HOW'S MY MENTAL YOU ASK?

How's my mental? Like usual it's a day to day. Some days are better than others. I found myself feeling more lonely at times than I have. Lonely in the sense that I'm literally by myself when I'm not at work or church. I'm know being introverted comes being alone at times, but there are times, I do miss being able to laugh with other people. On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I found out an old friend from high school passed away, and it really messed me up. It's like that line from the old movie Pollyanna where the preacher said over the pulpit, "Death comes unexpectedly." One of my oldest friends in life, lost both his parents, both of whom I was close with as well. Song writer said, "For you and me this life is not promised. Tomorrow may never show up." 

Anthony Clark Williams wrote a popular song that says, "God has not forgot." Tasha Cobbs said it like this, "You (God) still love me, in spite of me." There's a phrase that says, "God works in mysterious ways." I don't know if "mysterious" is the right word. I believe He knows what we need at the right time. Like as I'm typing this, I shared this post on my Facebook:

"I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression and it's not a good place to be. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them. I struggle; It can be hard to live with me & to be around me when I get like this and I know it. I try my best to control it. I manage to get strong but sometimes I break. So if you see me very quiet, I'm not being rude, I'm not mad at you, you're not bothering me, I may just need a minute to myself.

It's okay to not be okay, tell someone you're not okay. (It's okay).

Hopefully, some friends will put this on their wall. You just have to copy..

Thank you

In Support Of Mental Health Awareness

The struggle is real……"

 I must say that I didn't write this. It was one of those copy and paste posts that I copied from someone else in support of mental health. The amount of love that post got was overwhelming. I put up that post before I went to work. I went into work, walking with my head up hoping for a good day. Day was going good. I was laughing with coworkers and making orders for the students. Until--I can't speak for anybody else, but speaking for me, it doesn't take much to trigger something dark for me. Somebody asked for a dessert, as I was putting the dessert on a plate, the dessert fell apart. They wanted another one, so I prepared to put the dessert on the same plate that the other fell apart. They didn't like that. Made it known. I put the dessert on a new plate. That was it. Seems pretty stupid huh? All of the sudden, tears are falling from my face for what felt like hours. Ironically, Joy To The World was playing in my head. I was told that my confidence needs to get stronger, and I do agree with that. However, when I'm open about my mental health, it seems to open a door for heavy emotions. So I don't really know what happened. All I know as I was trying to stop the tears from falling down my face, in my head, all I heard was My Testimony by Marvin Sapp. 

"So glad I made it, I made it through in spite of the storm and rain

Heartache and pain, still alive, declaring I made it through...I'm so glad I made it, so glad I made it

I made it through, I made it through"

Then part of Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.

"On outside of laughing and on the inside of crying

It seem so hard to go on

I can't see how you'll forgive me

Then I feel your presence and you essence

Then you say, hey it's gonna be ok"

So during some down time I was checking my phone and I got encouraged by the reaction and comments to the FB post. The comments were really encouraging, and really helped lift my spirits. I was praying as the tears was falling, "I just want to know that I'm loved." Seeing those reactions was just what I needed. To all who reacted and left a commented, if you're reading this, I hope you now know how much it all meant to me. I really appreciated. As the old saints say, "If you don't love me, keep fooling me." 

Of course this was not the road I wanted this particular blog to go, but hey, what are you going to do? I want to take this time to thanks my family, my pastor and wife, and all others who have helped me, and pray for me as I open up about my mental health. I also want to take this time to thank the students at Lander who help make my day go smoother. One Lander student in particular who is nicer to me than I believe I deserve. I don't even know if you'll ever read this, but if you do, just know I appreciate it. We'll do brunch one day, I don't know.

That's all I got for this one. Again, it went a completely different path than the subject I had planned. What was the subject I had planned? Well since you asked, it was about the fact that at my job, I can't pick and choose who to serve food to. My job is to provide the food not see what they got on or see what sin they committed first before I provide the service they came for. That was the topic, but of course, it didn't go that way. I may still talk about that in a later post, but then again, knowing the way my mind works---anyway, thanks for reading. If you feel led, please share this post. I share what I go through hoping that it will show others that they are not the only ones that feel a certain way. My goal if I can just reach one person, I feel like I've done my job.

Stay Saved and keep going, 

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty

Twitter.com/d_rich864

Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson

Instagram.com/D_Rich864

A BLOG FROM A GRATEFUL HEART

 "Just look up! Tomorrow's sun will let you know, your life's not done. Just look around loves pouring down. Trust in God." ~Trust In God, The Winans

First let me say, thank you. Thank you for reading the thoughts that I can't articulate out loud. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for allowing me to be open, all though not completely, about what goes on in my mind on a daily and nightly basis. Thank you for allowing me to cry and not have my manhood questioned. Thank you for letting me know how much my blogs have made an impact. You have no idea how good it feels to actually have people getting something out of the blogs, and not just mocked for doing them all the time. I also want to take time and thank those that actually give sound advice and don't just tell me to get over it. I firmly believe that's where suicide comes from for some. That's them "getting over it." Maybe it's just me but I believe if we starting getting to the root of some issues and do some pruning, it's much better than the "get over it" mindset that we've heard from generations. 

Yes, I concur that some things we do have to get over, but some of us got some rooted issues that have been buried for years that we have kept silent over and it's not only affected our emotional and mental state, but it's also affected our churches, families, and nation. Ignoring it doesn't always make it go away. Ignoring it causes some of the riots and protests we see. I believe it was the late Martin Luther King Jr that said a riot is a the language of the unheard. That may be why we're hearing so much about mental health lately because the cry of the silent is becoming audible, and during the pandemic people had no other choice but to sit and listen. Like the issues I've blogged about, I've been dealing with for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I'm being heard by some now. I can't help but feel they're still some that say, "He just need to get over it. He's just being emotional. He's really not going through anything. He's looking for sympathy." Maybe it's my fault, because I do tend to play around a lot just to get my mind off certain trauma. The coffee oclocks, and the Don Rickles style posts that I do probably don't help. Why have I often asked the questions, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" Who knows...

I also want to say, not to sound cliche, but I believe God has a way of showing you that he still cares. I believe he can use complete strangers and show you, that you still matter. I don't believe that it's coincidence that the message of "you are not alone" and "don't give up" is spreading through the secular and the church. I work at this college, some of the young people I talk to on a daily have been a blessing to my life. They'll probably never know it. I don't take it for granted that people care about my well being. I don't take it for granted when people are genuinely nice to me. I take it seriously when people call me friend. When people allow me to be myself and don't judge me, I don't take it for granted. There's still a part of me that falls back when I feel like I've gone overboard.

There's still some mental walls that I hit every now and again when I feel overwhelmed during certain situations. Thank God for family, blood and not, that help me hold on. I do appreciate all of you that reach out and pray for me, although I don't say it much. I'm tired of crying. When I feel it coming I try to fight it, but at times the more I fight it the worse the cry becomes. That's when I believe God places songs on my heart like Trouble in my Way, Pass Me Not Oh Gentle Savior, After While It'll All Be Over, Smile Again, Stand by Donnie McClurkin, and many others.

That's all I have for this one. Continue to pray for all those who are suffering from mental health. I read recently that this is National Men's Mental Health month as I'm typing this. Be sure to check on  your strong friends. If some one come across you mind, send a text if you can. You may help somebody hold on just a little while longer. Brings an old song to mind that says, "Hold on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright." 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
Facebook.com/bigdusty
Twitter.com/d_rich864
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WHEN THE CRY FOR HELP IS SILENT

Ever been in a situation where you help and help and help, but you can't get the same help in return? You start to feel alone. You start to feel that nobody cares. You get the occasional, "You ok?" and with tears rolling down your face you say that you're ok just so you're not a burden. The question then comes, "Well, why don't you just ask for help? A closed mouth don't get fed." In your mind, you've been screaming for help, but it doesn't necessarily come out verbally. Silent screams for help still count. When you're suffering mentally, your call for help may come out as silent. Your call for help sounds mute to the untrained ear. When I talked before about being that young guy at the table at the convention crying, you don't think I was screaming for help? Dafney Unger, Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Chris Kanyon, Hana Kimura, Ashley Massaro, and many others...you don't think they were crying for help before they ultimately decided to give up hope?


I often bring up music on my post. We talk about songs that "brought us through," but allow me to say that those songs are still being written. I was raised on old hymns, but hymns are still being written. They may not be in the COGIC or Baptist Hymnals as of yet, but they are hitting just are hard as the old hymns, in my opinion. One song that really helped me recently was Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.


"Jesus you loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared At all"


That part was on repeat in my mind as the tears were flowing down my face. Another song that does that for me is I Will Find A Way by Fred Hammond.
"I've lost so much down through the years It seems that all I find of late is a face so full of tears I search each dark and empty place The peace I used to know somehow I have misplaced Searching here and over there For the things I've lost I don't have them anymore But I will find a way to lift up my hands And I will find a way to worship You, Lord Though my heart is low I'll find a way to give You praise I will find a way to love You more"


My blogs come from a real place. Especially within the last year and a half. This blog came from the stress of not receiving the same help that I give other people. Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon 3 when Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Lorna (Renee Russo) asked Murtough (Glover) to cover them, and Murtough said, "Cover you, Cover me, Cover everybody. When is somebody going to cover me for a change?" With all that being said, I have to continue to do right for others. I have to continue to help when I can even though it hurts to not get the same help in return. With tears coming down my face due to feeling like I'm being used up just to the thrown away. I have to continue to do what's right. I have to continue to help where help is needed.


This is my therapy. Sometimes I feel like I'm still that young guy at the table with my cries for help falling on deaf ears. I didn't say I was that young guy because that incident was years ago, but sometimes it feels that way. Why does it feel that way? Because it becomes overwhelming. I cried for at least 30 minutes due to giving all I had to give, doing this for this person and doing that for that person, but when it comes for me getting what I need to get done it felt like I was alone. If you've never felt alone, you have no idea what's it's like to be around people and yet feel like nobody sees you suffering. You become blind to the people that are there to help because of the overwhelming pressure that comes from loneliness. It's not that we're rejecting the help or appreciative of the fact that some are reaching out, it becomes hard to accept because of trust issues.


Please don't get frustrated when it seems like the help is being rejected. It's not being rejected as you think, maybe it's hard to fathom some actually wanting to help because of the silent screams not being heard.


I don't apologize for blogging on my mental health or mental health in general. Please continue to pray for me and those who deal with this. Don't throw us away. I've been told that, all this is only a test. Don't ignore when we ask for help during the test. If you got this far, and you got something out of the blog, please share this post if you feel led.


Stay Saved and keep going,


Daniel Richerson Facebook.com/bigdusty Twitter.com/D_Rich864
Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson
Instagram.com/D_Rich864

Keep Going

 Before I go in on this blog, if you are tired of mental health awareness, if you roll your eyes at me talking about the issues I live with everyday….sorry not sorry. 

The reason I don’t stop blogging about mental health is because one many are still suffering and looking for answers, and when they can’t find anything, they give up. It’s not a coincidence that the three words that have been used the past year and a half have been, “Don’t Give Up.” Why because as the song writer said, “After while, it’ll all be over. After while the sun will shine. After while dark clouds will pass over. And we’ll shout hallelujah after while.” I remember a message that was preached where the minister talked about, “The Importance of After while.” The importance of not stopping before you hit the finish line. Your legs may be getting sore. You may be short of breath. Keep going. That’s a message for me as well. Keep going.

Since I started this new job, I’ve had triggering moments that have caused me to want to throw in the towel. Moments where I had to literally tell myself to don’t cry. Keep going. Get the work done. Do the job. Fortunately, there have been some people that understand and help keep my head on right, but of course they’re people who could care less. Reminds me of other establishments. I’m not looking to be babied or anything. I just want people to understand I may react differently because of high anxiety issues. Oops I said it, but if I mess up, tell me. If I’m doing something wrong, let me know, show me how to do it, and I promise I’ll do my best not to make the same mistake again. 

If it wasn’t for my love for music, I probably would’ve thrown the towel. It’s the music in my head and heart that keeps me going during some shifts. Sometimes it’s the old and new (oops) gospel songs that minister to me at the time, and sometimes it’s secular songs (oops) that keep me pumped. Yeah, this blog may cost me with some people.

I mentioned two professional wrestlers in the last post who put out a vibe of suicide in videos that were posted online. One of which was the late Shannon Claire Spruill, also known to the wrestling community as Daffney. I didn’t watch her IG Live but I’ve heard a piece of it where she mentioned while in tears that she was alone. After the live went public I saw that a lot of people tried to reach out but didn’t get an answer. Possibly it was too late, which brings the point where if someone comes across your heart, reach out. Your phone call may just save a life. Shannon felt alone not knowing that she had a community that loved her. Her passing hit me hard because there were plenty of times where I felt alone in this place I live and tears began to flow. People say, “Why didn’t’ you call me?” People say, “If you don’t check on people, don’t expect people to check on you.” I believe the phrase is called “hog wash” or “malarkey” or “bushwa.” Imagine if God did us that way. We don’t pray to God like we should, but how many times has God came to your rescue when you didn’t know how to ask for help? It does my heart good when I get a text by someone saying that I was on their mind. 

I shared a post on my timeline titled, “Introverts before they make a phone call,” didn’t quite track, but that’s how it is for me. I was told that it was a fear of rejection. I’m not denying that.  So, to those that wonder why I don’t reach out, it may not be you per say. It’s a battle just about every time I use my phone as a phone. If you don’t buy that, it’s the truth. I have no reason to lie. Back to the Daffney situation, that led to other wrestlers to be open about their own mental health. I no longer watch WWE, but a stable known as, The New Day, put out a podcast on mental health that I listened to. One of the members of the stable Big E began sharing his story. I didn’t feel like crying that day, but I immediately started thinking about that young man in the dining area of a convention crying at the table while people were walking by more worried about other things than a young man typing imaginary things on the table crying his eyes out. I can’t remember what triggered that emotion, I just remember that feeling of loneliness. If I remember right, it was a youth day of some sort. I remember that a couple of people stopped and talked to me. One being a young man who’s name I never got, but he actually had a conversation with me which helped me snap out of it. Why do Levites and priests continue to walk by the guy laying on the street, more worried about the next meeting or gig? Thank God for the “good Samaritans” out there.  How many people have we walked by with our proverbial nose in the air thinking that they had it coming not willing to get to the bottom of the issue?

How long are we going to say that folks need Jesus and not show Jesus? How long are we going to say that folks need love and not show love? 

I’m finished. If you read this long, I hope you got something out it. I ask that you continue to pray for those that are feeling lonely and hopeless. Remember September is suicide prevention month. You can help prevent suicide by doing what Ellen says after every show, “Be kind to one another.”  Showing love and not just saying love can help prevent suicide. I ask that you share this if you feel led. Pray for me.

Stay Saved and keep going,

Daniel Richerson

Twitch.tv/DanielRicherson
Twitter.com/D_Rich864
Instragram.com/D_Rich864
Facebook.com/bigdusty

DO YOU REALLY LOVE? DON'T YOU REALLY CARE?

For Hana Kimura. 22 year old professional wrestler. Death by suicide. 22 years old. Adult life never really got started. I never watched her perform, but that doesn't matter. What hurts is that she was so young and thought that life wasn't worth it. What also hurts is that what about those that are not being reported that's happening right around your block or dare I say right in your church. What about them? What are we doing as a body of believers to show that we care? What are we doing as a body to show that there's hope? Why are we continuing to sing to each other that "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness" and not singing that to people that need to hear it? How long will we say that we need to get out the four walls of the church and...get out the four walls? Shouts out to the people and the ministries doing the work.

Mark 2:16-17 "And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are w'ell have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15-16 "This is a true saying, to be completely accepted and believed: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. I am the worst of them, but God was merciful to me in order that Christ Jesus might show his full patience in dealing with me, the worst of sinners, as an example for all those who would later believe in him and receive eternal life."

I once led a song by Dewayne Woods called God is that said, "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Based off Psalm 73:26 that says, "My flesh and my heart faileth:  but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever."

If we're going to present that God is love and we don't show love, then what's the point? Salvation is an action. To live is an action. We got to learn how to love each other. I think one of the problems may be as to why we don't show the love of Jesus to the "world" is that we don't show it to each other. How can we tell people that they need Jesus and we can't even show the love of Jesus to each other? We don't even care about the mental health of people in the sanctuary.

I understand that you can't go to everyone to vent because some people just don't care. They'll say anything to end the conversation because they don't want to dig in to what the real issue may be. There's some people that really care. Some people need an ear not a mouth. That'll preach. Sometimes in prayer you need to be more of an ear and less of a mouth. Moving on.

How many more suicides do we need to see before we start to care? How many more leaders have to commit suicide before we pray for our leaders? The Clark Sisters put out a song "Pray for the USA." Are we? Am I? I know this is random. New Edition's first hit, "Candy Girl." There's a part of the song that repeats in my head. "Do you really love me? Don't you really care?"

Thanks for reading. Please, if you need an ear, there's someone willing to listen. There's someone that cares. I'm going to end it like this. "Souls in danger. Look above. For Jesus completely saves. He will lift you by His love out of the angry waves. He's the master of the sea. Billows His will obeys. He your savior wants to be, be saved today." I know I repeat myself in some of these posts, and that's not my goal. My goal is to spread hope through this hopeless time.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson