want to take this time to thank the students at Lander who help make my day go smoother. One Lander student in particular who is nicer to me than I believe I deserve. I don't even know if you'll ever read this, but if you do, just know I appreciate it. We'll do brunch one day, I don't know.

That's all I got for this one. Again, it went a completely different path than the subject I had planned. What was the subject I had planned? Well since you asked, it was about the fact that at my job, I can't pick and choose who to serve food to. My job is to provide the food not see what they got on or see what sin they committed first before I provide the service they came for. That was the topic, but of course, it didn't go that way. I may still talk about that in a later post, but then again, knowing the way my mind works---anyway, thanks for reading. If you feel led, please share this post. I share what I go through hoping that it will show others that they are not the only ones that feel a certain way. My goal if I can just reach one person, I feel like I've done my job.

Stay Saved and keep going, 

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty

Twitter.com/d_rich864

Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson

Instagram.com/D_Rich864

A BLOG FROM A GRATEFUL HEART

 "Just look up! Tomorrow's sun will let you know, your life's not done. Just look around loves pouring down. Trust in God." ~Trust In God, The Winans

First let me say, thank you. Thank you for reading the thoughts that I can't articulate out loud. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for allowing me to be open, all though not completely, about what goes on in my mind on a daily and nightly basis. Thank you for allowing me to cry and not have my manhood questioned. Thank you for letting me know how much my blogs have made an impact. You have no idea how good it feels to actually have people getting something out of the blogs, and not just mocked for doing them all the time. I also want to take time and thank those that actually give sound advice and don't just tell me to get over it. I firmly believe that's where suicide comes from for some. That's them "getting over it." Maybe it's just me but I believe if we starting getting to the root of some issues and do some pruning, it's much better than the "get over it" mindset that we've heard from generations. 

Yes, I concur that some things we do have to get over, but some of us got some rooted issues that have been buried for years that we have kept silent over and it's not only affected our emotional and mental state, but it's also affected our churches, families, and nation. Ignoring it doesn't always make it go away. Ignoring it causes some of the riots and protests we see. I believe it was the late Martin Luther King Jr that said a riot is a the language of the unheard. That may be why we're hearing so much about mental health lately because the cry of the silent is becoming audible, and during the pandemic people had no other choice but to sit and listen. Like the issues I've blogged about, I've been dealing with for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I'm being heard by some now. I can't help but feel they're still some that say, "He just need to get over it. He's just being emotional. He's really not going through anything. He's looking for sympathy." Maybe it's my fault, because I do tend to play around a lot just to get my mind off certain trauma. The coffee oclocks, and the Don Rickles style posts that I do probably don't help. Why have I often asked the questions, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" Who knows...

I also want to say, not to sound cliche, but I believe God has a way of showing you that he still cares. I believe he can use complete strangers and show you, that you still matter. I don't believe that it's coincidence that the message of "you are not alone" and "don't give up" is spreading through the secular and the church. I work at this college, some of the young people I talk to on a daily have been a blessing to my life. They'll probably never know it. I don't take it for granted that people care about my well being. I don't take it for granted when people are genuinely nice to me. I take it seriously when people call me friend. When people allow me to be myself and don't judge me, I don't take it for granted. There's still a part of me that falls back when I feel like I've gone overboard.

There's still some mental walls that I hit every now and again when I feel overwhelmed during certain situations. Thank God for family, blood and not, that help me hold on. I do appreciate all of you that reach out and pray for me, although I don't say it much. I'm tired of crying. When I feel it coming I try to fight it, but at times the more I fight it the worse the cry becomes. That's when I believe God places songs on my heart like Trouble in my Way, Pass Me Not Oh Gentle Savior, After While It'll All Be Over, Smile Again, Stand by Donnie McClurkin, and many others.

That's all I have for this one. Continue to pray for all those who are suffering from mental health. I read recently that this is National Men's Mental Health month as I'm typing this. Be sure to check on  your strong friends. If some one come across you mind, send a text if you can. You may help somebody hold on just a little while longer. Brings an old song to mind that says, "Hold on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright." 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty
Twitter.com/d_rich864
Instagram.com/d_rich864
Big_Dusty on SnapChat
Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson

WHEN THE CRY FOR HELP IS SILENT

Ever been in a situation where you help and help and help, but you can't get the same help in return? You start to feel alone. You start to feel that nobody cares. You get the occasional, "You ok?" and with tears rolling down your face you say that you're ok just so you're not a burden. The question then comes, "Well, why don't you just ask for help? A closed mouth don't get fed." In your mind, you've been screaming for help, but it doesn't necessarily come out verbally. Silent screams for help still count. When you're suffering mentally, your call for help may come out as silent. Your call for help sounds mute to the untrained ear. When I talked before about being that young guy at the table at the convention crying, you don't think I was screaming for help? Dafney Unger, Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Chris Kanyon, Hana Kimura, Ashley Massaro, and many others...you don't think they were crying for help before they ultimately decided to give up hope?


I often bring up music on my post. We talk about songs that "brought us through," but allow me to say that those songs are still being written. I was raised on old hymns, but hymns are still being written. They may not be in the COGIC or Baptist Hymnals as of yet, but they are hitting just are hard as the old hymns, in my opinion. One song that really helped me recently was Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.


"Jesus you loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared At all"


That part was on repeat in my mind as the tears were flowing down my face. Another song that does that for me is I Will Find A Way by Fred Hammond.
"I've lost so much down through the years It seems that all I find of late is a face so full of tears I search each dark and empty place The peace I used to know somehow I have misplaced Searching here and over there For the things I've lost I don't have them anymore But I will find a way to lift up my hands And I will find a way to worship You, Lord Though my heart is low I'll find a way to give You praise I will find a way to love You more"


My blogs come from a real place. Especially within the last year and a half. This blog came from the stress of not receiving the same help that I give other people. Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon 3 when Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Lorna (Renee Russo) asked Murtough (Glover) to cover them, and Murtough said, "Cover you, Cover me, Cover everybody. When is somebody going to cover me for a change?" With all that being said, I have to continue to do right for others. I have to continue to help when I can even though it hurts to not get the same help in return. With tears coming down my face due to feeling like I'm being used up just to the thrown away. I have to continue to do what's right. I have to continue to help where help is needed.


This is my therapy. Sometimes I feel like I'm still that young guy at the table with my cries for help falling on deaf ears. I didn't say I was that young guy because that incident was years ago, but sometimes it feels that way. Why does it feel that way? Because it becomes overwhelming. I cried for at least 30 minutes due to giving all I had to give, doing this for this person and doing that for that person, but when it comes for me getting what I need to get done it felt like I was alone. If you've never felt alone, you have no idea what's it's like to be around people and yet feel like nobody sees you suffering. You become blind to the people that are there to help because of the overwhelming pressure that comes from loneliness. It's not that we're rejecting the help or appreciative of the fact that some are reaching out, it becomes hard to accept because of trust issues.


Please don't get frustrated when it seems like the help is being rejected. It's not being rejected as you think, maybe it's hard to fathom some actually wanting to help because of the silent screams not being heard.


I don't apologize for blogging on my mental health or mental health in general. Please continue to pray for me and those who deal with this. Don't throw us away. I've been told that, all this is only a test. Don't ignore when we ask for help during the test. If you got this far, and you got something out of the blog, please share this post if you feel led.


Stay Saved and keep going,


Daniel Richerson Facebook.com/bigdusty Twitter.com/D_Rich864
Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson
Instagram.com/D_Rich864

Keep Going

 Before I go in on this blog, if you are tired of mental health awareness, if you roll your eyes at me talking about the issues I live with everyday….sorry not sorry. 

The reason I don’t stop blogging about mental health is because one many are still suffering and looking for answers, and when they can’t find anything, they give up. It’s not a coincidence that the three words that have been used the past year and a half have been, “Don’t Give Up.” Why because as the song writer said, “After while, it’ll all be over. After while the sun will shine. After while dark clouds will pass over. And we’ll shout hallelujah after while.” I remember a message that was preached where the minister talked about, “The Importance of After while.” The importance of not stopping before you hit the finish line. Your legs may be getting sore. You may be short of breath. Keep going. That’s a message for me as well. Keep going.

Since I started this new job, I’ve had triggering moments that have caused me to want to throw in the towel. Moments where I had to literally tell myself to don’t cry. Keep going. Get the work done. Do the job. Fortunately, there have been some people that understand and help keep my head on right, but of course they’re people who could care less. Reminds me of other establishments. I’m not looking to be babied or anything. I just want people to understand I may react differently because of high anxiety issues. Oops I said it, but if I mess up, tell me. If I’m doing something wrong, let me know, show me how to do it, and I promise I’ll do my best not to make the same mistake again. 

If it wasn’t for my love for music, I probably would’ve thrown the towel. It’s the music in my head and heart that keeps me going during some shifts. Sometimes it’s the old and new (oops) gospel songs that minister to me at the time, and sometimes it’s secular songs (oops) that keep me pumped. Yeah, this blog may cost me with some people.

I mentioned two professional wrestlers in the last post who put out a vibe of suicide in videos that were posted online. One of which was the late Shannon Claire Spruill, also known to the wrestling community as Daffney. I didn’t watch her IG Live but I’ve heard a piece of it where she mentioned while in tears that she was alone. After the live went public I saw that a lot of people tried to reach out but didn’t get an answer. Possibly it was too late, which brings the point where if someone comes across your heart, reach out. Your phone call may just save a life. Shannon felt alone not knowing that she had a community that loved her. Her passing hit me hard because there were plenty of times where I felt alone in this place I live and tears began to flow. People say, “Why didn’t’ you call me?” People say, “If you don’t check on people, don’t expect people to check on you.” I believe the phrase is called “hog wash” or “malarkey” or “bushwa.” Imagine if God did us that way. We don’t pray to God like we should, but how many times has God came to your rescue when you didn’t know how to ask for help? It does my heart good when I get a text by someone saying that I was on their mind. 

I shared a post on my timeline titled, “Introverts before they make a phone call,” didn’t quite track, but that’s how it is for me. I was told that it was a fear of rejection. I’m not denying that.  So, to those that wonder why I don’t reach out, it may not be you per say. It’s a battle just about every time I use my phone as a phone. If you don’t buy that, it’s the truth. I have no reason to lie. Back to the Daffney situation, that led to other wrestlers to be open about their own mental health. I no longer watch WWE, but a stable known as, The New Day, put out a podcast on mental health that I listened to. One of the members of the stable Big E began sharing his story. I didn’t feel like crying that day, but I immediately started thinking about that young man in the dining area of a convention crying at the table while people were walking by more worried about other things than a young man typing imaginary things on the table crying his eyes out. I can’t remember what triggered that emotion, I just remember that feeling of loneliness. If I remember right, it was a youth day of some sort. I remember that a couple of people stopped and talked to me. One being a young man who’s name I never got, but he actually had a conversation with me which helped me snap out of it. Why do Levites and priests continue to walk by the guy laying on the street, more worried about the next meeting or gig? Thank God for the “good Samaritans” out there.  How many people have we walked by with our proverbial nose in the air thinking that they had it coming not willing to get to the bottom of the issue?

How long are we going to say that folks need Jesus and not show Jesus? How long are we going to say that folks need love and not show love? 

I’m finished. If you read this long, I hope you got something out it. I ask that you continue to pray for those that are feeling lonely and hopeless. Remember September is suicide prevention month. You can help prevent suicide by doing what Ellen says after every show, “Be kind to one another.”  Showing love and not just saying love can help prevent suicide. I ask that you share this if you feel led. Pray for me.

Stay Saved and keep going,

Daniel Richerson

Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson
Twitter.com/D_Rich864
Instragram.com/D_Rich864
Facebook.com/bigdusty

IT TAKES LOVE

 One of my favorite movies of all time is a little movie called Lethal Weapon. If you don’t know, this movie was one of the original “buddy cop” movies. Roger Murtaugh was a family man, 50 years old, and a police officer for many years. He got told that he was going to get a partner by the name of Martin Riggs. Riggs was perceived as crazy. He was perceived as psychotic. He was suffering from mental health issues. He lost his wife which turned his world upside down. Meaning night after night he would hold a gun to his mouth ready to end it with tears in his eyes, but right before he pulled the trigger, he would uncock the gun and express how much he misses his now late wife. So holding all that emotion in while trying to be a police officer at the same time would probably make anybody a little off, right? I bring up this movie, because it was the love of Murtaugh and his family that lifted Riggs out of his mental condition. He didn’t talk to a therapist which he likely needed to, it was the love of his new partner and family. Maybe what’s keeping some people from losing their minds is love. The love of God. The love from family and friends. I believe the writer was right when they said, “What the world needs now is love sweet love.”

The church I attend now had 3 prior pastors, one of which was my Dad. Dad would sometimes get up for his sermon and just read from hymn 425 in the COGIC Hymnal.

“I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more; but the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry, from the waters lifted me—Now safe am I. All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling, in his blessed presence live, ever His praises sing. Love so mighty and so true merits in my soul’s best songs; faithful, loving service too to Him belongs. Souls in danger, look above, Jesus completely saves, He will lift you by his love out of the angry waves. He’s the Master of the sea, billows his will obey; He your Savior wants to be—be saved today. Love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me; love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me.”

I will admit now that I realize that some may be reading this that do not believe in God. I’m not here to argue with anybody about the existence of God. That’s your prerogative. I will say that you must talk to somebody if you’re dealing with some type of anxiety or suicidal thoughts, God or not. Keeping that kind of stuff in is not healthy. Find an ear you can vent to that would use their mouth to spread your business or their fingers to spread your business on social media. To those that don’t believe in God, I will say you can vent to God and don’t have to worry about him spreading your business. I’m just saying.

As I write this, we as wrestling fans are worried about the well being of a wrestler that recently went on Instagram and contemplated suicide. Apparently, this wrestler had a gun and read out their last will and testament. In the last month this is the second wrestler I’ve seen make a video with the subject of ending it all. The spirit of suicide is not a game. I understand that wrestling is a work, but the people behind the characters we love or despise have real life issues. I understand the feeling of wanting to end it all. I never would have the guts to make a video about it. I have cried myself to sleep night after night due to mental anxiety. Why did I never do it? Because of the love of my family and church family. I’ve mentioned this before and it’s still holds true, I have to learn how to love Daniel. You must learn how to love you. Find something good about yourself and build on that.

Now if you know somebody that is dealing with said issues, don’t just say love you got to show love. Fred Hammond said, “When you say how are you doin'/ Do you really wanna know/ And are you concerned, yeah/ And if you had the solution/ But it took some of your time or some cash or whatever/ Are you willing.” The chorus goes like this.

“Not just what you say {It's mostly what you do}
Not a game that you play {To keep the winning hand with you}
Not just wasting time {With empty words that don't mean much}
Not just how you feel {When others need your tender touch}
So can you take out some time {To help somebody else in need}
And when this is done {The love of God is truly seen}
Then above all {We need to cover and forgive}
Then we can act like we know what love is”

With people hurting with a pain that doesn’t seem to be going away this is not the time to play with people emotions. The wrestlers I talked about before are just two examples of people dealing with mental health, and many other people that are dealing with the same issues but unlike some people, they have a platform. September is suicide prevention month. There’s a hotline you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can call on God. My inbox is open. There are people that are willing to listen and love on you. Not everybody Is out here preying on you, some are praying for you.

That’s all I have for this post. I thank you for reading it. I thank those who keep encouraging me to keep writing. I do ask that you please share this post around if you feel led. This is a subject matter that really hits home to me. I know I talk about mental health a lot lately because I see a lot of it on my timeline on the daily. Me myself, I’m still dealing with it. So, here we go. Me writing is my therapy. And if you talk to somebody, one time is not enough. There’s a reason why the Bible says, “…men ought to always pray and not faint.” The old song says, “Don’t stop praying! The Lord is nigh; Don’t stop praying! He’ll hear your cry; For the Lord has promised, and His Word is true; Don’t stop praying; He’ll answer you.”

Ok now I’m done.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

“Mr. Preacher man I don't want no trouble I just came to praise and worship with my brothers
Praying to the Lord and hoping he forgive us
I want God to save us don't want the streets to kill us
I’m like Mr. Preacher man please don't be alarmed
We just come to pray we don't mean no harm
I see how you looking of course we ain't perfect we figured if we come to see Jesus it would be worth it
We live up the block and I know you seen us
Running from the cops all this senseless killing
We want it to stop
We want you to know Sir
If you don’t let us in we have no place to go Sir” ~ Mr. Preacher man, Canton Jones

What is it that you go to church for? Do you go for praise and worship, or do you go to see what people are wearing? Do you go to make sure that nobody from the LGBTQ+ community walk in the service? What do you go to church for? If you can’t praise because of who’s in church, I question are you really a praiser? Are you really a worshipper if your worship relies on who is sitting on your row? We have gotten so comfortable with treating church like a social club we wonder why people join and leave within a month. If lovingkindness draws, it is going to take lovingkindness for them to stay.

I’m a YouTube junkie, and recently my favorite videos to watch have become videos that show broken equipment getting repaired. Like they will take a broken x box, take it apart, clean it, replace what may or may not be broken, and then put it back together. Now imagine if the x-box or what ever is getting fixed was like, “I’m fine. I don’t need to be fixed. I’m fine just the way I am.” All the while it can’t even turn on by itself. If it turns on, the screen is blank. The way it used to work; it does not working the same way. So, it would rather die than get repaired. That doesn’t make sense, does it? That’s like what we do when there’s altar call, knowing we need to be fixed, but to proud to admit that we need to get fixed. It’s written, “First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.”

So why do we blame God when the crash comes? The old saints would say, “He’s a keeper if you want to be kept.” You got to want to be kept. It’s written, “To day you hear his voice, harden not your heart.” The Easy-to-Read Version says it like this, “If you hear God’s voice today, don’t be stubborn.” Isaiah says, “So you should look for the Lord before it is too late. You should call to him now, while he is near.” That’s why I don’t get why we’re so quick to chastise the people that may walk in the church that look and act different that we do. They’re just sick people going to the hospital. Sometimes you don’t realize how sick you are until you get a checkup. Back in 2013, I didn’t know I had congestive heart failure until I went to the ER.

Do we condone? No, but we’re not God. Someday they’ll meet the maker, but we’re not the maker. Yes, we do have to call sin a sin, but if you see me chillin and laughing with someone that may not be saved, don’t come after me. It’s funny, you work with the type of people you don’t allow to come in your church to hear the good Word. “But how can people call for help if they don’t know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven’t heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them?” Remember where you were before you gave your life to God? Think about that next time you see somebody walk into church that may not look and act like you. If it wasn’t for the grace God, you’d probably still be where they are.

I posted this screenshot recently and I think it goes with what I’ve been talking about through this post. Mark 2:15-17 MSG, “Later Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: “What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riffraff?” Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting the sin sick, not the spiritually-fit.”

John 3:17 ERV, “God sent his Son into the world. He did not send him to judge the world guilty, but to save the world through him.”

Fred Hammond is one of my favorite artist period. One of my favorite songs by him is called, Don’t Pass Me By. “I know I'm broken, but you can heal me, Jesus, Jesus I'm calling you
Might not be worth much, but I'm still willing
Jesus, Jesus, I'm calling you”

Continue to pray for me. I thank all of you for your support over the past years that I’ve typing these up. I would love to read your comments if you have any. I’d like to thank those who share the blogs. On that note, if you got this far and you liked what you read, will you please share or retweet this? As I’ve said before, I want to get as much views as I can, but if I just reach one person, I feel like I did my job. How am I doing mentally…. well, that’s for another blog post.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty
Twitter.com/D_Rich864
Instagram.com/D_Rich864
Big_Dusty on Snapchat
Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson

"Untitled" only because I couldn't think of one...

I've had many people tell me Daniel we're going to do this, we're going to do that. I've had many people tell me about their dreams and that I was going to be a part of it. I would get so excited about the potential of their vision coming to pass which would cause me to become stagnant on my own path. I would become stagnant in making the right decisions for my life due to so and so said this and that was going to happen and they wanted me to be a part of it. So in my mind I would have something to look forward to, and I would end up being like that meme where the skeleton is starting out the window waiting, when I could've use that time to work on myself. How much time has been wasted by us waiting on somebody else's dream to come to fruition while our dreams turn to dust? How many more wake up calls do you need to pick the dream back up? You hear the message through song, through sermons, and even through some social media posts, yet some of us still sit back and twiddle our thumbs. 

In the Contemporary English Version, James 2:26, "Anyone who doesn't breathe is dead, and faith that doesn't do anything is just as dead"

Switching gears just a little bit, I mean no disrespect, but I'm not what older generations calls us millennials. I'm not a clout chaser. I don't chase titles. Reason why I don't chase titles is because I don't want to become one of those people who forgets what's it's like to be laymen. I don't want to be that bougie person that forgets where God has brought me from. There's a wrestler that I'm a fan of and I was in one of his streams. One of the people in the chat was using wrestling insider terms. Terms that because of the internet and shoot interviews, out of character interviews, that we as fans have learned and added to our vocabulary. Again, just a fan in the live stream used some insider terms, and the wrestler reacted with a bougie like laugh and with a response like "Oh, I remember when I was like you. Using terms acting like I know what I'm talking about." What it sounded like to me, "Oh, I remember when I was a peasant just like you. Now I'm better than you." So besides just letting the fan be a fan and just answer his question or whatever he asked, the wrestler decided to stick his preverbal nose at the fan and disregard the comment. 

I see a lot of this "Christian" sessions as well whether it be at church or just a bible study, new converts try to get more information on what they're supposed to do, but they get looked down upon. I don't know how some churches become a revolving door? Maybe it's because that "love of Christ" is more like the "love" of a dead beat. Show love one time and think that's supposed to work. I believe it's written, "The  Lord hath appeared of old unto me,, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." Webster defines everlasting, "continuing for a long time or indefinitely." So with that kind of love, the everlasting love, why look over those who are on the come up? Why look down on those who aren't moving as quickly as you are? Tell me priest and Levite, why did you pass the man that's half dead laying on the street? 

The worse thing you can tell people that's struggling in the mental compacity is "get over it." For your information, everyday they're working to get over it. I remember some people questioned when the songwriter said, "My past still controls me. Will this hurt ever leave? I can only trust you, no one else like you do." At a choir rehearsal they wanted to take that line out. I like to believe that the writer wasn't saying he was controlled by his past more like haunted by his past. I know I'm not the only one that's made some regrettable decisions in life. Just the other day I was streaming on Twitch and a moment that I have tried to forget come back to my head and I had to end the stream early. I ended the stream because it got me off focus. I use Twitch as a platform where I can just chill and laugh, and at that moment I was about to lose my mind.

It all goes back to mental health. I know it seems like it's all I talk about, but it's something I've neglected for a long time. You got to protect it. How can you protect it? Pray. You don't have to pray like your pastor or anybody else that has a FB Live prayer line. Old hymn says, "Let us have a little talk with Jesus/ Let us tell Him all about our troubles/ He will hear our faintest cry/ And He will answer by and by/ And when you feel a little prayer wheel turnin'/ And you will know a little fire is burnin'/ Find a little talk with Jesus makes it right." After you pray, act on it.

Thanks for reading the post if you got this far. Sorry that it's been so long since the last post, but due mental health, I know I'm sorry, and other things, I didn't feel compelled to write anything. Shout outs to my little sister and others who keep me motivated to keep being creative. I hope you comment and share the post if you got something out of it. Until the next post.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING NICE?/MENTAL HEALTH CHECK

 "We can speak in tongues but we can't be nice to people..." ~Doe Jones, Terrell Show June 19, 2021

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV "Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Jeremiah 31:3 NIV "The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'"

Through out 2020, throughout the start of 2021, I've noticed that the real colors of people's heart has been revealed. My pastor called the year of 2020 was the year of perfected vision. And it was. The pandemic really showed the true colors of some people. So now everything's coming back to what they call "normal", I guess the fake kindness is going to make a comeback. People can tell the real from the fake contrary to the belief. I personally believe that's really the cause of some the church hopping comes from or why people leave the church. Some of the people that have positions have put on the act of being a God fearing, I love everybody, type person, but in the meetings and social media, the true colors come out. Most people just want to feel loved and if they don't feel it, they're going to leave. What do they tell people in marriages all the time, they tell them if you're not happy in your marriage, get out. In other words, if you don't feel loved, get out. Nobody wants to be in a toxic atmosphere unless they're creating the toxicity. I'm just going to say if we're just going to go back to what what was usual, then what exactly have we learned during this pandemic?

Some people get titles put upon them and expect to be treated with respect. Don't get me wrong, the title deserves respect, but let's be real, some of the people behind the title are mean people. Some of them cover it up with "The Lord is kind." Please stop it. Ok, yes the Lord is kind, but the question is are you kind? Don't get me wrong, being nice can and sometimes does come with a price. Christina Grimme lost her life after being nice to her eventual killer. I understand how that would make people be hesitant to be nice. That kind of stuff causes a distrust of people in general. It has to be difficult to continue to be a Christian, when you see one showing the love of Christ. The mental anguish has to hurt, but I like to imagine that the people that have gone on to be with the Lord would like you to continue to stay on the pathway. Jesus said, "A thief comes only to rob, kill, and destroy. I came so everyone would have life, and have it fully." I'm sure Christina lived every day to the fullest the best she could. Her passing and the way she passed hurt a lot of us. Maybe it's a lesson to all of us based off Matthew 5:16, and a song I learned as a child to, "Make your light shine, so others will see the good you do and will praise you Father in heaven."

When I worked customer service we were taught that you got to treat every customer equally. You got to be kind even when they are not. And for my attitude, patience, anxiety, call it all what you will...that was the hardest part of the job for me. I'm not saying you have to skip through tulips and smile every day, but at least be respectful to people. I've grown to realize that because one says they're a Christian, doesn't mean they're the nicest people in the world. They're some pot heads that I find more approachable than some "spiritual leaders." Some of the people in church hate homosexuals, they say they don't but calling them names is not the best way to show you love someone. In my experience, some gay people have been good down to earth to people. I can recall one person I didn't quite vibe with not because he was gay he was not a nice person. His character was off to me. If believers learn to treat homosexuals like the human beings they are they might be more open to join your church services. People want to go where they feel welcome.  Ever walk in somewhere and you can tell the vibe is off, so you immediately walk out? I'm not saying condoning what they do, but they're some stuff that you may do that's not pleasing either. Matthew 7:5 AMP says, "You hypocrite (play actor, pretender), first get the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Yes we call sin sin, but does that come with bad character? Be nice. The Bible talks about tell the truth in love. Be nice but not naïve. With all this being said, none of us are perfect. Forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness, and be nice. 

Mental Health Check: It's a daily grind. Sometimes are better than others. Some nights I spend crying my eyes out. Some nights I can fall asleep fine. I spoke on a Wednesday night openly admitting what I go through on a daily. I've always dreamed about being behind a podium speaking but I never really wanted it to come to pass. If you want to see this message, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z6T0ZrNklg. Keep me in your prayers. I'm trying to protect my mental health on a daily, which is not an easy task when things aren't going the way they should be; or how people tell me they should be going. 

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't make anybody mad. These are just the thoughts from the heart and mind of me. IF you liked what you read and/or if you got something out of it, can I get you to share it via Twitter, FB, or how ever. Don't be afraid to leave a comment. Be nice please. Proverbs 15:1 AMP, "A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger."

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
@DanielRicherson on Twitch
@d_rich864 on Twitter
big_Dusty on SnapChat

RIP Christina Grimme (1994-2016)

JUST PRAY, STOP PICKING AND CHOOSING

John 3:16-18 MSG “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him."

This has been on my heart for the past how long to pray for celebrities. I think we as everyday people forget that the people behind the celebrity are just people like us who go through things like we do. 

Matthew 7:3-5 KJV "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

Lately before I put my mouth on what's going on in someone else's house I tell my self, "Get your house in order." I go back to this quote my Dad would use often, "Don't throw rocks from a glass house." The same grace we thank God for everyday, don't they deserve the same grace? I've learned that who ever God puts on my mind to pray for, I stop what I'm doing and pray. Sometimes yes, it is celebrities. As I scroll through my timeline, I see people as for prayer all the time. I also see celebs ask for prayer. So I shouldn't pray for them because they do entertainment? Their bad choices get publicized while some of ours that we don't post about stay private. God sees them all anyway. The sin is already judged right? Jesus didn't come to condemn so what gives me the right? What gives you the right? 

I've been talking about mental health for the past year and a half. I read a story about a guy that checked himself into rehab for a addiction and now he and his wife are divorcing. As a guy that's working through my mental health on a daily, it makes sense for me to send up a prayer for that celeb during this time of trouble. A lot of us have dealt with a lot of death in the last couple of years. I know personally it's gotten closer to home. The same way those losses hurt us, is it safe to say it hurts the celebs as well? I'm not saying condone what some of them do, but ask yourself would God condone all you do? First cast the beam out of your eye.

We're so quick to look at someone and say, "they're too far gone." To who? Were you too far gone? Why is it that when we get delivered, we choose to look down on those who still need it? Remember when you would come to church and people looked at you the same way? Some of the Jesus loving people looked down on you because of your bad choices. Remember how that felt? So why pass that to others? The saying goes, "You can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar." The same honey that drew you will draw others if you use it. 

Remember May is Mental Health Awareness month. Keep praying for those who are working through it on a daily. I'm currently working on something. Not going to say what it is, but keep praying for me, ok? That's all I got for this piece. I thank you for reading. If you feel led, can you please share, retweet, and all that?

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson

THIS BLOG TOOK A TURN

This was originally going to be another blog about my depression and suicidal thoughts. Then I realize that I couldn't do that. I didn't want to continue to live in misery. We all got issues. We all have bruises. I just thought it wasn't a crime to say "Ow" sometimes. March 23rd I wrote a post I titled, "Unspoken", and I was very open about mental issues and anxiety. I would say that I had them. My little sister left me a comment that said, "you’re working through anxiety and mental health issues, sibling. It does not have you nor do you have it!!" And I thought she was crazy. Like I'm living with this. I know what goes on through my head on a daily, how you going to say I don't have anxiety, and mental issues? 

I believe she was trying to tell me that I have to be careful what I speak over myself. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7a "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." The last clause of Luke 6:45 "...for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." The song writer said, "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself." It's nice to get encouragement from love ones. I believe we all like a little encouragement every once in a while, but when you feel like you're not getting any encouragement, why not encourage yourself? You may not see what you're speaking, but as my old Pastor once said, "Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eye can see." Song writer said, "I may not see it, but I hear it." Somebody else says, "You got to see it before you see it if you're ever going to see it" Let's go Bible. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Proverbs 18:21 in the Good News Bible, "What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words."

Now the question comes how can you truly encourage yourself if you don't like yourself? I would say that's a legit question. I'm still growing in that department of liking Daniel. Find a reason to smile. Find that reason to laugh and smile. Some would say as a Christian, you don't do what necessarily feels good to you all the time, which is true, but you can find a reason to laugh. Don't let depression kick your butt. Turn the news off. If you can't turn social media off, you can at least hide the posts you don't want to see or unfollow. Radio personality Charlamagne tha god often says, "Protect your mental health." By any means necessary. Instead of watching the news, watch a good movie. Listen to your favorite song. Distance yourself from people that mean you no good even if that includes family or the people you may go to church with.

I've been told for years that I got to start looking at myself through God's eyes. What does God say about you? Forget what other people say about you. Jeremiah 29:11 in the Amplified Bible, "For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." Another verse comes to mind Philippians 2:5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." Song writer said, "His report says I am healed/ His report says I am filled/ His report says I am free/ His report says victory." Take notice what report didn't say. Nothing about anxiety, depression, etc. Not saying those feelings won't come, but don't give in. Keep walking. 

I want to take this time to thank my sister for checking on me just about everyday to make sure that I'm ok. I want to thank the people in some of the livestreams I go into, for making a person dealing with being alone among other things feel welcome. From the church streams to the gaming streams. Thank you. I want to thank all of you who has help me keep my head up and in the game. I know I don't communicate like I should, but thank you for loving me anyway. I want to thank all the people at the cardiac rehab center I go to for helping me get through my workouts. Thank you all for reminding me that I'm not walking alone.

I hope something was said that helped out. I hope if you feel led, you share this post all you can. Continue to pray for your boy.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

The week we as Christians call Holy Week is the week an innocent Jesus died on the cross and three days later he rose from the dead with all power in His hands. I find it interesting a little over a week later here we are again having the same conversation about Black Lives Matter. 2020 was not only the year of Covid-19. It was also the year of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the rest of the cases that wasn't in the news. 2020 was the year that I disconnected myself from a guy I knew over 20 years. We had birthday parties. I would go to this person's house to watch wrestling PPVs back when I watched it religiously. Why I don't now is a topic for another blog. I'm all for differing opinions, but racism and my Faith to me is not like debating sports or movies. That's part of the reason I don't use the term friend, ace, homie, etc loosely. I also distanced myself from certain white family members who really let their true feelings be known about black people, and it hurt me cause one it made me wonder how this person really felt about my mom, my sister, and myself when we would visit. I heard all last year that 2020 was the year of "perfected vision," and boy was it ever. 

I put up a status on social media June of 2020 saying, "You know what's scary to me as a mixed man? Like I see all these racist being exposed right now, and what scares me is that what if I'm related to one..." That's was a real fear I had. Ironically the two not named people, made a comment claiming stuff like they loved me and were "not racist." I can't understand why I have trust issues...it's weird.

So now as I'm typing this we got Caron Nazario and Daunte Wright. Many people thought after 45 got voted out of office that things was going to get better, but I know the racist. I told my Dad after Biden got the named the winner, "Trump is a child. He's not getting his way so get ready for  the temper tantrum." Then the news about the election being rigged, and the storming the capital incident, I rest my case. So the question comes, what's the game plan? Do we post black squares again? Do we risk losing friends and family? Do we pray and that's it? What's the move? What's the vaccine to racism? We get flu shots, some of us are getting the covid-19 vaccine shots...there's not needle shot for racism. When we got to go somewhere at night and we're praying not to become another hashtag. There's no vaccine for that. Yes I agree that we need to talk about gun violence in the neighborhood, but does that let the crooked cops off the hook? Some of us on are the same way when we get called out on our foolishness, we try to point the finger at what someone else is doing. 

We got to remember racism didn't start recently, it just got more exposure recently. Some of the things that are preached about when people say, "God is not pleased with..." that didn't start with my generation. It's like that saying, "What's old is new." We got to stop sweeping stuff under the rug for the reputation. Hidden sins are still sins. That's why we pray for forgiveness for sins we committed overtly and covertly or known and unknown. America and the church are trying to progress and yet we can't let go of the past. Modern day Pharisees and Sadducees. When I would teach Bible Band, I would often ask, are they modern day Pharisees and Sadducees? Pharisees "behaved as though their own religious rules were just as important as God's rules for living." Sadducees "were often willing to compromise their values with the Romans and others in order to main their status and influential positions." Got that information out of my Life Application Study Bible. 

How do we solve the problem? I don't have the answers...Sway? I do believe prayer is a solution, but as I heard it say, "we got to feet on the prayers." Faith without works... Conversations not arguments are needed. Listening is needed. If white people are willing to talk, then talk. Don't turn away needed conversations out of frustration. That leads to distrust and life long disgust. I believe that's how some parent and child situations become so jacked. That "that's just the way it is" mentality, and not open to listen. That generation gap is real because of lack of conversation. Too much monologue and not enough dialogue.

These are just my thoughts. I just know something's got to give. Something needs to be done. I still believe "If my people who are called..." (2 Chronicles 7:14). If something was said that spoke to you feel free to share this around anyway you can. I'd really appreciate it. Stay safe and...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Unspoken

Back in September 2013, I was struggling to breathe at night. That was going on for months but I was against going to the hospital. The July before that I went back to California for the first time in over 20 years where I got asked if I remembered things from when I was 4 when I left. Not really. Anyway, I couldn't sleep at night. One night in September I couldn't take anymore, I told my little sister, who had told me to let her know if I needed to go to the hospital. I let her know. I couldn't lay down flat on the bed. I felt like I messed everything up. I felt guilty. I felt I let everyone down. So I ended up going to the ER. Turns out I had a lot of built up fluid, and my blood pressure was stroke level high. In my mind this was punishment for all the crap I put my little sister and my parents through over the years. I can remember they wanting to do an MRI but I couldn't lay down flat and breathe properly. I ended up spending a few  days in the hospital. I remember one day I was eating lunch and this doctor came in and told me that I wouldn't make it to 30. Side note, I'll be 34 this coming May. And they had a nutritionist come in and told me about this low sodium diet. I was told to find a doctor. They put me on medicine to take. One main thing that sticks out is the day I got out, they put me in the wheel chair, and it felt like I waited forever for someone to get me. At that point, I felt alone. I went into a state of depression. My  Mom came to the room I was in, and she wheeled me out to the car so she could take me home.

You know that phrase, "If you don't learn from history, you're doomed to repeat it?" I barely looked for a doctor, so I stopped taking the medicine I was on. I broke the low sodium diet and basically did that I did before. All because I didn't care about my own well being. I had a few temp jobs but nothing that ever felt permanent. Christmas Day 2014, I was at my Aunt's house. Couldn't lay back down again. It wasn't as bad as it was the year prior, but I couldn't get comfortable. Again I felt like I let everyone down. I felt guilty. Like this was payback for something I did. I ended up going back the hospital, but this time it was a different hospital. Again the blood pressure was stroke level high. Spent a few days in the hospital again. Highlight of this trip was a cousin coming to my room to visit. I didn't expect it. Again a doctor came in the room and told me that I wasn't going to make it to 32. (Reminder 34 in May) This time around I got a doctor. When I got let out this time around the staff at this hospital was quicker and getting me out the room. 

March 27, 2020, I was driving home after dropping a dude off at work. I failed to yield to traffic, made a left turn, and got hit by a truck. The car didn't make it, but I did. I got a ticket for failing to yield. I had no damage to me. So, Daniel messed up again. At that same time, my Mom was in the hospital because of Covid. (She's healed and doing well now) So I just hit by a truck. I survived with no injury, while at the same time worried about my mom. This was right before everybody started wearing masks. So I was trying to keep from crying on the side of the road. Trying not to break on the side of road. My Pastor ended up picking me up and taking me home.

Later in 2020 spent some time in Iowa, I got real sick. Again, couldn't sleep. I was struggling to breathe with the mask on. First thought in my mind, I got it. It finally got me. The "It" of course being covid. When we got back to South Carolina, I went to my doctor's office, and got tested for Covid which was the highlight of my day at that point. Nothing like haven't a long q tip stuck up on your nose. I got a refill of all the medicines I stopped taken. I immediately started back taken them. The doctor that treated me was sure that I had Covid. Spoiler alert, test came back negative.

Here in 2021 I'm sticking to my medication, I do cardiac rehab twice a week. I'm not crossing every "t" or dotting every "i". I say again, I'm not where I want to be but Thank God--

That's all I got for this one. My goal is not to come off as a know it all. I try not to come off as I know everything. I'm just a 33 year old guy with anxiety and mental issues, speaking from his heart. I want to take this time to thank all of you for the support and encouragement. I really appreciate it. If you want to share this you can share it.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

I'M NOT IN A HURRY TO GET BACK TO NORMAL

 Luke 18:11-14 KJV The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

I don't know why I say the things I say or do the things I do on social media. Sometimes I feel like I try to hard to be accepted by people that I take little things like no reactions personal. Needless to say I'm not in a hurry for things to return to normal. Can I be honest and say "normal" wasn't so great for some of us. What's going to happen after we go back to "normal." Are we with issues going to be cast to the side again? Are people different from us going to be condemned and kicked out the church again? Are we going to go back to the same old pre pandemic church? Are the going live prayers going to stop because things are normal? Are businesses that were started going to be done because things are back to normal? Are we going to continue to be focused on the "Old Time Way" and completely ignore the new wave? What are we in a hurry to get back to normal for?

Loneliness didn't start in March of 2020. Depression didn't start in March of 2020. Anxiety issues didn't start March of 2020. What is the normal we want to get back to? I'm not in a hurry to get back to normal. I was asked one time is there any one I talk to outside of church? Not counting social media or twitch, I don't talk to anybody. I go to live streams just to hear people say Hi Daniel or what's up Daniel and not feel pressure to put on an act. I can be Daniel Richerson with no pressure. I can count on one hand of the real people I feel that comfortable with in "real life." 

I'm reminded of a verse that was told to me during an altar call some time ago. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." That put a little ease on the on the constant scan my brain tends to be on all the time. You know how you're in the car and you're looking for a radio station to listen to? So you hit the scan button so it goes through random radio stations until you hear a song you like. That's why when people ask what's on my mind I can't answer. That's a loaded question. 

So the question comes why am I not in a hurry? Long answer short, fear of the the unknown. Fear of going back to saying "No more church as usual" with no action. I've grown numb to church clichés with no action. I heard for years that we got to get out the four walls. All the while staying comfortable in their spot on the pew their spot on the totem pole. Keep in mind these are the same people that would say, "Get out your comfort zone." 

My heart really does go out to those who are begging for someone to care about their depression. I remember in high school I would write down statements like, "I'm so sick of being lonely" thinking nobody would read them. One of my old classmates happened to see what I wrote and she encouraged me writing something to the effect of, "Jesus is with you you're not alone." I can't remember verbatim what she wrote, but I really was thinking that nobody would see what I wrote. I didn't think anybody would care. Let alone somebody at high school. The next day she brought me a cookie on a stick with a happy face on it. That was unexpected and something I'll never forget. I was looking for someone to care, and was not expecting it to be one of my classmates. Some of us dealing with depression are just looking for someone to say I care, not to use our situation in a sermon or judge us. We just want to someone to care. When someone is hungry you give them food, right? I mentioned in previous posts that some of us is just looking for an ear to talk to. 

When this pandemic is truly over, let's not just go back to the old time way cause we can, but take what we've learned and developed during the pandemic and apply it. It's a waste of time learning new plays just to go back to the old plays and lose the game. Growing up I would hear, "It's not in the crowd it's in the cloud." When the crowd comes back to the sanctuary lets not forget the cloud that's been with us during the pandemic. Let's also not forget those who dealt with depression, loneliness, and anxiety during the pandemic. Continue to check on those that say they're ok. Continue to do live prayer time if that's your ministry. It is said that if you don't learn from history you're doomed to repeat it. 

That's all I have for this piece. I want to thank God. I want to thank you all for the continued support. I want to thank those that share my posts. My hope is that if I can reach one who possibly may feel the same way I do and realize they're not the only one maybe we can get well together. Follow me on my socials if you want to. Feel free to share this post all around if you feel led. I don't mind.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

DON'T IGNORE THE PROGRESS IN THE PROCESS

 You hear this quote all the time, "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be." You hear that from saints and 'aints alike. To quote my Pastor "In other words," I'm still in the process but I'm making progress. I feel like we've been living a society that wants to ignore the progress in the process. Our society has been impatient for a long time. We want the prize without running the race. We want to lose weight without the work. We want faith to work without work. It feels like people want the finish product with the process. Nine times out of ten, it doesn't work that way. 

2 Thessalonians 3:13 "But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing."

It's not a comfortable feeling when you know you're working hard and making progress in life only to have your who situation shut down because you're still in the process. It's not a comfortable feeling you know you're heading in the right direction, and you still get told that you're not doing it right because it's not the way so and so want's you do it, or you're not doing it like they did it. I know what's it's like to have your progress completely ignored because you're not at the final destination yet. Be not weary. It gets depressing when you get that from anybody, especially when it comes from loved ones. Be not weary. Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing what's right. Your progress is not being ignored. If God sees your progress and is pleased who cares what anybody else thinks. Some of the naysayers wants that spot of God so bad that they try to take the position of God by condemning you. You know who else tried to take the position of God. Satan. Didn't work out for well for him did it? 

Most of the time, success doesn't happen over night, and we can't expect it too. I recently wrote down all my goals and dreams on a piece of paper. It's folded up on my dresser now. Before I go to bed I read that list out loud asking God for direction. God is our father. We treat God like some of us treated our parents growing up. Saying, "I promise I'll be good. I won't do that anymore," as a way to hopefully get what we want. That's how some of us treat the things we do behind closed doors. I'll stop Sunday and Wednesday. I'll stop on the days I know I'm going to seen, so God will be pleased with your performance. What does this have to do with the process? It goes right with trying to get the prize but not working for it. Trying to get the reward of being a Christian but doing none of the work. Kevin Hart has a phrase he uses, "Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to put the work in." In 2 Thessalonians 3:10, Paul said in the last clause, "...that if any would not work, neither should he eat." I believe that more than about a job. If you don't put the work in don't expect to eat like everybody else that has been in the process. 

Now we can't always look and the people sitting on the bench as lazy because we don't know the work they are doing behind the scenes. Just because you don't see the man or woman directing the movie, doesn't mean they're not working. Matthew 6:4 in the Amplified Bible says, "So that your charitable acts will be done in secret; and your father who sees [what is done] in secret will reward you." Be not weary. Galatians 6:9, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." Don't give up during the process. Don't let what people see through natural eyes distract you from your progress. If you're doing what you're supposed to do, keep going. Just because you're not at the finish line yet, doesn't mean your race is over. Just because your due season hasn't come yet, doesn't mean it's not coming. Old song says, "Stay in the field, until the war is ended." Three words has been the subject of this whole pandemic. Don't. Give. Up.

I'm finished. I hope I said something that helps you stay in the process I hope something was said that helps you trust your progress in your process. If I said anything out of line please forgive me. I'm just another dude in the process. If you got this far, please share anyway you know how.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

WHY NOT US?

 Psalm 37:4, 6-7, 9 KJV "Delight thy self also in the LORD, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth." 

James 3:17 "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone."

Joshua 1:8 This book of the law shall not depart out of they mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

"Draw me close to you, never let me go. I'll let it all down again, to hear You say that I'm Your friend. You are my desire, no one else will do. No one else can take your place. To feel the warmth of your embrace. Help me find my way, bring me back to you. I've seen Your work in others, and I want You to work in me." ~ Draw Me Close To You/Thy Will Be Done, Marvin Winans

I mention Pastor Gray Sr, God rest his soul, all time, and he'd tell me on a couple of occasions to, "Walk the path the God has set before you." What did he mean by that? While you're trying to figure out, God has already worked it out. Just walk the path. How do we know where to go while on the path. Psalm 119:105, "Thy word is lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." The flashlight won't work if you don't turn it on. Can't get mad at the light not working if you don't open the book and read it so you can see where you're going. 

I was going to write a post talking about what do we do while we wait on God. All I heard growing up was you got to wait on Jesus. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. I heard all that, but never really was taught what to to while we wait. What I've learned about waiting is that it's kind of  like building yourself up even more to be prepared to what's coming. You do some reading and studying so you can continue to follow that path. When boxers find out the date of their next fight, they don't sit down and lallygag until the fight. They diet, they train, they spar. They prepare for battle the best way they can. That way when when the night of the fight comes, they are ready physically as well as mentally. 

During this pandemic and even before the pandemic, you saw young people using the internet to make a living. And somebody told me one day, "Why not Kingdom kids. Why can't we use the internet like that." Why not us? Matthew 5:45 "...that ye may be the children of your Father which is heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the veil and on the good. and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Habakkuk 2:4 "Behold his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him; but the just shall live his faith Why not us. I think the church has a misconception of doing this "worldly." I believe kingdom young people has the same opportunity to make money on via the internet. I think that church has a misconception on "prosperity." Church has let the word prosperity become blasphemous. Prosperity is not a bad thing. We've made a gimmick out of prophesy. It's become so much of a gimmick, some people don't believe that God can bless with houses and cars. Then comes the people that come you need to do this and you need to do that. We've gotten so used to not seeing miracles that we don't believe in them anymore. 

Let me get back on topic. We have to step out of faith. We can't expect success to come with no process. You got to give those young people that make money using the internet, most not all, put their dream to the test. They stepped out on faith. Look up the story of the YouTuber NoLifeShaq. Now's he's almost to 3 million subscribers, but he stepped out on faith, and few years later, there he is. He did it being himself. If God can do that for him and others...But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have enetered unto the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

I'm trying not to come off as the fifth element, the perfect being, I'm just another guy pressing toward the mark, like everyone else. Most of what was typed I needed to tell myself. Faith over fear. Fear is always going to be there. Push past it. I push past fear every Sunday. Since the pandemic, we've been live streaming our church services. I'm on the praise and worship team. I told myself I would never be one of those people that posts a video of me singing on social media. Mainly because of fear. Now I don't have a choice. When it's my turn to lead songs, I push by the fear and go forth. If I can do it, you can too.

Please share.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

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HOW AM I REALLY DOING? PART III

 2020 was a hard year for most of us. Especially those of us that has struggled with low self esteem and mental health, 2020 seemed to enhance it. I heard a preacher say just because we're in a new year that doesn't mean the season changed. As of typing, Covid-19 is still a problem. Racism is still a problem. I'm pretty sure a lot of us are going stir crazy. As an introvert myself, one would think I'd enjoy being home. Not entirely. I get annoyed with people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to be alone all the time. That's one of the main reasons that I watch reaction videos and try not to laugh videos because it feels like, at least for a moment, I'm not alone.

I'm not a hugger. Never really was a big fan of them. I can remember as a kid that I would give people the shoulder besides going in for the whole hug. That caused quite the reaction from people, and of course I took it well. Just kidding. Anyway, I bring up hugs, because if I can be honest about it, I'm going to regret this, but I kind of miss getting hugged. I mean that genuine I care for you hug. Due to the pandemic, that's been outlawed.

Those that have been reading my posts, you know that most of 2020 I dealt with my own personal anxiety, depression, etc. Well recently I sat down with a couple of spiritual advisors to talk about it. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it because I'm used to keeping stuff in not letting stuff out which is where a lot of my anger comes from. I'd hold a lot of stuff in because I didn't think anybody wanted to listen. Matter of fact when I was a teenager I believe, I actually went to counseling or therapy. It didn't last long, and I believe the reason it didn't last long was because I wasn't willing to really open up all the way. I basically cracked the door open with the door latch still on it refusing to remove the chain latch.

So with these recent two talks, I actually let the door open just enough so I can share what I've been holding in. Not all of it, but I got a good bit of old junk out. One question I was asked was, "Was there ever a time where you felt whole?" I thought about it and I honestly said no. I go back to being a church kid, I learned how to fake it hoping that people would leave me alone. Funny I felt lonely but at the same time I wanted people to leave me alone. I will say that it felt good opening up and not getting dragged or preached at. It felt good opening up about the why. It felt good to have an ear to talk to and not feeling like you're wasting your time. 

I was given verses to read and meditate on. One being Deuteronomy 30:19, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against  you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life that both thou and thy seed may live." Choose life. With that I've been getting up and walking in place for 15 minutes +, while doing intermittent fasting 9 pm to 11 am, this gimmick called drink to shrink, and taking my medicine.

Another set of verses I was given was Philippians 4:6-8, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." When your mind starts going off the rails, think on these things.

I want to thank all my family and friends that have checked on me and have and are praying for me. I want to thank the ears that were willing to sit down and hear me and talk with me. I want to thank you all for reading as I continue to learn how to love and forgive me. If you got this far, can you please share?

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Still Philippians 3:13-14

Part one: https://bigdusty.blogspot.com/2020/10/learning-how-to-love-and-forgiveme.html

Part two: https://bigdusty.blogspot.com/2021/01/learning-to-love-and-forgive-myself-prt.html

LEARNING TO LOVE AND FORGIVE MYSELF PRT 2/HOW AM I REALLY DOING?

I've never been a good public speaker. I get nervous and end up trying to get a laugh. I don't do that out of disrespect, it's to keep from crying. I don't like to participate in arguments and debates which is why Sunday School started to miss me pre pandemic. So I type these blogs because it's my way of making my voice heard. I tried the podcast thing which was pretty easy because it was just me and the program audacity, and no one else in the room. So I felt free to speak my thoughts. When I would post the podcast, that's when the hypothetical leg would start shaking. This generation is told, why try to fit in when you were born to stand out...honestly I don't remember hearing that growing up. So my mindset was I got to fit in because I'm tired of my feelings being hurt. I'm tired of caring what people think. I'm tired of being tired. Even at 33 years old, I still have that anxiety.

That's when it becomes hard to like or love myself. I know I should be much further in life. I know that I'm a "grown man" and with that comes responsibilities. So I get in my own head, trying to impress the authority and when it goes wrong, I can't take it. So I end up apologizing for messing up. I end up apologizing for not being who other people want me to be. The pressure from others and the pressure I put on myself becomes overbearing so I end up contemplating---why am I still here? So when I do good, or when I get told that I'm doing a good job or I get told that I'm doing something right, I get emotional because I have trouble seeing the worth.

Some months ago I took a trip, and on the way back, I started having trouble breathing. Not just because of the facemask, but it definitely didn't help. I could barely get through the airport. Messages went out, prayers went up, and I made it home. Went to the doctor and I felt a little better, but not 100%. I was told that without good health I'm not as effective to the body of Christ. I spend the next few months lying about how I'm doing. I would say I'm ok to avoid conversation about how I'm really feeling and doing. That came back to bite me. It's written, depending on what version of the Bible you read, "The truth shall make you free" or "The truth shall set your free." If the truth brings freedom, then that means there's no freedom in lying.

Now being a child of the Church Of God In Christ, we're not really taught to admit that we're not ok. We're not really taught to admit how we're really feeling. We're taught to say, I'm blessed and highly favored. We're taught not to admit defeat, but the question comes is admitting that how you feel really admitting defeat?

So turns out I wasn't ok. I wasn't ok physically and mentally. I wasn't ok. Feeling obligated to do things that I didn't want to do. Agreeing to do things because it was the "right thing to do." I haven't realized that I can't help everybody. I have to realize that I can't keep putting my health at risk in order to help others. I have to realize that being selfish is not always a bad thing. Saying no is not selfish. Now it's easy for me to be helpful, but when it starts to feel like I'm being used like a puppet then that's when it becomes an issue. I was told that, "Once they use you up, they're just going to move on to the next person." I don't consider myself a bible scholar but I haven't read anywhere in the Bible that says, saying no is a bad thing. I read no where in the Word of God where it says, you have to be a yes man.

The question then comes, why is it so hard to say no? Why is it so hard to not allow people to use you up and throw you away? To some people it's nothing for them to say no. I've heard it's a thing that has to be learned. You have to learn to say no. I want to be able to say no without having to make an excuse for it. I want to be able to say no and not feel guilty about it. Stop feeling guilty taking my mental health seriously as well as my physical health seriously. So if I happen to say no sometimes, people just have to get over it. Easier typed than done if I'm keeping it 100. Because in my mind that "Golden Rule" comes to my mind. The Golden Rule if you don't know goes like this, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In my mind, it goes to so and so helped me when I needed it, so I owe so and so a debt and every time ask I got to say yes. Even God doesn't say yes to everything, so why do I feel I need to?

So needless to say I still have a ways to go. This was not easy to type, but I felt that it needed to come out. Honestly this is not where I really wanted to go, but this where it ended up going. As I quoted in previous post, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson