A LITTLE ANXIOUS

 When I was a kid I would sometimes cry in school. Mostly due to being the pun of jokes. Sometimes after I'd cry, I'd act a little goofy. I don't know why. Maybe it was an attempt to get back in good graces with my classmates. It almost never worked out that way, but still. Fast forward to now, I'm still crying. Not due to being the butt of the joke, but due to depression. I was probably depressed as a child too but it wasn't diagnosed.

So here we are. The election of 2024 happened. I've been a bit on the anxious side since the results. I already have anxiety about going to work everyday, but with the election results mixed with that, I barely had an appetite when I went on my break. Why did the results give me anxiety when I know the government is on the shoulders of Jesus. The writer said, "Whom shall I fear if God be for me?" So why the anxiety? Am I worried about the government? Yes. I'm more worried about the followers, or should I say some of the followers, of the now next President. I'm more worried about the conversation around the election. I'm more worried about the division of the already divided "United" States of America. I for one am not going to argue with anyone. I got major PTSD when it comes to arguments, and I do my best to stay away from them. 

Why do I have anxiety when it comes to my job? For one I've had many of an emotional breakdown at work. I don't go to work planning on crying, but I do have this tiny expectation that someone or something will cause me to think more lowly than I already kind of do of myself. Yes I still see a therapist twice a month. This is a process. Some processes take longer than others. Every night after work, I worry about did I go to far with a joke or did I truly offend any one. That's never my intention.

Speaking of intentions, in previous blog posts, I took some subliminal digs at certain individuals. I would like to take this time to apologize to any one that I offended or took a dig at. Those thoughts were typed out of place that should not have been made public. In the book of Matthew 5:23-24, in the Message Bible, “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God."

Not making any excuses, but I sometimes type the words that I can't articulate through talking. With that I have mental problems, but I do understand that's not an excuse to act a donkey. So again I apologize for any offense. 

That's all I got for this post. I haven't been posting in a while, and that's on me. I thank those of you who take the time and read this stuff. I don't ask for much but if you got this far would you please share this? Stay safe and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

TIRED OF BEING TIRED

Haven't been motivated to write anything. The year 2024 has been crazy so far. As I'm writing this, the list of people who have died has been body numbing. I remember 2016 was a banger year for deaths. Lest we forget the pandemic. Thoughts and prayers seems to sound cliche now. How many times have we actually thought about and prayed for those who are grieving?

Seems like everyday I scroll on social media, somebody is posting that somebody else has passed. From the entertainment industry to the church community. I heard a saying one time that went like this, "Appreciate what you have today, because it may not be there tomorrow." James 4:14 says, "...For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

My dad passed in January of 2022. There's not a night that goes by where he doesn't appear in my dreams. It's like my dreams can't comprehend that he's no longer alive. In my dreams, he's alive and well. It's like nothing has happened. I guess there's regret on my part for not saying anything during his home going service. As I'm typing this I haven't been to his gravesite. Little stuff like that bothers me. 

It's still hard for me to open up like I should. Like most people when asked how I'm doing, I say, "I'm fine." just to keep the conversation going. With the all the death going on, not to mention the election, asking people how they're doing is a deeper question than one might think. How am I doing? I'm tired of being tired, if that makes sense. You know how people say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired?" As the younger generation used to say, that part. 

Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Song writer said, "Trials form the tears in your eyes

Don't stop

I'm telling you

There's a blessing on the other side of through."

Ephesians 6:13-14a, "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..."

Another song writer said, "I know that there's so much more for me. My heart is ready--ready to receive. I'm standing on His promise for He said He'll see me through it and I know He'll do it"

Here's another phrase that's been thrown around a lot lately, but it still holds true. "Don't give up." I'm not going to pretend like I got all the answers. Nor am I going to pretend I know how to tell anyone how to go through what they're going through. I'm just saying don't live in the valley. Walk through it. It's written, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." 

That's all I got for this one. I hope something was said to encourage. I hope that if you made it this far that you will share this with your friends and family. Don't forget to comment as well. Grace. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES

Thank you every one for the birthday wishes. I know this is the only time of the year some of us communicate through the socials, but if this is the only time, I still appreciate it. I went to a therapy session on my birthday. Yes I still do therapy. It's mainly for maintenance now. I still have anxiety attacks here and there but not as much as before. One night I had to drive home for an hour, and...

Ok, I work at a college, so like any other college, this college has spring break. When the college went on break, we that work there also got a break. Being on spring break, got me some time to do certain things that I don't usually get to do because I work 2nd shift. Now when I'm at work, and the anxiety attacks come  I usually start crying for no reason, and I end up having to walk to the back of the building to get myself together. I end up calling my mom or my little sister, depending on who I can get a hold of. They talk me through, or sometimes pray me through the anxiety attacks. I can't speak for anyone else that goes through this like me, but when I get them, I can't ever explain why. People ask me what's wrong, and I tell them I don't know because I really don't know. I just know one moment I'm fine, and then the next moment my eyes are welling up. One of my co-workers, tries to tell me to relax. If that doesn't work, one of my other co-workers asks me if I'm ok and do I need a break. Having no reason to lie, I nod my head, apologizing for having to leave my station. 

So that's at work, but imagine going through that in a car driving on the road with no one to call and you're alone in the car. I will say it's not safe, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you can, call somebody, and talk to somebody. Needless to say this particular night I didn't do any of that. I went to this church service, and it was one of those services where the preacher couldn't preach because the atmosphere was that crazy. Anyway, I got called up to the altar, which always always causes some anxiety, but that's a different blog for a different day. Some time up there somebody whispered in my ear, "You've been trying to do it on your own." That struck a nerve with me because I feel if that was the case, that service should've been a memorial service. That's part of the reason for therapy because I know I can't do it on my own. Now I must say, this I don't know what this person meant by that. This is just how I took it.  La di da di da, I went back to my seat. After benediction, I drove home and felt numb. I had that strange case of, "If you don't care, then I don't care." I have this bad habit of holding two fingers to my head like a gun when I feel like this.  How I made it home? As the song writer said, God did it. Oh yes He did it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies and germs. I turned 37. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Well, I thought I would, but I also thought my life would be completely different than it is now. Is my life perfect? No. Do I have regrets? Plenty. As you can see if you got this far, my life is not peaches and cream. I just take it one day at a time. Every day is a new day and a different day. Do I have PTSD? Yep, but again every day is different. How do I deal with it? A lot of prayer, and ASMR. The medicine I'm on helps too. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. 

That's all I got. Sorry it's been a while between the blogs. I didn't have any material. No I had a lot of material but framing it in a way for post....know what I mean? Again thank you all for birthday wishes. Keep praying for me. Feel free to share your comments, and share the blog around. You are not alone. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson