DAY BY DAY

"One day at a time, sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking of You
Lord give me the strength to do everyday
What I have to do
Yesterday is gone, sweet Jesus
Tomorrow may never be mine
So Lord for my sake 

Help me to take
One day at a time" ~ as sung by Mother Emily Bibby

It's been two weeks. It still doesn't seem real. I'm back at work because apparently that's supposed to help, and don't get me wrong, it is helping. When I walked back into work, they seemed really happy that I was back. When I was back at my station, the students were happy to see me back, and I was also happy to see them? Trying to put on a happy face to serve sandwiches and wraps, while trying to deal with the numbness of losing a parent, is not easy. So when I'm asked how I'm doing, I don't know. I tell people I'm taking it day by day. 

"Why doesn't Daniel call?" Because I don't know what to say. Even while writing this I'm struggling to find the words to say or the right way to put the words together that are in my head. What do you want to hear from me anyway? That I'm drained? That I'm ashamed that I wasn't further in life when this happened? That I never gave my dad a daughter in law while he was with us? That I feel more lonely that I've ever had before? That's not easy to just come out and say over the phone. Yeah I'm going to work, la di da, oh the money, but when I come home--

At the funeral, I was doing ok. I saw him in the casket. I was trying to get my tribute on the TV they had at the funeral home but I never got it to work. Just ended up playing it from my laptop. Seeing people gathered around the laptop to watch it was a sight to see. I was spending time with my great nephew. It wasn't until right before the service started, I broke. My sister was there to help me cry through it. My mom was behind us both praying. I was sitting with my brother and sister. I can't remember how long it has been since I sat with my brother and sister in a service.

I'm tired. For those that have been reading, I've been very open about my mental health the past couple of years. Dad was a supporter of the blogs. It's funny when I was heading to KY I was hoping to make him laugh again, only to find out he was gone before I even landed. I didn't say anything at the funeral. I wasn't able to. If I could hear him say, "Hey mister..." again--

I'm done.

~Daniel Richerson

For my dad...

I don't know how to go into this post. I've tried and tried many times to get something typed...just so I could get my thoughts out. My dad is gone. Like forreal. I mentioned in the last post that a love one situation got worse, I was talking about my dad while at the same time now trying to say it verbatim...ly? I just landed in  Kentucky to see my family and to see my dad, only to get the news that Dad was gone. Initial reaction was I didn't know how to react. I didn't even freak out. I was numb. I was already numb at that point anyway because it felt like dad's situation kept getting worse. In the back of my mind I probably knew that it was coming, but you can flinch before a punch comes, the punch will still hurt. 

I truly believe my dad's the reason I'm a fan of comedy. He introduced me to The Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello, Don Rickles, Dean Martin, Red Buttons, Foster Brooks, WC Fields, Milton Berle, Ruth Buzzi, Rowan and Martin, Jerry Lewis, and many more. His love for music had a big influence on me also from The Beatles, Elvis, Hendrix, Temptations, Diana Ross and The Supremes, Stevie Wonder, Otis Redding, Gary Lewis and the Playboys, and a lot more from the 50s and 60s. Also professional wrestling. I actually got that from both sides of the family. Dad was a major influence on that. He took my sister and I the only major wrestling promotion show I've ever been. WCW Nitro at what was then known as the Bi-Lo Center January 3, 2000 (thank you google).

I can imagine Dad walking into the throne room sitting on the lap of God. Walking The streets of Gold with no more pain. No more struggle. Going fishing with my late Grandpa and others. I can imagine Him walking in and being greeted by his mother and sister. Dad was never a dancer here on Earth as far as I know. I bet he has a dance now. I can only imagine the conversation between he and the pastors that transitioned before him. Dad wasn't much of a singer...as a matter of fact not at all. This is his word, "I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it." Bless his heart. He was right though. I imagine he's making a joyful noise now. 

Being surrounded by family and dogs have really helped me. The phone calls, texts, messages, thoughts, and prayers have not gone unnoticed. I know I will have to reach out to someone. I will say this if I don't reach out, don't give up on me, please. I know thoughts and prayers have become cliche, but I promise you it's working. I know mentally this is going to take a toil on me. In a way it already has. I mean, I lost my dad. He wasn't perfect, but what father other than God is? We would check on each other via text to see how each other was doing. He knew I was a Tampa Bay fan and would text me when Tampa won. He'd read the blogs and give me feedback on them. We both went through hard times together. I believe we both came out better because of it. I'll miss him very much.

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson

2022...DO BETTER

I've been hesitating typing this post because I've been trying to get my thoughts together all of them to try to have it make sense...huh? My mind has been all over the place due to circumstances that has happened to cause my mental health to go well mental again. Thanks for nothing 2022. There's a reason why I never say new year new me. That's a work. While I say that some people turn that work in to a shoot, meaning they actually turn it into a lifestyle...and God bless them. I'll be honest, I'm not that disciplined yet. 

So my 2022 so far has been just another case of my child hood just erasing itself in front of my eyes. 2021 brought the loss of high school friends and adults that were major parts of my childhood. The beginning of 2022 we've lost Betty White, Sidney Poitier, and Bob Saget. I grew up watching Full House on TGIF. Sidney directed one of my all time favorite movies, Stir Crazy. Not to mention To Sir With Love, become like a cult classic with my sister and myself. More to my sister but I did watch it also. Golden Girls....what else is there to say? Oh, Daniel, they're just celebrities...ok, next time you cry over a football game, as the old hymn say, "Let me clear my throat!" Don't get offended because I called an old rap song a hymn, these are the jokes--

And I tested positive for Corona! So I got tested for Covid just to be sure before I start back going to work, and I took it on a Wednesday. and was told I would have my results by that Friday. Didn't get it until that next Tuesday morning. I was sleep, then got up because my bladder was---never mind, and I looked at my phone because I'm not a self hating millennial, cough cough, and saw that I had a text message from DHEC with my results. Coo Coo Cachoo, I found out that I was positive. I was told by someone, "I don't want you going crazy." Ok...you know that thing of where you tell someone not to look down, and they end up---looking--

All joking aside, as I'm typing this, it's been about a week since I was tested and I am feeling better. Still coughing a little bit but that's about it. So I tested positive...around the same day, I got a phone call that a loved one's condition had gotten worse...hence the warning about not going crazy. I was actually doing good for a few days, mentally. Then the situation got worse than that...remember in Shrek when Shrek and Donkey was trying to get to the castle? They were going across the rickety bridge, and Donkey was repeating to himself not to look down. Then a piece of the bridge broke and Donkey uttered, "Shrek, I'm looking down!" 

All the stuff that people tell me not to feel, I felt. "Daniel don't feel this way. Daniel don't feel that way." Too late. I will say somebody did tell me to work on my mental health exercises, and I did. Again I was doing well until--it was just all too much. If God allows, I'll be 35 this year. Is it too late for me? Is it too late for me to find love? Will I ever use my time wisely? Will I ever impress my spiritual fathers and mothers? Am I overreacting? Will I ever be able to get over it? Is it too late?

I mentioned mental health exercises. This is what I do. This is not a suggestion for what you should do. I'm not that smart. This is what I do. I try to remember what has been told to me in the sessions I've had. I write blogs. Youtube has this thing called "My Mix" where it puts a mix of videos you watch often, and for me and my video mix, they help me stay sane. I listen to music. I pray. I don't pray like everybody else. I tend to do what the song writer said, "Have a little talk with Jesus. Tell Him all about your troubles. He'll hear your fainted cry, and He'll answer by and by. When you feel the pray wheel turning. Know that the fire is burning. Just a talk with Jesus makes it all right." My problem is when I do pray, I feel bad because I don't pray like the mothers of old or the "seasoned saints" of today. I may be wrong, but my mind is going to Matthew 6:5-7 (CEV), "When you pray, don't be like those show-offs who love to stand up and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners. They do this just to look good. I can assure you that they already have their reward. When you pray, go into a room alone and close the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private and will reward you. When you pray don't talk on and on as people do who don't know God. They think God likes to hear long prayers."

Please hear me, I'm not throwing stones, I'm just letting some things out. I'm just different. I'm just a dude trying to make it like everybody else. It took me a minute to get this post out as clear as I wanted it to be. I hope I did a good job. I tried to type this blog earlier, but my emotions and focus was too off for me to get any clear thought out. Continue to pray for me and people like me who suffer but feel like we got to be silent at times. Continue to pray for the lonely. Continue to pray for those who had Covid-19 and are still feeling the repercussions of it. I read someone that it's called Long Covid. Pray for their mental health as well. Pray for the Kingdom. Saints don't stop praying for the Lord is nigh. Saints don't stop praying, He'll hear your cry. For the Lord has promised, and His Word is true. Saints don't stop praying He'll answer you.

And I'm done. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I hope something was said that was encouraging. I hope I didn't offend anybody, that's never my intention. If I can get some of you to share the post to get it out to those who may need to read it, that would be cool. I appreciate all of you who continue to support what I do. Here's to a better 2022 for all of us.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty
Twitter.com/d_rich864
Instagram.com/d_rich864
Twitch.tv/danielricherson
Big_Dusty on SnapChat