Is our country so messed up that if a black man can speak properly, it's a bad thing? Obama is an educated black man. George Bush was considered racist for calling Obama articulate. If you want to see racial profiling, come to South Carolina. Go to Memphis. Go to Kentucky. I mean, give me a break. Interracial couples are getting a bad break from their relatives. That's just stupid. Oh, I admit, it is a little UN-natural. Not gay marriage UN-natural, but it's like an expectation for black to be with black, white to be with white, and so forth. I, for one, am a product of an interracial relationship. So, I personally see no problem with interracial relations. When I see an interracial couple get married, all I think about is how cute the baby is going to be. Most of the girls I've been attracted to in my life happens to be white. Most of the black girls I had a run in with were your stereo typical black girls. My thing now is that I don't care how fine you think you are, if your ignorance or personality is more ugly than your appearance, you ain't my type. That's the bottom line. If a black man wants to marry a white women, who are we to stop them? You love who you love. People try to use that for gay marriage, but it's not the same. Being Gay is a lifestyle, not a race. Blacks have been ridiculed for years and years. There has not been signs on buildings saying "No Gays Allowed." There hasn't been a "gay" water fountain. There hasn't been a gay bathroom. If you think about it, they can't be surprised about getting "ridiculed". They're trying to get by in a country that was founded on Christian values. Put 2 and 2 together, idiots! But back on the real subject at hand, I have no problem with interracial relations. I'm for them all the way. If you're in a interracial relationship and your parents and/or friends are getting on you about it, tell them where to stick it. Be nice about it, but it is your life. Most of my Dad's family is probably still against him for marrying my mom. But they can stick it, cause I don't want to meet them. I'm willing to bet that some of my Mom's side is mad at her from marrying my dad, and to them, they can stick it too. I know of a girl right now that's getting bashed for going out with a black guy. It's ridiculous. Straight up ridiculous. If you're so ignorant, and you think that love can only be found within your race, then from the bottom of my heart, I hope you never find love. We got to learn to love everybody.

Be good y'all,

Daniel

Once again back from popular demand is your boy, you cousin from a different aunt, your brotha from another motha. How y'all doing? I'm doing awesome. Everything has been great since Sunday night. I'm telling you the anointing of God was so strong in that place. I've been praying more at night. The stuff I watch has been cleaner. One thing I learned is that you can make it. Always remember that through all the things you go through in life, if you have God, you can make it.

As for the Super Bowl, I want the Colts to win, but I'm starting to be iffy about that. Think about it, how many times in the history of sports have the "underdogs" come back and win the whole enchilada? A whole bunch of times, right? I'm just saying I won't be surprised either way. That's my thought on it. Oh, I got to tell y'all this. When my mom got up to do announcements Sunday Night, she mentioned that a church is going to be showing the game. Then she said, and I'm not lying, "Can somebody say Go Bears." If you know who and how my mother is, you can't be surprised she did that. I was dying myself.

There's a lot of Wrestling DVD's I want. Like the RVD DVD they made a couple of years ago, the new ECW DVD, the new DX DVD, and etc. All of them look like they're worth the watch. I might get at least one when taxes are done. Speaking of wrestling, I think it's slowly becoming like it was back in the 90's. The matches are getting better, the promos are starting to make since, except for Vince "I like showing my winkled butt" McMahon. He knows how to ruin a show doesn't he? I admit the man is fit for his age, but who gives a crap? I mean really, who wants to see a man old enough to remember Hulk Hogan when he had hair on his head, wrestle? Now they're are exceptions like Ric Flair. He can still handle himself. He deserves respect. ECW is starting to be good, a little. I do hope to see more extreme matches in the future. I know that people say the old ECW is dead, blah blah blah. But hearing Joey Styles saying "Oh my God!!!" is what I look forward to weekly.

More audio blogs are coming for those who listen. I don't know about the videos, though. The ones I've made have been slacking on the feedback side, so my thing is, if people are commenting it tells me they don't like it. At least the audio gets feed, at least more than the videos.

But anyway, y'all be good. Big ups to Ashley for adding me as a friend on Xanga. To my friends on MySpace who are reading this, be sure to comment the page and stuff and I'll get back at ya. I'm not as mean as my pictures look, ok? To my friends on FaceBook, hello. I don't know if y'all remember I'm even on your list for friends or what, but I'm still here. Y'all can leave something on my wall or comment on my notes. I don't bite. To everybody else who might be reading, thank you.

God bless,

Daniel

Depressed and 19

I'm 19. I live at home. I got saved last year in January. I firmly believe that if you let crap enter your mind, crap will come out. I find myself depressed over little stuff. Look under my eyes, you can tell that I don't get much sleep. My home is not the best, but it's shelter. My father is not the best, but at least he's around to talk to. Being fat lowers my self-esteem a whole lot. I've said before that people don't look at the personality. I realize that everyday, and it is depressing. I'm at a community college while my little sister is going to Clemson. That thought pops in my mind all the time. My mom and sister keep telling me that I'm not ugly. That the right girl will come along. Looking in the mirror, I have a hard time believing that. 

I've always been the "black sheep" of my friends. I never really felt like I was "in." I felt more like the safe guy meaning that they knew I was there, but I didn't really matter. Want to know why I make video and voice blogs? To get accepted. To try to get people to like me. Does my sister have this problem? Nope. Did my brother have this problem? Probably not. So, I guess, I'm the black sheep in my family. I don't know if people feel sorry for me or not. Some where inside of me, I want people to feel sorry for me. Just thinking about it, I spent most of my childhood crying. I would come home and take it out on my little sister and mouth off to my parents. I was a true definition of a follower. I play drums, but I definitely ain't the best. The only reason I get to play at church cause there's no one else there. That's the bottom line. I go to District Choir rehearsal and I never want to play cause I know I suck. I let the Supertindent's son have at it cause I know I would ruin the whole thing. Every time I play for the District or a large crowd, I choke. I don't know why I just lose what little touch I have. 

Think I'm being to hard on myself? Ok then, how bout this. One day I was at a State Youth Choir rehearsal, and the drummer that was playing had to leave. He gave me the sticks and got on the drums. I did aight. Definite not state youth material by any means. The song I filled in for was a slow song. Which was wanting to be played a little faster so the choir could get it, but I just could push myself to do it. The piano player got on me about it and I used some wacked-out excuse about this is the first time I've really played with musicians. Which is not all together true. So after that song was over, they went to an upbeat song that I didn't know to save my life. After about 5 seconds the director stopped the song and said, and I quote "I need a drummer." I handed the sticks to another brotha that was up there and he straight up killed it. the director then said, and I quote, "We got 2 drummers." I was, once again, the odd ball out. Nobody even cared or even noticed but me. 

Of course Dad tried to build me up saying I did a good job and all that. None of my so called friends could see behind the smile sometimes. Most of the time you would find me sitting or standing by myself. I had the mindset where if people didn't bother me, I didn't bother them. Still do that now as a matter of fact. I stand outside waiting on whoever's picking me up with my headphones, by myself. I have no one at Tech I can truely call friend. It's the honest truth. I don't. I don't know why I'm typing all this. Prolly because this is the only way I can make myself heard. People never really listen to you when they judge you before hand. Anybody else has ever been through that? So that's why I type these blogs. It's my voice. My voice to the people, so to speak. 

I want to be accepted for who I am. I want to be more "outgoing" so to speak. I would love to be my true self out in public and take this depressed mask off. I want to sing in public and not sound shaky. I want to sing in public and let people know what I can do. I want people to know that I can do things. I do have a soft heart and I am sensitive. Sue me. That's just who I am. Want to know why I truly grew my hair out? Cause people actually liked me. I was, even for a little bit, accepted. The reason I wore my hair out all the time is because for a brief time, I was popular. It's the God's honest truth. I hate being the loser you know? I really do. Don't feel sorry for me. I don't deserve it. I'm a complete jerk. Heh...well dang. I'm a jerk. It's a trip ain't it? You think you know me...

"I'm a good man, right? I mean I'm nice. I'm respectful. I'm no playa, but I have a heart. I'm honest. So why can't I keep a girl for more than 3 months? Oh, I know why. It's because I'm not Usher. I'm not Omarion. I'm not Marques Houston. I'm not Will Smith. People don't want to look at the heart anymore, they want the outside. I understand that God does have a girl out there for me, but I'm going to tell y'all the truth because I know you won't rag on me, or maybe you will, I don't care. I have no patience. I got as bout as much patience as a female celebrity waiting at a restaurant."

Why are we as humans so quick to judge? If a guy like me comes up to girl, they wouldn't give me the time of day. Tell me I'm lying. I know there's no way of getting around the outside appearance of somebody, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know a person. I'm so sick of being judged by my outside appearance. It's not cool and it's not right. I bet that when I lose weight, I'll gain more popular. That's not the reason I want to lose, don't get me wrong, I'm just saying that it's most likely going to happen. I'm still going to be the same person. Another crazy scenario, what if one of my stories happen to become a best seller and I gain a whole much of money. I'll be more popular than I ever dreamed. Not saying that's my reason for writing because I love to write. It's a way for me to express myself without pressure. Let me get back to the subject. Did y'all know that the reason you may not get a job is because of the way you look? It's proven experiment. Back in like 1994, 20/20 I think it was sent 2 actors in to apply for the same job. One was a normal looking, every day guy. The other one was "handsome" guy. The handsome guy got treated like royality basically and the regular guy got treated like left over Chinese food. Why are we as humans so quick to judge? Look at 50 Cent. He got all this money, and all this fame. With that he got all the women he can imagine. Let's look at it this way. What if he didn't have the money, and he was just an everyday dude like me and a couple of my folks? You think he would have half the things now? Hate to break it to you Mr. Curtis Jackson, but they just want your money. (not that he's reading this) I'm just saying that we shouldn't be so quick to judge. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't have a good personality. We all know I got a personality. It's all about stereotyping, and bottom line we need to stop. Racism needs to stop. Biggetry needs to stop. Judging people without knowing the circumstances needs to stop. We got to come together and make this world a better place for the future, despite what the government does. If they want to forget that they come from the same place we do, let them. We got to change our ways of thinking. Can we truly look at ourselves and say that we're a good example for the next generation that's going to come up? If' not, let's change our way of thinking so the little G's coming up will have somebody real to look up too.

"For a little advice for those going through. Weather is spiritual or what not. Give up. That's right, give up. Realize that you can't do it on your own and give up. (Of course this is when y'all run to your mommys and daddys saying I said such and such without reading on. Read on...) Give up, and give it all to God. As my brother from another mother on my cousin's daddy's side, Jodah, told me, "Let go and Let God, you once told me that." That's exactly what you have to do when the problems get too hard for you to bear. Let go, and let God work. That's our problem we never let go. We let God but we never let go. That's why you never see improvement in your situations right there. You hear people say it all the time, "Give to Jesus and he works it out!" But you have to do your part, and let go of the situation. We have to do our part. If we say that it's in God's hands and we'll still walking around with our bottom lips so low that is dragging on the floor, don't expect change to come."

Let me say this now, just because you became a christian, that doesn't mean your issues stop. To tell you the truth, your issues get worse. The devil doesn't leave you alone. You just made him mad, so he comes blowing more smoke than he ever did before. Some of us end up giving in. We let the devil tell us how worthless we are. He tells you that God doesn't love you, etc. Besided rebuking him, we take it in and take it in. That's when depression comes in. We as Christians, have become too scared. We're scared to speak up during debates, we're scared to tell the devil off. When you tell God to let His will be done, how many of us actually believe it? Here's what I think happens. We talk the talk. We "rebuke" Satan, we tell God, that you're putting all in His hands. While in the back of your minds, there's doubt and unbelief. That's where the devil comes in, right there. He waters the unbelief and gives it sunlight. Then it becomes an Oak Tree of a problem. We shouldn't let it get that way. I admit it up front., I still have issues that i deal with everyday. Most of the time I let it take over. Does that mean i'm not saved? No, it just means that i have some issues with my faith. I need and desire your prayers.
Until next time, this is Big to the D...I'm OUT!!

God gave me this to tell y'all...

What is wrong with us? Have we given up on life completely? I mean I hear and see things that shouldnt be going on. With my life included. I find myself going back to old habits. I regret it every time. I see my Christian people cussing. I see people cutting themselves. I see people feeling like theyre lives are worthless all the time. Depression spirit is still around. People are crying all the time. Im sorta scared to mention God because I dont know if any of yall believe he exist anymore. Hes still here. Remember the Bible says that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deitrick Haddon says in one of his songs God didnt give up on me. And thats true. God didnt give up on you. You have given up on God. Why, I dont know. Maybe its the fact that we want to look good to the Christian friends, and act street with our other friends. Time is winding up and yall are still playing games like you have all the time in the world. In church today this lady brought up the story of Jonah. Jonah got an assignment from God to go into a town and witness. Jonah decided that he didnt want to go. He didnt want to see them people saved. Jonah got on a boat, and a big storm came. The people on the boat knew somebody made God mad. Jonah ended up getting thrown off the boat. A big fish was right there and swallowed Jonah up. People do we really want to get to the point where we get thrown off the boat and have a big fish swallow us up so we can get the hint that God aint playin? We need to get on the stick. Im sick of all this drama. Drama to the left, drama to the right. Drama, Drama, Dramagive me a break. Im tired of it. God loves you and the problem is you dont really believe it. The devil is having a ball right now. Its time for us who are real to get on track. People are going to hell every minute. When I heard a lady say that in church today, it got me to thinking. What am I doing to help? What are you doing to help? Youre confusing people. You tell people youre saved. Then they see you cussing. Hmmm? Dont give me that out of anger crap, I know better trust me. And let me say this. God does not hate homosexuals. Let me type that again, God does not hate homosexuals. He hates the lifestyle. He does not hate liars. He hates lying. God loves EVERYBODY. He may hate the LIFESTYLE but he loves the PERSON. Whos alive out there? Do you get what Im saying? I dont know what else to do. Its like nobody wants to believe anymore. Im sick of it. God loves you and I do too. Thats right I said it. Im always here, for any of you that want to chat. Even the ones that dont comment and just read, Im here for you too. Get at me.

Big Dusty

Back again from the dark side of the mix family, how y'all feelin'? Me? It's real simple. I'm tired. I'm am straight up tired. Know what I'm doing this weekend? Sleep. I'm going to sleep like a pimp on Sunday. I'm going to sleep like people did when they went to see the 2nd Pirates of The Carribean. Oh boy...well, I got a full schedule of classes this semester at college. Which means I got 4 classes. First class is Phyics, again. My teacher is gunshot deaf, so bascically you got to yell, for him to barely hear you. How he kept his job for all these years is beyond my thinking, but apparently the Powers That Be like him. I got a feeling I'm going to hearing a lot of war stories, and that is going to be so "exciting." Man, I'm going to be more bored than a congregation listening to that one old lady that gives 30 minute testimonies. Second class is Trig. I think I like this class 'cause I almost fell asleep a couple of times now, so that's a good sign. Seriously this class should be a breeze. The teacher seems like a cool guy. On to my third class, English. I think the teacher is a little out. I don't know weather it's drugs or what, but something ain't right. I can tell he knows what he's talking about, but making eye contact is not his best attribute as a teacher. He acts like he's blind or something. Really bizzare. Don't get me started on his writing skills. Then to the one class I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is Sociology. That might be my favorite class. This teacher is real down to earth, and she's a little crazy. I know we going to get along. She sorta reminds me of a female version of Mr. Brown, who was my favorite teacher I ever had at Eastside. Well that's my whole schedule...la di da!

So once again giving shout outs to all family, and my extended family that deal with me. To all the new friends that are reading for the first time. To all my friends. And to the haters.

Daniel aka Big d

Be real!

You know, sometimes you feel like crap. Like you don't want to talk to anyone, and you don't want anyone to talk to you. People tend to follow trends. We got to get back to being individuals again. Actually having your own personalities. How can we teach our future kids to be individuals, when we faking ourselves?

Moms Mabley. Classic genius comedian. If you can find old clips of Moms Mabley, listen to them. You will not be disappointed. Especially if you appreciate true comedy. Old black lady with no teeth just speaking her mind, if you can't see the comedy just thinking about that---i don't know what to tell ya.

The stuff you put in your head is the stuff that comes out. That's why I listen to more Gospel than anything. By the way, Gospel can be rap, rock, soul, country, jazz, etc. As long as it's telling the good news, it's Gospel. Anyway, though, got to watch out what you put in your heads. Especially, if you claim to be a christian, and all you listen to is Lil Wayne. Don't get me wrong, Lil Wayne is one of the best, but his message is not going to help your spiritman, and it's not going to help you as a person. That's exactly why you catch yourself slipping with cuss words. The stuff you put in is what's coming out.

By the way, if you want to read my story, or at least what i have so far, you can give me your e-mail address and I'll send it to ya. I've been told that it's good, but more opinions wouldn 't hurt.

I start going back to classes on Monday. I'm on academic probabation, meaning I got to maintain a 2.0 avg through out the semester. I encouraged by this lady to not be another statistic, meaning colored males have a bad rep of slacking off and not doing the best to their ability, and I should follow in their footsteps. So, if you don't see me on much, that's why.

If anybody from KJ reads this, tell them that I have left. I'm not going back. I'm NOT GOING BACK. I got love for all of y'all there, but I got to move on.

...and I got to move on out of here. Thanks for reading. Leave some feedback if you want.

My name is Daniel aka Big d. Peace

Somebody call my momma, Daniel's back again.

How y'all feelin'? 2007, wow. Thank God we made it through first of all, right? I heard my dad say that 2007, is going to be the year of God's release. That thought alone is awesome isn't it? I heard somebody say that we can actually speed up the coming of the Jesus, but if they truly have read the Bible, they will realize that Jesus himself doesn't even know when he's coming back. Only God knows. I know some of y'all believe that Jesus and God is one, but Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father, who is God. Get the picture? All I'm basically saying is, it don't matter when Jesus comes, it matters that you're ready when he does. It's not like you can tell God, "Yo, um, I need about 2 more days to get straight." That ain't going to work.

Anyway, that's my soap box on that. Um, what's up with some of y'all getting into a new relationship every month? It's like y'all treat it like a rapper treat cars, have a different one for each day. That's just stupid. Here I am looking for one, and y'all have 5 a month. It's called patience people, try it. It may work out for ya. Communication is a key factor too. That means stop kissing and start talking. You'll find out if the relationship will last or not. Or just suffer a broken heart, so I can laugh at you later on. It's your call.

Dreamgirls. It's a must see. This is Eddie Murphy's best on screen performance by far. I personally think it's his best movie. Jamie Foxx, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson, Danny Glover...everybody that's in this movie does their thang. If you got to see any movie, see Dreamgirls. You will not be disappointed.

I'm going to try and lose weight this year. I looked in the mirror and I felt sorry for myself. So, hopefully by the end of the next semester, I'll look a little better. Wish me luck.

Love y'all

Daniel aka Big d

Once again coming from the dinner table chair we use for the computer. How y'all doing on this post-christmas day. Hopefully by the time you're reading this, you're done whining to your parents about what you didn't get or you got something you don't like. Two words....GROW UP. I know i know, easier said than done for some of y'all, because some of us don't mature as we get older. Yeah, I'm talking to you, go ahead and get mad with your ignorant, no comment back self.

Speaking of MySpace, when you say you're going to return the favor, here's a bit of advice---RETURN THE FAVOR. Bunch of little heffas, i know you just say that to play with our minds. See some of us say we don't care about comments, but deep down in side, we want to see that new messages, new comments, or what not. We just trying to sound cool saying, "I don't care about no comments, man. Screw them dang comments." aka "Please, oh PLEEEEEASE comment my stuff. I'll be your friend!" Remember that one as a kid, when you tried to get out of trouble? "I'll be your friend. No don't tell on me. Ok fine, I'm not your friend anymore. I don't want to talk again forever, ever, ever, ever, ever!" Five seconds later... "Ever!" The next day comes by and you're at the door, "Can she come outside and play?" We were some two-faced people as kids. Some of us ain't changed. For intance: "lol. That's so funny. HHA!" aka "That sucked horribly. Go kill yourself." Just tell me the truth, come to me correct.

Have every realized how ugly you really are by looking at the other sex's picture? I mean you be like, "I'll never have a girl like that. I'm too ugly." or "I'm too fat.", and so forth. It's like rap music, they're looking for a TuPac or a Lil Wayne, and you're G-Unit or Fat Joe. Yes I said it. Or rock music, when they're looking for the rock of the 1990's, and except they get the stuff they put out now. Yes I said it. Or music in general they're looking for good music, and you country. Yes I said it!

Big d, OUT!!!

Have you ever held anything in so long that it gets to you in the worst way? Like you get fussed at one time, or if someone just tells you that you did anything, it triggers that thing? I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the easiest guy to know around here, rather it be Facebook, MySpace, Big Dusty and PraiZe's Board, KJ Board, or where ever. Things inside of me, bad things, decided to break me down just a few minutes ago. So now I say I've cried this year, huh? I'm not as tough as I preceive to be, sorry for the dissappointment. Sorry for admiting that I do have a heart. Maybe that's why I'm single. I was just laying in bed and tears just started coming down. I started apologizing to the dog. Then I came out to get some tissue and got caught by my mom and sister. I didn't want to sit down and talk cause I just knew I would break down some more. Sure 'nough, it happened. It was like I couldn't control it. The devil was just telling my mind how worthless I am. Reminding me that I'm 19 years old and still living at home. That I have no job. That I have no girl in my life. That I have no idea of what to do with my life. The word worthless came up over and over. I couldn't take it. Mom told me that I'm special. That I'm one of softest hearts. Alisha, my sister, kept telling me that God has something for me in my life. It's been rough for me. I've ticked people off. I've continually gave advice I haven't took myself. I've said I was going to pray for people, which i haven't. I've felt like I've been jumped on a lot.

I need y'all to do something for me. Nothing big or major, just a small favor. Say a small prayer for me. Daniel. Not Big d, Big Dusty, Big Dizzle...but the little boy inside, Daniel.

Thank you.

Back again, tired as ever. I don't know how it is, but I get enough sleep, yet i still be tired all the time. I just don't understand it. Maybe I need to be put in a coma or something so i can get all the sleep i need, idk.

Stacy, i don't know what makes you think i hate you. I really don't hate anybody. Somethings people do bother me, but that's everybody. Everybody got there flaws. I know I do. Everybody that went to school with me through the years know I got my flaws. That's no reason to hate anybody. If you hate somebody for what they did 5 years ago, just put your head in acid and do us all a favor. I mean, that's just stupid, to hold a grudge over little things, know what i mean?

Eddie Murphy is going to be on Inside The Actors Studio tomorrow, I can't friggin wait for that. I've been a fan of Eddie for a while now. I guess I can say most of my life. The man is a living genius, plain and simple. His classic stuff like Trading Places, Coming to America, Beverly Hills Cop I and II, 48 Hours and Another 48 Hours, Nutty Professor, Life...stuff that are just great. Of course he has his bad ones like Showtime, Pluto Nash, Best Defense, Beverly Hills Cop III, and some more. May I say that I actually liked Golden Child. It's one of my all time favorites, I don't care what you say.

I'm come to that point my in my life now where I got to start speaking stuff into existence. Almost like what some business partners of mine where trying to teach me and other people to speak postive. I know that I will have girlfriend, that I will get married one day, and that I will have a successful life. I know that I will have some haters that will try to bring me down with their bootleg crap that they call a life. I just know that God will provide, if only I trust in Him. Bottom line.

Closing out, I want to wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope and pray 2007 is the best year of your lives mentally, physically, and spirtually. Y'all be good.

Big d

First off I'd like to say hi to all the new readers I got from Facebook. I hope y'all enjoy. I only got about 10 minutes to type this thing. I'm going to a basketball game with my sister. Hopefully it'll be worth the $5 she's spending. I can't believe what a hit my story is becoming. I mean 2 people said they had tears while reading. That blew me away. Most of my old stories were so stupid, I think people couldn't help but laugh. I think this story is doing well because I'm really using real events in it. I've never really wrote like i have in this story. I guess watching all these movies finally paid off for something. I learned how to make a good story. Wrestling, believe or not, is a good help too. The storyline behind the matches is sometimes dramatic in a way. It's pretty cool.

As you could tell from the first sentence I got a Facebook now. How lame is my life, huh? I got MySpace, Facebook, the Big Dusty and PraiZe's board. All I need is my butt stapled to the chair and I'll be set. I mean all that just basically proves that life I don't have. It amazes me how many people prefer Facebook over MySpace. Why don't you Facebook people that think that, tell my why you prefer it that way, I'd like to know.

Well I got one more exam to fail tommorrow. Mom's going to be thrilled to hear that one. I messed up a lot this semester. I know I've said that over and over but it's true. What can I say it's the true.

Aight y'all, I hope you enjoyed the read. Send feedback and I'll get back at ya. You know I will.

Let go and let God!

Big d

Once again, from under the black du-rag. (sorry J.R.)

It's been quite interesting lately. Ok not really, I'm just trying to stir up the drama. :D Did it work? I didn't think so. I paid to renew my business ownership. Now to actually do something with it...heh. Every time I tend to chat with Melissa, a girl i know in Illinois, she always asks me how my girl-hunting is going. Well I know that one girl has been on my mind a lot lately. I've known of her for a few months, but never thought we would ever chat or anything. One day out the blue she sent me a friend request. I was shocked. I mean this was like the Bucs actually winning a football game, it was surprising. (Sorry fellow Bucs fans but we suck this season, what can I say) I've learned from past experience, as some of y'all may know, that if you rush into something, it has a tendency of hurting you. So I'm not doing anything. Life is something else though. There's so much drama in this house. MTV would kill for a storyline like this. Of course we all know the drama Blog 4 started. Just want to say publicly that if I'm going to apologize for anything is that she was the victim. But as far as me speaking my mind, well...what's done is done.

For a little advice for those going through. Weather is spiritual or what not. Give up. That's right, give up. Realize that you can't do it on your own and give up. (Of course this is when y'all run to your mommys and daddys saying I said such and such without reading on. Read on...) Give up, and give it all to God. As my brother from another mother on my cousin's daddy's side, Jodah, told me, "Let go and Let God, you once told me that." That's exactly what you have to do when the problems get too hard for you to bear. Let go, and let God work. That's our problem we never let go. We let God but we never let go. That's why you never see improvement in your situations right there. You hear people say it all the time, "Give to Jesus and he works it out!" But you have to do your part, and let go of the situation. We have to do our part. If we say that it's in God's hands and we'll still walking around with our bottom lips so low that is dragging on the floor, don't expect change to come. Get it? Got it? Awesome...

Be real, my peoples...I'm OUT!!!

Big d

11/25/06

Tired, boredom, and lack of self esteem leads to blogs like this. Last night I got a whole board ticked off at me. (Go Dusty!!! Right?) Here's what happened. A friend of mine, Kurt, told me that this girl was doing an audio version of this song she wrote. Kurt and I always make fun of her audio cause she's so plain during her songs. No emotion at all. I'm serious, the beat will be banging and the vocal will be just---bleh. Anyway, i gathered up the idea in my head to tell her this through another account I made on the board. I logged on that name and told her that I would rather listen to a K-Fed album than listen to another one of her audios. Now deep inside i really didn't want to do it cause she's was a good friend, and I was secretly attracted to her. Give or take I did it and it stirred up more drama than a daytime soap-opra. 

 People figured out it was me then started calling me retard and said that I lost the respect of them...la di freaking da. I'm already depressed with my life already...this just added more layers. I started feeling real bad about it so I logged on my regular name and typed and apology to the whole forum. Which said: "Kj Board family... I know what I did is not going to be easy to forgive. I'm sorry. I'm a nice guy at heart, but sometimes i become such a jerk. Heck maybe I am a jerk. Maybe I'm worthless. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I---you'll never hear from me again. I hate life. I hate me---" 

 If this is the first blog you've ever read by me I hope you enjoyed it. Comments are welcome. Peace. Love all! . 

 My name is Big d.

(edited by Daniel Richerson, 4/28/2021)

FIRST BLOG!

Never let an opprunity pass you by. I followed the crowd all my life. The only reason I started cussing, is because friends did. Only reason I started a message board is cause other people did. Thinking about life, mine could've been so much better if I would've took advantage of what I had. Just by actually talking to people, I'd prolly be better now. If I had been myself all my life instead of following the crowd, I'd be better off now. I've been tender-hearted all my whole life. Example, 6th grade I wrote a letter to 2 girls. Not knowing any better, I told them how hot I thought they were. Basically I was naive. Jordan hasn't talked to me since. People kept asking me if I liked one of the girls or not. I'd keep my head down and not answer because I was to embarrassed. It's like I wanted my life to be as dramatic as possible. 'ey, it worked!! 

 I know I mentioned this before, but from the 5th grade to 9th grade I had a crush on another girl. All those years, and I never told her once. Oh I wrote notes and notes, and never gave her one. 8th grade I wrote a book entitled The Life of Dusty. This girl was the love interest. The book was perverted to be honest with ya, but people loved it. This girl wasn't supposed to read it. With my luck though, the book was passed around the whole school and ended up in her fingers. I was such an idiot. I was sitting in homeroom with a note. I think my friend Je'sus wrote it for me to give to a girl, mainly to that girl. 2 girls sitting in front of me, who were attractive by the way, asked me who it was for. I think they knew already, but they just wanted me to say it. One of them asked if it was one of them. I don't remember giving a straight answer to anything. I was such a punk. I guess nothing much as changed. Imagine if I had to guts to actually give one of the girls the note...good God! 

 All my years in school, I don't think I had a saved friend. Not one. I mean they were saved for a minute, but within the next month they were cussing like a salior. Most of the saved friends I have now are online. If I find a soul mate at Greenville Tech, I'll be shocked. It would be a miracle. All of the girls I run into either smoke, cuss, screw anything that walks, or is a dike--has a lick-her license if you know what i mean. I'm like the Clark Sisters, I'm looking for a miracle. I hope it happens soon. I'm still scared to be myself outside of my house. The internet is just another mask for me. That's all it is. It's another way I can put on a mask and be another person. 

 To Jo: Thanks for being a friend to me. Through the past months, you've been one of the nicest people I've ever met online. I thank you for that. To Greg Mims: From the first day we met on the bus in 6th grade, we've been cool. I don't think we ever had a dull moment. During my last years at Lakecrest, you actually got me out the house. Thanks for being my friend. To PraiZe: You keep living for God, man. Continue to seek Him the more. You have no idea what God has in store for you. Other people may talk about you like a dog, but don't let it get to you. You be you always. Don't front for anybody. From the KJ Board to now, we've been tight. God bless you. To Ben (Pedro): What can I say? It seems like we've known each other longer than we actually have. Remember when we talked about being roommates? or that movie we talking about doing? Heh, we had some great times, huh? I hope we have many more man. 

 If this is the first blog you've ever read by me, then I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you all for reading. Keep praying for me. Much love. To my future wife out there, whoever you are, I'm praying for you. 

Big d