I'M PROUD OF....ME

November of 2018, Snoop Dogg got a star on on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the end of his acceptance speech, he said,

"Last but not least, I wanna thank me
I wanna thank me for believing in me
I wanna thank me for doing all this hard work
I wanna thank me for having no days off
I wanna thank me for, for never quitting
I wanna thank me for always being a giver
And tryna give more than I recieve
I wanna thank me for tryna do more right than wrong
I wanna thank me for just being me at all times
Snoop Dogg, you a bad mother******"

Allow me if you will to take a page of this book, and say that I am proud of me. Why wait for other's to say that they're proud? I want to take this post to say, that I'm proud of you, Daniel. We may not be where we want to be or where other's wants us to be, but as the saying goes, praise now, it could be worse. First let me say, that I'm proud that you're getting the help that you have needed for years. I'm proud that you took that step, and you've been seeing a therapist and been on antidepressants for almost a year. The growth that has come from taken that initial step has shown. Other's may not see the growth, but the growth is there, you and I both know it. 

I'm proud that you're taking your health more seriously. This last hospital bid was a real wake up call for us. First time ever in an ambulance. I know we relive that experience from time to time. Even typing about it, I can see us in the ambulance and them trying to put a oxygen mask on. Next thing we know we were in the hospital strapped to a bed. I'm proud that we have been doing our best to take our medicine every morning and night since we got out the hospital. We still got a ways to go as far as the LB's (weight) goes, but we'll get there.

I'm proud of you for not giving up when it would've been easy to. Back in 2011 when we and Dad were living out of a van, sleeping in parking lots and cheap motels it would've been easy to give up but we kept going. Back in 2013 when you went to hospital and the doctor's told you that you wouldn't make it to 30. It would've been easy and some would say understandable to give up at that point. Christmas of 2015 when you went back to hospital, you didn't give up. Getting fired from jobs, you kept pushing. Suicidal thoughts came, but you didn't act on them. I'm proud of you. We're here typing this because you didn't give up.

I'm proud of you for learning how to be yourself. For learning how to laugh out loud and not hide your smile. I proud of you for finding your smile because there was a time where we lost it. I'm proud that we learned to like Daniel Richerson for Daniel Richerson. I proud of the hard worker that you've become. The work you put in at church and the work you've put at jobs. Your time at jobs initially started out shaky, but we figured it out. I'm proud of you. 

Don't get it twisted, I realize that God gets all the glory but I don't believe there's nothing wrong with putting yourself over when you've spent a lifetime putting yourself down. Philippians 3:12-13 Easy To Read Version, " I am not saying that I have already reached that place in my life. I have not yet completely become the person that God wants me to be. But I am trying very hard to reach that place. That was Christ's purpose when he first made me his own. My Christian friends, I do not think that I have reached that place yet. But this is what I do: I do not think about past things that have already happened. Instead, I try hard to reach the things that are in front of me."

That's all I have for this post. This post may seem a little arrogant. It may not work. I just wanted Daniel to know that I'm proud of him. That's all. If you feel led you can share this post around. Thank you if you read this far. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ONE YEAR LATER

It's been a year, but it still doesn't seem real at times. Then a birthday passed and no gift card or text message. A Father's Day passed and I couldn't send a text message or call. Thanksgiving passed, with n conversation. Christmas passed, no conversation. A new year...yeah it's real, but I wish it wasn't. I started therapy, but I can't tell him about it. I was in the hospital for nearly a full week and didn't get a chance to hear from him...to say it sucks would be an understatement.

At his homegoing, I didn't say anything, because I couldn't find the words. Really I still can't find the words that I could've said during the service. Even trying to think of the words I would say is tearing my nerves up. I miss him. I wish I could tell him some things. I would give anything to hear him say, "Hey Mister," just one more time. 

I always wanted him to come down to SC and visit, but sadly that never happened. He did tune in to the live streams for church so technically he did see me in one of my elements. I just often wish that he could've seen it in person. I still dream about him as if he's still here. The dreams feel so realistic that in the dream I would forget that he's no longer...you know...

Sometimes I can still picture myself back in that funeral home seeing that sliding gimmick open and seeing Dad in the casket. That's probably a visual I'm never going to forget. I remember being overcome with emotions when it came down to sit down. I was wearing sunglasses. I wasn't tryin to be "Joe Cool" per say, I was just you know trying to had the emotions, but I think my entire body gave it away. When my sister asked me if I had something to say, I couldn't. I was asked why I didn't sing....I couldn't. I give a smart answer like only I would, but in reality, the moment probably would've wrecked me. The paranoia would've got me to not having a funeral in a sanctuary and we had no musician or no backing tracks...even with said things, there's no telling if I could've gotten through it.

I thank those who have continued to check on me. I thank those who have continued to pray for me. I thank you for loving me. I thank you for caring. Now for Dad's benediction,

"And now Lord as we depart from this place. As we go to our homes or where ever else we might go I pray Lord that You get us there safely, and bring us back at the appointed hour. In Jesus name, Amen. Now hug someone and be friendly."

Peace. Love, and

Stay Saved

Daniel Richerson