I'M IN THERAPY (mental health update)

I've been trying to find the words to say. I've stated before sometimes finding the words to put together that make sense to the people reading this is not the easiest thing in the world. I'm very easily distracted, go figure. I've been very open about the mental issues I've been dealing with for most of my life, but the past couple of years I've been very transparent about it. Not that I would suggest being open publicly like I am, but I do suggest finding a way to get those crazy thoughts out of your head. I made a couple of posts about the cries of the silent. Well around last month I went to a local Mental Health Center. I'm now in therapy, and I'm also on medication. 

I want to thank everyone that has been supportive on this journey. I want to thank all of those for the prayers and positive thoughts during this whole ordeal. I've needed help for a long time, but if you want it, there's help out there. Getting help doesn't make you less than a man. It's crazy that if you are a male and you openly admit to not being ok, you automatically get labeled as "feminine." So that male pride takes over, and the inner issues never really get dealt with in a healthy way. So then the cries become silent. Silent because they're not allowed to cry out loud without being ridiculed.

"Why are you so angry?"

"You're sensitive."

"Why are you like this?"

The same people that will tell you to "man up" will question why are you "acting out." We wonder why the younger generation is so confused. I'm fortunate enough that people around me not only understand or starting to understand my anxiety, but pushed me in the right direction to get the help that I need. Through my bleeding and crying through my blogs, and other posts, I'm now getting the help that I need. Am I going to be whole over night? No. Just recently I had an anxiety attack. I can't speak for other people but having an anxiety attack sucks to begin with, but having one with people around sucks more and it can be embarrassing. Especially when some of the people don't understand what's going on. That's the scary part actually you start to think what if...but again fortunately for me the panic attacks I've had this year, people have been around me that understood. I'm not saying they understand completely, but they understood enough. 

It's ok to not be ok, but don't stay not ok. Continue to cry. Continue to bleed. Someone is listening. God is listening. He'll send someone by that will lead you to the help you need. Silent cries are still cries. Continue to cry out. Don't give up. I'm not telling anybody to "Get over it" because I overstand that PTSD is real, it's one of the things I deal with, so I would never tell someone to "get over it" because personally, I feel that's disrespectful, and you don't really know what someone has dealt with and are dealing with along with grief, anxiety, and depression.

This is for the those who feel that no one understands. This is for those that feel alone. This is for those who feel that they're the black sheep of the family. This is for those crying out but feel that no one hears them. 

I'm done. Took me a minute to gather my thoughts together to get something out. I hope there was something said that was good for you. I hope something was said that helped you understand what I deal with. My goal is always, if I reach just one person, I feel that I did my part. I'm just trying to erase the stigma of mental illness. We lost too many people already.

Stay saved,

Daniel Richerson

A BLOG FROM A GRATEFUL HEART

 "Just look up! Tomorrow's sun will let you know, your life's not done. Just look around loves pouring down. Trust in God." ~Trust In God, The Winans

First let me say, thank you. Thank you for reading the thoughts that I can't articulate out loud. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for allowing me to be open, all though not completely, about what goes on in my mind on a daily and nightly basis. Thank you for allowing me to cry and not have my manhood questioned. Thank you for letting me know how much my blogs have made an impact. You have no idea how good it feels to actually have people getting something out of the blogs, and not just mocked for doing them all the time. I also want to take time and thank those that actually give sound advice and don't just tell me to get over it. I firmly believe that's where suicide comes from for some. That's them "getting over it." Maybe it's just me but I believe if we starting getting to the root of some issues and do some pruning, it's much better than the "get over it" mindset that we've heard from generations. 

Yes, I concur that some things we do have to get over, but some of us got some rooted issues that have been buried for years that we have kept silent over and it's not only affected our emotional and mental state, but it's also affected our churches, families, and nation. Ignoring it doesn't always make it go away. Ignoring it causes some of the riots and protests we see. I believe it was the late Martin Luther King Jr that said a riot is a the language of the unheard. That may be why we're hearing so much about mental health lately because the cry of the silent is becoming audible, and during the pandemic people had no other choice but to sit and listen. Like the issues I've blogged about, I've been dealing with for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I'm being heard by some now. I can't help but feel they're still some that say, "He just need to get over it. He's just being emotional. He's really not going through anything. He's looking for sympathy." Maybe it's my fault, because I do tend to play around a lot just to get my mind off certain trauma. The coffee oclocks, and the Don Rickles style posts that I do probably don't help. Why have I often asked the questions, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" Who knows...

I also want to say, not to sound cliche, but I believe God has a way of showing you that he still cares. I believe he can use complete strangers and show you, that you still matter. I don't believe that it's coincidence that the message of "you are not alone" and "don't give up" is spreading through the secular and the church. I work at this college, some of the young people I talk to on a daily have been a blessing to my life. They'll probably never know it. I don't take it for granted that people care about my well being. I don't take it for granted when people are genuinely nice to me. I take it seriously when people call me friend. When people allow me to be myself and don't judge me, I don't take it for granted. There's still a part of me that falls back when I feel like I've gone overboard.

There's still some mental walls that I hit every now and again when I feel overwhelmed during certain situations. Thank God for family, blood and not, that help me hold on. I do appreciate all of you that reach out and pray for me, although I don't say it much. I'm tired of crying. When I feel it coming I try to fight it, but at times the more I fight it the worse the cry becomes. That's when I believe God places songs on my heart like Trouble in my Way, Pass Me Not Oh Gentle Savior, After While It'll All Be Over, Smile Again, Stand by Donnie McClurkin, and many others.

That's all I have for this one. Continue to pray for all those who are suffering from mental health. I read recently that this is National Men's Mental Health month as I'm typing this. Be sure to check on  your strong friends. If some one come across you mind, send a text if you can. You may help somebody hold on just a little while longer. Brings an old song to mind that says, "Hold on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright." 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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