THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES

Thank you every one for the birthday wishes. I know this is the only time of the year some of us communicate through the socials, but if this is the only time, I still appreciate it. I went to a therapy session on my birthday. Yes I still do therapy. It's mainly for maintenance now. I still have anxiety attacks here and there but not as much as before. One night I had to drive home for an hour, and...

Ok, I work at a college, so like any other college, this college has spring break. When the college went on break, we that work there also got a break. Being on spring break, got me some time to do certain things that I don't usually get to do because I work 2nd shift. Now when I'm at work, and the anxiety attacks come  I usually start crying for no reason, and I end up having to walk to the back of the building to get myself together. I end up calling my mom or my little sister, depending on who I can get a hold of. They talk me through, or sometimes pray me through the anxiety attacks. I can't speak for anyone else that goes through this like me, but when I get them, I can't ever explain why. People ask me what's wrong, and I tell them I don't know because I really don't know. I just know one moment I'm fine, and then the next moment my eyes are welling up. One of my co-workers, tries to tell me to relax. If that doesn't work, one of my other co-workers asks me if I'm ok and do I need a break. Having no reason to lie, I nod my head, apologizing for having to leave my station. 

So that's at work, but imagine going through that in a car driving on the road with no one to call and you're alone in the car. I will say it's not safe, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you can, call somebody, and talk to somebody. Needless to say this particular night I didn't do any of that. I went to this church service, and it was one of those services where the preacher couldn't preach because the atmosphere was that crazy. Anyway, I got called up to the altar, which always always causes some anxiety, but that's a different blog for a different day. Some time up there somebody whispered in my ear, "You've been trying to do it on your own." That struck a nerve with me because I feel if that was the case, that service should've been a memorial service. That's part of the reason for therapy because I know I can't do it on my own. Now I must say, this I don't know what this person meant by that. This is just how I took it.  La di da di da, I went back to my seat. After benediction, I drove home and felt numb. I had that strange case of, "If you don't care, then I don't care." I have this bad habit of holding two fingers to my head like a gun when I feel like this.  How I made it home? As the song writer said, God did it. Oh yes He did it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies and germs. I turned 37. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Well, I thought I would, but I also thought my life would be completely different than it is now. Is my life perfect? No. Do I have regrets? Plenty. As you can see if you got this far, my life is not peaches and cream. I just take it one day at a time. Every day is a new day and a different day. Do I have PTSD? Yep, but again every day is different. How do I deal with it? A lot of prayer, and ASMR. The medicine I'm on helps too. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. 

That's all I got. Sorry it's been a while between the blogs. I didn't have any material. No I had a lot of material but framing it in a way for post....know what I mean? Again thank you all for birthday wishes. Keep praying for me. Feel free to share your comments, and share the blog around. You are not alone. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

GOT A STORY TO TELL...

2013 was a tough year for yours truly. I got fired from my job in January. And some months later I started having trouble sleeping at night because I couldn't breathe. I was told to go to the doctors, but I wouldn't go only because I hated the doctors. The old thing about I don't want to go to the doctors cause they might find something wrong with me thing? That was me. Went to California that July and still had trouble sleeping at night, but I did my best to no sell it. Everybody could see something was wrong but I was steadily trying to deny it. I was sweating more than I usually do, but still I refused to go to the hospital or the doctors, because I figured like a common cold that it would go away.

It wasn't until that September that I just couldn't take it anymore. I asked my sister to take me to Urgent Care. I was nervous. I couldn't lay flat back because I couldn't breathe. Every time I laid flat back I felt like I was suffocating. Come to find out my blood pressure was sky high, I had a lot of fluid, and I got diagnosed with Chronic Heart Failure, or CHF. Ended up staying in the hospital for like 3 or 4 days, but it felt like 3 or 4 months. One day as I was eating lunch, I got told by one of the doctors, that I'd be dead by 30.

When I got released by the hospital I was told to find a doctor. Didn't do it. Took my medicine for like the first couple of weeks, then I stopped. I was feeling ok, until...

Christmas of 2014, I was admitted to another hospital for the same thing. At least at this hospital I was given a couple of more years past 30. This time, with the help of my mom, I found a doctor and I continued to take my medicine.

Keeping up with my appointments, continuing to take my medicine, and with the prayers of the righteous, I can now say there's no trace of CHF in my body. And as of May 22, 2017, I'm 30 years old, and alive to type this post. I was sent tot he hospital for some test, and it came back that there was no trace of CHF, and my heart is beating regular. Now I just got to get this weight and blood pressure under control. Also finding a job wouldn't hurt either.

There's nothing to hard for God. I've seen Chronic Heart Failure kill a lot of people, and for some particular reason I'm still hear. Who wouldn't want to serve a God like this. I should've been dead. As a matter a fact, not too long from when I got out the hospital the first time, I went to a funeral or home going service, and I was struggling because I was telling myself this should've been a double funeral. But God. There are somethings I may not know. There are some places I can't go, but I am sure of this one thing, that God is real and I can feel him in my soul. Yes God real. He's real in my soul. Yes God is real for He washed and made me whole. His love for me is just like pure gold. For God is will for I can feel Him in my soul.


Stay Saved,


Daniel Richerson