HOW'S MY MENTAL YOU ASK?

How's my mental? Like usual it's a day to day. Some days are better than others. I found myself feeling more lonely at times than I have. Lonely in the sense that I'm literally by myself when I'm not at work or church. I'm know being introverted comes being alone at times, but there are times, I do miss being able to laugh with other people. On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I found out an old friend from high school passed away, and it really messed me up. It's like that line from the old movie Pollyanna where the preacher said over the pulpit, "Death comes unexpectedly." One of my oldest friends in life, lost both his parents, both of whom I was close with as well. Song writer said, "For you and me this life is not promised. Tomorrow may never show up." 

Anthony Clark Williams wrote a popular song that says, "God has not forgot." Tasha Cobbs said it like this, "You (God) still love me, in spite of me." There's a phrase that says, "God works in mysterious ways." I don't know if "mysterious" is the right word. I believe He knows what we need at the right time. Like as I'm typing this, I shared this post on my Facebook:

"I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression and it's not a good place to be. Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them. I struggle; It can be hard to live with me & to be around me when I get like this and I know it. I try my best to control it. I manage to get strong but sometimes I break. So if you see me very quiet, I'm not being rude, I'm not mad at you, you're not bothering me, I may just need a minute to myself.

It's okay to not be okay, tell someone you're not okay. (It's okay).

Hopefully, some friends will put this on their wall. You just have to copy..

Thank you

In Support Of Mental Health Awareness

The struggle is real……"

 I must say that I didn't write this. It was one of those copy and paste posts that I copied from someone else in support of mental health. The amount of love that post got was overwhelming. I put up that post before I went to work. I went into work, walking with my head up hoping for a good day. Day was going good. I was laughing with coworkers and making orders for the students. Until--I can't speak for anybody else, but speaking for me, it doesn't take much to trigger something dark for me. Somebody asked for a dessert, as I was putting the dessert on a plate, the dessert fell apart. They wanted another one, so I prepared to put the dessert on the same plate that the other fell apart. They didn't like that. Made it known. I put the dessert on a new plate. That was it. Seems pretty stupid huh? All of the sudden, tears are falling from my face for what felt like hours. Ironically, Joy To The World was playing in my head. I was told that my confidence needs to get stronger, and I do agree with that. However, when I'm open about my mental health, it seems to open a door for heavy emotions. So I don't really know what happened. All I know as I was trying to stop the tears from falling down my face, in my head, all I heard was My Testimony by Marvin Sapp. 

"So glad I made it, I made it through in spite of the storm and rain

Heartache and pain, still alive, declaring I made it through...I'm so glad I made it, so glad I made it

I made it through, I made it through"

Then part of Nobody Cared by Canton Jones.

"On outside of laughing and on the inside of crying

It seem so hard to go on

I can't see how you'll forgive me

Then I feel your presence and you essence

Then you say, hey it's gonna be ok"

So during some down time I was checking my phone and I got encouraged by the reaction and comments to the FB post. The comments were really encouraging, and really helped lift my spirits. I was praying as the tears was falling, "I just want to know that I'm loved." Seeing those reactions was just what I needed. To all who reacted and left a commented, if you're reading this, I hope you now know how much it all meant to me. I really appreciated. As the old saints say, "If you don't love me, keep fooling me." 

Of course this was not the road I wanted this particular blog to go, but hey, what are you going to do? I want to take this time to thanks my family, my pastor and wife, and all others who have helped me, and pray for me as I open up about my mental health. I also want to take this time to thank the students at Lander who help make my day go smoother. One Lander student in particular who is nicer to me than I believe I deserve. I don't even know if you'll ever read this, but if you do, just know I appreciate it. We'll do brunch one day, I don't know.

That's all I got for this one. Again, it went a completely different path than the subject I had planned. What was the subject I had planned? Well since you asked, it was about the fact that at my job, I can't pick and choose who to serve food to. My job is to provide the food not see what they got on or see what sin they committed first before I provide the service they came for. That was the topic, but of course, it didn't go that way. I may still talk about that in a later post, but then again, knowing the way my mind works---anyway, thanks for reading. If you feel led, please share this post. I share what I go through hoping that it will show others that they are not the only ones that feel a certain way. My goal if I can just reach one person, I feel like I've done my job.

Stay Saved and keep going, 

Daniel Richerson
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STAY THE COURSE

Sometimes when I'm driving by myself, I talk to myself. I give myself a "motivation talk" if you will. 1 Samuel 30:6 "...David encouraged himself in the LORD his God." So on this one trip I was telling myself that I have to stop certain things. Telling myself that I know better.

James 4:17 "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." I've heard it said once or twice that if you know better you do better. I was reminding myself that if I can do good on Sundays and Wednesdays, I can do good on the 5 other days of the week.

Proverbs 18:16 "A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men." Had to tell myself to keep blogging. Keep writing. Keep going. Don't give up. Your time is here. God is not through with you yet. You're not second fiddle. You're not a second class citizen. You matter. Your gift will make room for you. Song writer said, "God has not forgot. If He said that He would do it. It will come to pass. God has not forgot." That song applies to everyone. It is written that God's word will not return unto Him void. Which means God's word is valid. Galatians 6:9, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Old hymn comes to mind that says,

"Because He lives I can face tomorrow

Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives."

Now all this may seem simple to some, but sometimes it's the most simple things that we forget about this walk as a Christian. A lot of people say they're a Christian now. But being saved is more than a talk. It's the walk. Not just publicly or in the right surroundings, but as one artist put it, "After the show, after the set. After the music stops, what's next?" Anybody can act the part when the camera's on, but when the camera's off do you change character or do you continue to live it out loud. You got to live the life, even when no one is watching. Even when you're home alone and the temptations are at a all time high, what do you do then? Do you stay the course or do you get a little fix in thinking God understands, and I got time.

If you can't tell that in this year alone that life is not promised to any of us, I don't know what to tell you. I haven't seen so much death back to back like this. It's not even just famous people dying, It's family members, friends, enemies, etc getting out of here. It's time to make a decision.

Joshua 24:15 "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

I know this entry was kinda all over place, but I hope some kind of message got through. I hope you were blessed and encouraged. Feel free to share your thoughts and such in the comment section. Feel free to share the post, also. 

Stay Saved,

Daniel Richerson

GOD MADE ME WHO I AM

I've gone through like five different intros to this post. I know where I want the body of the post to go, but how to get the ball rolling has my mind going back and forth. But here it is:

Remember the movie 8 Mile, and the final battle rap scene. The character, B-Rabbit, started the final battle by going down all his flaws so his opponent couldn't say anything about him. Something happened me recently to help me embrace who I am. I won't go into it, but I will say this, if you grow up being made fun of because of how you smell and how you walk or as they say now, bullied, you learn to get over it, but a piece of that never leaves you. You try to contain it as much as you can, but there's still a piece of that victim still in you. At least in my case. I can't speak for everybody else. So yes even at 28 years old, I still deal with low self-esteem regarding my flaws, looks, etc. But again something happened and it helped me really realize that not everybody is going to accept me. Not everybody is going to like the face that my head is bigger than average. Not everybody is going to like that I'm overweight. Not everybody going to like that my feet are not straight when I walk. But I realized after this incident, that God made me who I am, and in spite of my imperfections, God still loves me.

I know there's a lot of stuff out now for women to embrace their flaws, but not really much for straight men who also deal with image issues. I guess it's a pride thing men have that make them act like they're not insecure. Well it's not an act for me. I am insecure, or should I say still a little insecure.

Growing up there were those that took pleasure at laughing at my flaws, but at the same time there were those that looked passed my flaws, and got to know this mixed boy with image issues. So when ever there was times in my live to have my head down, there was at the same time reason to keep my head up. It was as if God was saying, "I got you, Daniel."

Like just some time ago, I was thinking nobody cares. Then my pastor asked me something I never really got asked before. He asked me how I'm doing mentally and spiritually. Never got asked that by anybody. Again, God was letting me know, "I have not forgot about you."

I've heard all my life, "What the devil, meant for bad God turned it around for my good." This incident was meant for me to go to another state of depression, but it turned out to teach me how to forgive and sleep peacefully. It taught me how to accept the flaws I got and go on living.

My dad preached a message one time that was talking about how Jesus was asleep in the midst of the storm before Jesus said, "Peace be still." Dad kept repeating, "Grab a pillow and go to sleep." That's just what I did. I forgave and got the one of the best nights of sleep I've got in weeks.

"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord." Isaiah 54:17

Stay Saved, 

Daniel Richerson