It’s been some time since Daniel has really chatted with somebody. Last person who IMed him was his friend Kurt. It’s not that big of a deal though. He’s been watching funny videos on this website. He’s also been posting on message boards here and there to let them know he still exists but other than that, Daniel’s been almost boycotting any communication. Of course he’s been commenting people’s pages here and there, wishing happy birthday’s and such. That’s all because of pure boredom.
As far as the online crushes he has, Daniel decided to let them all go. He decided to forget them all. The crushes still pop in his head from time to time, but that’s as far as it goes. The following is what he wrote in a blog entry on his webpage.
“Now last night, I was praying to God before I went to bed, and basically I told him that I'm no longer going to hold on to the girls I have a crush on. Ever have a crush, then they go out with other people, or they just don't pay you any mind at all? or they just don't feel the same way? Yeah, sucks don't it. Well my advice...is to move on. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm sick of being depressed, mad, and sad over girls over the internet. It can't be healthy. Note, I did not say the attraction left. The girls you have a crush on, may be the ‘one’, but all i'm saying is, don't let it get to you so deep that if they lightly hit you on the arm, you fall down crying. Just take is slow.”
While letting go of crushes, one of which being Briana, he also decided to proclaim some people back to God. One Sunday morning at church, his pastor told them to get pictures of people that needed to be saved and bring them that Wednesday night. The plan was to spread the pictures over the altar and pray over them. Also the pastor said that starting that midnight he wanted the church to go on a three day fast to make Wednesday night more powerful.
So starting that midnight, Daniel went on a three day fast. This was the first fast he’d ever done in his life. He did eat at dinner time, but other than that Daniel spent most of his time studying the Bible and praying. As he was studying and praying, he printed out a couple of pictures, and then a couple of more that Wednesday night. He could’ve printed out more, but he forgot. So that Wednesday night, Daniel and his mom went to the service with the pictures looking forward to the prayer. As they walked in, service was going on, but the prayer hadn’t started yet, so Jeanette was happy. The pastor got up, and quoted some scripture, and then the prayer started.
Some people were walking the aisles, some people were on their knees, and some people were standing still…all the while everybody was praising and worshiping God. A fresh anointing hit that place so. Daniel was on his knees just thanking God. The pastor started speaking in tongues, basically putting a period on the whole prayer. After that night, Daniel started proclaiming the people on the pictures saved. Even though they were still cussing and stuff, Daniel was still proclaiming them saved. The pastor told the church to do that after the prayer and that everything they’re doing now is just residue. Daniel took that and ran with it.
While proclaiming people to God, Daniel also just began praying over his own life. Proclaiming that he won’t be in the position he’s in the rest of his life. Proclaiming that he will have a job. He will have a family. He will make it.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Reality Chapter 8
For a few months, at Daniel’s church, the choir has been rehearsing for their debut recording. All Daniel was basically doing during the rehearsal was…standing. When the other people weren’t there, Daniel played the congas, but other than that, Daniel just stood. In his mind, Daniel knew he wanted to play a song on the drums, but he figured that they’ve already been rehearsing long enough, and he couldn’t add anything to the project. One Sunday, however, Daniel and the other musicians got certificates from the pastor, plus a $25 check from the church.
The certificate said “Your loyalty, devotion and tireless efforts in creating a melody of music, unified through one sound yet creating an atmosphere of praise & worship for God’s people. Your give has been instrumental in the strengthening and breaking through process while gathered in worship. God will not forget your labor of love that you minister like David through music. We appreciate your gift to the Body of Christ, given this 5th day of August 2007.” Then the pastor signed it.
To some people they would consider that an honor, but to Daniel it was useless. Daniel hadn’t done anything music wise since he joined the church. He played a couple of songs one Sunday because the regular drummer was on vacation with his family. He played one Wednesday night because the regular drummer had to work. Other than those, Daniel hadn’t done anything. So Daniel figured, since he got $25 dollars just for standing, he wondered what he would get for sitting. He told a couple of people that and got a laugh.
On the night of the last rehearsal, Daniel got his shot to play. The drummer had to work, and nobody else was there to do it. Daniel didn’t exactly take it with open arms, but he got on anyway, after the music director told him to. The youth choir was rehearsing at first, so Daniel found the beat and played at the tempo. After that the regular choir got up. They went through the song list for the CD. The pastor ending up playing a couple of songs that night because Daniel thought he couldn’t handle them. After the rehearsal, Daniel was told by some people that he did a good job. Of course he got it from his mom, but he also got it from the pastor and other members. That made Daniel feel sorta good.
Later that week the musicians had a music workshop. The guy that was running it was a very well known musician. Daniel knew of him as a great organist. Anyway, it came time when he called the musicians up on the stand to play. The regular drummer went first with the rest of the band and did a good job. The instructor told him to do this and that, but over all it was good. Then another drummer got up and played. She didn’t do as good as the regular drummer but it was still decent. Then it came down for Daniel to play. Daniel played it safe. He was nervous as all get out, so he figured he would get away with playing it safe. Then the instructor told Daniel to calm down, take a breath, and close his eyes. Daniel was close to crying right then but he didn’t. The instructor told Daniel to imagine that he was at a concert, but for some reason Daniel couldn’t do it. He tried his best, but it didn’t come out that way. Daniel got off and sat through the rest of it.
Alisha was there to take Daniel home, and all the way home Daniel kept to himself. Alisha asked him questions, and Daniel would give safe one or two word answers. As they pulled in the yard, Daniel got out the car, walked in the house, and Jeanette knew something was wrong from the get go. She told Daniel to go the kitchen and heat up the pizza. Daniel went to the kitchen, looked at the pizza boxes, but Daniel just wanted to go to his room and lay on his bed. That’s just what he did. He lied on his bed and let the tears run. A few minutes later, Daniel got up, made sure his was looking semi-straight in the mirror, and we back to the kitchen to heat up his food. Jeanette walked in the kitchen and asked Daniel what was wrong.
“Well, I was asked to play at rehearsal and I just couldn’t play my best. I always get nervous every time I get on that particular set of drums. At the old church, you know, I just played to play. Then the instructor was there and it made me more nervous. The thought of quitting popped in my head.”
“Now you know who that is right? Don’t you let the devil mess with your mind like that.”
So came the day for the recording. The whole service went wonderful. Of course, Daniel just stood there doing much of nothing. At the end of the recording, the pastor, who was also the emcee of the service, introduced the musicians. Daniel, not surprisingly, was left out because he didn’t do anything. It hurt Daniel, yes, but he didn’t show it. He just smiled and nodded his head to the beat the musicians were playing. Daniel tried to joke around with it after the benediction saying that he didn’t break a sweat. One point that really put Daniel back to reality was when this lady asked him, “What were you doing back there?”
“Standing.”
They all started laughing, including Daniel himself. As Jeanette drove them both back home, Daniel once again kept to himself. He started to feel useless again.
The certificate said “Your loyalty, devotion and tireless efforts in creating a melody of music, unified through one sound yet creating an atmosphere of praise & worship for God’s people. Your give has been instrumental in the strengthening and breaking through process while gathered in worship. God will not forget your labor of love that you minister like David through music. We appreciate your gift to the Body of Christ, given this 5th day of August 2007.” Then the pastor signed it.
To some people they would consider that an honor, but to Daniel it was useless. Daniel hadn’t done anything music wise since he joined the church. He played a couple of songs one Sunday because the regular drummer was on vacation with his family. He played one Wednesday night because the regular drummer had to work. Other than those, Daniel hadn’t done anything. So Daniel figured, since he got $25 dollars just for standing, he wondered what he would get for sitting. He told a couple of people that and got a laugh.
On the night of the last rehearsal, Daniel got his shot to play. The drummer had to work, and nobody else was there to do it. Daniel didn’t exactly take it with open arms, but he got on anyway, after the music director told him to. The youth choir was rehearsing at first, so Daniel found the beat and played at the tempo. After that the regular choir got up. They went through the song list for the CD. The pastor ending up playing a couple of songs that night because Daniel thought he couldn’t handle them. After the rehearsal, Daniel was told by some people that he did a good job. Of course he got it from his mom, but he also got it from the pastor and other members. That made Daniel feel sorta good.
Later that week the musicians had a music workshop. The guy that was running it was a very well known musician. Daniel knew of him as a great organist. Anyway, it came time when he called the musicians up on the stand to play. The regular drummer went first with the rest of the band and did a good job. The instructor told him to do this and that, but over all it was good. Then another drummer got up and played. She didn’t do as good as the regular drummer but it was still decent. Then it came down for Daniel to play. Daniel played it safe. He was nervous as all get out, so he figured he would get away with playing it safe. Then the instructor told Daniel to calm down, take a breath, and close his eyes. Daniel was close to crying right then but he didn’t. The instructor told Daniel to imagine that he was at a concert, but for some reason Daniel couldn’t do it. He tried his best, but it didn’t come out that way. Daniel got off and sat through the rest of it.
Alisha was there to take Daniel home, and all the way home Daniel kept to himself. Alisha asked him questions, and Daniel would give safe one or two word answers. As they pulled in the yard, Daniel got out the car, walked in the house, and Jeanette knew something was wrong from the get go. She told Daniel to go the kitchen and heat up the pizza. Daniel went to the kitchen, looked at the pizza boxes, but Daniel just wanted to go to his room and lay on his bed. That’s just what he did. He lied on his bed and let the tears run. A few minutes later, Daniel got up, made sure his was looking semi-straight in the mirror, and we back to the kitchen to heat up his food. Jeanette walked in the kitchen and asked Daniel what was wrong.
“Well, I was asked to play at rehearsal and I just couldn’t play my best. I always get nervous every time I get on that particular set of drums. At the old church, you know, I just played to play. Then the instructor was there and it made me more nervous. The thought of quitting popped in my head.”
“Now you know who that is right? Don’t you let the devil mess with your mind like that.”
So came the day for the recording. The whole service went wonderful. Of course, Daniel just stood there doing much of nothing. At the end of the recording, the pastor, who was also the emcee of the service, introduced the musicians. Daniel, not surprisingly, was left out because he didn’t do anything. It hurt Daniel, yes, but he didn’t show it. He just smiled and nodded his head to the beat the musicians were playing. Daniel tried to joke around with it after the benediction saying that he didn’t break a sweat. One point that really put Daniel back to reality was when this lady asked him, “What were you doing back there?”
“Standing.”
They all started laughing, including Daniel himself. As Jeanette drove them both back home, Daniel once again kept to himself. He started to feel useless again.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Reality: Chapter 7
Some days later, Daniel was at the computer listening to a podcast that was done by a guy that runs his own messageboard, and has a heart to encourage new Christians to show them where to go. He also had his wife and his sister featured in the podcast. The podcast was basically teaching young Christians what they should be doing to grow. Daniel was enjoying it.
Daniel was almost done listening when there was a knock on the door. Looking out the window, Daniel realized that is was his old friends Ben and his younger brother Adam. Daniel invited them in, and then Daniel stopped the podcast. Ginger wouldn’t stop sniffing them. Ben said she smelled his dog, but Daniel thought it was the cigarette smell that got to her. Anyway, they talked for about 20 minutes about random topics such as wrestling, jobs, road trip, and etc. So, Adam and Ben decided to invite Daniel to go to McDonalds. Daniel put some jeans on over his shorts, and put a shirt on over his undershirt. Then he picked and brushed his hair as quickly as he could. He got his shoes on without tying them and left the house. They went to McDonalds, and ate there. They dropped Daniel off then they left to go to another friend’s house.
Later that night Daniel noticed a pain in his left ankle. It bothered him for the rest of that night and the next day. He spent most of the day with his leg elevated on a chair while searching the internet. While he had the spare time he typed up a blog and recorded an audio blog. During the recording of the audio blog…
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Yo you crushin on briana?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: i am attracted yeah”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Haha have you told her that?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: not really”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: well i think she might know, if she read your story or w/e”
“Daniel aka Big d says: yep”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: I'm going to see briana next week”
“Daniel aka Big d says: Cool”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: yea i'll try to put in a good word for ya. “
“Daniel aka Big d says: heh! aight man”
So because of this conversation, Daniel admitted on the voice blog that he was attracted to Briana. A couple of hours later, Seth decided to IM Daniel again.
“Seth aka SonShyne says: how can you be attracted to a chick you never met in real life?”
This hit Daniel hard. He thought about it, and it got him feeling terrible. He’s been in that type of situation before a couple of times where he found a couple of people online pretty. Even “dated” some, but they always ended up making Daniel depressed because he knew that he’d never have a shot of meeting them. So, how was Briana going to be any different? Why did he always get so caught up in fantasies that weren’t going to happen? As a matter of fact Daniel chatted with Briana a couple of days before. Daniel had written something about a dream he had.
“Elle Es: i almost got jealous about that chick who kissed u. i was like WHAT HOL UP...daniel got a girl kissin all on him. im jus playin with ya. dont take it serious”
Daniel should’ve figured right there and then that nothing was going to happen with Bri. Something has got to give here. Something has got to give or Daniel is going to lose his mind.
Daniel was almost done listening when there was a knock on the door. Looking out the window, Daniel realized that is was his old friends Ben and his younger brother Adam. Daniel invited them in, and then Daniel stopped the podcast. Ginger wouldn’t stop sniffing them. Ben said she smelled his dog, but Daniel thought it was the cigarette smell that got to her. Anyway, they talked for about 20 minutes about random topics such as wrestling, jobs, road trip, and etc. So, Adam and Ben decided to invite Daniel to go to McDonalds. Daniel put some jeans on over his shorts, and put a shirt on over his undershirt. Then he picked and brushed his hair as quickly as he could. He got his shoes on without tying them and left the house. They went to McDonalds, and ate there. They dropped Daniel off then they left to go to another friend’s house.
Later that night Daniel noticed a pain in his left ankle. It bothered him for the rest of that night and the next day. He spent most of the day with his leg elevated on a chair while searching the internet. While he had the spare time he typed up a blog and recorded an audio blog. During the recording of the audio blog…
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Yo you crushin on briana?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: i am attracted yeah”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: Haha have you told her that?”
“Daniel aka Big d says: not really”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: well i think she might know, if she read your story or w/e”
“Daniel aka Big d says: yep”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: I'm going to see briana next week”
“Daniel aka Big d says: Cool”
“Seth aka SonShyne says: yea i'll try to put in a good word for ya. “
“Daniel aka Big d says: heh! aight man”
So because of this conversation, Daniel admitted on the voice blog that he was attracted to Briana. A couple of hours later, Seth decided to IM Daniel again.
“Seth aka SonShyne says: how can you be attracted to a chick you never met in real life?”
This hit Daniel hard. He thought about it, and it got him feeling terrible. He’s been in that type of situation before a couple of times where he found a couple of people online pretty. Even “dated” some, but they always ended up making Daniel depressed because he knew that he’d never have a shot of meeting them. So, how was Briana going to be any different? Why did he always get so caught up in fantasies that weren’t going to happen? As a matter of fact Daniel chatted with Briana a couple of days before. Daniel had written something about a dream he had.
“Elle Es: i almost got jealous about that chick who kissed u. i was like WHAT HOL UP...daniel got a girl kissin all on him. im jus playin with ya. dont take it serious”
Daniel should’ve figured right there and then that nothing was going to happen with Bri. Something has got to give here. Something has got to give or Daniel is going to lose his mind.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Reality Chapter 6
It’s been a few months since the conference, and things are finally looking up for Daniel. He has a job. It’s not the best but at least he’s getting money in his pocket. He doesn’t spend that much time on the computer anymore except to check email or work on some of his writing. Sometimes he even…
There was a knock on the door. Daniel wasn’t expecting company at all, and plus his hair looked a mess. He put a du-rag on with a hat and went to the door. He opened the door and wondered why the person at the door looked so familiar.
“Hey Daniel, it’s me.”
“Hey! Who are you?”
The person laughed a little and then said, “It’s me, Nikki.” Daniel then remembered what was going on. Nikki was in the neighborhood visiting one of her relatives and Daniel had mentioned that if Nikki wanted to meet, he was all for it. Daniel gave her a hug and invited her inside. She looked a little different then what Daniel imagined her to look like.
“So, Nikki, what brings you here?”
“Just wanted to see you before I went back to California. Basically so we can say we actually met.”
“Cool, well here I am. Sorry to disappoint.”
“No you look fine. I should’ve called first, huh?”
“Yeah, that would’ve helped.”
Nikki laughed as Daniel grinned a little bit. They talked for about a half an hour or so. The most Daniel has really talked to anyone. Nikki’s sister honked the horn outside, so Nikki got up to leave. Daniel and Nikki hugged, and then Daniel did something that was out the blue. He gave Nikki a kiss on the cheek. Nikki returned the favor, but to his lips. They locked eyes, and…
“Daniel, wake up! We got to get Alisha from college,” Jeanette yelled.
This startled Daniel as he woke up. He smelled his hand, and then realized that he had to take a shower. Jeanette told him to hurry up. Once again, he had a dream that seemed so real. These would happen often. Daniel thought he had them under control but obviously he didn’t.
He got out the shower, dried himself off, and put on his clothes. He gargled some mouthwash and spit it back in the sink. He combed and brushed his hair, then made his way to his mom’s van.
“Sleep well?” Jeanette asked.
Daniel just nodded his head.
There was a knock on the door. Daniel wasn’t expecting company at all, and plus his hair looked a mess. He put a du-rag on with a hat and went to the door. He opened the door and wondered why the person at the door looked so familiar.
“Hey Daniel, it’s me.”
“Hey! Who are you?”
The person laughed a little and then said, “It’s me, Nikki.” Daniel then remembered what was going on. Nikki was in the neighborhood visiting one of her relatives and Daniel had mentioned that if Nikki wanted to meet, he was all for it. Daniel gave her a hug and invited her inside. She looked a little different then what Daniel imagined her to look like.
“So, Nikki, what brings you here?”
“Just wanted to see you before I went back to California. Basically so we can say we actually met.”
“Cool, well here I am. Sorry to disappoint.”
“No you look fine. I should’ve called first, huh?”
“Yeah, that would’ve helped.”
Nikki laughed as Daniel grinned a little bit. They talked for about a half an hour or so. The most Daniel has really talked to anyone. Nikki’s sister honked the horn outside, so Nikki got up to leave. Daniel and Nikki hugged, and then Daniel did something that was out the blue. He gave Nikki a kiss on the cheek. Nikki returned the favor, but to his lips. They locked eyes, and…
“Daniel, wake up! We got to get Alisha from college,” Jeanette yelled.
This startled Daniel as he woke up. He smelled his hand, and then realized that he had to take a shower. Jeanette told him to hurry up. Once again, he had a dream that seemed so real. These would happen often. Daniel thought he had them under control but obviously he didn’t.
He got out the shower, dried himself off, and put on his clothes. He gargled some mouthwash and spit it back in the sink. He combed and brushed his hair, then made his way to his mom’s van.
“Sleep well?” Jeanette asked.
Daniel just nodded his head.
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