BETTER

Better. Webster defines it to mean more advantageous or effective. I asked myself a question one day. Why do we as people fear better? Is it that we fear what's coming might be better than what's been? Is it the fact that we're in the last days so you feel that it's impossible for better to come? Is it better might be a different way that you've done it or look at it and you fear change? 

In my 36 years, I find that some are going to see the negative in everything. You got to be careful being around people like that because spirits do transfer. I know I'm not the most positive guy in the world, but I'm getting better through therapy. Speaking of therapy, I'm down to one appointment per month. I'm still taking my medicine. So things are going good as far as that goes. I will say this, if you feel that you need help, it's out there for you. Don't let being miserable continue to be a life trait. Don't let that spirit continue to transfer to your love ones. Yes, I do believe in Jesus, but I also believe in therapy. He can work through therapy too. 

Back on the subject of better. Don't shut it out. I'm not implying that all change is better, but all change isn't bad either. Some people just want to be stuck in their present. Their present may not necessarily be this current time. Some people want to be stuck in the wash board era of doing things. Nothing that there's anything wrong with that, but we have washing machines and dryers. Nothing wrong with still having bunny ears on your TV, but everything is digital now so don't get mad at the TV for not working when it's using out of date programming. Bunny ears, kids, is another word for antenna. Antenna's are...never mind.

Better can be refreshing as well. Ever feel like you're stuck in the same cycle, and it seems that nothing is ever going to change. You feel like it's not going better, but then it happens. You get a new supervisor. That one coworker gets fired. The radio plays your favorite song. You go to church, and the sermon is just what you needed. I can't even explain how you can experience better but still go back to the same miserable cycle. 

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." Some of us know better, but we choose not to do better because it's not comfortable. Doing something you've never done before almost never feels comfortable. There's another quote that says, "If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done." 

That's all I have for this one. I hope if got this far, you'll be willing to comment and share this blog with any and everybody. 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

IT'S BLOG OCLOCK! (MENTAL HEALTH UPDATED FOR THE PEOPLE)

Turns out when you don't take your medicine, there are consequences. Mental Health medicine is on the same timeline. See what had happened, I had ran out and I didn't call in about it...and then the consequences. Anxiety attacks which I have at certain times, are more likely to happen when I'm not on my anxiety pills. I know certain celebs say stopped taken their meds because, "This is the real me" well the consequences have been shown. My therapist told me that taking care of your mental health is just as important as taken care of your physical health. Oh, what were the consequences of not having my anxiety pills? Crying hard. Very emotional. Apologizing to the the air because nobody was home with me.

Before that anxiety attack, I felt like I was having a bit of what they call, cabin fever. Wikipedia defines Cabin Fever like this, "Cabin fever is the distressing claustrophobic irritability or restlessness experienced when a person, or group, is stuck at an isolated location or in confined quarters for an extended time." It's not like I'm stuck in the apartment, I can leave when I want...it's just no where I want to go. My therapist is trying to get me to be more social, and obviously, here I am typing a blog so I'm doing a fine job. Yeah, walking around the house randomly quoting Instagram videos is being social, right?

Ever get real sick of yourself? Honestly you ever like hear yourself on a daily basis and then be like, "ugh, please shut up." That's probably part of the reason people think I can't talk at first. Like have you heard me talk? Are you sure you want that problem? So the question was asked to me, "How do you get up and sing in front of people?" To be honest, I don't know. I just put the mic to my mouth, and do it. I try not to think about it too much. If I over think it, if I think about all the eyes that are on me in the building and via live stream, I wouldn't do it. I try not to sing for show. Which is why you don't see me post singing on the socials. Nothing against that, I just can't do it. It's like asking me to sing on the spot. The whole mind it goes blank. The nerves go into the shakes. 

The question came to me, "Why didn't you call (insert name) when you had the anxiety attack?" You mean to actually use the phone as a...phone? "Well what do you use the phone for?" Social media. Also it was really late at night, and the last thing I want to do is bother anybody with my problems. Don't get me wrong, I usually call my mom or sister when this happens, but mind you the last couple of times the attacks come, I was at work. I be at my station then all of the sudden I feel my mind going to that place, and my co worker, says, "Daniel, you need a break?" Then I go outside and cry it out. I then call my sister or mom to help calm me down and just talk me through it. I call them because I feel like they understand. Last thing I want at that point is to talk to someone that doesn't get it. Some attacks last longer than others. No, I can't tell how long by that attack. I just try to use the coping skills I've learned through therapy if I remember them. Breathing exercises again if I remember them. I do have a paper when the coping and breathing gimmicks on it, I just don't know where it is. 

I guess if you don't get anything else from this piece, I would say stay up on your medicine weather it be mental or physical, and that Daniel needs to get out the house more...etc etc etc. Well gang, that's all I have for this one. Feel free to share and comment if you have any thing to say. Peace, love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

ALMOST A YEAR IN THERAPY...

 Something Don Rickles (RIP) would say in his act, "I wish you what I have, people around you who care." I've been in therapy for almost a year. During this year I've had many anxiety attacks, mostly at work. I've had trouble sleeping for the most part. My mind just goes different places when I get to the point of laying me down to sleep. I'm on two antidepressants, Zoloft and Abilify. All this and still dealing with grief. I don't know if that will ever go away.

Dealing with all that, with people who actually care makes the journey a little easier. It's like what the writer said, "Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don't believe He brought this far to leave me."

I want to apologize for not being as whole as some of you want me to be. That's part of the reason I apologize when I have the attacks I have because I don't want to be a burden to anybody. The attacks seem to always happen after my therapy appointments which is weird because the session go well. I get to work hoping to have a good night, then at one point of the night like clockwork, boom. I feel overwhelmed. Eyes get watery, and all of the sudden the thoughts I try to suppress, come back and I feel like I'm stuck. I try to fight it by "manning up" and doing the job, but even that becomes a tassel. Then the question gets asked, "Daniel, are you ok?" It took me a while to figure out that it's ok to not be ok. I've read that on many of social media posts, but to look someone in the eye and say no I'm not ok is not easy.

When I get to the point where I can admit that I'm not ok, that's when the release comes. I can go outside and get some air, pray, and or call someone. I come back to myself the best I can and come back to work. "Daniel, if you ever need to talk..." I'm slowly starting to believe some when they say that. Cause for so long...know what I mean? 

Without going into too much detail, I'm just going to say that suicide has been hitting a little too close to home. Having people around you is good but I feel what's important is what are those people doing? Do they care about your well being or are you just a number on the phone or a friend on a friends list. Having friends and family around is cool, but what does it matter if they don't care about your mental well being. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone that you care. You telling someone you care might just save their life.

"I wish you what I have, people around you who care." ~ Don Rickles

Again I'm going to apologize, this time for the time between the blogs. I had a lot to say but I didn't know how to put it into words together? I don't know, I hope this makes up for it. If you got anything out of this please share. If you know anybody that also deals with anxiety and depression, maybe share this with them to let them know that they're not alone. Like I've said in the past, if I can reach one person, I feel that I've done my job. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

I'M PROUD OF....ME

November of 2018, Snoop Dogg got a star on on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the end of his acceptance speech, he said,

"Last but not least, I wanna thank me
I wanna thank me for believing in me
I wanna thank me for doing all this hard work
I wanna thank me for having no days off
I wanna thank me for, for never quitting
I wanna thank me for always being a giver
And tryna give more than I recieve
I wanna thank me for tryna do more right than wrong
I wanna thank me for just being me at all times
Snoop Dogg, you a bad mother******"

Allow me if you will to take a page of this book, and say that I am proud of me. Why wait for other's to say that they're proud? I want to take this post to say, that I'm proud of you, Daniel. We may not be where we want to be or where other's wants us to be, but as the saying goes, praise now, it could be worse. First let me say, that I'm proud that you're getting the help that you have needed for years. I'm proud that you took that step, and you've been seeing a therapist and been on antidepressants for almost a year. The growth that has come from taken that initial step has shown. Other's may not see the growth, but the growth is there, you and I both know it. 

I'm proud that you're taking your health more seriously. This last hospital bid was a real wake up call for us. First time ever in an ambulance. I know we relive that experience from time to time. Even typing about it, I can see us in the ambulance and them trying to put a oxygen mask on. Next thing we know we were in the hospital strapped to a bed. I'm proud that we have been doing our best to take our medicine every morning and night since we got out the hospital. We still got a ways to go as far as the LB's (weight) goes, but we'll get there.

I'm proud of you for not giving up when it would've been easy to. Back in 2011 when we and Dad were living out of a van, sleeping in parking lots and cheap motels it would've been easy to give up but we kept going. Back in 2013 when you went to hospital and the doctor's told you that you wouldn't make it to 30. It would've been easy and some would say understandable to give up at that point. Christmas of 2015 when you went back to hospital, you didn't give up. Getting fired from jobs, you kept pushing. Suicidal thoughts came, but you didn't act on them. I'm proud of you. We're here typing this because you didn't give up.

I'm proud of you for learning how to be yourself. For learning how to laugh out loud and not hide your smile. I proud of you for finding your smile because there was a time where we lost it. I'm proud that we learned to like Daniel Richerson for Daniel Richerson. I proud of the hard worker that you've become. The work you put in at church and the work you've put at jobs. Your time at jobs initially started out shaky, but we figured it out. I'm proud of you. 

Don't get it twisted, I realize that God gets all the glory but I don't believe there's nothing wrong with putting yourself over when you've spent a lifetime putting yourself down. Philippians 3:12-13 Easy To Read Version, " I am not saying that I have already reached that place in my life. I have not yet completely become the person that God wants me to be. But I am trying very hard to reach that place. That was Christ's purpose when he first made me his own. My Christian friends, I do not think that I have reached that place yet. But this is what I do: I do not think about past things that have already happened. Instead, I try hard to reach the things that are in front of me."

That's all I have for this post. This post may seem a little arrogant. It may not work. I just wanted Daniel to know that I'm proud of him. That's all. If you feel led you can share this post around. Thank you if you read this far. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

THE QUESTION FOR THIS PIECE IS WHY?

I was asked a question that had and still has my mind working. The question was, "Why are we depressed?" One thing I haven't really thought about. I've been writing on my mental health for years but never really wrote about the why. I can go back as when I was a kid and I would bite my hand when I got mad. That lasted for years. It literally left a spot on my right hand knuckle. I can remember when I was going for finical aid at Greenville Tech, and the lady saw my hand, and the look on her face was one of shock and I would imagine she was a bit disturbed.

You got to remember now the talk of mental health awareness was not even a conversation then. So me biting my hand was just me "showing out" and not a sign of self harm.

Why are we depressed? Could be a lot of things. Could be that there's a hole in our life that we can't seem to fill. I know with me it's a lot of reasons. Never had closure with my dad. Dad passed on in January, and I'm still having a hard time. It was weird not receiving a gift card from him on my birthday. It was weird not getting a phone call from him while in the hospital. The previous two times I was in the hospital, he would call just about every day. To not get a text rom him on Thanksgiving, and not receiving a text from him on Christmas it's just not going to feel right. My heart grieves for those who have lost any parent.

Why are we depressed? Could be impatience. Patience is a virtue, right? We're waiting for relationships. We're waiting for money. We're waiting for all these things, but either they're not coming quick enough or we're not looking. The depression could be solvable if we learn the value of waiting. With impatience comes doubt. Doubt that the things we're looking for will come. Doubt will maybe blind us to what's literally right under our nose so to speak because we're looking for the answer in certain way. Remember in the Bible they were looking for Jesus to show up in a spectacular fashion. He showed up on a donkey. So do you really want what you're looking for or do you want what you're looking for to show up how you want it? We say, "He may not come when you want him, but He'll show up on time." Maybe He has shown up already, but doubt has blinded us to such a depression that we can't even see that the answer is here already.

Why are we depressed? Lonely. Like Al Green said, "I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired on my own." We want to have that person that we can talk to. We want to have that person that will understand what we deal with but still want to have a relationship with us. We just want to be understood in a world that chooses not to understand mental health. A lot of us go to church with leaders who choose not to understand that high anxiety that we deal with so we go home and feel alone. We've come such a long way with the conversation of mental health, but I feel that we still have a long way to go. I can remember at a leadership meeting and I was sitting with my dad in the back. One of the leaders walked by dad and said, "We're not discussing the real issues." I'm not saying that was mental health related, but we as a whole have been running from the real issues that have to be discussed, and wonder why we can't move forward in anything. Naturally or spiritually.

Why are we depressed? I don't know, and that's ok.

That's all I have for this. If you've read this far, please leave your thoughts and comments. I'm still in therapy and anti-depressants. I still have my emotional break downs here and there, but I'm doing much better. I'm taking all my medicines like I'm supposed to. I'm doing my best with the new food plan, but it's not easy. I appreciate all that really love and really care. Peace. Love.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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If you need to reach me to talk about anything, get at me on my socials. I'm here. I care.

DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME? DON'T YOU REALLY CARE? YES YOU DO

 On May 23, 2020, one day after my 33rd birthday, I poised the question that I got from the song Candy Girl by New Edition, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care?" I asked that question due to the number of suicides that were happening to during the beginning of the pandemic and some of the silent responses to them. I then would use those set of questions regarding myself. This was before I started therapy, I was such a state of loneliness that I questioned if anybody really--

This last couple of weeks have really opened my eyes. I had two previous stints in the hospital prior to this for the same thing, but this stint showed me that people care. People showed they cared the previous stints don't get me wrong, but this previous stint was a real eye opener. An eye opener that Daniel was cared about the whole time.

Even with all that going on, I still have my good days and bad days. I know my process to being whole is not moving as quick as some would like, but all I can say is I'm sorry to disappoint. As some of you know, I see a therapist about two times a month. I'm still on antidepressants. Two now. I'm taking them as prescribed like my blood pressure and heart medicines. Just a quick note, yes I'm still talking mental health because like it or not it's part of my story, and more than likely will always be. I don't agree that me talking about it is glorifying it. Like Ice Cube said in the movie Straight Outta Compton in response to a complaint about the album is glorifying gangs and drugs, "Our art is a reflection of our reality." My blogs are a reflection of what I go through and live with. My goal with these blogs, especially within the last couple of years, is not so that people will be sorry for me, but if one person that may be dealing with similar issues will think, there's someone else that's going through something similar. Let me see how this guy is dealing with his mental issues.

To many times people going through mentally have to be silent because of misunderstandings and misconceptions of what we deal with on a daily. To the unknown, it makes us sound lazy. Granted, some do take the word "anxiety" and run with it and use it as an excuse to not do certain things. Speaking for myself, I've found a circle that seems to really love me and care, and as cliché as it sounds, if it can happen for me, it can happen for you. 

Yes, Daniel knows that he's loved. He's knows that, and I do. I've always knew that, it was the believing it that I had an issue with. Also, the fact that I drive home from church and work alone and end up home alone. That's the part that gets---you know?

The amount of love that I have received had been overwhelming. Like the writer said, "It's really no goodness of my own, but it's by the grace of God that I've been kept all this time and I still have the mind to go on." Some days it's a battle to want to continue to go on to keep it a buck. I still have some PTSD of being in the ambulance one minute to waking up two days later strapped in a hospital bed. Yet, I'm here typing this up tonight. Breathing normally. Blood pressure is good. Weight is steady. So it's not all bad.

That's all I got for this post. I hope that if you read this for you'll be willing to leave a comment with your thoughts. I hope that I didn't say anything to offend anybody. That was not my intention. Peace, love, and...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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Day by Day prt 2

My Dad's homegoing was January 21, 2022. To be honest I haven't slept since. And that's the blog. Goodnight.

Hi, it's still a day by day thing. Working a customer service type job on lack of sleep is not something I would suggest doing. Working while dealing with lack of sleep also while depressed is not something I would suggest either. When it's busy, I'm good. My mind is focused on the job, and getting it done as quickly as possible. When the down time comes though, that's when my mind begins to wanders. When my mind wanders, that's when those trust issues make a comeback. That's when those questions I would ask, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" come back to my brain.

I'm still having a hard time getting the words together both to make a blog out of them. The main reason I don't reach out is because I often think, what am I going to get out of this conversation, and thinking on that, I most of the time don't think it's worth it. No shade to anybody, but if I'm going to reach out I wanted to be at least worth my time. If I'm calling because I'm depressed, and I get lectured on other things that I don't even--...and I called because, I'm tired. I'm ready to jump off the balcony outside, and I'm getting lectured on if I'm putting my pants on right, or whatever--see what I mean? Again, no shade. I appreciate those who have told me that they are willing to talk if I call. Is the advice I'm going to get going to be sound advice...ok let me say this. I know it sounds like, "Oh, Daniel just wants to hear what He wants to hear. He doesn't want advise." I promise that's not the case. I'm just tired of empty conversations. 

I've had feelings of emptiness. Feelings of just wanting to scream like Michael and Janet. Shrek! I'm looking down! Trying to go back to normal. Trying to get back to streaming Sims 4, but it's empty. Trying to get back to the coffee o'clocks, but it's empty. For once, when I'm asked, "You good?" I say yes and actually mean it. I know people are wanting me to get away from blogs like this, but I don't want to post lies. I don't want to post something I'm not feeling.

My profile pic on FB and Instagram is still black for the time being. I know I'm going to change it when I'm ready to. I appreciate the people who have continued to check on me. I really do. When the action of love is shown, it hits different. I look at it like what Kirk Franklin penned when he said, "Jesus, You keep on lookin' out for me." Kirk is one of my all time favorite artist, not just Gospel, like all time favorite artists. An old song he penned that has helped me through this healing process is Let Me Touch You.

"Sometimes to me You seem so far away
And I wonder how to make it through the day
But if I can touch the hem of Your garment
Your power, I know, You can heal, Jesus
Let me touch You and see if You are real
When I'm down
Let me touch You
When I'm lonely
Let me touch You
When I'm discouraged
Let me touch You
Like I never have before
Lord, I need You more and more, Jesus
Let me touch You and see if You are real"

Ok, I'm done. Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts for me and my family through this healing process. Again, it's a day by day thing. I'm sorry if I said anything offensive, that wasn't my intention. If you want to share this or if you don't thanks for reading. Continue to pray for those who are suffering mentally. Please continue to pray for those are grieving no matter how they're grieving and no matter how long it's been. 

~Daniel Richerson

2022...DO BETTER

I've been hesitating typing this post because I've been trying to get my thoughts together all of them to try to have it make sense...huh? My mind has been all over the place due to circumstances that has happened to cause my mental health to go well mental again. Thanks for nothing 2022. There's a reason why I never say new year new me. That's a work. While I say that some people turn that work in to a shoot, meaning they actually turn it into a lifestyle...and God bless them. I'll be honest, I'm not that disciplined yet. 

So my 2022 so far has been just another case of my child hood just erasing itself in front of my eyes. 2021 brought the loss of high school friends and adults that were major parts of my childhood. The beginning of 2022 we've lost Betty White, Sidney Poitier, and Bob Saget. I grew up watching Full House on TGIF. Sidney directed one of my all time favorite movies, Stir Crazy. Not to mention To Sir With Love, become like a cult classic with my sister and myself. More to my sister but I did watch it also. Golden Girls....what else is there to say? Oh, Daniel, they're just celebrities...ok, next time you cry over a football game, as the old hymn say, "Let me clear my throat!" Don't get offended because I called an old rap song a hymn, these are the jokes--

And I tested positive for Corona! So I got tested for Covid just to be sure before I start back going to work, and I took it on a Wednesday. and was told I would have my results by that Friday. Didn't get it until that next Tuesday morning. I was sleep, then got up because my bladder was---never mind, and I looked at my phone because I'm not a self hating millennial, cough cough, and saw that I had a text message from DHEC with my results. Coo Coo Cachoo, I found out that I was positive. I was told by someone, "I don't want you going crazy." Ok...you know that thing of where you tell someone not to look down, and they end up---looking--

All joking aside, as I'm typing this, it's been about a week since I was tested and I am feeling better. Still coughing a little bit but that's about it. So I tested positive...around the same day, I got a phone call that a loved one's condition had gotten worse...hence the warning about not going crazy. I was actually doing good for a few days, mentally. Then the situation got worse than that...remember in Shrek when Shrek and Donkey was trying to get to the castle? They were going across the rickety bridge, and Donkey was repeating to himself not to look down. Then a piece of the bridge broke and Donkey uttered, "Shrek, I'm looking down!" 

All the stuff that people tell me not to feel, I felt. "Daniel don't feel this way. Daniel don't feel that way." Too late. I will say somebody did tell me to work on my mental health exercises, and I did. Again I was doing well until--it was just all too much. If God allows, I'll be 35 this year. Is it too late for me? Is it too late for me to find love? Will I ever use my time wisely? Will I ever impress my spiritual fathers and mothers? Am I overreacting? Will I ever be able to get over it? Is it too late?

I mentioned mental health exercises. This is what I do. This is not a suggestion for what you should do. I'm not that smart. This is what I do. I try to remember what has been told to me in the sessions I've had. I write blogs. Youtube has this thing called "My Mix" where it puts a mix of videos you watch often, and for me and my video mix, they help me stay sane. I listen to music. I pray. I don't pray like everybody else. I tend to do what the song writer said, "Have a little talk with Jesus. Tell Him all about your troubles. He'll hear your fainted cry, and He'll answer by and by. When you feel the pray wheel turning. Know that the fire is burning. Just a talk with Jesus makes it all right." My problem is when I do pray, I feel bad because I don't pray like the mothers of old or the "seasoned saints" of today. I may be wrong, but my mind is going to Matthew 6:5-7 (CEV), "When you pray, don't be like those show-offs who love to stand up and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners. They do this just to look good. I can assure you that they already have their reward. When you pray, go into a room alone and close the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private and will reward you. When you pray don't talk on and on as people do who don't know God. They think God likes to hear long prayers."

Please hear me, I'm not throwing stones, I'm just letting some things out. I'm just different. I'm just a dude trying to make it like everybody else. It took me a minute to get this post out as clear as I wanted it to be. I hope I did a good job. I tried to type this blog earlier, but my emotions and focus was too off for me to get any clear thought out. Continue to pray for me and people like me who suffer but feel like we got to be silent at times. Continue to pray for the lonely. Continue to pray for those who had Covid-19 and are still feeling the repercussions of it. I read someone that it's called Long Covid. Pray for their mental health as well. Pray for the Kingdom. Saints don't stop praying for the Lord is nigh. Saints don't stop praying, He'll hear your cry. For the Lord has promised, and His Word is true. Saints don't stop praying He'll answer you.

And I'm done. Thank you for reading if you got this far. I hope something was said that was encouraging. I hope I didn't offend anybody, that's never my intention. If I can get some of you to share the post to get it out to those who may need to read it, that would be cool. I appreciate all of you who continue to support what I do. Here's to a better 2022 for all of us.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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IT TAKES LOVE

 One of my favorite movies of all time is a little movie called Lethal Weapon. If you don’t know, this movie was one of the original “buddy cop” movies. Roger Murtaugh was a family man, 50 years old, and a police officer for many years. He got told that he was going to get a partner by the name of Martin Riggs. Riggs was perceived as crazy. He was perceived as psychotic. He was suffering from mental health issues. He lost his wife which turned his world upside down. Meaning night after night he would hold a gun to his mouth ready to end it with tears in his eyes, but right before he pulled the trigger, he would uncock the gun and express how much he misses his now late wife. So holding all that emotion in while trying to be a police officer at the same time would probably make anybody a little off, right? I bring up this movie, because it was the love of Murtaugh and his family that lifted Riggs out of his mental condition. He didn’t talk to a therapist which he likely needed to, it was the love of his new partner and family. Maybe what’s keeping some people from losing their minds is love. The love of God. The love from family and friends. I believe the writer was right when they said, “What the world needs now is love sweet love.”

The church I attend now had 3 prior pastors, one of which was my Dad. Dad would sometimes get up for his sermon and just read from hymn 425 in the COGIC Hymnal.

“I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more; but the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry, from the waters lifted me—Now safe am I. All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling, in his blessed presence live, ever His praises sing. Love so mighty and so true merits in my soul’s best songs; faithful, loving service too to Him belongs. Souls in danger, look above, Jesus completely saves, He will lift you by his love out of the angry waves. He’s the Master of the sea, billows his will obey; He your Savior wants to be—be saved today. Love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me; love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me.”

I will admit now that I realize that some may be reading this that do not believe in God. I’m not here to argue with anybody about the existence of God. That’s your prerogative. I will say that you must talk to somebody if you’re dealing with some type of anxiety or suicidal thoughts, God or not. Keeping that kind of stuff in is not healthy. Find an ear you can vent to that would use their mouth to spread your business or their fingers to spread your business on social media. To those that don’t believe in God, I will say you can vent to God and don’t have to worry about him spreading your business. I’m just saying.

As I write this, we as wrestling fans are worried about the well being of a wrestler that recently went on Instagram and contemplated suicide. Apparently, this wrestler had a gun and read out their last will and testament. In the last month this is the second wrestler I’ve seen make a video with the subject of ending it all. The spirit of suicide is not a game. I understand that wrestling is a work, but the people behind the characters we love or despise have real life issues. I understand the feeling of wanting to end it all. I never would have the guts to make a video about it. I have cried myself to sleep night after night due to mental anxiety. Why did I never do it? Because of the love of my family and church family. I’ve mentioned this before and it’s still holds true, I have to learn how to love Daniel. You must learn how to love you. Find something good about yourself and build on that.

Now if you know somebody that is dealing with said issues, don’t just say love you got to show love. Fred Hammond said, “When you say how are you doin'/ Do you really wanna know/ And are you concerned, yeah/ And if you had the solution/ But it took some of your time or some cash or whatever/ Are you willing.” The chorus goes like this.

“Not just what you say {It's mostly what you do}
Not a game that you play {To keep the winning hand with you}
Not just wasting time {With empty words that don't mean much}
Not just how you feel {When others need your tender touch}
So can you take out some time {To help somebody else in need}
And when this is done {The love of God is truly seen}
Then above all {We need to cover and forgive}
Then we can act like we know what love is”

With people hurting with a pain that doesn’t seem to be going away this is not the time to play with people emotions. The wrestlers I talked about before are just two examples of people dealing with mental health, and many other people that are dealing with the same issues but unlike some people, they have a platform. September is suicide prevention month. There’s a hotline you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can call on God. My inbox is open. There are people that are willing to listen and love on you. Not everybody Is out here preying on you, some are praying for you.

That’s all I have for this post. I thank you for reading it. I thank those who keep encouraging me to keep writing. I do ask that you please share this post around if you feel led. This is a subject matter that really hits home to me. I know I talk about mental health a lot lately because I see a lot of it on my timeline on the daily. Me myself, I’m still dealing with it. So, here we go. Me writing is my therapy. And if you talk to somebody, one time is not enough. There’s a reason why the Bible says, “…men ought to always pray and not faint.” The old song says, “Don’t stop praying! The Lord is nigh; Don’t stop praying! He’ll hear your cry; For the Lord has promised, and His Word is true; Don’t stop praying; He’ll answer you.”

Ok now I’m done.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

"Untitled" only because I couldn't think of one...

I've had many people tell me Daniel we're going to do this, we're going to do that. I've had many people tell me about their dreams and that I was going to be a part of it. I would get so excited about the potential of their vision coming to pass which would cause me to become stagnant on my own path. I would become stagnant in making the right decisions for my life due to so and so said this and that was going to happen and they wanted me to be a part of it. So in my mind I would have something to look forward to, and I would end up being like that meme where the skeleton is starting out the window waiting, when I could've use that time to work on myself. How much time has been wasted by us waiting on somebody else's dream to come to fruition while our dreams turn to dust? How many more wake up calls do you need to pick the dream back up? You hear the message through song, through sermons, and even through some social media posts, yet some of us still sit back and twiddle our thumbs. 

In the Contemporary English Version, James 2:26, "Anyone who doesn't breathe is dead, and faith that doesn't do anything is just as dead"

Switching gears just a little bit, I mean no disrespect, but I'm not what older generations calls us millennials. I'm not a clout chaser. I don't chase titles. Reason why I don't chase titles is because I don't want to become one of those people who forgets what's it's like to be laymen. I don't want to be that bougie person that forgets where God has brought me from. There's a wrestler that I'm a fan of and I was in one of his streams. One of the people in the chat was using wrestling insider terms. Terms that because of the internet and shoot interviews, out of character interviews, that we as fans have learned and added to our vocabulary. Again, just a fan in the live stream used some insider terms, and the wrestler reacted with a bougie like laugh and with a response like "Oh, I remember when I was like you. Using terms acting like I know what I'm talking about." What it sounded like to me, "Oh, I remember when I was a peasant just like you. Now I'm better than you." So besides just letting the fan be a fan and just answer his question or whatever he asked, the wrestler decided to stick his preverbal nose at the fan and disregard the comment. 

I see a lot of this "Christian" sessions as well whether it be at church or just a bible study, new converts try to get more information on what they're supposed to do, but they get looked down upon. I don't know how some churches become a revolving door? Maybe it's because that "love of Christ" is more like the "love" of a dead beat. Show love one time and think that's supposed to work. I believe it's written, "The  Lord hath appeared of old unto me,, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." Webster defines everlasting, "continuing for a long time or indefinitely." So with that kind of love, the everlasting love, why look over those who are on the come up? Why look down on those who aren't moving as quickly as you are? Tell me priest and Levite, why did you pass the man that's half dead laying on the street? 

The worse thing you can tell people that's struggling in the mental compacity is "get over it." For your information, everyday they're working to get over it. I remember some people questioned when the songwriter said, "My past still controls me. Will this hurt ever leave? I can only trust you, no one else like you do." At a choir rehearsal they wanted to take that line out. I like to believe that the writer wasn't saying he was controlled by his past more like haunted by his past. I know I'm not the only one that's made some regrettable decisions in life. Just the other day I was streaming on Twitch and a moment that I have tried to forget come back to my head and I had to end the stream early. I ended the stream because it got me off focus. I use Twitch as a platform where I can just chill and laugh, and at that moment I was about to lose my mind.

It all goes back to mental health. I know it seems like it's all I talk about, but it's something I've neglected for a long time. You got to protect it. How can you protect it? Pray. You don't have to pray like your pastor or anybody else that has a FB Live prayer line. Old hymn says, "Let us have a little talk with Jesus/ Let us tell Him all about our troubles/ He will hear our faintest cry/ And He will answer by and by/ And when you feel a little prayer wheel turnin'/ And you will know a little fire is burnin'/ Find a little talk with Jesus makes it right." After you pray, act on it.

Thanks for reading the post if you got this far. Sorry that it's been so long since the last post, but due mental health, I know I'm sorry, and other things, I didn't feel compelled to write anything. Shout outs to my little sister and others who keep me motivated to keep being creative. I hope you comment and share the post if you got something out of it. Until the next post.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

THIS BLOG TOOK A TURN

This was originally going to be another blog about my depression and suicidal thoughts. Then I realize that I couldn't do that. I didn't want to continue to live in misery. We all got issues. We all have bruises. I just thought it wasn't a crime to say "Ow" sometimes. March 23rd I wrote a post I titled, "Unspoken", and I was very open about mental issues and anxiety. I would say that I had them. My little sister left me a comment that said, "you’re working through anxiety and mental health issues, sibling. It does not have you nor do you have it!!" And I thought she was crazy. Like I'm living with this. I know what goes on through my head on a daily, how you going to say I don't have anxiety, and mental issues? 

I believe she was trying to tell me that I have to be careful what I speak over myself. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7a "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." The last clause of Luke 6:45 "...for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." The song writer said, "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself." It's nice to get encouragement from love ones. I believe we all like a little encouragement every once in a while, but when you feel like you're not getting any encouragement, why not encourage yourself? You may not see what you're speaking, but as my old Pastor once said, "Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eye can see." Song writer said, "I may not see it, but I hear it." Somebody else says, "You got to see it before you see it if you're ever going to see it" Let's go Bible. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Proverbs 18:21 in the Good News Bible, "What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words."

Now the question comes how can you truly encourage yourself if you don't like yourself? I would say that's a legit question. I'm still growing in that department of liking Daniel. Find a reason to smile. Find that reason to laugh and smile. Some would say as a Christian, you don't do what necessarily feels good to you all the time, which is true, but you can find a reason to laugh. Don't let depression kick your butt. Turn the news off. If you can't turn social media off, you can at least hide the posts you don't want to see or unfollow. Radio personality Charlamagne tha god often says, "Protect your mental health." By any means necessary. Instead of watching the news, watch a good movie. Listen to your favorite song. Distance yourself from people that mean you no good even if that includes family or the people you may go to church with.

I've been told for years that I got to start looking at myself through God's eyes. What does God say about you? Forget what other people say about you. Jeremiah 29:11 in the Amplified Bible, "For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." Another verse comes to mind Philippians 2:5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." Song writer said, "His report says I am healed/ His report says I am filled/ His report says I am free/ His report says victory." Take notice what report didn't say. Nothing about anxiety, depression, etc. Not saying those feelings won't come, but don't give in. Keep walking. 

I want to take this time to thank my sister for checking on me just about everyday to make sure that I'm ok. I want to thank the people in some of the livestreams I go into, for making a person dealing with being alone among other things feel welcome. From the church streams to the gaming streams. Thank you. I want to thank all of you who has help me keep my head up and in the game. I know I don't communicate like I should, but thank you for loving me anyway. I want to thank all the people at the cardiac rehab center I go to for helping me get through my workouts. Thank you all for reminding me that I'm not walking alone.

I hope something was said that helped out. I hope if you feel led, you share this post all you can. Continue to pray for your boy.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Unspoken

Back in September 2013, I was struggling to breathe at night. That was going on for months but I was against going to the hospital. The July before that I went back to California for the first time in over 20 years where I got asked if I remembered things from when I was 4 when I left. Not really. Anyway, I couldn't sleep at night. One night in September I couldn't take anymore, I told my little sister, who had told me to let her know if I needed to go to the hospital. I let her know. I couldn't lay down flat on the bed. I felt like I messed everything up. I felt guilty. I felt I let everyone down. So I ended up going to the ER. Turns out I had a lot of built up fluid, and my blood pressure was stroke level high. In my mind this was punishment for all the crap I put my little sister and my parents through over the years. I can remember they wanting to do an MRI but I couldn't lay down flat and breathe properly. I ended up spending a few  days in the hospital. I remember one day I was eating lunch and this doctor came in and told me that I wouldn't make it to 30. Side note, I'll be 34 this coming May. And they had a nutritionist come in and told me about this low sodium diet. I was told to find a doctor. They put me on medicine to take. One main thing that sticks out is the day I got out, they put me in the wheel chair, and it felt like I waited forever for someone to get me. At that point, I felt alone. I went into a state of depression. My  Mom came to the room I was in, and she wheeled me out to the car so she could take me home.

You know that phrase, "If you don't learn from history, you're doomed to repeat it?" I barely looked for a doctor, so I stopped taking the medicine I was on. I broke the low sodium diet and basically did that I did before. All because I didn't care about my own well being. I had a few temp jobs but nothing that ever felt permanent. Christmas Day 2014, I was at my Aunt's house. Couldn't lay back down again. It wasn't as bad as it was the year prior, but I couldn't get comfortable. Again I felt like I let everyone down. I felt guilty. Like this was payback for something I did. I ended up going back the hospital, but this time it was a different hospital. Again the blood pressure was stroke level high. Spent a few days in the hospital again. Highlight of this trip was a cousin coming to my room to visit. I didn't expect it. Again a doctor came in the room and told me that I wasn't going to make it to 32. (Reminder 34 in May) This time around I got a doctor. When I got let out this time around the staff at this hospital was quicker and getting me out the room. 

March 27, 2020, I was driving home after dropping a dude off at work. I failed to yield to traffic, made a left turn, and got hit by a truck. The car didn't make it, but I did. I got a ticket for failing to yield. I had no damage to me. So, Daniel messed up again. At that same time, my Mom was in the hospital because of Covid. (She's healed and doing well now) So I just hit by a truck. I survived with no injury, while at the same time worried about my mom. This was right before everybody started wearing masks. So I was trying to keep from crying on the side of the road. Trying not to break on the side of road. My Pastor ended up picking me up and taking me home.

Later in 2020 spent some time in Iowa, I got real sick. Again, couldn't sleep. I was struggling to breathe with the mask on. First thought in my mind, I got it. It finally got me. The "It" of course being covid. When we got back to South Carolina, I went to my doctor's office, and got tested for Covid which was the highlight of my day at that point. Nothing like haven't a long q tip stuck up on your nose. I got a refill of all the medicines I stopped taken. I immediately started back taken them. The doctor that treated me was sure that I had Covid. Spoiler alert, test came back negative.

Here in 2021 I'm sticking to my medication, I do cardiac rehab twice a week. I'm not crossing every "t" or dotting every "i". I say again, I'm not where I want to be but Thank God--

That's all I got for this one. My goal is not to come off as a know it all. I try not to come off as I know everything. I'm just a 33 year old guy with anxiety and mental issues, speaking from his heart. I want to take this time to thank all of you for the support and encouragement. I really appreciate it. If you want to share this you can share it.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

HOW AM I REALLY DOING? PART III

 2020 was a hard year for most of us. Especially those of us that has struggled with low self esteem and mental health, 2020 seemed to enhance it. I heard a preacher say just because we're in a new year that doesn't mean the season changed. As of typing, Covid-19 is still a problem. Racism is still a problem. I'm pretty sure a lot of us are going stir crazy. As an introvert myself, one would think I'd enjoy being home. Not entirely. I get annoyed with people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to be alone all the time. That's one of the main reasons that I watch reaction videos and try not to laugh videos because it feels like, at least for a moment, I'm not alone.

I'm not a hugger. Never really was a big fan of them. I can remember as a kid that I would give people the shoulder besides going in for the whole hug. That caused quite the reaction from people, and of course I took it well. Just kidding. Anyway, I bring up hugs, because if I can be honest about it, I'm going to regret this, but I kind of miss getting hugged. I mean that genuine I care for you hug. Due to the pandemic, that's been outlawed.

Those that have been reading my posts, you know that most of 2020 I dealt with my own personal anxiety, depression, etc. Well recently I sat down with a couple of spiritual advisors to talk about it. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it because I'm used to keeping stuff in not letting stuff out which is where a lot of my anger comes from. I'd hold a lot of stuff in because I didn't think anybody wanted to listen. Matter of fact when I was a teenager I believe, I actually went to counseling or therapy. It didn't last long, and I believe the reason it didn't last long was because I wasn't willing to really open up all the way. I basically cracked the door open with the door latch still on it refusing to remove the chain latch.

So with these recent two talks, I actually let the door open just enough so I can share what I've been holding in. Not all of it, but I got a good bit of old junk out. One question I was asked was, "Was there ever a time where you felt whole?" I thought about it and I honestly said no. I go back to being a church kid, I learned how to fake it hoping that people would leave me alone. Funny I felt lonely but at the same time I wanted people to leave me alone. I will say that it felt good opening up and not getting dragged or preached at. It felt good opening up about the why. It felt good to have an ear to talk to and not feeling like you're wasting your time. 

I was given verses to read and meditate on. One being Deuteronomy 30:19, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against  you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life that both thou and thy seed may live." Choose life. With that I've been getting up and walking in place for 15 minutes +, while doing intermittent fasting 9 pm to 11 am, this gimmick called drink to shrink, and taking my medicine.

Another set of verses I was given was Philippians 4:6-8, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." When your mind starts going off the rails, think on these things.

I want to thank all my family and friends that have checked on me and have and are praying for me. I want to thank the ears that were willing to sit down and hear me and talk with me. I want to thank you all for reading as I continue to learn how to love and forgive me. If you got this far, can you please share?

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

Still Philippians 3:13-14

Part one: https://bigdusty.blogspot.com/2020/10/learning-how-to-love-and-forgiveme.html

Part two: https://bigdusty.blogspot.com/2021/01/learning-to-love-and-forgive-myself-prt.html

LEARNING TO LOVE AND FORGIVE MYSELF PRT 2/HOW AM I REALLY DOING?

I've never been a good public speaker. I get nervous and end up trying to get a laugh. I don't do that out of disrespect, it's to keep from crying. I don't like to participate in arguments and debates which is why Sunday School started to miss me pre pandemic. So I type these blogs because it's my way of making my voice heard. I tried the podcast thing which was pretty easy because it was just me and the program audacity, and no one else in the room. So I felt free to speak my thoughts. When I would post the podcast, that's when the hypothetical leg would start shaking. This generation is told, why try to fit in when you were born to stand out...honestly I don't remember hearing that growing up. So my mindset was I got to fit in because I'm tired of my feelings being hurt. I'm tired of caring what people think. I'm tired of being tired. Even at 33 years old, I still have that anxiety.

That's when it becomes hard to like or love myself. I know I should be much further in life. I know that I'm a "grown man" and with that comes responsibilities. So I get in my own head, trying to impress the authority and when it goes wrong, I can't take it. So I end up apologizing for messing up. I end up apologizing for not being who other people want me to be. The pressure from others and the pressure I put on myself becomes overbearing so I end up contemplating---why am I still here? So when I do good, or when I get told that I'm doing a good job or I get told that I'm doing something right, I get emotional because I have trouble seeing the worth.

Some months ago I took a trip, and on the way back, I started having trouble breathing. Not just because of the facemask, but it definitely didn't help. I could barely get through the airport. Messages went out, prayers went up, and I made it home. Went to the doctor and I felt a little better, but not 100%. I was told that without good health I'm not as effective to the body of Christ. I spend the next few months lying about how I'm doing. I would say I'm ok to avoid conversation about how I'm really feeling and doing. That came back to bite me. It's written, depending on what version of the Bible you read, "The truth shall make you free" or "The truth shall set your free." If the truth brings freedom, then that means there's no freedom in lying.

Now being a child of the Church Of God In Christ, we're not really taught to admit that we're not ok. We're not really taught to admit how we're really feeling. We're taught to say, I'm blessed and highly favored. We're taught not to admit defeat, but the question comes is admitting that how you feel really admitting defeat?

So turns out I wasn't ok. I wasn't ok physically and mentally. I wasn't ok. Feeling obligated to do things that I didn't want to do. Agreeing to do things because it was the "right thing to do." I haven't realized that I can't help everybody. I have to realize that I can't keep putting my health at risk in order to help others. I have to realize that being selfish is not always a bad thing. Saying no is not selfish. Now it's easy for me to be helpful, but when it starts to feel like I'm being used like a puppet then that's when it becomes an issue. I was told that, "Once they use you up, they're just going to move on to the next person." I don't consider myself a bible scholar but I haven't read anywhere in the Bible that says, saying no is a bad thing. I read no where in the Word of God where it says, you have to be a yes man.

The question then comes, why is it so hard to say no? Why is it so hard to not allow people to use you up and throw you away? To some people it's nothing for them to say no. I've heard it's a thing that has to be learned. You have to learn to say no. I want to be able to say no without having to make an excuse for it. I want to be able to say no and not feel guilty about it. Stop feeling guilty taking my mental health seriously as well as my physical health seriously. So if I happen to say no sometimes, people just have to get over it. Easier typed than done if I'm keeping it 100. Because in my mind that "Golden Rule" comes to my mind. The Golden Rule if you don't know goes like this, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In my mind, it goes to so and so helped me when I needed it, so I owe so and so a debt and every time ask I got to say yes. Even God doesn't say yes to everything, so why do I feel I need to?

So needless to say I still have a ways to go. This was not easy to type, but I felt that it needed to come out. Honestly this is not where I really wanted to go, but this where it ended up going. As I quoted in previous post, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

LEARNING HOW TO LOVE AND FORGIVE...ME

One major lesson I've learned through 2020 is that I had to learn how to love myself. My mom put it like this, "You got to learn how to love Daniel." I don't publicize this a lot, but depression is something that I've dealt with since childhood. I think I can speak for a lot of people that this year especially, it feels like those of us that have those mental health issues, we hit a wall this year. It's something the church has finally become more vocal about it. I got trust issues too so I definitely don't open up to every body. When I say I got trust issues, the response is usually, "Well you shouldn't feel that way." Why do we feel that we can dictate how or what people feel from time to time? Every house is different. Even in the church. That line might cost me.

I found this definition of love, "to feel deep affection for" or "like or enjoy very much." So when one tells me, "You got to learn how to love Daniel," it tells me that I have to find deep affection for Daniel. I got to learn how to like and enjoy Daniel. I spend a lot of time alone by myself. When people talk about their circles, I barely got a dot. When I let people in, and when I feel that the circle is growing, it always seems like they disappear out of thin air and I'm by myself again. That's part of the reason why when you see me out in public, I usually keep a straight face so that I don't let people in only to have my heart broken again. Again, this line might cost me, but even amongst church folks. When I'm home, most likely I'm listening to music, or watching funny Youtube Videos just to help keep my head together.

I wrote a post some months ago taken from a New Edition song entitled, "Do You Really Love Me, Don't You Really Care." That was something I've asked myself regarding people around me all the time. Like when people ask me how am I doing, do they really want to know or are they asking to get something out of me. I want to publicly thank those that don't let me stay down when I get down. I want to publicly thank those that have the spiritual eyes and ears to know that I'm not ok sometimes. No matter how much I try to hide it.

I've had panic attacks at random times. The worse one came from when I was working at this manufacturing plant. I was at my station working and I couldn't stop crying. I could barely walk. I was dizzy. I ended up getting sent home because my partner that was working with me at the station saw that something wasn't right so she told the floor leader and she ended up sending me home. Here's the problem. My job was an hour away from where I live. So imagine in that state of mind driving home trying to stay focused. It was nothing but the grace of God that got me home safely.

I don't want to use that "s" word, but yes that has come to mind. In the state of depression that word is bound to come up from time to time, and believe me it has. I always went back to that old song, "Something down inside of me telling me to go 'head." But even with that something, I still needed to learn how to love myself and not be selfish to the fact that how would it affect others if I'd actually went through with it.

The problem then comes with the fact that I'm supposed to be a man of faith. I type all these blogs feeling dead inside sometimes and I get comments about how people enjoyed the posts and how the posts were inspiring. I remember at my 11th high school reunion, don't ask, I was approached by an old classmate and she told me that she enjoyed the posts. Even with those small glimmers of hope, I'd still feel empty like what is this all for in the end? 

Learning how to love yourself also means learning how to forgive yourself. If you've asked God for forgiveness, and you know that He has forgiven you, that should be enough for you to also say that you forgive yourself. I quote Kirk Franklin a lot, and I'm going to quote him again. On a interview on TBN, Kirk said, "David was a whore monger. David was a adulterer. David was a horrible husband. He was a horrible father, but somewhere in the text it says that David was a man after God's own heart." So what am I saying? God sees the worth despite of the mess. Somehow or another I had to learn how to see my worth despite of my mess. 

I talked about mental health, and it is an important subject in today's times more than ever, but we have to take the proper precautions to protect it. That means we can't watch everything. That means we got to cut off some dead branches so we can grow properly. That means that as much as I miss some of the people that used to be in my life, I got to let some if not all of them go. Song writer said, "I'm not going back, moving ahead. I'm here to declare to you my past is over in You all things all made new. Surrendered my life to Christ, and I'm moving forward." It is written, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Now with all that being said that doesn't stop life from happening. It is written, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above  that you are able; but will with temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." In other words, God will never put more on you than you can bear. Jesus said, "Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

All this to say that I'm on the pathway of learning how to love/like Daniel. I still got a ways to go, but with God's help and with the help of the right people, I'm going to make it. Paul told the Philippians, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Stay Saved, 

Daniel Richerson

If you search for Kirk Franklin Steve Harvey TBN testimony from 2011, you'll find the video of Kirk dropping a lot of jewels. 

A LITTLE BIT OF FAITH IS STILL FAITH

 "Something down inside of me telling me to go ahead"

"I almost gave up but a power that I can't explain fell from heaven like a shower." (Kirk Franklin)

"I'll trust You, though is not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem so far away, but I'll trust You. I need to know You're here. Through the tears and the pain. Through the heartache and rain. I'll trust you." (James Fortune)

"In spite of all I've done, Jesus You keep on looking out for me." (Kirk Franklin)

"If I concentrate on all the bad

And all the things I wish I had

How can the dark clouds ever pass?

Weeping may endure for a night

But joy comes in the morning light

God'll keep your spirit right

So, no matter what the people say

Ain't nobody takin' this joy away

Inspite of everything I've been through

I can say

Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus" (Kirk Franklin)

In 2014 around September, I believe, I had a job working at this company Velux. As I am now, I was stand offish because I didn't know anybody, which made me an easy target of jokes. I was in my late 20s still dealing with other people talking about him. That's beside the point. One particular night, I was eating lunch which was a little bit of leftover Chinese food. One of my coworkers made a comment about how much food I had or didn't. I then made a comment that went something like, "Well, I've had less." Basically pointing out the fact that a little more than 3 years prior I didn't know when my next meal was coming from. So that then turned into a conversation about my story. Not having a home not having a  meal. I basically shared my story. That was really the first time I opened up about that. I got comfortable to finally having a roof over my head, and no longer being hungry like I was. I never really shared what I went through. So when I shared, I broke down. I tried my best to stop the tears from falling, but I didn't win that fight. What really broke me even more was after lunch break, I was still trying to get myself together. I was at my spot trying to do my job the best I can. Another one of my coworkers heard about what happened and my story, and he said, "To go through what you've gone through and still be able to stand here and work. You're a hell of a man." That was it for me.

I bring this story up because it was at this point where I felt that there was a reason for me to make it through all that I went through. It was as that point where I felt that I didn't go through what I went through for nothing. It was at that point where I felt that I had purpose. I knew I had purpose, but I didn't really feel that I had purpose. That night showed me, even if it was a glimmer, it showed me that my story meant something. Being a church kid, being raised where testimony service was still a thing, I heard, "We're overcome by the word of our testimony and the blood of the lamb." I believe that's based on Revelation 12:11. Song writer said, "My test became my testimony to tell." 

I'm not the only one with a story. I'm not the only one that knows what hope looks like. A glimmer of hope is still hope. A little bit of faith is still faith. Old song says, "You don't need a whole lot, just use what you got. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith." So I encourage you, and I encourage myself, to hold on to that faith. Hold on to that hope. God loves you despite of whatever you did or done. How can I say that? Well Romans 8:38-39, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angles, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

That was the first time an idea of writing a book came to mind, but I never really went in on it. I was still dealing with depression and self-doubt. In some ways, I'm still dealing with it. So the question is, how do I keep going on? How do I keep walking with my limp, as Jonathan McReynolds put it. To be honest, not to be cliche. It's God. Old song says, "He could have let me drown, but instead He took me in"

The Bible says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God." A mustard seed of faith can move mountains. We got to stay in the Bible. Stay in the field. Old song says, "Stay in the field, until the war is ended." I know we want people to care about us, but we got to care about us. We got to find value in ourselves. We got to see the worth in us. Somehow we got to learn to see through God's eyes not our own eyes. The Bible says, "Death and life is in the power of the tongue." So what are you speaking over yourself? What are you speaking over situations? What are you speaking? 

I heard Kirk Franklin say some time ago, "We no longer have to perform for God. We can go to God just as we are." What's that mean? Some churches look at you strange if you don't praise right. If you don't dance right. You can't praise like anybody else because you didn't go through what they went through. You know what you went through. Praise God for you not for anybody else. I heard somebody say, "Give God a praise that don't belong to anybody else." 

Now I put songs at the beginning. These are just some of the songs that help me get my mind right when I get down. When my anxiety kicks in, I go to songs like these. I go to people that I know can pray like my Mom and my little sister. I try to stay positive while I'm scared. I try to stay sane while feeling insane. I learn how to take the meat and spit out the bones. One thing I am making sure of is that I don't become so down that I don't fall for every "word" that comes my way. Why? Because a lot of pastors and leaders, not your pastor, not my pastor, but some pastors have become predators in sense that they're preying on your emotions. Even tough we're in a pandemic, those people that charge you for a prayer are still preying. Be careful. Hollywood is not the only place that's full of actors.

That's all I got for this one. I hope you got something out of it. If you read this far, can you please share? Thank you for reading.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

HOW LONG WILL THIS CYCLE CONTINUE?

"When the weight of this whole world
Tries to slay me
A strong tower from the enemy
You will be for me
So I need to find this place
Yes the special secret place
I'm assured of Your embrace
The place I ca'll my sanctuary
There You are" ~ Lead Me To The Rock, Stephen Hurd

"Truth is I'm tired
Options are few
I'm trying to pray
But where are you?
I'm all churched out
Hurt and abused
I can't fake
What's left to do?
Truth is I'm weak
No strength to fight
No tears to cry
Even if I tried
But still my soul
Refuses to die
One touch-will change-my life" ~Take Me To The King, Tamela Mann

"Pass me not oh gentle savior
Hear my humble cry
While on others thou art calling
Do not pass me by"

The last few posts were focused on mental health. Focused on not holding stuff in and finding people to talk to. Talking about all that, and then the reality of America comes to fruition. The reality that if you're black in America, you are still counted less than a human being. It feels like being black in America, you're still counted as 3/5 of a human being. One would think that the 3/5 compromise was not in affect anymore. Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, put out a song back in 1995 that says, "All I want to say is that they don't really care about us."

Proverbs 23:7a "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" America has tried to push racism under the proverbial rug, but never bothered to address it. I watched this adult cartoon, Family Guy. On a particular episode they had a cut away where the slave owner told the slave he was free and then asked the slave, "So, we're cool right?" It feels like that's what happen after the civil rights movement. America to black people, "So, we're cool right?"

There's a Will Smith quote making the rounds, "Racism is not new, it's being filmed." That's facts. But even when it's not filmed, we should care just as much. People were mad at the group NWA back in the late 80s when the song, F The Police was released. Instead of looking into why the song was written in the first place, or listening to the rallying cry that the song was talking about, they got brushed off as just about of "thugs." Good thing that doesn't happen in 2020....cough cough. The world did to NWA what the church does to the world which is look at what they look like and what they're wearing and disregard them. Maybe the problem is not the clothes. Maybe the problem is the heart that's corrupt. 

Now some may look at me as a mixed man and ask why do I care? Why do I care about Blacks Lives Matter. Why I do I talk as if I'm a black man when I'm mixed? Well first of all, let's not act like being mixed is all Sunshine and rainbows. Let's not act like when I go out in public I don't get looks. Let's not act like when my parents were together, and we went out as a family, we got stared at like we were illegal. Like we were in South Africa during apartheid. I can remember when we would visit my Dad's side of the family in Kentucky, we'd stop at Wendys to get something to eat, and the atmosphere was scary. I remember feeling like I didn't belong. Kinda like I was counted as 3/5...yeah so that's why I speak up. I may not have had a bad encounter with the police, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. All it takes is one time. All it takes is one time for me to get pulled over by the wrong cop and all the sudden I'm a hashtag.

The church has been quiet on this issue for too long. The church has swept this under the rug for too long. It's time to speak up. It's time to say hey, enough is enough. It's to work the faith. It's time to as my dad would say, "Put feet on them prayers." How many more wake up calls do we need? How many more decades have to pass? How many more generations have to hear songs like "F The Police" by NWA or "Good Cop Bad Cop" by Ice Cube and say, "That's still relevant today." How many more moments do we have to get by? How many more deaths do we have to "get over?" When is enough really going to be enough? When are we going to stop hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock? When are we going to listen to the cries of the people and stop putting a pacifier in the mouths so they will shut up? 

This world needs hope. This world needs Jesus. This world needs love. Agape love. True love. That love of Jesus that we say we have? The world needs that. The world needs to see that. Put down the religious rule books. Put down the religious traditions, and show people Jesus. If Jesus gives you joy, why not present that to this joyless society? I'm tired.

I know it's not all police. I know it's not all white people. I know it's not all---but one bad apple...

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

WE CAN'T BREAK DURING THIS SEASON

I'm not going to try to speak for everybody, but I will speak for myself. My anxiety has been making itself known during this season we're all going through. As a church kid, we don't get much teaching on how to handle anxiety. I'm glad that finally mental health is getting the focus it's been needing for years.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. There's a saying that goes, "A closed mouth don't get fed." Another one goes like this "We have not because we ask not" You can't get an answer if you don't ask the question. I once heard Kirk Franklin break it down like this, "A doctor can only heal what we reveal." Don't wait until it's too late. Have a little talk with Jesus tell him about your troubles. He'll lead you in the right direction. You want to talk to someone that won't prejudge you while you're talking. You won't find a lot of people like that. Not saying there aren't any, but it's not a guarantee. Jesus is that guarantee.

With that being said, I'm not going to sit here and say that it's easy to go to Jesus for your problems, when some of the people that serve Jesus won't even lead you to Him. People give you such generic responses to you pouring your heart out because the odds are some people don't care anyway. I believe one of the problems is that when people come to Christians for advise or just to have a heart to heart, some believers can't lay down the man made title and put on the title genuine. If there was ever a time for people need to genuine care for each other is now.

I have a tendency of holding stuff in for a long time. I'm not good at calling people because I need to talk. Even though at times that's what I really need to do, I don't. My fear of reaction stops me from calling people. I've always had anxiety anyway, but with this "pandemic" it feels like it's become harder for me. I put so much pressure on myself because of comparison. Meaning that I often find myself comparing my situation with that past generations and that's when the fear of "generational curse" comes in. I get in a mood set sometimes when I live not to disappoint. Sometimes I find myself doing things not because I need to do them, but fear of not pleasing people that have gave me advise of what to do. So in my mind, if I don't do it exactly how they told me to do it, I'm doing it wrong. This is what I live with. So when if I'm giving someone a ride or if you see me at church, the mask is on. Doing what I got to do to get done what I need to get done only to come back home and have the same anxiety that I hide from everyone. 

One of my go to songs has been Okay by Canton Jones. I just want to hear to Lord, it's going to be okay. Another go to song for me has been Help Me by James Fortune. The title speaks for itself. Sometimes that's been my prayer, help me.

We got to find a way to continue to lift our hands. We got to find a way to not break. We got to find a way to stay in the field until the war is ended. We got to find a way to meditate on the Bible day and night "so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success." Find a way to put it on the altar and leave it there. God did not bring us this far just to leave us. So what i'm saying to everybody reading, and what I'm saying to Daniel, don't be afraid to ask for help. We can't break in this season. I heard a preacher compare it to a pine tree. Bend but don't break. 

Thanks for reading. Be sure to leave a comment and share with your peoples.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson