"Something down inside of me telling me to go ahead"
"I almost gave up but a power that I can't explain fell from heaven like a shower." (Kirk Franklin)
"I'll trust You, though is not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem so far away, but I'll trust You. I need to know You're here. Through the tears and the pain. Through the heartache and rain. I'll trust you." (James Fortune)
"In spite of all I've done, Jesus You keep on looking out for me." (Kirk Franklin)
"If I concentrate on all the bad
And all the things I wish I had
How can the dark clouds ever pass?
Weeping may endure for a night
But joy comes in the morning light
God'll keep your spirit right
So, no matter what the people say
Ain't nobody takin' this joy away
Inspite of everything I've been through
I can say
Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus" (Kirk Franklin)
In 2014 around September, I believe, I had a job working at this company Velux. As I am now, I was stand offish because I didn't know anybody, which made me an easy target of jokes. I was in my late 20s still dealing with other people talking about him. That's beside the point. One particular night, I was eating lunch which was a little bit of leftover Chinese food. One of my coworkers made a comment about how much food I had or didn't. I then made a comment that went something like, "Well, I've had less." Basically pointing out the fact that a little more than 3 years prior I didn't know when my next meal was coming from. So that then turned into a conversation about my story. Not having a home not having a meal. I basically shared my story. That was really the first time I opened up about that. I got comfortable to finally having a roof over my head, and no longer being hungry like I was. I never really shared what I went through. So when I shared, I broke down. I tried my best to stop the tears from falling, but I didn't win that fight. What really broke me even more was after lunch break, I was still trying to get myself together. I was at my spot trying to do my job the best I can. Another one of my coworkers heard about what happened and my story, and he said, "To go through what you've gone through and still be able to stand here and work. You're a hell of a man." That was it for me.
I bring this story up because it was at this point where I felt that there was a reason for me to make it through all that I went through. It was as that point where I felt that I didn't go through what I went through for nothing. It was at that point where I felt that I had purpose. I knew I had purpose, but I didn't really feel that I had purpose. That night showed me, even if it was a glimmer, it showed me that my story meant something. Being a church kid, being raised where testimony service was still a thing, I heard, "We're overcome by the word of our testimony and the blood of the lamb." I believe that's based on Revelation 12:11. Song writer said, "My test became my testimony to tell."
I'm not the only one with a story. I'm not the only one that knows what hope looks like. A glimmer of hope is still hope. A little bit of faith is still faith. Old song says, "You don't need a whole lot, just use what you got. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith." So I encourage you, and I encourage myself, to hold on to that faith. Hold on to that hope. God loves you despite of whatever you did or done. How can I say that? Well Romans 8:38-39, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angles, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
That was the first time an idea of writing a book came to mind, but I never really went in on it. I was still dealing with depression and self-doubt. In some ways, I'm still dealing with it. So the question is, how do I keep going on? How do I keep walking with my limp, as Jonathan McReynolds put it. To be honest, not to be cliche. It's God. Old song says, "He could have let me drown, but instead He took me in"
The Bible says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God." A mustard seed of faith can move mountains. We got to stay in the Bible. Stay in the field. Old song says, "Stay in the field, until the war is ended." I know we want people to care about us, but we got to care about us. We got to find value in ourselves. We got to see the worth in us. Somehow we got to learn to see through God's eyes not our own eyes. The Bible says, "Death and life is in the power of the tongue." So what are you speaking over yourself? What are you speaking over situations? What are you speaking?
I heard Kirk Franklin say some time ago, "We no longer have to perform for God. We can go to God just as we are." What's that mean? Some churches look at you strange if you don't praise right. If you don't dance right. You can't praise like anybody else because you didn't go through what they went through. You know what you went through. Praise God for you not for anybody else. I heard somebody say, "Give God a praise that don't belong to anybody else."
Now I put songs at the beginning. These are just some of the songs that help me get my mind right when I get down. When my anxiety kicks in, I go to songs like these. I go to people that I know can pray like my Mom and my little sister. I try to stay positive while I'm scared. I try to stay sane while feeling insane. I learn how to take the meat and spit out the bones. One thing I am making sure of is that I don't become so down that I don't fall for every "word" that comes my way. Why? Because a lot of pastors and leaders, not your pastor, not my pastor, but some pastors have become predators in sense that they're preying on your emotions. Even tough we're in a pandemic, those people that charge you for a prayer are still preying. Be careful. Hollywood is not the only place that's full of actors.
That's all I got for this one. I hope you got something out of it. If you read this far, can you please share? Thank you for reading.
Stay Saved,
Daniel Richerson
