ALMOST A YEAR IN THERAPY...

 Something Don Rickles (RIP) would say in his act, "I wish you what I have, people around you who care." I've been in therapy for almost a year. During this year I've had many anxiety attacks, mostly at work. I've had trouble sleeping for the most part. My mind just goes different places when I get to the point of laying me down to sleep. I'm on two antidepressants, Zoloft and Abilify. All this and still dealing with grief. I don't know if that will ever go away.

Dealing with all that, with people who actually care makes the journey a little easier. It's like what the writer said, "Nobody told me that the road would be easy, but I don't believe He brought this far to leave me."

I want to apologize for not being as whole as some of you want me to be. That's part of the reason I apologize when I have the attacks I have because I don't want to be a burden to anybody. The attacks seem to always happen after my therapy appointments which is weird because the session go well. I get to work hoping to have a good night, then at one point of the night like clockwork, boom. I feel overwhelmed. Eyes get watery, and all of the sudden the thoughts I try to suppress, come back and I feel like I'm stuck. I try to fight it by "manning up" and doing the job, but even that becomes a tassel. Then the question gets asked, "Daniel, are you ok?" It took me a while to figure out that it's ok to not be ok. I've read that on many of social media posts, but to look someone in the eye and say no I'm not ok is not easy.

When I get to the point where I can admit that I'm not ok, that's when the release comes. I can go outside and get some air, pray, and or call someone. I come back to myself the best I can and come back to work. "Daniel, if you ever need to talk..." I'm slowly starting to believe some when they say that. Cause for so long...know what I mean? 

Without going into too much detail, I'm just going to say that suicide has been hitting a little too close to home. Having people around you is good but I feel what's important is what are those people doing? Do they care about your well being or are you just a number on the phone or a friend on a friends list. Having friends and family around is cool, but what does it matter if they don't care about your mental well being. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone that you care. You telling someone you care might just save their life.

"I wish you what I have, people around you who care." ~ Don Rickles

Again I'm going to apologize, this time for the time between the blogs. I had a lot to say but I didn't know how to put it into words together? I don't know, I hope this makes up for it. If you got anything out of this please share. If you know anybody that also deals with anxiety and depression, maybe share this with them to let them know that they're not alone. Like I've said in the past, if I can reach one person, I feel that I've done my job. Peace, Love, and

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

DO YOU REALLY LOVE? DON'T YOU REALLY CARE?

For Hana Kimura. 22 year old professional wrestler. Death by suicide. 22 years old. Adult life never really got started. I never watched her perform, but that doesn't matter. What hurts is that she was so young and thought that life wasn't worth it. What also hurts is that what about those that are not being reported that's happening right around your block or dare I say right in your church. What about them? What are we doing as a body of believers to show that we care? What are we doing as a body to show that there's hope? Why are we continuing to sing to each other that "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness" and not singing that to people that need to hear it? How long will we say that we need to get out the four walls of the church and...get out the four walls? Shouts out to the people and the ministries doing the work.

Mark 2:16-17 "And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are w'ell have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15-16 "This is a true saying, to be completely accepted and believed: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. I am the worst of them, but God was merciful to me in order that Christ Jesus might show his full patience in dealing with me, the worst of sinners, as an example for all those who would later believe in him and receive eternal life."

I once led a song by Dewayne Woods called God is that said, "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Based off Psalm 73:26 that says, "My flesh and my heart faileth:  but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever."

If we're going to present that God is love and we don't show love, then what's the point? Salvation is an action. To live is an action. We got to learn how to love each other. I think one of the problems may be as to why we don't show the love of Jesus to the "world" is that we don't show it to each other. How can we tell people that they need Jesus and we can't even show the love of Jesus to each other? We don't even care about the mental health of people in the sanctuary.

I understand that you can't go to everyone to vent because some people just don't care. They'll say anything to end the conversation because they don't want to dig in to what the real issue may be. There's some people that really care. Some people need an ear not a mouth. That'll preach. Sometimes in prayer you need to be more of an ear and less of a mouth. Moving on.

How many more suicides do we need to see before we start to care? How many more leaders have to commit suicide before we pray for our leaders? The Clark Sisters put out a song "Pray for the USA." Are we? Am I? I know this is random. New Edition's first hit, "Candy Girl." There's a part of the song that repeats in my head. "Do you really love me? Don't you really care?"

Thanks for reading. Please, if you need an ear, there's someone willing to listen. There's someone that cares. I'm going to end it like this. "Souls in danger. Look above. For Jesus completely saves. He will lift you by His love out of the angry waves. He's the master of the sea. Billows His will obeys. He your savior wants to be, be saved today." I know I repeat myself in some of these posts, and that's not my goal. My goal is to spread hope through this hopeless time.

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson