WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

As I'm typing this I just turned 31. Some told me that I wasn't supposed to make 30. Some said I'm not going to make it past the next couple of years. I'm single. I really don't know what to do in that department, but that's not what this blog is about. I work at as a cook as a fast food restaurant. My coworkers consist of mostly teenagers. I hear them talking about what do they want to do after high school because some of them are about to graduate. They talk about other things as well...moving on.

So I feel like I'm ready to move on from where I'm working now. I find myself getting more angry at little things. I'm getting bored. I'm feeling like I need more. I'm feeling like I need to do more. I'm feeling like there is more for me to do. One of my problem is, is that I don't know what that is. I don't know what I want to do. Some people know what they want to do at 12. I'm 31 one, and I find that question, "What do you want to do?" is one of the hardest questions I've ever been asked.

When I went to college after high school, I picked a major that I thought was something, but I soon realized that I didn't pick the right major for me. Besides picking a different major, I just left because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was 19 or 20 at the time. So we're talking 11 years or so of trying to figure this out. Something something something, and now I'm working at a fast food restaurant. I've heard it said that when you turn 30, that's when the "light" turns on. I think for me it was 31.

Recently I was having a conversation with a guy and he plainly asked me, "What do you want to do?" Per usual, I didn't have a solid answer. I mentioned that I like to write. It is well known I liked to write blogs such as this. Thanks for reading by the way. I've always wanted to write a book. Like a novel. I've always written short stories since I can remember. I feel that as soon as I started using Microsoft Word for the first time, that's when I really started typing short stories that I would never finish. I remember in Middle School, I would continuously print out new chapters of a story and it would end up going around the school. At the time I was voted something like best author or something like that. I do remember it had something to do with writing.

I've often had dreams of singing on a big stage. I've lead songs at church and I remember dreaming that I would sing with the artists that originally sang the songs I led at church. I see singers sing on Instagram all the time. When it comes to singing on camera or singing out outside of church, I choke. Nothing comes out. I think singing and music at work. It's usually what's gets me through a shift by the night, but I try my best not let a single note come out my mouth because of fear. Even when I lead songs now, I tend to sing under the key I'm supposed to sing on because of, you guessed it, fear.

"What do you want to do?" Good question. I hope to figure it out one day. It's not as if I don't have dreams. I just don't know how to pursue what I think and dream about. And when I do hear about ways to go through a door, I become fearful. Have you heard that old saying, "fear of the unknown" ? #Storyofmylife Even my coworkers, the young coworkers, that I work with, some of them can see that I'm not satisfied with the job. It's as if they know I don't want to be there for the long term. It's a shame that all those years I heard, "You got to do what you have to do, until you can do what you want to to do?" that it took me too long to get that.

So again the question is, "What do you want to do?" Sounds cliche, but I definitely want to be the best Daniel that I can be. The best  Daniel that I'm supposed to be. I'm just trying to figure that out.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson