20 YEARS?!?!

For Drew, Tiffany, Brooks, and Kevin.

So it's been 20 years since I graduated high school. We recently had our high school reunion, and to be honest I wasn't going to go at first. I wasn't going to go because for one I was scared. I didn't want to discuss how I'm currently doing. Since my job requires me to talk to college kids, I didn't want to have the conversation, "Oh I go back and forth with teenagers. Just living the dream!" My anxiety was speaking loudly.

 I've never been good at mingling with people. I'm currently working on how I talk about myself or speak about myself, but if I can be honest, I still have that low self-esteem that I've always had growing up. Discussing how I'm doing is still not easy, but with therapy I feel like I'm getting better.  That feeling of expecting the worse was heavy as well. As well as that feeling of comparison. Bottom line, like I've stated in previous blogs, I can type stuff out better than I can speak it. 

Getting to the reunion was a trip in itself. Unknowingly I put in the wrong address on Google maps, so when I got to where I thought was the destination I was confused because there was no where to park. At first in my mind I thought this was a sign to turn around and go home. Again my anxiety was telling me this was a bad idea even going to this thing, but I digress. So I found a parking lot and put in the right address. Even while I was parking in the correct parking lot I was telling myself, "Well you already paid for your ticket might as well..."

I was told by one of my therapists to try and have fun. My mom told me not to overthink things. I went in the place and found my old high school picture, and first thought was I remember that guy. They spelt my last name wrong because of course they did. Anyway, a couple of young ladies I knew of in high school, asked me to take a picture at this photo booth gimmick they had set up. I didn't want to take any pictures but I didn't want to be the typical asocial person I've been since ever. Asocial meaning lacking motivation for social interaction, and of course I told my sister, I was dragged to take the picture, but moving on.

One of my other fears going into the reunion was crying. I didn't want to cry, and by the grace of God I didn't. One person I feel tried his best to get me. We started talking about whatever we were talking about and he brought up how my smile always made his day better. Oddly enough, I don't remember smiling much in high school. Anyway, this guy said I should do, "A Day In the Life of Daniel" TikTok.  I vowed to myself to never ever get on or create a TikTok, but according to some people I should get one. Even my sister said, "I got the personality for it." I don't know, maybe---

While walking around I noticed that there was a tribute to those that were no longer here. That almost got me because I could've been up there. With my congestive heart failure, with my kidney issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and even thoughts of suicide...so yeah, my heart sank a little bit when I saw that tribute. 

The rest of the reunion went fairly well I think. The question comes did I see any of my old friends or reconnect. Here's the thing about some of the people I hung out with in high school, some of them where a couple of years younger, and even the ones that were in the class of 2005 with me....we were kind of a weird group anyway. I mean of course I would've loved to see some of the old crew, but it just wasn't meant to be. 

So that was my 20 year high school reunion. The past 20 years hasn't been the kindest to me, but I'm still here. If you're reading this, and you were at the reunion, thank you for being nice to me. Yes I had a great time. On to the next one I guess. If you're read this far, I thank you. Please share and repost this so others can read. Please read and share my old blogs if you so choose.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

TIRED OF BEING TIRED

Haven't been motivated to write anything. The year 2024 has been crazy so far. As I'm writing this, the list of people who have died has been body numbing. I remember 2016 was a banger year for deaths. Lest we forget the pandemic. Thoughts and prayers seems to sound cliche now. How many times have we actually thought about and prayed for those who are grieving?

Seems like everyday I scroll on social media, somebody is posting that somebody else has passed. From the entertainment industry to the church community. I heard a saying one time that went like this, "Appreciate what you have today, because it may not be there tomorrow." James 4:14 says, "...For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

My dad passed in January of 2022. There's not a night that goes by where he doesn't appear in my dreams. It's like my dreams can't comprehend that he's no longer alive. In my dreams, he's alive and well. It's like nothing has happened. I guess there's regret on my part for not saying anything during his home going service. As I'm typing this I haven't been to his gravesite. Little stuff like that bothers me. 

It's still hard for me to open up like I should. Like most people when asked how I'm doing, I say, "I'm fine." just to keep the conversation going. With the all the death going on, not to mention the election, asking people how they're doing is a deeper question than one might think. How am I doing? I'm tired of being tired, if that makes sense. You know how people say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired?" As the younger generation used to say, that part. 

Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Song writer said, "Trials form the tears in your eyes

Don't stop

I'm telling you

There's a blessing on the other side of through."

Ephesians 6:13-14a, "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..."

Another song writer said, "I know that there's so much more for me. My heart is ready--ready to receive. I'm standing on His promise for He said He'll see me through it and I know He'll do it"

Here's another phrase that's been thrown around a lot lately, but it still holds true. "Don't give up." I'm not going to pretend like I got all the answers. Nor am I going to pretend I know how to tell anyone how to go through what they're going through. I'm just saying don't live in the valley. Walk through it. It's written, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." 

That's all I got for this one. I hope something was said to encourage. I hope that if you made it this far that you will share this with your friends and family. Don't forget to comment as well. Grace. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES

Thank you every one for the birthday wishes. I know this is the only time of the year some of us communicate through the socials, but if this is the only time, I still appreciate it. I went to a therapy session on my birthday. Yes I still do therapy. It's mainly for maintenance now. I still have anxiety attacks here and there but not as much as before. One night I had to drive home for an hour, and...

Ok, I work at a college, so like any other college, this college has spring break. When the college went on break, we that work there also got a break. Being on spring break, got me some time to do certain things that I don't usually get to do because I work 2nd shift. Now when I'm at work, and the anxiety attacks come  I usually start crying for no reason, and I end up having to walk to the back of the building to get myself together. I end up calling my mom or my little sister, depending on who I can get a hold of. They talk me through, or sometimes pray me through the anxiety attacks. I can't speak for anyone else that goes through this like me, but when I get them, I can't ever explain why. People ask me what's wrong, and I tell them I don't know because I really don't know. I just know one moment I'm fine, and then the next moment my eyes are welling up. One of my co-workers, tries to tell me to relax. If that doesn't work, one of my other co-workers asks me if I'm ok and do I need a break. Having no reason to lie, I nod my head, apologizing for having to leave my station. 

So that's at work, but imagine going through that in a car driving on the road with no one to call and you're alone in the car. I will say it's not safe, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you can, call somebody, and talk to somebody. Needless to say this particular night I didn't do any of that. I went to this church service, and it was one of those services where the preacher couldn't preach because the atmosphere was that crazy. Anyway, I got called up to the altar, which always always causes some anxiety, but that's a different blog for a different day. Some time up there somebody whispered in my ear, "You've been trying to do it on your own." That struck a nerve with me because I feel if that was the case, that service should've been a memorial service. That's part of the reason for therapy because I know I can't do it on my own. Now I must say, this I don't know what this person meant by that. This is just how I took it.  La di da di da, I went back to my seat. After benediction, I drove home and felt numb. I had that strange case of, "If you don't care, then I don't care." I have this bad habit of holding two fingers to my head like a gun when I feel like this.  How I made it home? As the song writer said, God did it. Oh yes He did it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies and germs. I turned 37. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Well, I thought I would, but I also thought my life would be completely different than it is now. Is my life perfect? No. Do I have regrets? Plenty. As you can see if you got this far, my life is not peaches and cream. I just take it one day at a time. Every day is a new day and a different day. Do I have PTSD? Yep, but again every day is different. How do I deal with it? A lot of prayer, and ASMR. The medicine I'm on helps too. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. 

That's all I got. Sorry it's been a while between the blogs. I didn't have any material. No I had a lot of material but framing it in a way for post....know what I mean? Again thank you all for birthday wishes. Keep praying for me. Feel free to share your comments, and share the blog around. You are not alone. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

BETTER

Better. Webster defines it to mean more advantageous or effective. I asked myself a question one day. Why do we as people fear better? Is it that we fear what's coming might be better than what's been? Is it the fact that we're in the last days so you feel that it's impossible for better to come? Is it better might be a different way that you've done it or look at it and you fear change? 

In my 36 years, I find that some are going to see the negative in everything. You got to be careful being around people like that because spirits do transfer. I know I'm not the most positive guy in the world, but I'm getting better through therapy. Speaking of therapy, I'm down to one appointment per month. I'm still taking my medicine. So things are going good as far as that goes. I will say this, if you feel that you need help, it's out there for you. Don't let being miserable continue to be a life trait. Don't let that spirit continue to transfer to your love ones. Yes, I do believe in Jesus, but I also believe in therapy. He can work through therapy too. 

Back on the subject of better. Don't shut it out. I'm not implying that all change is better, but all change isn't bad either. Some people just want to be stuck in their present. Their present may not necessarily be this current time. Some people want to be stuck in the wash board era of doing things. Nothing that there's anything wrong with that, but we have washing machines and dryers. Nothing wrong with still having bunny ears on your TV, but everything is digital now so don't get mad at the TV for not working when it's using out of date programming. Bunny ears, kids, is another word for antenna. Antenna's are...never mind.

Better can be refreshing as well. Ever feel like you're stuck in the same cycle, and it seems that nothing is ever going to change. You feel like it's not going better, but then it happens. You get a new supervisor. That one coworker gets fired. The radio plays your favorite song. You go to church, and the sermon is just what you needed. I can't even explain how you can experience better but still go back to the same miserable cycle. 

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." Some of us know better, but we choose not to do better because it's not comfortable. Doing something you've never done before almost never feels comfortable. There's another quote that says, "If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done." 

That's all I have for this one. I hope if got this far, you'll be willing to comment and share this blog with any and everybody. 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

FIND YOUR REASON

It's been a while since it's been this bad. I couldn't stop crying. What's wrong? I don't know. That may not be acceptable but it's the truth. The phrase it's ok to not be ok may be true, but the fact of the matter is not being ok is a pain in the....but I've been doing good though. At least I feel that way. I've been going to therapy...maybe I shouldn't have been joking about it like I do, but it's how I get through a day sometimes. I joke around with a lot of things that I probably shouldn't. Again though I don't really know what triggered this crying spell this time. I've been crying publicly since school. Weather it's from embarrassment or getting made fun of which happened often.

I try not to live in the past, it's the reliving part that I have trouble with. Dad transitioned back in January of 2022, and I still dream of him often. It's always back in the apartments I grew up in that was known as the Landing. I can't recall anything traumatic happening there or anything, but for some strange reason my mind goes back to that point in my life.

The one thing I don't want to be is a distraction. Sorry if I ever was one to anybody. As I was crying I heard in my head, Get over it, be made whole. Don't you think I want to be whole? You think being like this is that path I wanted to take? Like I got a degree in depression and anxiety as a choice. This is just me typing things out. I understand people don't read the blogs anymore because they feel it may be my last one, but I do appreciate those that stick around and read them. 

FYI, I would never post my last letter online because I'd be too interested to see the response....just being real. So to put people at ease this is not a suicide letter. This is just me spilling what's in my head. I got a big head, so trust there's a lot in there. Speaking of suicide, those that have read these, know that I have suicidal thoughts. Before I came home from work one of my co-workers said it out bluntly, "Don't kill yourself." I got a hug from a supervisor and another co-worker. I went back to my station to get my stuff and one of the students gave me a hug and asked to pray with me. 

To use the quote I used last post, "I wish you what I have, people around who care." Yet, and yet, if we don't care for ourselves, then it may say it doesn't matter if anybody cares or not. Think of some of the suicides we've publicly heard about. Robin Williams was married with kids and was loved and adored by millions. Twitch was married with kids and was also adored and loved by a lot of people, but to both of them, that wasn't enough motivation to keep going. Charity starts at home. Love should start at home. If you can't love yourself....if you can't take care of your self....how do you expect to even attempt to take care of others or love others? Truly. 

This post was all over the place, but this is my way. Your way may be something different, but I urge you to find a way. Find your motivation to keep going. There's a reason to keep going. You just got to find your reason. Not saying it's easy, or that it's gonna be easy, but I'm saying is that that reason is out there, you just got to go get it. Peace and Love

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ALMOST A YEAR IN THERAPY...

 Something Don Rickles (RIP) would say in his act, "I wish you what I have, people around you who care." I've been in therapy for almost a year. During this year I've had many anxiety attacks, mostly at work. I've had trouble sleeping for the most part. My mind just goes different places when I get to the point of laying me down to sleep. I'm on two antidepressants, Zoloft and Abilify. All this and still dealing with grief. I don't know if that will ever go away.

Dealing with all that, with people who actually care makes the journey a little easier. It's like what the writer said, "Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don't believe He brought this far to leave me."

I want to apologize for not being as whole as some of you want me to be. That's part of the reason I apologize when I have the attacks I have because I don't want to be a burden to anybody. The attacks seem to always happen after my therapy appointments which is weird because the session go well. I get to work hoping to have a good night, then at one point of the night like clockwork, boom. I feel overwhelmed. Eyes get watery, and all of the sudden the thoughts I try to suppress, come back and I feel like I'm stuck. I try to fight it by "manning up" and doing the job, but even that becomes a tassel. Then the question gets asked, "Daniel, are you ok?" It took me a while to figure out that it's ok to not be ok. I've read that on many of social media posts, but to look someone in the eye and say no I'm not ok is not easy.

When I get to the point where I can admit that I'm not ok, that's when the release comes. I can go outside and get some air, pray, and or call someone. I come back to myself the best I can and come back to work. "Daniel, if you ever need to talk..." I'm slowly starting to believe some when they say that. Cause for so long...know what I mean? 

Without going into too much detail, I'm just going to say that suicide has been hitting a little too close to home. Having people around you is good but I feel what's important is what are those people doing? Do they care about your well being or are you just a number on the phone or a friend on a friends list. Having friends and family around is cool, but what does it matter if they don't care about your mental well being. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone that you care. You telling someone you care might just save their life.

"I wish you what I have, people around you who care." ~ Don Rickles

Again I'm going to apologize, this time for the time between the blogs. I had a lot to say but I didn't know how to put it into words together? I don't know, I hope this makes up for it. If you got anything out of this please share. If you know anybody that also deals with anxiety and depression, maybe share this with them to let them know that they're not alone. Like I've said in the past, if I can reach one person, I feel that I've done my job. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

I'M PROUD OF....ME

November of 2018, Snoop Dogg got a star on on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the end of his acceptance speech, he said,

"Last but not least, I wanna thank me
I wanna thank me for believing in me
I wanna thank me for doing all this hard work
I wanna thank me for having no days off
I wanna thank me for, for never quitting
I wanna thank me for always being a giver
And tryna give more than I recieve
I wanna thank me for tryna do more right than wrong
I wanna thank me for just being me at all times
Snoop Dogg, you a bad mother******"

Allow me if you will to take a page of this book, and say that I am proud of me. Why wait for other's to say that they're proud? I want to take this post to say, that I'm proud of you, Daniel. We may not be where we want to be or where other's wants us to be, but as the saying goes, praise now, it could be worse. First let me say, that I'm proud that you're getting the help that you have needed for years. I'm proud that you took that step, and you've been seeing a therapist and been on antidepressants for almost a year. The growth that has come from taken that initial step has shown. Other's may not see the growth, but the growth is there, you and I both know it. 

I'm proud that you're taking your health more seriously. This last hospital bid was a real wake up call for us. First time ever in an ambulance. I know we relive that experience from time to time. Even typing about it, I can see us in the ambulance and them trying to put a oxygen mask on. Next thing we know we were in the hospital strapped to a bed. I'm proud that we have been doing our best to take our medicine every morning and night since we got out the hospital. We still got a ways to go as far as the LB's (weight) goes, but we'll get there.

I'm proud of you for not giving up when it would've been easy to. Back in 2011 when we and Dad were living out of a van, sleeping in parking lots and cheap motels it would've been easy to give up but we kept going. Back in 2013 when you went to hospital and the doctor's told you that you wouldn't make it to 30. It would've been easy and some would say understandable to give up at that point. Christmas of 2015 when you went back to hospital, you didn't give up. Getting fired from jobs, you kept pushing. Suicidal thoughts came, but you didn't act on them. I'm proud of you. We're here typing this because you didn't give up.

I'm proud of you for learning how to be yourself. For learning how to laugh out loud and not hide your smile. I proud of you for finding your smile because there was a time where we lost it. I'm proud that we learned to like Daniel Richerson for Daniel Richerson. I proud of the hard worker that you've become. The work you put in at church and the work you've put at jobs. Your time at jobs initially started out shaky, but we figured it out. I'm proud of you. 

Don't get it twisted, I realize that God gets all the glory but I don't believe there's nothing wrong with putting yourself over when you've spent a lifetime putting yourself down. Philippians 3:12-13 Easy To Read Version, " I am not saying that I have already reached that place in my life. I have not yet completely become the person that God wants me to be. But I am trying very hard to reach that place. That was Christ's purpose when he first made me his own. My Christian friends, I do not think that I have reached that place yet. But this is what I do: I do not think about past things that have already happened. Instead, I try hard to reach the things that are in front of me."

That's all I have for this post. This post may seem a little arrogant. It may not work. I just wanted Daniel to know that I'm proud of him. That's all. If you feel led you can share this post around. Thank you if you read this far. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ONE YEAR LATER

It's been a year, but it still doesn't seem real at times. Then a birthday passed and no gift card or text message. A Father's Day passed and I couldn't send a text message or call. Thanksgiving passed, with n conversation. Christmas passed, no conversation. A new year...yeah it's real, but I wish it wasn't. I started therapy, but I can't tell him about it. I was in the hospital for nearly a full week and didn't get a chance to hear from him...to say it sucks would be an understatement.

At his homegoing, I didn't say anything, because I couldn't find the words. Really I still can't find the words that I could've said during the service. Even trying to think of the words I would say is tearing my nerves up. I miss him. I wish I could tell him some things. I would give anything to hear him say, "Hey Mister," just one more time. 

I always wanted him to come down to SC and visit, but sadly that never happened. He did tune in to the live streams for church so technically he did see me in one of my elements. I just often wish that he could've seen it in person. I still dream about him as if he's still here. The dreams feel so realistic that in the dream I would forget that he's no longer...you know...

Sometimes I can still picture myself back in that funeral home seeing that sliding gimmick open and seeing Dad in the casket. That's probably a visual I'm never going to forget. I remember being overcome with emotions when it came down to sit down. I was wearing sunglasses. I wasn't tryin to be "Joe Cool" per say, I was just you know trying to had the emotions, but I think my entire body gave it away. When my sister asked me if I had something to say, I couldn't. I was asked why I didn't sing....I couldn't. I give a smart answer like only I would, but in reality, the moment probably would've wrecked me. The paranoia would've got me to not having a funeral in a sanctuary and we had no musician or no backing tracks...even with said things, there's no telling if I could've gotten through it.

I thank those who have continued to check on me. I thank those who have continued to pray for me. I thank you for loving me. I thank you for caring. Now for Dad's benediction,

"And now Lord as we depart from this place. As we go to our homes or where ever else we might go I pray Lord that You get us there safely, and bring us back at the appointed hour. In Jesus name, Amen. Now hug someone and be friendly."

Peace. Love, and

Stay Saved

Daniel Richerson

MY 2022 YEAR END REVIEW....

It's the end of the year. 2022 as a whole has been a memorable year. Definitely a year I won't forget.

2022 started out for me with getting the virus so I was out of work even longer than the winter break. Dad was back and forth to the hospital, and was getting calls on what to do, which I was not comfortable or ready for. Then got booked for a flight to go to Kentucky to visit Dad. I think I've started this before but I wanted to make him laugh at least one more time. Plane landed, my cousin told me he passed on. Had no reaction.

Fast forward, I'm back home from Kentucky and went back to work having emotional breakdown after breakdown. Come to find out the students really cared about me...more on that later, but the break downs kept happening. After the whole thing with my Dad, I had a hard time dealing with it. Thoughts of jumping off the building, holding two fingers to my head like a gun...I was not in a good state of mind, even through the laughing and joking with my co workers and students. 

During all that, one day through the help of my pastor my therapy journey started. I had no idea that there was even a mental health center locally where I was. I ended up getting diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and grief. All which I knew I was dealing with, but never diagnosed by a professional. Got put on my first antidepressant. All my lift I thought being on antidepressants was a bad thing, but that along with therapy, has been a great help. The thoughts didn't cease completely, but they slowed down a lot. 

Fast forward again, I begin having breathing problems. I begin struggling to walk certain distances. From my car to getting to the door at my job was a struggle. I stopped taking my blood pressure and other meds because I felt good, at least good enough to stop taking the medicine. Boy was I wrong. One Sunday, first Sunday in October, I was at church setting up everything up and I couldn't breathe. I called my mom who was on her way to church and told her that I couldn't breathe. She told me to call 911. I did. Ended up sitting on the porch with a bottle of water. This was a nightmare come to life. In my mind, this was finally it. I got on the ambulance with an oxygen mask on, but I couldn't get comfortable. Next thing I know, it was Monday night, I was in ICU, and I was strapped to a bed. I looked to my right, and I saw my mom and Pastor talking. Ended up spending the rest of the week in the hospital. Remember when I said about the students. One of my co workers told my little sister who was with me at the hospital, that he had a card for me. Little did I know this card, was actually a huge poster with a bunch of signatures that I later found out was curated by the students. I work at a college. I had no idea that they cared that much. You just never know the impact you have.

Went back to work and it was all sunshine and rainbows! Just kidding. The breakdowns kept happening, but this time though, my coworkers would tell me to go outside to get some air and then come back. I've been sticking to my medicine regime. I'm now on two antidepressants. Therapy is still going. When people ask me if there's anything I need just ask. Sad thing about that is that I never know what or how to say what I may need....

So that's how my 2022 went. Song writer said, "So if you see me cry, it's just a sign that I'm still alive. May have some scars, but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me, and it's working for my good. It's building my testimony." See you next year. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

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DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME? DON'T YOU REALLY CARE? YES YOU DO

 On May 23, 2020, one day after my 33rd birthday, I poised the question that I got from the song Candy Girl by New Edition, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care?" I asked that question due to the number of suicides that were happening to during the beginning of the pandemic and some of the silent responses to them. I then would use those set of questions regarding myself. This was before I started therapy, I was such a state of loneliness that I questioned if anybody really--

This last couple of weeks have really opened my eyes. I had two previous stints in the hospital prior to this for the same thing, but this stint showed me that people care. People showed they cared the previous stints don't get me wrong, but this previous stint was a real eye opener. An eye opener that Daniel was cared about the whole time.

Even with all that going on, I still have my good days and bad days. I know my process to being whole is not moving as quick as some would like, but all I can say is I'm sorry to disappoint. As some of you know, I see a therapist about two times a month. I'm still on antidepressants. Two now. I'm taking them as prescribed like my blood pressure and heart medicines. Just a quick note, yes I'm still talking mental health because like it or not it's part of my story, and more than likely will always be. I don't agree that me talking about it is glorifying it. Like Ice Cube said in the movie Straight Outta Compton in response to a complaint about the album is glorifying gangs and drugs, "Our art is a reflection of our reality." My blogs are a reflection of what I go through and live with. My goal with these blogs, especially within the last couple of years, is not so that people will be sorry for me, but if one person that may be dealing with similar issues will think, there's someone else that's going through something similar. Let me see how this guy is dealing with his mental issues.

To many times people going through mentally have to be silent because of misunderstandings and misconceptions of what we deal with on a daily. To the unknown, it makes us sound lazy. Granted, some do take the word "anxiety" and run with it and use it as an excuse to not do certain things. Speaking for myself, I've found a circle that seems to really love me and care, and as cliché as it sounds, if it can happen for me, it can happen for you. 

Yes, Daniel knows that he's loved. He's knows that, and I do. I've always knew that, it was the believing it that I had an issue with. Also, the fact that I drive home from church and work alone and end up home alone. That's the part that gets---you know?

The amount of love that I have received had been overwhelming. Like the writer said, "It's really no goodness of my own, but it's by the grace of God that I've been kept all this time and I still have the mind to go on." Some days it's a battle to want to continue to go on to keep it a buck. I still have some PTSD of being in the ambulance one minute to waking up two days later strapped in a hospital bed. Yet, I'm here typing this up tonight. Breathing normally. Blood pressure is good. Weight is steady. So it's not all bad.

That's all I got for this post. I hope that if you read this for you'll be willing to leave a comment with your thoughts. I hope that I didn't say anything to offend anybody. That was not my intention. Peace, love, and...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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JUST SAYING THANK YOU

How do I start? First I got to say thank you. Thank you God. Thanks to all for the thoughts and prayers. Got to publicly thank my Mom and little sister for going above and beyond. Thanks to all that have helped and offered help. Thank you Lander University. I'm forever grateful for the outpour of love from everybody.

Ok, this may be the part where I lose some of you. Those that's been following the blogs, know that I can go from A to E skipping all the letters in between. Here it goes, I mentioned having a little anxiety, and got a reaction to it. (Blank Look At the Camera) Let me explain. "Daniel make sure you do this, Daniel make sure you do this. Daniel have you done this. Daniel have you done this. Daniel make sure you take your medicine. Daniel...Daniel...Daniel...DANIEL!!" I had to keep telling myself you can do this. You can stick to the plan this time, even though you have fallen off. I had to tell myself that I'm not stupid. I had to tell myself to breathe and just follow the plan. I had to tell myself that I know I don't want to go through this again. I know what I went through. The scary part was living alone. The scary part is that the high anxiety, PTSD, and grief is still there and I got all that. The scary part is that I still got therapy appointments. I post about my therapy appointments because I thought that people cared about mental health. Sometimes it feels like when America "came together" after 9/11, when in reality, that "come together" barely lasted a week.

Not saying people don't care it's just I tend to overthink things. Like when I was in the hospital for this and hopefully last go around I was told that I was going to get an ultrasound. I was moved from the hospital bed I was on and got moved to a transport bed. Stayed there for about an hour. I've openly talked about my trust issues, and this is very apparent with hospitals. So I was staying there, these words came out my mouth, "It's almost like they don't even want me to leave." That was a real thought I had at the time because flashbacks came from 2013 when I was in the hospital and I had just got discharged, and was left sitting in a wheel chair for what felt like forever waiting for somebody from transport to transfer me out, I was left feeling unwanted. I had tears in my eyes. Mom ended up coming up to get me and wheel me out. This was at the same hospital. Now at that time I didn't have any therapy, I definitely needed it. I wasn't on any antidepressants. I wasn't working. Fast forward, 9 years later, I'm working. I'm seeking therapy. I'm on antidepressants.

Even before the scare at the hospital, this verse has been ringing in my soul.. Galatians 6:9 in the KJV, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Cause I was at my job working hard. I was in church working hard. I was working myself into a downward spiral. My therapist has been telling me that I have to make decisions that are best for me, but my bank account was letting me know, "(Dude) you better get that money." Then I kept hearing Anthony Williams formally known as Tonex's song called God Has Not 4Got, and in this song, he adlibbed, "Be not weary in well doing..." I thought I was catching a stride. Before I went to the hospital, I had a Dr's appointment set up to get caught up on my medicine, and then next thing I know I'm on the Ambulance, by the way shout outs to the EMTs.

So yeah with all that happening, I have no idea why I had to remind myself...

I ask before you comment on this blog that you've read the whole thing. This is something that I had to get out my brain. Again I thank all of you for the calls, prayers, texts, and so forth. Special shout out to my Mom and little sister once again. Special shout out to all the Pastors. Shout outs to Lander University. I hope I didn't say anything that was considered a shot or anything. That was not my intention. Continue to pray for me as I start this journey again. Mental Health matters. Peace and love and--

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson 

I'M IN THERAPY (mental health update)

I've been trying to find the words to say. I've stated before sometimes finding the words to put together that make sense to the people reading this is not the easiest thing in the world. I'm very easily distracted, go figure. I've been very open about the mental issues I've been dealing with for most of my life, but the past couple of years I've been very transparent about it. Not that I would suggest being open publicly like I am, but I do suggest finding a way to get those crazy thoughts out of your head. I made a couple of posts about the cries of the silent. Well around last month I went to a local Mental Health Center. I'm now in therapy, and I'm also on medication. 

I want to thank everyone that has been supportive on this journey. I want to thank all of those for the prayers and positive thoughts during this whole ordeal. I've needed help for a long time, but if you want it, there's help out there. Getting help doesn't make you less than a man. It's crazy that if you are a male and you openly admit to not being ok, you automatically get labeled as "feminine." So that male pride takes over, and the inner issues never really get dealt with in a healthy way. So then the cries become silent. Silent because they're not allowed to cry out loud without being ridiculed.

"Why are you so angry?"

"You're sensitive."

"Why are you like this?"

The same people that will tell you to "man up" will question why are you "acting out." We wonder why the younger generation is so confused. I'm fortunate enough that people around me not only understand or starting to understand my anxiety, but pushed me in the right direction to get the help that I need. Through my bleeding and crying through my blogs, and other posts, I'm now getting the help that I need. Am I going to be whole over night? No. Just recently I had an anxiety attack. I can't speak for other people but having an anxiety attack sucks to begin with, but having one with people around sucks more and it can be embarrassing. Especially when some of the people don't understand what's going on. That's the scary part actually you start to think what if...but again fortunately for me the panic attacks I've had this year, people have been around me that understood. I'm not saying they understand completely, but they understood enough. 

It's ok to not be ok, but don't stay not ok. Continue to cry. Continue to bleed. Someone is listening. God is listening. He'll send someone by that will lead you to the help you need. Silent cries are still cries. Continue to cry out. Don't give up. I'm not telling anybody to "Get over it" because I overstand that PTSD is real, it's one of the things I deal with, so I would never tell someone to "get over it" because personally, I feel that's disrespectful, and you don't really know what someone has dealt with and are dealing with along with grief, anxiety, and depression.

This is for the those who feel that no one understands. This is for those that feel alone. This is for those who feel that they're the black sheep of the family. This is for those crying out but feel that no one hears them. 

I'm done. Took me a minute to gather my thoughts together to get something out. I hope there was something said that was good for you. I hope something was said that helped you understand what I deal with. My goal is always, if I reach just one person, I feel that I did my part. I'm just trying to erase the stigma of mental illness. We lost too many people already.

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson

THIS MAY NOT CHANGE ANYTHING....

 I'm not here to change anybody's mind. I'm going to try and be extremely careful with what I want to say. Now I will say that I don't listen to Gospel rap like I used to. Not because I consider it blasphemous or anything. It's not because I got a "wake up" call about rap music. I'm still a rap fan. I'm not anti rap. I'm not anti gospel rap. Reach the nations. I still believe gospel rap can reach people that the church has thrown away if used right. My problem with gospel rap, again my, me, Daniel Richerson, my problem with gospel rap is that it's become a little too saditty. It lost the essence of what gospel music is supposed to be. Gospel rap to me has the same problem that hip hop in general has is that things are being rapped but nothing is being said. 

BUT....I believe that if some gospel rappers could sing, they would tell me and others, "You don't know my story. All the things that I've been through. You can't feel my pain. What I had to go through to get here. You'll never understand my praise. Don't try to figure it out because my worship is for real." I believe we don't know what worship really is. I believe worship is more than what we has the church has made it out to be.

John 4:23-24 KJV "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit,: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." 

I'm trying to be real careful with my words because I have typed on this subject before and used shall we say a more blunt approach. I do apologize if my words have offended anybody. 

I've referenced this song in another post, Preacher man by Canton Jones, and while watching the video, I saw a visual that almost brought tears to my eyes. It was a visual of missionaries and deacons dressed in their "Sunday's Best" sitting next and conversating with the people from the street with their street clothes on. Sitting next to each other while receiving the Word from the preacher. I asked myself the question, "Will I ever see that in my lifetime?" Will I ever see the church actual welcome folks in that don't look like, walk like, or praise like sit next each other and enjoy and participate in a church service together, or because they're considered hip hop...? 

I'm not trying to change anybody's mind. This is not meant as shot to anybody. This is a plea for conversation to happen between generations. This is a plea for those who sing out the hymn book to have a conversation with those who may listen to artists from Reach Records and God Over Money Records. This is a plea to actually let everything that has breath...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Day by Day prt 2

My Dad's homegoing was January 21, 2022. To be honest I haven't slept since. And that's the blog. Goodnight.

Hi, it's still a day by day thing. Working a customer service type job on lack of sleep is not something I would suggest doing. Working while dealing with lack of sleep also while depressed is not something I would suggest either. When it's busy, I'm good. My mind is focused on the job, and getting it done as quickly as possible. When the down time comes though, that's when my mind begins to wanders. When my mind wanders, that's when those trust issues make a comeback. That's when those questions I would ask, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" come back to my brain.

I'm still having a hard time getting the words together both to make a blog out of them. The main reason I don't reach out is because I often think, what am I going to get out of this conversation, and thinking on that, I most of the time don't think it's worth it. No shade to anybody, but if I'm going to reach out I wanted to be at least worth my time. If I'm calling because I'm depressed, and I get lectured on other things that I don't even--...and I called because, I'm tired. I'm ready to jump off the balcony outside, and I'm getting lectured on if I'm putting my pants on right, or whatever--see what I mean? Again, no shade. I appreciate those who have told me that they are willing to talk if I call. Is the advice I'm going to get going to be sound advice...ok let me say this. I know it sounds like, "Oh, Daniel just wants to hear what He wants to hear. He doesn't want advise." I promise that's not the case. I'm just tired of empty conversations. 

I've had feelings of emptiness. Feelings of just wanting to scream like Michael and Janet. Shrek! I'm looking down! Trying to go back to normal. Trying to get back to streaming Sims 4, but it's empty. Trying to get back to the coffee o'clocks, but it's empty. For once, when I'm asked, "You good?" I say yes and actually mean it. I know people are wanting me to get away from blogs like this, but I don't want to post lies. I don't want to post something I'm not feeling.

My profile pic on FB and Instagram is still black for the time being. I know I'm going to change it when I'm ready to. I appreciate the people who have continued to check on me. I really do. When the action of love is shown, it hits different. I look at it like what Kirk Franklin penned when he said, "Jesus, You keep on lookin' out for me." Kirk is one of my all time favorite artist, not just Gospel, like all time favorite artists. An old song he penned that has helped me through this healing process is Let Me Touch You.

"Sometimes to me You seem so far away
And I wonder how to make it through the day
But if I can touch the hem of Your garment
Your power, I know, You can heal, Jesus
Let me touch You and see if You are real
When I'm down
Let me touch You
When I'm lonely
Let me touch You
When I'm discouraged
Let me touch You
Like I never have before
Lord, I need You more and more, Jesus
Let me touch You and see if You are real"

Ok, I'm done. Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts for me and my family through this healing process. Again, it's a day by day thing. I'm sorry if I said anything offensive, that wasn't my intention. If you want to share this or if you don't thanks for reading. Continue to pray for those who are suffering mentally. Please continue to pray for those are grieving no matter how they're grieving and no matter how long it's been. 

~Daniel Richerson

2022...DO BETTER

I've been hesitating typing this post because I've been trying to get my thoughts together all of them to try to have it make sense...huh? My mind has been all over the place due to circumstances that has happened to cause my mental health to go well mental again. Thanks for nothing 2022. There's a reason why I never say new year new me. That's a work. While I say that some people turn that work in to a shoot, meaning they actually turn it into a lifestyle...and God bless them. I'll be honest, I'm not that disciplined yet. 

So my 2022 so far has been just another case of my child hood just erasing itself in front of my eyes. 2021 brought the loss of high school friends and adults that were major parts of my childhood. The beginning of 2022 we've lost Betty White, Sidney Poitier, and Bob Saget. I grew up watching Full House on TGIF. Sidney directed one of my all time favorite movies, Stir Crazy. Not to mention To Sir With Love, become like a cult classic with my sister and myself. More to my sister but I did watch it also. Golden Girls....what else is there to say? Oh, Daniel, they're just celebrities...ok, next time you cry over a football game, as the old hymn say, "Let me clear my throat!" Don't get offended because I called an old rap song a hymn, these are the jokes--

And I tested positive for Corona! So I got tested for Covid just to be sure before I start back going to work, and I took it on a Wednesday. and was told I would have my results by that Friday. Didn't get it until that next Tuesday morning. I was sleep, then got up because my bladder was---never mind, and I looked at my phone because I'm not a self hating millennial, cough cough, and saw that I had a text message from DHEC with my results. Coo Coo Cachoo, I found out that I was positive. I was told by someone, "I don't want you going crazy." Ok...you know that thing of where you tell someone not to look down, and they end up---looking--

All joking aside, as I'm typing this, it's been about a week since I was tested and I am feeling better. Still coughing a little bit but that's about it. So I tested positive...around the same day, I got a phone call that a loved one's condition had gotten worse...hence the warning about not going crazy. I was actually doing good for a few days, mentally. Then the situation got worse than that...remember in Shrek when Shrek and Donkey was trying to get to the castle? They were going across the rickety bridge, and Donkey was repeating to himself not to look down. Then a piece of the bridge broke and Donkey uttered, "Shrek, I'm looking down!" 

All the stuff that people tell me not to feel, I felt. "Daniel don't feel this way. Daniel don't feel that way." Too late. I will say somebody did tell me to work on my mental health exercises, and I did. Again I was doing well until--it was just all too much. If God allows, I'll be 35 this year. Is it too late for me? Is it too late for me to find love? Will I ever use my time wisely? Will I ever impress my spiritual fathers and mothers? Am I overreacting? Will I ever be able to get over it? Is it too late?

I mentioned mental health exercises. This is what I do. This is not a suggestion for what you should do. I'm not that smart. This is what I do. I try to remember what has been told to me in the sessions I've had. I write blogs. Youtube has this thing called "My Mix" where it puts a mix of videos you watch often, and for me and my video mix, they help me stay sane. I listen to music. I pray. I don't pray like everybody else. I tend to do what the song writer said, "Have a little talk with Jesus. Tell Him all about your troubles. He'll hear your fainted cry, and He'll answer by and by. When you feel the pray wheel turning. Know that the fire is burning. Just a talk with Jesus makes it all right." My problem is when I do pray, I feel bad because I don't pray like the mothers of old or the "seasoned saints" of today. I may be wrong, but my mind is going to Matthew 6:5-7 (CEV), "When you pray, don't be like those show-offs who love to stand up and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners. They do this just to look good. I can assure you that they already have their reward. When you pray, go into a room alone and close the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private and will reward you. When you pray don't talk on and on as people do who don't know God. They think God likes to hear long prayers."

Please hear me, I'm not throwing stones, I'm just letting some things out. I'm just different. I'm just a dude trying to make it like everybody else. It took me a minute to get this post out as clear as I wanted it to be. I hope I did a good job. I tried to type this blog earlier, but my emotions and focus was too off for me to get any clear thought out. Continue to pray for me and people like me who suffer but feel like we got to be silent at times. Continue to pray for the lonely. Continue to pray for those who had Covid-19 and are still feeling the repercussions of it. I read someone that it's called Long Covid. Pray for their mental health as well. Pray for the Kingdom. Saints don't stop praying for the Lord is nigh. Saints don't stop praying, He'll hear your cry. For the Lord has promised, and His Word is true. Saints don't stop praying He'll answer you.

And I'm done. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I hope something was said that was encouraging. I hope I didn't offend anybody, that's never my intention. If I can get some of you to share the post to get it out to those who may need to read it, that would be cool. I appreciate all of you who continue to support what I do. Here's to a better 2022 for all of us.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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Keep Going

 Before I go in on this blog, if you are tired of mental health awareness, if you roll your eyes at me talking about the issues I live with everyday….sorry not sorry. 

The reason I don’t stop blogging about mental health is because one many are still suffering and looking for answers, and when they can’t find anything, they give up. It’s not a coincidence that the three words that have been used the past year and a half have been, “Don’t Give Up.” Why because as the song writer said, “After while, it’ll all be over. After while the sun will shine. After while dark clouds will pass over. And we’ll shout hallelujah after while.” I remember a message that was preached where the minister talked about, “The Importance of After while.” The importance of not stopping before you hit the finish line. Your legs may be getting sore. You may be short of breath. Keep going. That’s a message for me as well. Keep going.

Since I started this new job, I’ve had triggering moments that have caused me to want to throw in the towel. Moments where I had to literally tell myself to don’t cry. Keep going. Get the work done. Do the job. Fortunately, there have been some people that understand and help keep my head on right, but of course they’re people who could care less. Reminds me of other establishments. I’m not looking to be babied or anything. I just want people to understand I may react differently because of high anxiety issues. Oops I said it, but if I mess up, tell me. If I’m doing something wrong, let me know, show me how to do it, and I promise I’ll do my best not to make the same mistake again. 

If it wasn’t for my love for music, I probably would’ve thrown the towel. It’s the music in my head and heart that keeps me going during some shifts. Sometimes it’s the old and new (oops) gospel songs that minister to me at the time, and sometimes it’s secular songs (oops) that keep me pumped. Yeah, this blog may cost me with some people.

I mentioned two professional wrestlers in the last post who put out a vibe of suicide in videos that were posted online. One of which was the late Shannon Claire Spruill, also known to the wrestling community as Daffney. I didn’t watch her IG Live but I’ve heard a piece of it where she mentioned while in tears that she was alone. After the live went public I saw that a lot of people tried to reach out but didn’t get an answer. Possibly it was too late, which brings the point where if someone comes across your heart, reach out. Your phone call may just save a life. Shannon felt alone not knowing that she had a community that loved her. Her passing hit me hard because there were plenty of times where I felt alone in this place I live and tears began to flow. People say, “Why didn’t’ you call me?” People say, “If you don’t check on people, don’t expect people to check on you.” I believe the phrase is called “hog wash” or “malarkey” or “bushwa.” Imagine if God did us that way. We don’t pray to God like we should, but how many times has God came to your rescue when you didn’t know how to ask for help? It does my heart good when I get a text by someone saying that I was on their mind. 

I shared a post on my timeline titled, “Introverts before they make a phone call,” didn’t quite track, but that’s how it is for me. I was told that it was a fear of rejection. I’m not denying that.  So, to those that wonder why I don’t reach out, it may not be you per say. It’s a battle just about every time I use my phone as a phone. If you don’t buy that, it’s the truth. I have no reason to lie. Back to the Daffney situation, that led to other wrestlers to be open about their own mental health. I no longer watch WWE, but a stable known as, The New Day, put out a podcast on mental health that I listened to. One of the members of the stable Big E began sharing his story. I didn’t feel like crying that day, but I immediately started thinking about that young man in the dining area of a convention crying at the table while people were walking by more worried about other things than a young man typing imaginary things on the table crying his eyes out. I can’t remember what triggered that emotion, I just remember that feeling of loneliness. If I remember right, it was a youth day of some sort. I remember that a couple of people stopped and talked to me. One being a young man who’s name I never got, but he actually had a conversation with me which helped me snap out of it. Why do Levites and priests continue to walk by the guy laying on the street, more worried about the next meeting or gig? Thank God for the “good Samaritans” out there.  How many people have we walked by with our proverbial nose in the air thinking that they had it coming not willing to get to the bottom of the issue?

How long are we going to say that folks need Jesus and not show Jesus? How long are we going to say that folks need love and not show love? 

I’m finished. If you read this long, I hope you got something out it. I ask that you continue to pray for those that are feeling lonely and hopeless. Remember September is suicide prevention month. You can help prevent suicide by doing what Ellen says after every show, “Be kind to one another.”  Showing love and not just saying love can help prevent suicide. I ask that you share this if you feel led. Pray for me.

Stay Saved and keep going,

Daniel Richerson

Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson
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"Untitled" only because I couldn't think of one...

I've had many people tell me Daniel we're going to do this, we're going to do that. I've had many people tell me about their dreams and that I was going to be a part of it. I would get so excited about the potential of their vision coming to pass which would cause me to become stagnant on my own path. I would become stagnant in making the right decisions for my life due to so and so said this and that was going to happen and they wanted me to be a part of it. So in my mind I would have something to look forward to, and I would end up being like that meme where the skeleton is starting out the window waiting, when I could've use that time to work on myself. How much time has been wasted by us waiting on somebody else's dream to come to fruition while our dreams turn to dust? How many more wake up calls do you need to pick the dream back up? You hear the message through song, through sermons, and even through some social media posts, yet some of us still sit back and twiddle our thumbs. 

In the Contemporary English Version, James 2:26, "Anyone who doesn't breathe is dead, and faith that doesn't do anything is just as dead"

Switching gears just a little bit, I mean no disrespect, but I'm not what older generations calls us millennials. I'm not a clout chaser. I don't chase titles. Reason why I don't chase titles is because I don't want to become one of those people who forgets what's it's like to be laymen. I don't want to be that bougie person that forgets where God has brought me from. There's a wrestler that I'm a fan of and I was in one of his streams. One of the people in the chat was using wrestling insider terms. Terms that because of the internet and shoot interviews, out of character interviews, that we as fans have learned and added to our vocabulary. Again, just a fan in the live stream used some insider terms, and the wrestler reacted with a bougie like laugh and with a response like "Oh, I remember when I was like you. Using terms acting like I know what I'm talking about." What it sounded like to me, "Oh, I remember when I was a peasant just like you. Now I'm better than you." So besides just letting the fan be a fan and just answer his question or whatever he asked, the wrestler decided to stick his preverbal nose at the fan and disregard the comment. 

I see a lot of this "Christian" sessions as well whether it be at church or just a bible study, new converts try to get more information on what they're supposed to do, but they get looked down upon. I don't know how some churches become a revolving door? Maybe it's because that "love of Christ" is more like the "love" of a dead beat. Show love one time and think that's supposed to work. I believe it's written, "The  Lord hath appeared of old unto me,, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." Webster defines everlasting, "continuing for a long time or indefinitely." So with that kind of love, the everlasting love, why look over those who are on the come up? Why look down on those who aren't moving as quickly as you are? Tell me priest and Levite, why did you pass the man that's half dead laying on the street? 

The worse thing you can tell people that's struggling in the mental compacity is "get over it." For your information, everyday they're working to get over it. I remember some people questioned when the songwriter said, "My past still controls me. Will this hurt ever leave? I can only trust you, no one else like you do." At a choir rehearsal they wanted to take that line out. I like to believe that the writer wasn't saying he was controlled by his past more like haunted by his past. I know I'm not the only one that's made some regrettable decisions in life. Just the other day I was streaming on Twitch and a moment that I have tried to forget come back to my head and I had to end the stream early. I ended the stream because it got me off focus. I use Twitch as a platform where I can just chill and laugh, and at that moment I was about to lose my mind.

It all goes back to mental health. I know it seems like it's all I talk about, but it's something I've neglected for a long time. You got to protect it. How can you protect it? Pray. You don't have to pray like your pastor or anybody else that has a FB Live prayer line. Old hymn says, "Let us have a little talk with Jesus/ Let us tell Him all about our troubles/ He will hear our faintest cry/ And He will answer by and by/ And when you feel a little prayer wheel turnin'/ And you will know a little fire is burnin'/ Find a little talk with Jesus makes it right." After you pray, act on it.

Thanks for reading the post if you got this far. Sorry that it's been so long since the last post, but due mental health, I know I'm sorry, and other things, I didn't feel compelled to write anything. Shout outs to my little sister and others who keep me motivated to keep being creative. I hope you comment and share the post if you got something out of it. Until the next post.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING NICE?/MENTAL HEALTH CHECK

 "We can speak in tongues but we can't be nice to people..." ~Doe Jones, Terrell Show June 19, 2021

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV "Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Jeremiah 31:3 NIV "The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'"

Through out 2020, throughout the start of 2021, I've noticed that the real colors of people's heart has been revealed. My pastor called the year of 2020 was the year of perfected vision. And it was. The pandemic really showed the true colors of some people. So now everything's coming back to what they call "normal", I guess the fake kindness is going to make a comeback. People can tell the real from the fake contrary to the belief. I personally believe that's really the cause of some the church hopping comes from or why people leave the church. Some of the people that have positions have put on the act of being a God fearing, I love everybody, type person, but in the meetings and social media, the true colors come out. Most people just want to feel loved and if they don't feel it, they're going to leave. What do they tell people in marriages all the time, they tell them if you're not happy in your marriage, get out. In other words, if you don't feel loved, get out. Nobody wants to be in a toxic atmosphere unless they're creating the toxicity. I'm just going to say if we're just going to go back to what what was usual, then what exactly have we learned during this pandemic?

Some people get titles put upon them and expect to be treated with respect. Don't get me wrong, the title deserves respect, but let's be real, some of the people behind the title are mean people. Some of them cover it up with "The Lord is kind." Please stop it. Ok, yes the Lord is kind, but the question is are you kind? Don't get me wrong, being nice can and sometimes does come with a price. Christina Grimme lost her life after being nice to her eventual killer. I understand how that would make people be hesitant to be nice. That kind of stuff causes a distrust of people in general. It has to be difficult to continue to be a Christian, when you see one showing the love of Christ. The mental anguish has to hurt, but I like to imagine that the people that have gone on to be with the Lord would like you to continue to stay on the pathway. Jesus said, "A thief comes only to rob, kill, and destroy. I came so everyone would have life, and have it fully." I'm sure Christina lived every day to the fullest the best she could. Her passing and the way she passed hurt a lot of us. Maybe it's a lesson to all of us based off Matthew 5:16, and a song I learned as a child to, "Make your light shine, so others will see the good you do and will praise you Father in heaven."

When I worked customer service we were taught that you got to treat every customer equally. You got to be kind even when they are not. And for my attitude, patience, anxiety, call it all what you will...that was the hardest part of the job for me. I'm not saying you have to skip through tulips and smile every day, but at least be respectful to people. I've grown to realize that because one says they're a Christian, doesn't mean they're the nicest people in the world. They're some pot heads that I find more approachable than some "spiritual leaders." Some of the people in church hate homosexuals, they say they don't but calling them names is not the best way to show you love someone. In my experience, some gay people have been good down to earth to people. I can recall one person I didn't quite vibe with not because he was gay he was not a nice person. His character was off to me. If believers learn to treat homosexuals like the human beings they are they might be more open to join your church services. People want to go where they feel welcome.  Ever walk in somewhere and you can tell the vibe is off, so you immediately walk out? I'm not saying condoning what they do, but they're some stuff that you may do that's not pleasing either. Matthew 7:5 AMP says, "You hypocrite (play actor, pretender), first get the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Yes we call sin sin, but does that come with bad character? Be nice. The Bible talks about tell the truth in love. Be nice but not naïve. With all this being said, none of us are perfect. Forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness, and be nice. 

Mental Health Check: It's a daily grind. Sometimes are better than others. Some nights I spend crying my eyes out. Some nights I can fall asleep fine. I spoke on a Wednesday night openly admitting what I go through on a daily. I've always dreamed about being behind a podium speaking but I never really wanted it to come to pass. If you want to see this message, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z6T0ZrNklg. Keep me in your prayers. I'm trying to protect my mental health on a daily, which is not an easy task when things aren't going the way they should be; or how people tell me they should be going. 

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't make anybody mad. These are just the thoughts from the heart and mind of me. IF you liked what you read and/or if you got something out of it, can I get you to share it via Twitter, FB, or how ever. Don't be afraid to leave a comment. Be nice please. Proverbs 15:1 AMP, "A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger."

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
@DanielRicherson on Twitch
@d_rich864 on Twitter
big_Dusty on SnapChat

RIP Christina Grimme (1994-2016)

JUST PRAY, STOP PICKING AND CHOOSING

John 3:16-18 MSG “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him."

This has been on my heart for the past how long to pray for celebrities. I think we as everyday people forget that the people behind the celebrity are just people like us who go through things like we do. 

Matthew 7:3-5 KJV "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

Lately before I put my mouth on what's going on in someone else's house I tell my self, "Get your house in order." I go back to this quote my Dad would use often, "Don't throw rocks from a glass house." The same grace we thank God for everyday, don't they deserve the same grace? I've learned that who ever God puts on my mind to pray for, I stop what I'm doing and pray. Sometimes yes, it is celebrities. As I scroll through my timeline, I see people as for prayer all the time. I also see celebs ask for prayer. So I shouldn't pray for them because they do entertainment? Their bad choices get publicized while some of ours that we don't post about stay private. God sees them all anyway. The sin is already judged right? Jesus didn't come to condemn so what gives me the right? What gives you the right? 

I've been talking about mental health for the past year and a half. I read a story about a guy that checked himself into rehab for a addiction and now he and his wife are divorcing. As a guy that's working through my mental health on a daily, it makes sense for me to send up a prayer for that celeb during this time of trouble. A lot of us have dealt with a lot of death in the last couple of years. I know personally it's gotten closer to home. The same way those losses hurt us, is it safe to say it hurts the celebs as well? I'm not saying condone what some of them do, but ask yourself would God condone all you do? First cast the beam out of your eye.

We're so quick to look at someone and say, "they're too far gone." To who? Were you too far gone? Why is it that when we get delivered, we choose to look down on those who still need it? Remember when you would come to church and people looked at you the same way? Some of the Jesus loving people looked down on you because of your bad choices. Remember how that felt? So why pass that to others? The saying goes, "You can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar." The same honey that drew you will draw others if you use it. 

Remember May is Mental Health Awareness month. Keep praying for those who are working through it on a daily. I'm currently working on something. Not going to say what it is, but keep praying for me, ok? That's all I got for this piece. I thank you for reading. If you feel led, can you please share, retweet, and all that?

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson

SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

The week we as Christians call Holy Week is the week an innocent Jesus died on the cross and three days later he rose from the dead with all power in His hands. I find it interesting a little over a week later here we are again having the same conversation about Black Lives Matter. 2020 was not only the year of Covid-19. It was also the year of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the rest of the cases that wasn't in the news. 2020 was the year that I disconnected myself from a guy I knew over 20 years. We had birthday parties. I would go to this person's house to watch wrestling PPVs back when I watched it religiously. Why I don't now is a topic for another blog. I'm all for differing opinions, but racism and my Faith to me is not like debating sports or movies. That's part of the reason I don't use the term friend, ace, homie, etc loosely. I also distanced myself from certain white family members who really let their true feelings be known about black people, and it hurt me cause one it made me wonder how this person really felt about my mom, my sister, and myself when we would visit. I heard all last year that 2020 was the year of "perfected vision," and boy was it ever. 

I put up a status on social media June of 2020 saying, "You know what's scary to me as a mixed man? Like I see all these racist being exposed right now, and what scares me is that what if I'm related to one..." That's was a real fear I had. Ironically the two not named people, made a comment claiming stuff like they loved me and were "not racist." I can't understand why I have trust issues...it's weird.

So now as I'm typing this we got Caron Nazario and Daunte Wright. Many people thought after 45 got voted out of office that things was going to get better, but I know the racist. I told my Dad after Biden got the named the winner, "Trump is a child. He's not getting his way so get ready for  the temper tantrum." Then the news about the election being rigged, and the storming the capital incident, I rest my case. So the question comes, what's the game plan? Do we post black squares again? Do we risk losing friends and family? Do we pray and that's it? What's the move? What's the vaccine to racism? We get flu shots, some of us are getting the covid-19 vaccine shots...there's not needle shot for racism. When we got to go somewhere at night and we're praying not to become another hashtag. There's no vaccine for that. Yes I agree that we need to talk about gun violence in the neighborhood, but does that let the crooked cops off the hook? Some of us on are the same way when we get called out on our foolishness, we try to point the finger at what someone else is doing. 

We got to remember racism didn't start recently, it just got more exposure recently. Some of the things that are preached about when people say, "God is not pleased with..." that didn't start with my generation. It's like that saying, "What's old is new." We got to stop sweeping stuff under the rug for the reputation. Hidden sins are still sins. That's why we pray for forgiveness for sins we committed overtly and covertly or known and unknown. America and the church are trying to progress and yet we can't let go of the past. Modern day Pharisees and Sadducees. When I would teach Bible Band, I would often ask, are they modern day Pharisees and Sadducees? Pharisees "behaved as though their own religious rules were just as important as God's rules for living." Sadducees "were often willing to compromise their values with the Romans and others in order to main their status and influential positions." Got that information out of my Life Application Study Bible. 

How do we solve the problem? I don't have the answers...Sway? I do believe prayer is a solution, but as I heard it say, "we got to feet on the prayers." Faith without works... Conversations not arguments are needed. Listening is needed. If white people are willing to talk, then talk. Don't turn away needed conversations out of frustration. That leads to distrust and life long disgust. I believe that's how some parent and child situations become so jacked. That "that's just the way it is" mentality, and not open to listen. That generation gap is real because of lack of conversation. Too much monologue and not enough dialogue.

These are just my thoughts. I just know something's got to give. Something needs to be done. I still believe "If my people who are called..." (2 Chronicles 7:14). If something was said that spoke to you feel free to share this around anyway you can. I'd really appreciate it. Stay safe and...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson