A BLOG FROM A GRATEFUL HEART

 "Just look up! Tomorrow's sun will let you know, your life's not done. Just look around loves pouring down. Trust in God." ~Trust In God, The Winans

First let me say, thank you. Thank you for reading the thoughts that I can't articulate out loud. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for allowing me to be open, all though not completely, about what goes on in my mind on a daily and nightly basis. Thank you for allowing me to cry and not have my manhood questioned. Thank you for letting me know how much my blogs have made an impact. You have no idea how good it feels to actually have people getting something out of the blogs, and not just mocked for doing them all the time. I also want to take time and thank those that actually give sound advice and don't just tell me to get over it. I firmly believe that's where suicide comes from for some. That's them "getting over it." Maybe it's just me but I believe if we starting getting to the root of some issues and do some pruning, it's much better than the "get over it" mindset that we've heard from generations. 

Yes, I concur that some things we do have to get over, but some of us got some rooted issues that have been buried for years that we have kept silent over and it's not only affected our emotional and mental state, but it's also affected our churches, families, and nation. Ignoring it doesn't always make it go away. Ignoring it causes some of the riots and protests we see. I believe it was the late Martin Luther King Jr that said a riot is a the language of the unheard. That may be why we're hearing so much about mental health lately because the cry of the silent is becoming audible, and during the pandemic people had no other choice but to sit and listen. Like the issues I've blogged about, I've been dealing with for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I'm being heard by some now. I can't help but feel they're still some that say, "He just need to get over it. He's just being emotional. He's really not going through anything. He's looking for sympathy." Maybe it's my fault, because I do tend to play around a lot just to get my mind off certain trauma. The coffee oclocks, and the Don Rickles style posts that I do probably don't help. Why have I often asked the questions, "Do you really love me? Don't you really care? Do you really need me?" Who knows...

I also want to say, not to sound cliche, but I believe God has a way of showing you that he still cares. I believe he can use complete strangers and show you, that you still matter. I don't believe that it's coincidence that the message of "you are not alone" and "don't give up" is spreading through the secular and the church. I work at this college, some of the young people I talk to on a daily have been a blessing to my life. They'll probably never know it. I don't take it for granted that people care about my well being. I don't take it for granted when people are genuinely nice to me. I take it seriously when people call me friend. When people allow me to be myself and don't judge me, I don't take it for granted. There's still a part of me that falls back when I feel like I've gone overboard.

There's still some mental walls that I hit every now and again when I feel overwhelmed during certain situations. Thank God for family, blood and not, that help me hold on. I do appreciate all of you that reach out and pray for me, although I don't say it much. I'm tired of crying. When I feel it coming I try to fight it, but at times the more I fight it the worse the cry becomes. That's when I believe God places songs on my heart like Trouble in my Way, Pass Me Not Oh Gentle Savior, After While It'll All Be Over, Smile Again, Stand by Donnie McClurkin, and many others.

That's all I have for this one. Continue to pray for all those who are suffering from mental health. I read recently that this is National Men's Mental Health month as I'm typing this. Be sure to check on  your strong friends. If some one come across you mind, send a text if you can. You may help somebody hold on just a little while longer. Brings an old song to mind that says, "Hold on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright." 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson
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WHEN THE CRY FOR HELP IS SILENT

Ever been in a situation where you help and help and help, but you can't get the same help in return? You start to feel alone. You start to feel that nobody cares. You get the occasional, "You ok?" and with tears rolling down your face you say that you're ok just so you're not a burden. The question then comes, "Well, why don't you just ask for help? A closed mouth don't get fed." In your mind, you've been screaming for help, but it doesn't necessarily come out verbally. Silent screams for help still count. When you're suffering mentally, your call for help may come out as silent. Your call for help sounds mute to the untrained ear. When I talked before about being that young guy at the table at the convention crying, you don't think I was screaming for help? Dafney Unger, Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Chris Kanyon, Hana Kimura, Ashley Massaro, and many others...you don't think they were crying for help before they ultimately decided to give up hope?


I often bring up music on my post. We talk about songs that "brought us through," but allow me to say that those songs are still being written. I was raised on old hymns, but hymns are still being written. They may not be in the COGIC or Baptist Hymnals as of yet, but they are hitting just are hard as the old hymns, in my opinion. One song that really helped me recently was Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.


"Jesus you loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared You loved me When nobody cared At all"


That part was on repeat in my mind as the tears were flowing down my face. Another song that does that for me is I Will Find A Way by Fred Hammond.
"I've lost so much down through the years It seems that all I find of late is a face so full of tears I search each dark and empty place The peace I used to know somehow I have misplaced Searching here and over there For the things I've lost I don't have them anymore But I will find a way to lift up my hands And I will find a way to worship You, Lord Though my heart is low I'll find a way to give You praise I will find a way to love You more"


My blogs come from a real place. Especially within the last year and a half. This blog came from the stress of not receiving the same help that I give other people. Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon 3 when Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Lorna (Renee Russo) asked Murtough (Glover) to cover them, and Murtough said, "Cover you, Cover me, Cover everybody. When is somebody going to cover me for a change?" With all that being said, I have to continue to do right for others. I have to continue to help when I can even though it hurts to not get the same help in return. With tears coming down my face due to feeling like I'm being used up just to the thrown away. I have to continue to do what's right. I have to continue to help where help is needed.


This is my therapy. Sometimes I feel like I'm still that young guy at the table with my cries for help falling on deaf ears. I didn't say I was that young guy because that incident was years ago, but sometimes it feels that way. Why does it feel that way? Because it becomes overwhelming. I cried for at least 30 minutes due to giving all I had to give, doing this for this person and doing that for that person, but when it comes for me getting what I need to get done it felt like I was alone. If you've never felt alone, you have no idea what's it's like to be around people and yet feel like nobody sees you suffering. You become blind to the people that are there to help because of the overwhelming pressure that comes from loneliness. It's not that we're rejecting the help or appreciative of the fact that some are reaching out, it becomes hard to accept because of trust issues.


Please don't get frustrated when it seems like the help is being rejected. It's not being rejected as you think, maybe it's hard to fathom some actually wanting to help because of the silent screams not being heard.


I don't apologize for blogging on my mental health or mental health in general. Please continue to pray for me and those who deal with this. Don't throw us away. I've been told that, all this is only a test. Don't ignore when we ask for help during the test. If you got this far, and you got something out of the blog, please share this post if you feel led.


Stay Saved and keep going,


Daniel Richerson Facebook.com/bigdusty Twitter.com/D_Rich864
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