THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES

Thank you every one for the birthday wishes. I know this is the only time of the year some of us communicate through the socials, but if this is the only time, I still appreciate it. I went to a therapy session on my birthday. Yes I still do therapy. It's mainly for maintenance now. I still have anxiety attacks here and there but not as much as before. One night I had to drive home for an hour, and...

Ok, I work at a college, so like any other college, this college has spring break. When the college went on break, we that work there also got a break. Being on spring break, got me some time to do certain things that I don't usually get to do because I work 2nd shift. Now when I'm at work, and the anxiety attacks come  I usually start crying for no reason, and I end up having to walk to the back of the building to get myself together. I end up calling my mom or my little sister, depending on who I can get a hold of. They talk me through, or sometimes pray me through the anxiety attacks. I can't speak for anyone else that goes through this like me, but when I get them, I can't ever explain why. People ask me what's wrong, and I tell them I don't know because I really don't know. I just know one moment I'm fine, and then the next moment my eyes are welling up. One of my co-workers, tries to tell me to relax. If that doesn't work, one of my other co-workers asks me if I'm ok and do I need a break. Having no reason to lie, I nod my head, apologizing for having to leave my station. 

So that's at work, but imagine going through that in a car driving on the road with no one to call and you're alone in the car. I will say it's not safe, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you can, call somebody, and talk to somebody. Needless to say this particular night I didn't do any of that. I went to this church service, and it was one of those services where the preacher couldn't preach because the atmosphere was that crazy. Anyway, I got called up to the altar, which always always causes some anxiety, but that's a different blog for a different day. Some time up there somebody whispered in my ear, "You've been trying to do it on your own." That struck a nerve with me because I feel if that was the case, that service should've been a memorial service. That's part of the reason for therapy because I know I can't do it on my own. Now I must say, this I don't know what this person meant by that. This is just how I took it.  La di da di da, I went back to my seat. After benediction, I drove home and felt numb. I had that strange case of, "If you don't care, then I don't care." I have this bad habit of holding two fingers to my head like a gun when I feel like this.  How I made it home? As the song writer said, God did it. Oh yes He did it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies and germs. I turned 37. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Well, I thought I would, but I also thought my life would be completely different than it is now. Is my life perfect? No. Do I have regrets? Plenty. As you can see if you got this far, my life is not peaches and cream. I just take it one day at a time. Every day is a new day and a different day. Do I have PTSD? Yep, but again every day is different. How do I deal with it? A lot of prayer, and ASMR. The medicine I'm on helps too. I'm on Zoloft and Abilify. 

That's all I got. Sorry it's been a while between the blogs. I didn't have any material. No I had a lot of material but framing it in a way for post....know what I mean? Again thank you all for birthday wishes. Keep praying for me. Feel free to share your comments, and share the blog around. You are not alone. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson